"IshallmyselfgotoLondon，and，disguisedasCaptainKidd，willleadthisvisionaryonuntilhecomestheretoarrestme，andwhentheseclubmembersdiscoverthatitisHawkshawandnotKiddhehasruntoearth，we’llhaveagreatlaughonSherlockHolmes。"
"Iamanxioustohearhowyousolvedthebond—robberymystery，"saidSocrates，wrappinghistogacloselyabouthimandsettlingbackagainstoneofthespilesofthewharf。
"Soareweall，"saidSirWalter。"ButmeantimetheHouse—boatisgettingfartheraway。"
"Notunlessshe’ssailingbackwards，"sneeredNoah，whowasstillnursinghisresentmentagainstSirChristopherWrenforhisreflectionsuponthespeedoftheArk"What’sthehurry？"askedSocrates。"Ibelieveinmakinghasteslowly；andontheadmissionofourtwoeminentnavalarchitects，SirChristopherandNoah，neitheroftheirvesselscantravelmorethanamileaweek，andifwechartertheFlyingDutchmantogoinpursuitofherwecancatchherbeforeshegetsoutoftheStyxintotheAtlantic。"
"Jonahmightlendushiswhale，ifthebeastisincommission，"
suggestedMunchausen，dryly。"Iforonewouldrathertakeastate—
roominJonah’swhalethangoaboardtheFlyingDutchmanagain。I
madeonetripontheDutchman，andshe’sworsethanadoryforcomfort；further——Idon’tseewhatgooditwoulddoustocharteraboatthatcan’tlandoftenerthanonceinsevenyears，andspendsmostofhertimetryingtodoubletheCapeofGoodHope。"
"Mywhaleisincommission，"saidJonah，withdignity。"ButBaronMunchausenneednotconsiderthequestionoftakingastate—roomaboardofher。Shedoesn’tcarrysecond—classpassengers。AndifI
tookanystockintheideaofatripontheFlyingDutchmanamountingtoasevenyears’exile，IwouldcheerfullypaytheBaron’sexpensesforaroundtrip。"
"Wearelosingtime，gentlemen，"suggestedSherlockHolmes。"Thisisamoment，Ithink，whenyoushouldlayasidepersonaldifferencesandpersonalpreferencesforimmediateaction。IhaveexaminedthewakeoftheHouse—boat，andIjudgefromtheconditionofwhat，forwantofabetterterm，Imaycallthesuds，whensheleftustheHouse—
boatwasmakingtenknotsaday。Almostanycraftwecanfindsuitablymannedoughttobeabletodobetterthanthat；andifyoucouldsummonCharonandascertainwhatboatshehasathand，itwouldbeforthegoodofallconcerned。"
"That’sagoodplan，"saidJohnson。"Boswell，seeifyoucanfindCharon。"
"Iamherealready，sir，"returnedtheferryman，rising。"Mostofmyboatshavegoneintowinterquarters，yourHonor。TheMayflowerwentintodrydocklastweektobecalkedup；thePintaandtheSantaMariaareslowandcranky；theMonitorandtheMerrimacIhaven’treallyhadtimetopatchup；andtheValkyrieistwomonthsoverdue。
Icannotmakeupmymindwhethersheislostorkeptbackbyexcursionsteamers。HenceIreallydon’tknowwhatIcanlendyou。
AnyoftheseboatIhavenamedyoucouldhavehadfornothing；butmyothersareactivelyemployed，andIcouldn’tletthemgowithoutaseriousinterferencewithmybusiness。"
Theoldmanblinkedsorrowfullyacrossthewatersattheoppositeshore。Itwasquiteevidentthatherealizedwhatadreadfulexpensetheclubwasabouttobeputto，andwhileofcoursetherewouldbeprofitinitforhim，hewassincerelysorryforthem。
"Irepeat，"headded，"thoseboatsyoucouldhavehadfornothing，buttheothersI’dhavetochargeyoufor，thoughofcourseI’llgiveyouadiscount。"
Andheblinkedagain，ashemeditateduponwhetherthatdiscountshouldbeaneighthorone—quarterofonepercent。
"TheFlyingDutchman，"hepursued，"ain’tnogoodforyourpurposes。
She’stoofast。She’sbuilttoflyby，nottostop。You’dcatchupwiththeHouse—boatinaminutewithher，butyou’dgorightonanddisappearlikeavisionary；andasfortheArk，she’dneverdo——withallrespecttoMr。Noah。She’sjustaboutassuitableasanyotherwaterloggedcattle—steamer’dbe，andnomore——first—rateforelephantsandkangaroos，butnogoodforcruiser—work，andsoslowshewouldn’tmakearipplehighenoughtodrownagnatgoingatthetopofherspeed。Furthermore，she’sgotagreatbigholeinherbottom，whereshewasstoveinbyrunningafoulof——MountArrus—root，IbelieveitwascalledwhenCaptainNoahwentcruisingwiththatmenagerieofhis。"
"That’sanunmitigatedfalsehood!"criedNoah，angrily。"Thismantalkslikeaprofessionalamateuryachtsman。Hehasnoregardforfacts，butsimplygoesaheadandmakesstatementswithanutterdisregardofthetruth。TheArkwasnotstovein。Webeachedherverysuccessfully。Isaythisindefenceofmyseamanship，whichwastop—notchformyday。"
"Couldn’tsailsixweekswithoutfoulingamountain—peak!"sneeredWren，perceivingachancetogeteven。
"Thehole’sthere，justthesame，"saidCharon。"Maybeshewasacentreboard，sadthat’swhereyoukepttheboard。"
"Theholeistherebecauseitwasworntherebyoneoftheelephants，"retortedNoah。"Yougetabeastliketheelephantshufflingoneofhisfore—feetupanddown，upanddown，aplankfortwenty—fourhoursadayforfortydaysinoneofyourboats，andseewhereyourboatwouldbe。"
"Thanks，"saidCharon，calmly。"Buttheelephantsdon’tpatronizemyline。AlltheelephantsI’veeverseeninHadeswadedover，exceptJumbo，andhereachedhistrunkacross，fastenedontoatreelimbwithit，andswunghimselfover。However，theArkisn’tatallwhatyouwant，unlessyouaregoingtomanherwithalotofcentaurs。Ifthat’syourintention，I’dcharterher；theaccommodationsarejustthethingforacrewofthatkind。"
"Well，whatdoyousuggest？"askedRaleigh，somewhatimpatiently。
"You’vetolduswhatwecan’tdo。Nowtelluswhatwecando。"
"I’dstayrighthere，"saidCharon，"andlettheladiesrescuethemselves。That’swhatI’ddo。I’vehadthehonorofbringing’emoverhere，andIthinkIknow’emprettywell。I’vewatched’emclose，andit’smyprivateopinionthatbeforemanydaysyou’llseeyourclub—housesailingbackhere，withQueenElizabethatthehellum，andtheotherladiesonthefor’arddeckknittin’andcrochetin’，andtearin’eachothertopiecesinaconversationalway，ashappyasifthereneverhadbeenanyCaptainKiddandhispiratecrew。"
"Thatsuggestionisimpossible，"saidBlackstone，rising。"Whetherthereliefexpeditionamountstoanythingornot，it’sgoodtobesetgoing。Theladieswouldneverforgiveusifwesathereinactive，eveniftheywerecapableofrescuingthemselves。Itisanacceptedprincipleoflawthatthisclimatehathnofurylikeawomanlefttoherself，andwe’vegotenoughprofessionalfurieshereaboutswithoutouraidinginaugmentingtheranks。Wemusthaveaboat。"
"It’llcostyouathousanddollarsaweek，"saidCharon。
"I’llsubscribefifty，"criedHamlet。
"I’llconsultmysecretary，"saidSolomon，"andfindouthowmanyofmywiveshavebeenabducted，andI’llpaytendollarsapiecefortheirrecovery。"
"That’sliberal，"saidHawkshaw。"Therearesixty—threeof’emonboard，togetherwitheightyofhisfiancees。What’sthequotationonfiancees，KingSolomon？"
"Nothing，"saidSolomon。"They’renotmineyet，andit’stheirfather’sbusinesstoget’emback。Notmine。"
Othersubscriptionscamepouringin，anditwasnotlongbeforeeverybodysaveShylockhadputhisnamedownforsomething。Thissomeoneofthemorequick—wittedofthespiritssoonobserved，and，withrecklessdisregardofthefeelingsoftheMerchantofVenice，begantocall，"Shylock!Shylock!Howmuch？"
TheMerchanttriedtoleavethepier，buthispathwasblocked。
"Subscribe，subscribe!"wasthecry。"Howmuch？"
"Order，gentlemen，order!"saidSirWalter，risingandholdingabottlealoft。"AblackpersonbythenameofFriday，avaletofourfriendMr。Crusoe，hasjusthandedmethisbottle，whichhepickeduptenminutesagoonthebankoftheriverafewmilesdistant。Itcontainsabitofpaper，andmayperhapsgiveusaclewbaseduponsomethingmoresubstantialthaneventhewonderfultheoriesofournewbrotherHolmes。"
Adeathlysilencefollowedthechairman’swords，asSirWalterdrewacorkscrewfromhispocketandopenedthebottle。Heextractedthepaper，and，ashehadsurmised，itprovedtobeamessagefromthemissingvessel。Hisfacebrighteningwithasmileofrelief，SirWalterread，aloud：
"HavejustemergedintotheAtlanticClubinhandsofKiddandfortyruffians。Onehundredandeighty—threeladiesonboard。HeadedfortheAzores。Sendaidatonce。AllwellexceptXanthippe，whoisseasickinthebilliard—room。（Signed）Portia。"
"Aha!"criedHawkshaw。"ThatshowshowvaluabletheHolmestheoryis。"
"Precisely，"saidHolmes。"Nowomanknowsanythingaboutseafaring，butPortiaisright。TheshipisheadedfortheAzores，whichisthefirsttackneededinawindwardsailforLondonunderthepresentconditions。"
Thereplywasgreetedwithcheers，andwhentheysubsidedthecryforShylock’ssubscriptionbeganagain，buthedeclined。
"Ihadintendedtoputupathousandducats，"hesaid，defiantly，"butwiththatwomanPortiaonboardIwon’tgivearedobolus!"andwiththathewrappedhiscloakabouthimandstalkedoffintothegatheringshadowsofthewood。
AndsothefundswereraisedwithouttheaidofShylock，andtheshapelytwin—screwsteamertheGehennawascharteredofCharon，andputunderthecommandofMr。SherlockHolmes，who，afterhehadthankedthecompanyfortheirconfidence，walkedabstractedlyaway，observinginstrictestconfidencetohimselfthathehaddonewelltopreparethatbottlebeforehandandbribeCrusoe’smantofindit。
"Fornow，"hesaid，withachuckle，"Icangetbacktoearthagainfreeofcostonmyownhook，whethermyeminentinventorwantsmethereornot。Ineverapprovedofhiskillingmeoffashedidattheveryheightofmypopularity。"
CHAPTERIV：ONBOARDTHEHOUSE—BOAT
Meanwhiletheladieswerenothavingsuchabadtime，afterall。
OncehavinggainedpossessionoftheHouse—boat，theywereloathtothinkofeverhavingtogiveitupagain，anditisanopenquestioninmymindiftheywouldnothavemadeoffwithitthemselveshadCaptainKiddandhismennotdoneitforthem。
"I’llneverforgivethesemenfortheirselfishnessinmonopolizingallthis，"saidElizabeth，withaviciousstrokeofabilliard—cue，whichmissedthecue—ballandtorearightangleinthecloth。"Itisnotright。"
"No，"saidPortia。"Itisallwrong；andwhenwegetbackhomeI’mgoingtogivemybelovedBassanioapieceofmymind；andifhedoesn’tgiveintome，I’LLreversemydecisioninthefamouscaseofShylockversusAntonio。"
"ThenIsincerelyhopehedoesn’tgivein，"retortedCleopatra，"forIswearbyallmyauburnlocksthatthatwastheveryworstbitofinjusticeeverperpetrated。Mr。Shakespeareconfidedtomeonenight，atoneofMrs。Caesar’scard—parties，thatheregardedthatasthebiggestjokeheeverwrote，andJudgeBlackstoneobservedtoAntonythatthedecisionwouldn’thaveheldinanycourtofequityoutsideofVenice。Ifyouoweamanathousandducats，anditcostsyouthreethousandtogetthem，that’syouraffair，nothis。IfitcostAntonioeverydropofhisbluestbloodtopaythepoundofflesh，itwasAntonio’saffair，notShylock’s。However，theworldapplaudsyouasagreatjurist，whenyouhavenothingmorethanawoman’skeeninstinctforsentimentaltechnicalities。"
"Itwouldhavemadeahorridplay，though，ifithadgoneon，"
shudderedElizabeth。
"Thatmaybe，but，carriedoutrealistically，itwouldhavedoneawaywitharaftofbadactors，"saidCleopatra。"I’mhalfsorryitdidn’tgoon，andI’msureitwouldn’thavebeenanyworsethancompellingBrutustofallonhissworduntilheresemblesachickenliverenbrochette，asisdoneinthatJuliusCaesarplay。"
"Well，I’mverygladIdidit，"snappedPortia。
"Ishouldthinkyouwouldbe，"saidCleopatra。"Ifyouhadn’tdoneit，you’dneverhavebeenknown。Whatwasthat？"
Theboathadgivenaslightlurch。
"Didn’tyouhearashufflingnoiseupondeck，Portia？"askedtheEgyptianQueen。
"IthoughtIdid，anditseemedasifthevesselhadmovedabit，"
returnedPortia，nervously；for，likemostwomeninanadvancedstateofdevelopment，shehadbecomeamartyrtohernerves。
"ItwasmerelythewashfromoneofCharon’snewferry—boats，I
fancy，"saidElizabeth，calmly。"It’sdisgusting，thewaythatoldfellowallowsthesemoderninnovationstobebroughtinhere!Asiftheoldpaddle—boatsheusedtocarryshadesinweren’tgoodenoughfortheimmigrantsofthisage!ReallythisStyxRiverislosingagreatdealofitscharm。SirWalterandIwereupset，whileoutrowingonedaylastsummer，bythewaveskickedupbyoneofCharon’sexcursionsteamersgoinguptheriverwithapartyofpicnickersfromthecity——theGreaterGehennaChowderClub，Ibelieveitwas——onboardofher。Onemightjustaswellliveinthemidstoftheturmoilofagreatcityastrytogetuninterruptedquiethereinthesuburbsinthesedays。Charonisn’tcontenttogetrichslowly；hemustmakemoneybythebarrelful，ifhehastosacrificeallthecomfortofeverybodylivingonthisriver。Anybody’dthinkhewasanAmerican，thewayhegoeson；andeverybodyelsehereisthesameway。TheErebeansaregettingtobearaceofshopkeepers。"
"Ithinkmyself，"sighedCleopatra，"thatHadesisbeingspoiledbytheintroductionofAmericanideas——itisgettingbyfartoodemocraticformytastes；andifitisn’tstopped，it’smybeliefthatthebestpeoplewillstopcominghere。TakeMadameRecamier’ssalonasitisnowandcompareitwithwhatitusedtobe!Intheearlydays，afterherarrivalhere，everybodywentbecauseitwastheswellthing，andyou’dbesureofmeetingtheintellectuallyelect。
Ontheonehandyou’dfindSophocles；ontheother，Cicero；acrosstheroomwouldbeHoracechattinggaylywithsomesuchpersonasmyself。Greatwarriors，fromAlexandertoBonaparte，werethere，andgladoftheopportunitytobethere，too；statesmenlikeMacchiavelli；artistslikeCelliniorTintoretto。Youcouldn’tmovewithoutsteppingonthetoesofgenius。Butnowallisdifferent。
Themoney—gettinginstincthasbeenarousedwithinthemall，withtheresultthatwhenIinvitedMozarttomeetafewfriendsatdinneratmyplacelastautumn，hesentmeacardstatinghistermsfordinners。Letmesee，IthinkIhaveitwithme；I’vekeptitbymeforfearoflosingit，itissuchacompleterevelationoftheactualconditionofaffairsinthislocality。Ah!thisisit，"sheadded，takingasmallbitofpasteboardfromhercard—case。"Readthat。"
Thecardwaspassedabout，andalltheladiesweremuchastonished——
andnaturallyso，foritranthiswise：
NOTICETOHOSTESSES。
Owingtotheverygreat，constantlygrowing，andattimesvexatiousdemandsuponhistimesocially，HERRWOLFGANGAMADEUSMOZART
takesthismethodofannouncingtohisfriendsthatonandafterJanuary1，1897，histermsforfunctionswillbeasfollows：
DinnerswithconversationontheMarksTheoryofMusic500
DinnerswithconversationontheTheoryofMusic，illustrated750
Dinnerswithoutanyconversation300
Receptions，public，withmusic1000
""private，750
Encores（single）100
Threeencoresfor150
Autographs10
PositivelynoInvitationsforFive—o’ClockTeasorMorningMusicalesconsidered。
"Well，Ideclare!"titteredElizabeth，assheread。"Isn’tthatextraordinary？He’sgotthethree—namecraze，too!"
"It’sperfectlyridiculous，"saidCleopatra。"Butit’sfairerthanArtemusWard’splan。Mozartgivesnoticeofhisintentionstochargeyou；butwithWardit’sdifferent。Hecomes，andafterwardssendsabillforhisfun。Why，onlylastweekIgota’quarterlystatement’
fromhimshowingachargeagainstmeofthirty—eightdollarsforhumorousremarksmadetomyguestsatalittlechafing—dishpartyI
gaveinhonorofBalzac，and，worstofall，hehadmarkedit’Pleaseremit。’EvenAntony，whenhewroteasonnettomyeyebrow，wouldn’tletmehaveituntilhehadheardwhetherornotBoswellwanteditforpublicationintheGossip。WithRubensgivingchalk—talksforpay，Phidiasdoing’Five—minuteMasterpiecesinPutty’forsuburbanlyceums，andalltheillustriousinotherlinesturningtheirgeniustoaccountthroughtheentertainmentbureaus，it’simpossibletohaveasalonnow。"
"Youareindeedright，"saidMadameRecamier，sadly。"Thosewerepalmydayswhengeniuswassatisfiedwithchickensaladandlemonade。
Ishallneverforgetthosenightswhenthewitandwisdomofalltimewere——ah——wereontapatmyhouse，ifImaysospeak，atacosttomeoflightsandsupper。Nowtheonlypeoplewhowillcomefornothingarethoseweusedtothinkofpayingtostayaway。Boswellisalwaysready，butyoucan’trunasalononBoswell。"
"Well，"saidPortia，"Isincerelyhopethatyouwon’tgiveupthefunctionsaltogether，becauseIhavealwaysfoundthemmostdelightful。Itisstillpossibletohavelightsandsupper。"
"Ihaveaplanfornextwinter，"saidMadameRecamier，"butIsupposeIshallbeaccusedofgoingintothecommercialsideofitifIadoptit。Theplanis，briefly，toincorporatemysalon。That’sanideaworthyofanAmerican，Iadmit；butifIdon’tdoitI’llhavetogiveitupentirely，which，asyouintimate，wouldbetoobad。Anincorporatedsalon，however，wouldbeagrandthing，ifonlybecauseitwouldperpetuatethesalon。’TheRecamierSalon（Limited）’wouldbeamostexcellenttitle，and，suitablycapitalizedwouldenableustopayourlionssufficiently。Privateenterpriseispowerlessundermodernconditions。It’sasmuchasIcanaffordtopayforadinner，withoutrunningupanexpensiveaccountforguests；andunlesswegetupasalon—trust，asitwere，thewholeaffairmustgotothewall。"
"Howwouldyoumakeitpay？"askedPortia。"Ican’tseewhereyourdividendswouldcomefrom。"
"Thatissimpleenough，"saidMadameRecamier。"Wecouldputupalargereception—hallwithaportionofourcapital，andadvertiseaseriesofnights——sayoneaweekthroughouttheseason。ThesewouldbeWarriors’Night，Story—tellers’Night，Poets’Night，Chafing—dishNightunderthechargeofBrillat—Savarin，andsoon。Itwouldbeunderstoodthatontheseparticulareveningsthemostinterestingpeopleincertainlineswouldbepresent，andwouldmixwithoutsiders，whoshouldbeadmittedonlyonpaymentofacertainsumofmoney。Thecommonplaceinhabitantsofthiscountrycouldthusmeetthetrulygreat；andifIknowthemwell，asIthinkIdo，they’llpayreadilyfortheprivilege。Theobscurelovetorubupagainstthefamoushereaswellastheydoonearth。"
"You’drunasortofSocialZoo？"suggestedElizabeth。
"Precisely；andprovideentertainmentforprivateresidencestoo。AnadvertisementinBoswell’spaper，whicheverybodybuys——"
"Andwhichnobodyreads，"saidPortia。
"Theyreadtheadvertisements，"retortedMadameRecamier。"AsIwassaying，anadvertisementcouldbeplacedinBoswell’spaperasfollows：’AreyougivingaFunction？DoyouwantTalent？GetyourGeniusattheRecamierSalon（Limited）。’Itwouldbesimplymagnificentasabusinessenterprise。Thecommonherdwouldbetickledtodeathiftheycouldgetgreatpeopleattheirhomes，eveniftheyhadtopayroundlyforthem。"
"Itwouldlookwellinthesocietynotes，wouldn’tit，ifMr。JohnBoggsgaveareception，andatthecloseoftheaccountitsaid，’ThesupperwasfurnishedbyCalizetti，andthegeniusbytheRecamierSalon（Limited）’？"suggestedElizabeth，scornfully。
"Imustadmit，"repliedtheFrenchlady，"thatyoucallupanunpleasantpossibility，butIdon’treallyseewhatelsewecandoifwewanttopreservethesalonidea。Somebodyhastoldthesetalentedpeoplethattheyhaveacommercialvalue，andtheyareavailingthemselvesofthedemand。"
"Itisasadage!"sighedElizabeth。
"Well，allI’vegottosayisjustthis，"putinXanthippe："Youpeoplewhogetupfunctionshavebroughtthisconditionofaffairsonyourselves。Youwerenotsatisfiedtogoaheadandindulgeyourpassionforlionsinamoderatefashion。TakethecaseofDemostheneslastwinter，forinstance。Hiswifetoldmethathedinedathomethreetimesduringthewinter。Therestofthetimehewasout，here，there，andeverywhere，makingafter—dinnerspeeches。
Thesavingonhisdinnerbillsdidn’tpayhispebbleaccount，muchlessremuneratehimforhistime，andthefearfulexpenseofnervousenergytowhichhewassubjected。Itwasasmuchasshecoulddo，shesaid，tokeephimfromshavingonesideofhishead，sothathecouldn’tgoout，thewayheusedtodoinAthenswhenhewasafraidhewouldbeinvitedoutandcouldn’tscareupadecentexcuseforrefusing。"
"Didhedothat？"criedElizabeth，witharoaroflaughter。
"Sothecyclopaediassay。It’sagoodplan，too，"saidXanthippe。
"ThoughSocratesneverhadtodoit。WhenIgotthenotionSocrateswasgoingouttoomuch，Iusedtohidehisdressclothes。ThentherewasthecaseofRubens。HegaveaCarbonTalkattheSforza’sThursdayNightClub，merelytoobligeMadameSforza，andthreeweekslaterdiscoveredthatshehadsoldhispicturestopayforhergown!
Youpeoplesimplyrunitintotheground。Youkillthegoosethatwhentakenatthefloodleadsontofortune。Itadvertisesyou，doesthelionnogood，andheisexpectedtobesatisfiedwithconfectionery，materialandtheoretical。Iftheyaregettingtiredofcandyandcompliments，it’sbecauseyouhaveforcedtoomuchofituponthem。"
"Theylikeit，justthesame，"retortedRecamier。"Ageniuslikesnothingbetterthanthesoundofhisownvoice，whenhefeelsthatitisfallingonaristocraticears。Thesociallaurelrestspleasantlyonmanyanoblebrow。"
"True，"saidXanthippe。"ButwhenamangetsapileofChristmaswreathsamilehighonhishead，hebeginstowonderwhattheywillbringonthemarket。Anoccasionalwreathisverynice，butbythetontheyareapttoweighonhismind。Uptoacertainpointnotorietyislikeawoman，andamanisapttoloveit；butwhenitbecomesexacting，demandinginsteadofpermittingitselftobecourted，itlosesitscharm。"
"ThatisSocraticinitswisdom，"smiledPortia。
"ButXanthippicinitsorigin，"returnedXanthippe。"Nomanevergavememyideas。"
AsXanthippespoke，LucretiaBorgiaburstintotheroom。
"Hurryandsaveyourselves!"shecried。"Theboathasbrokenloosefromhermoorings，andisfloatingdownthestream。Ifwedon’thurryupanddosomething，we’lldriftouttosea!"
"What!"criedCleopatra，droppinghercueinterror，andrushingforthestairs。"IwascertainIfeltaslightmotion。YousaiditwasthewashfromoneofCharon’sbarges，Elizabeth。"
"Ithoughtitwas，"saidElizabeth，followingcloselyafter。
"Well，itwasn’t，"moanedLucretiaBorgia。"Calpurniajustlookedoutofthewindowanddiscoveredthatwewereinmid—stream。"
Theladiescrowdedanxiouslyaboutthestairandattemptedtoascend，Cleopatrainthevan；butastheEgyptianQueenreachedthedoorwaytotheupperdeck，thedooropened，andthehardfeaturesofCaptainKiddwerethrustroughlythrough，andhisstridentvoicerangoutthroughthegatheringgloom。"Pipemyeyeforasardineifwehaven’tcapturedafemaleseminary!"hecried。
Andonebyonetheladies，interror，shrankbackintothebilliard—
room，whileKidd，overcomebysurprise，slammedthedoorto，andretreatedintothedarknessoftheforwarddecktoconsultwithhisfollowersasto"whatnext。"
CHAPTERV：ACONFERENCEONDECK
"Here’sakettleoffish!"saidKidd，pullinghischinwhiskerinperplexityasheandhisfellow—piratesgatheredaboutthecaptaintodiscussthesituation。"I’mblessedifinallmyexperienceIeversailedathwartanythinglikeitafore!Piratingwithalotoflow—
downruffianslikeyougentlemenisbadenough，butonacraftloadedtothewater’sedgewithadvancedwomen——I’vehalfamindtoturnback。"
"Ifyoudo，youswim——we’llnotturnbackwithyou，"retortedAbeuchapeta，whom，inhonorofhisprowess，KiddhadappointedexecutiveofficeroftheHouse—boat。"Ihavenodesiretobemutinous，CaptainKidd，butIhavenotembarkeduponthisenterpriseforapleasuresaildowntheStyx。Iamoutforbusiness。Ifyouhadthirtythousandwomenonboard，stillshouldInotturnback。"
"Butwhatshallwedowith’em？"pleadedKidd。"Wherecanwegowithoutattractingattention？Who’sgoingtofeed’em？Who’sgoingtodress’em？Who’sgoingtokeep’eminbonnets？Youdon’tknowanythingaboutthesecreatures，mydearAbeuchapeta；and，by—the—way，can’twearbitratethatnameofyours？Itwouldbefearfultorememberintheexcitementofafight。"
"CallhimAb，"suggestedSirHenryMorgan，withanill—concealedsneer，forhewasdeeplyjealousofAbeuchapeta’spreferral。
"IfyoudoI’llcallyouMorgue，andchangeyourappearancetofit，"
retortedAbeuchapeta，angrily。
"BythebeardsofallmysaintedBuccaneers，"beganMorgan，springingangrilytohisfeet，"I’llhaveyourlife!"
"Gentlemen!Gentlemen——mynobleruffians!"expostulatedKidd。
"Come，come；thiswillneverdo!Imusthavenoquarrellingamongmyaides。Thisisnotimefordivisionsinourcouncils。Anentirelyunexpectedelementhasenteredintoouraffairs，anditbehoovethustoactinconcert。Itisnolightmatter——"
"Excuseme，captain，"saidAbeuchapeta，"butthatiswhereyouandI
donotagree。We’vegotourshipandwe’vegotourcrew，andinadditionwefindthattheFateshavethrowninahundredormorewomentoactasballast。NowI，forone，donotfearawoman。Wecansetthemtowork。Thereisplentyforthemtodokeepingthingstidy；andifwegetintoaveryhardfight，andcomeoutofthemeleesomewhattheworseforwear，itwillbeablessingtohave’emalongtomendourtogas，sewbuttonsonouruniforms，anddarnourhosiery。"
Morganlaughedsarcastically。"Whendidyouflourish，ifever，colonel？"heasked。
"Doyourefertome？"queriedAbeuchapeta，withafrown。
"Youhaveguessedcorrectly，"repliedMorgan，icily。"Ihavequiteforgottenyourdate；wereyouasuccessintheyearone，orwhen？"
"AdmiralAbeuchapeta，SirHenry，"interposedKidd，fearingafurtheroutbreakofhostilities——"AdmiralAbeuchapetawastheterroroftheseasintheseventhcentury，andwhatheundertooktodohedid，andhispiraticalenterpriseswerecarriedononascaleofmagnificencewhichiswithoutparalleloffthecomic—operastage。Heneverwentforthwithoutatleastseventygalleysandahundredothervessels。"
Abeuchapetadrewhimselfupproudly。"Six—ninety—eightwasmygreatyear，"hesaid。
"That’swhatIthought，"saidMorgan。"Thatistosay，yougotyourideasofwomentwelvehundredyearsago，andtheladieshavechangedsomewhatsincethattime。Ihavegreatrespectforyou，sir，asaruffian。Ihavenodoubtthatasaruffianyouareacompletesuccess，butwhenitcomesto’feminology’youaresailinginunknownwaters。Thestudyofwomen，mydearAbeuchadnezzar——"
"Peta，"retortedAbeuchapeta，irritably。
"Istandcorrected。Thestudyofwomen，mydearPeter，"saidMorgan，withawinkatConrad，whichfortunatelytheseventh—centurypiratedidnotsee，elsetherewouldhavebeenanopenbreak——"thestudyofwomenismoredifficultthanthatofastronomy；theremaybetwostarsalike，butallwomenareunique。Becauseshewasthis，that，ortheotherthinginyourdaydoesnotprovethatsheisanyoneofthosethingsinourday——infact，itprovesthecontrary。Why，I
ventureeventosaythatnoindividualwomanisalike。"
"That’sratherahazythought，"saidKidd，scratchinghisheadinapuzzledsortofway。
"Imeanthatshe’sdifferentfromherselfatdifferenttimes，"saidMorgan。"Whatisitthepoetcalledher？——’aninfinitevarietyshow，’orsomethingofthatsort；aperpetualvaudeville——acontinuousperformance，asitwere，fromtwelvetotwelve。"
"Morganisright，admiral!"putinConradthecorsair，actingtemporarilyasbo’sun。"Thetimesaresadlychanged，andwomanisnolongerwhatshewas。Sheishardlywhatsheis，muchlesswhatshewas。TheRomanGynaeceumwouldbeanimpossibilityto—day。YoumightaswellexpectDelilahtoopenabarber—shoponboardthisboatasaskanyoftheseadvancedfemalesbelow—stairstosewbuttonsonapirate’suniformafterafray，ortokeepthefringeonhisepauletscurled。They’renolongersewing—machines——theyareKeeleymotorsformysteryandperpetualmotion。Womenhaveviewsnowtheyarenolongercontenttobelookedatmerely；theymustseeforthemselves；
andthemoretheysee，themoretheywishtodomesticatemanandemancipatewoman。It’smyprivateopinionthatifwearetogetalongwiththematallthebestthingtodoistolet’emalone。I
havealwaysfoundIwasbetteroffintheabstract，andifthisquestionisgoingtobesettledinapurelydemocraticfashionbysubmittingittoavote，I’llvoteforanymeasurewhichinvolvesleavingthemstrictlytothemselves。They’renothingbutalotofghostsanyhow，likeourselves，andwecanpretendwedon’tseethem。"
"Ifthatcouldbe，itwouldbeexcellent，"saidMorgan；"butitisimpossible。ForapirateoftheByronicorder，mydearConrad，youarestrangelyunversedinthewaysofthesexwhichcheersbutnotinebriates。Wecannomoreignoretheirpresenceuponthisboatthanwecanexpectwhalestospoutkerosene。Inthefirstplace，itwouldbeexcessivelyimpoliteofustocutthem——todeclinetospeaktothemiftheyshouldaddressus。Wemaybepirates，ruffians，cutthroats，butIhopeweshallneverforgetthatwearegentlemen。"
"Thewholesituationisrathercontrarytoetiquette，don’tyouthink？"suggestedConrad。"There’snobodytointroduceus，andI
can’treallyseehowwecandootherwisethanignorethem。I
certainlyamnotgoingtostandondeckandmakeeyesatthem，totryandpickupanacquaintancewiththem，evenifIamofaByronicstrain。"
"Youforget，"saidKidd，"twoessentialfeaturesofthesituation。
Thesewomenareatpresent——orshortlywillbe，whentheyrealizetheirsituation——indistress，andatruegentlemanmayalwaysflytotherescueofadistressedfemale；and，thesecondpoint，weshallsoonbeontheseas，andIunderstandthatonthefashionabletransatlanticlinesitisnowconsideredderigueurtospeaktoanybodyyouchooseto。Theintroductionbusinessisn’tgoingtostandinmyway。"
"Well，mayIask，"putinAbeuchapeta，"justwhatitisthatisworryingyou？Yousaidsomethingaboutfeedingthem，anddressingthem，andkeepingtheminbonnets。Ifancythere’sfishenoughintheseatofeed’em；andasfortheirgownsandhats，theycanmake’emthemselves。Everywomanisamillineratheart。"
"Exactly，andwe’llhavetopaythemilliners。Thatiswhatbothersme。IwasgoingtoleadthisexpeditiontoLondon，Paris，andNewYork，admiral。Thatiswherethemoneyis，andtogetityou’vegottogoashore，toheadquarters。Youcannotnowadaysfinditonthehighseas。Moderncivilization，"saidKidd，"hasruinedthepirate’sbusiness。ThelatestnewsfromtheotherworldhasreallyopenedmyeyestocertainfactsthatIneverdreamedof。TheconditionsofthedayofwhichIspeakareinterestinglyshownintheexperienceofourfriendHawkinshere。CaptainHawkins，wouldyouhaveanyobjectiontostatingtothesegentlementheconditionofaffairswhichledyoutogiveuppiracyonthehighseas？"
"Nottheslightest，CaptainKidd，"returnedCaptainHawkins，whowasarecentarrivalinHades。"Itisasadlittlestory，anditgivesmeapainfortothinkonit，butnonethelessI’lltellit，sinceyouaskme。WhenIwereamereboy，fellow—pirates，Ihadbutoneambition，duetomyreadin’，whichwasconfinedtostoriesofaSunday—schoolnater——tobecomesomethin’differentfromthelittleWilliesan’thecleverTommieswhatIreadabouttherein。Theywasallgood，an’theywenttotheirrewardtoosooninlifeforme，whoeveninthemdaysregardeddeathasastuffyan’unpleasantdiversion。Learnin’atanearlyperiodthatvirtuewasitsonlyreward，an’a—wish—in’others，Isaystomyself：’Jim，’saysI，’ifyouwishestobecomeamagnetinthisvillage，besinful。Ifsobeasyouareagoodboy，an’kindtoyoursisteran’allotheranimals，you’llendupasaprosperousfatherwithfifteenhundredayearsure，withnevernohopefornopublicprefermentbeyondbein’madethesuper—intendentoftheSunday—school；butifsobeashowyou’rebad，youmaybecomefamous，an’gotoCongress，an’haveyourpictureintheSundaynoospapers。’SoIlooksaroundforbookstellin’howtoget’FamousinFiftyWays，’an’afterduereflectionIsettlesinmymindthattobeapirate’sjustthethingforme，seein’ashowit’sbothprofitablean’healthy。Pass—in’overdetails，letmetellyouthatIbecameapirate。Iranawaytosea，an’bydintofperseverance，astheSunday—schoolbookusetersay，inmybadnessI
soonbecamethecentreofaevillot；an’whenIsaysto’em，’Boys，Iwantstobeapiratechief，’theyhollersback，loudlike，’Jim，we’rewithyou，’an’theywas。ForyearsIwastheterroroftheVenezuelanGulf，theSpanishMain，an’thePacificseas，buttherewaspreciouslittlemoneyintoit。ThebestpayIgotwasfromaSundaynoospaperwhichpaidmewelltosignanarticleon’ModernPiracy’whichIdidn’twrite。Finallybusinessgotsobadthecrewbegantomurmur，an’Iwasatmywits’endstoplease’em；whenonemornin’，havin’passedarestlessnight，Ipicksupanoospaperandseesinitthat’NextSaturday’ssteamerisaweritabletreasure—
ship，takin’outtwelvemilliondollars，andthejewelsofacertainprimadonnavaluedatfivehundredthousand。’’Here’smychance，’
saysI，an’Igoestoseaandliesinwaitforthesteamer。I
captureshereasy，mycrewbein’hungry，an’fightinaccordinglike。
Westealstheboxa—hold—in’thejewelsan’thebagcontainin’themillions，hustlesbacktoourownship，an’makesforourrondyvoo，mewithtwobulletsinmyleg，fouro’mycrewkilled，andoneengin’
ofmyshipdisabledbyashot——buthappy。Twelvean’ahalfmillionsatonebreakisenoughtomakeanybodyhappy。"
"Ishouldsayso，"saidAbeuchapeta，withanecstaticshakeofhishead。"Ididn’tgetthatinallmycareer。"
"NorI，"sighedKidd。"Butgoon，Hawkins。"
"Well，asIsays，"continuedCaptainHawkins，"wegoestotherondyvootolookoverourbooty。’Captain’Awkins，’saysmyvalet——
forIwasaswellpirate，gents，an’nevertravellednowherewithoutamantokeepmyclothesbrushedandtheproperwrinklesinmytrousers——’this’eretwelvemillions，’sayshe，’iswerrylight，’
sayshe，carryin’thebagashore。’Idon’tcarehowlightitis，solongasit’stwelvemillions，Henderson，’saysI；butmyheartsinksinsideo’meathiswords，an’theminutewelandsIsitsdowntoinvestigaterightthereonthebeach。Iopensthebag，an’it’stheoneIwasafter——butthetwelvemillions!"
"Weren’tthere？"criedConrad。
"Yes，theywasthere，"sighedHawkins，"buteverybloomin’millionwasrepresentedbyacertifiedcheck，an’payableinLondon!"
"ByJingo!"criedMorgan。"Whatfearfulluck!Butyouhadtheprimadonna’sjewels。"
"Yes，"saidHawkins，withamoan。"Buttheywaslikeallotherprimadonna’sjewels——foradvertisin’purposesonly，an’madeo’gum—
arabic!"
"Horrible!"saidAbeuchapeta。"Andthecrew，whatdidtheysay？"
"Theywasacrewofafewwords，"sighedHawkins。"Werryfewwords，an’notacivilwordinthelot——mostlyadjectivesofaprofanekind。
WhenItold’emwhathadhappened，theygotmadatFortunefora—
jiltin’of’em，an’——well，Icamehere。Iwas’sas’inatedthatwerrynight!"
"Theykilledyou？"criedMorgan。
"Adozentimes，"noddedHawkins。"Theyalwayswasalavishlot。I
metdeathinallitsmosthorridforms。Firsttheystabbedme，thentheyshotme，thentheyclubbedme，andsoon，endin’upwithalynchin’——butIdidn’tmindmuchafterthefirst，whichhurtabit。
ButnowthatI’mhereI’mgladithappened。Thislifeissortoflessresponsiblethanthatother。Youcan’thurtaghostbyshootinghim，becausethereain’tnothingtohurt，an’ImustsayIlikebein’
amerevisionwhateverybodycanseethrough。"
"Allofwhichinterestingtaleproveswhat？"queriedAbeuchapeta。
"Thatpiracyontheseaisnotprofitableinthesedaysofthecheckbankingsystem，"saidKidd。"Ifyoucangetachanceatrealgoldit’sallright，butit’sofnoearthlyusetostealchecksthatpeoplecanstoppaymenton。Thereforeitwasmyplantovisitthecitiesanddoalittlefreebootingthere，wheresolidmaterialwealthistobefound。"
"Well？Can’twedoitnow？"askedAbeuchapeta。
"Notwiththesewomentaggingafterus，"returnedKidd。"IfwewenttoLondonandliftedthewholeBankofEngland，thesewomenwouldhaveitspentonRegentStreetinsideoftwenty—fourhours。"
"Thenleavethemonboard，"saidAbeuchapeta。
"Andhavethemstealtheship!"retortedKidd。"No。Therearebuttwothingstodo。Take’emback，orlandtheminParis。Tellthemtospendaweekonshorewhileweareprovisioning。Tell’emtoshoptotheirhearts’content，andwhiletheyaredoingitwecansneakoffandleavethemstranded。"
"Splendid!"criedMorgan。
"Butwilltheyconsent？"askedAbeuchapeta。
"Consent!Toshop？InParis？Foraweek？"criedMorgan。
"Ha，ha!"laughedHawkins。"Willtheyconsent!Willaduckswim？"
Andsoitwasdecided，whichwasthefirstincidentinthecareeroftheHouse—boatuponwhichtheastuteMr。SherlockHolmeshadfailedtocount。
CHAPTERVI：ACONFERENCEBELOW—STAIRS
When，witharesoundingslam，thedoortotheupperdeckoftheHouse—boatwasshutinthefacesofqueensElizabethandCleopatrabytheunmannerlyKidd，theseladiesturnedandgazedatthosewhothrongedthestairsbehindtheminblankamazement，andtheheartofXanthippe，hadonechosentogazethroughthatdiaphanousperson’sribs，couldhavebeenseentobeatangrily。
QueenElizabethwassoexcitedatthiswhollynovelattitudetowardsherregalselfthat，havingturned，shesatdownplumpuponthefloorinthemostunroyalfashion。
"Well!"sheejaculated。"Ifthisdoesnotsurpasseverything!Theideaofit!Ohforonehourofmyoldenpower，onehouroftheaxe，onehouroftheblock!"
"Getup，"retortedCleopatra，"andletusallreturntothebilliard—
roomanddiscussthismattercalmly。Itisquiteevidentthatsomethinghashappenedofwhichwewottedlittlewhenwecameaboardthiscraft。"
"Thatisagoodidea，"saidCalpurnia，retreatingbelow。"Icanseethroughthewindowthatweareinmotion。Thevesselhaslefthermoorings，andismakingconsiderableheadwaydownthestream，andthedistinctlymasculinevoiceswehaveheardareindicationstomymindthattheshipismanned，andthatthisistheresultofdesignratherthanofaccident。Letusbelow。"
Elizabethroseupandreadjustedherruff，whichintheexcitementofthemomenthadbeenforcedtoassumeapositionaboutherforeheadwhichgaveonetheimpressionthatitsroyalwearerhadsuddenlydonnedasombrero。
"Verywell，"shesaid。"Letusbelow；butoh，fortheaxe!"
"Bringtheladyanaxe，"criedXanthippe，sarcastically。"Shewantstocutsomebody。"
Thesallywasnotgreetedwithapplause。Thesituationwasregardedasbeingtooserioustoadmitofhumor，andinsilencetheyfiledbackintothebilliard—room，and，arrangingthemselvesingroups，stoodaboutanxiouslydiscussingthesituation。
"It’sgettingroughereveryminute，"sobbedOphelia。"Lookatthosepool—balls!"Thesewereinverytruthchasingeachotheraboutthetableinanextraordinaryfashion。"AndIwishI’dneverfollowedyouhorridnewcreaturesonboard!"thepoorgirladded，inanagonyofdespair。
"Ibelievewe’vecrossedthebaralready!"saidCleopatra，gazingoutofthewindowatanastychoppyseathatwasaddingsomewhattothedisquietudeofthefairgathering。"IfthisismerelyajokeonthepartoftheAssociatedShades，itisamightypoorone，andIthinkitistimeitshouldcease。"
"Oh，foranaxe!"moanedElizabeth，again。
"Excuseme，yourMajesty，"putinXanthippe。"Yousaidthatbefore，andImustsayitisgettingtiresome。Youcouldn’tdoanythingwithanaxe。Supposeyouhadone。Whatearthlygoodwoulditdoyou，whowereaccustomedtodoingallyourkillingbyproxy？Idon’tbelieve，ifyouhadtheunmannerlypersonwhoslammedthedoorinyourfacelyingprostrateuponthebilliard—tablehere，youcouldhithimasquareblowintheneckifyouhadahundredaxes。Delilahmightaswellcryforherscissors，forallthegooditwoulddousinourpredicament。IfCleopatrahadheraspwithheritmightbemoretothepurpose。Onedeadlylittlesnakelikethatletlooseontheupperdeckwoulddoubtlessdrivetheseboorsintothesea，andeventhenourconditionwouldnotbebettered，forthereisn’tanyofusthatcansailaboat。Thereisn’tanoldsaltamongus。"
"ToobadMrs。Lotisn’talong，"giggledMargueritedeValois，whoseGallicspiritswerebynomeansovershadowedbytheunhappypredicamentinwhichshefoundherself。