IntroductionInanissueoftheLondonWorldinApril，1890，thereappearedthefollowingparagraph："TwosmallroomsconnectedbyatinyhallaffordsufficientspacetocontainMr。RudyardKipling，theliteraryheroofthepresenthour，’themanwhocamefromnowhere，’ashesayshimself，andwhoayearagowasconsciouslynothingintheliteraryworld。"
　　SixmonthsprevioustothisMr。Kipling，thenbuttwenty—fouryearsold，hadarrivedinEnglandfromIndiatofindthatfamehadprecededhim。HehadalreadygainedfameinIndia，wherescoresofculturedandcriticalpeople，afterreading"DepartmentalDitties，""PlainTalesfromtheHills，"andvariousotherstoriesandverses，hadstampedhimforagenius。
　　Fortunatelyforeverybodywhoreads，LondoninterestedandstimulatedMr。Kipling，andhesettleddowntowriting。"TheRecordofBadaliaHerodsfoot，"andhisfirstnovel，"TheLightthatFailed，"appearedin1890and1891；thenacollectionofverse，"Life’sHandicap，beingstoriesofMineOwnPeople，"waspublishedsimultaneouslyinLondonandNewYorkCity；thenfollowedmoreverse，andsoonthroughanunendingseries。
　　In1891Mr。KiplingmettheyoungauthorWolcottBalestier，atthattimeconnectedwithaLondonpublishinghouse。Astrongattachmentgrewbetweenthetwo，andseveralmonthsaftertheirfirstmeetingtheycametoMr。Balestier’sVermonthome，wheretheycollaboratedon"TheNaulahka：AStoryofWestandEast，"
　　forwhichTheCenturypaidthelargestpriceevergivenbyanAmericanmagazineforastory。ThefollowingyearMr。KiplingmarriedMr。Balestier’ssisterinLondonandbroughthertoAmerica。
　　TheBalestierswereofanaristocraticNewYorkfamily；thegrandfatherofMrs。KiplingwasJ。M。Balestier，aprominentlawyerinNewYorkCityandChicago，whodiedin1888，leavingafortuneofaboutamillion。Hermaternalgrand—fatherwasE。
　　PeshineSmithofRochester，N。Y。，anotedauthorandjurist，whowasselectedin1871bySecretaryHamiltonFishtogotoJapanastheMikado’sadviserininternationallaw。TheancestralhomeoftheBalestierswasnearBrattleboro’，Vt。，andhereMr。Kiplingbroughthisbride。TheyoungEnglishmanwassoimpressedbytheVermontscenerythatherentedforatimethecottageonthe"BlissFarm，"inwhichSteeleMackayetheplaywrightwrotethewellknowndrama"HazelKirke。"
　　ThenextspringMr。Kiplingpurchasedfromhisbrother—in—law，BeattyBalestier，atractoflandaboutthreemilesnorthofBrattleboro’，Vt。，andonthiserectedahouseatacostofnearly$50，000，whichhenamed"TheNaulahka。"ThiswashishomeduringhissojourninAmerica。Herehewrotewheninthemood，andforrecreationtrampedabroadoverthehills。Hissocialdutiesatthisperiodwerenotarduous，fortohishomeherefusedadmittancetoallbuttriedfriends。HemadeastudyoftheYankeecountrydialectandcharacterfor"TheWalkingDelegate，"andwhile"CaptainsCourageous，"thestoryofNewEnglandfisherlife，wasbeforehimhespentsometimeamongtheGloucesterfishermenwithanacquaint—ancewhohadaccesstothehouseholdgodsofthesepeople。
　　HereturnedtoEnglandinAugust，1896，anddidnotvisitAmericaagaintill1899，whenhecamewithhiswifeandthreechildrenforalimitedtime。
　　ItishardlyfairtoMr。Kiplingtocall"AmericanNotes"firstimpressions，foronereadingthemwillreadilyseethattheimpressionsaresuperficial，littlethoughtbeingputuponthewriting。Theyseemsuper—sarcastic，andwouldleadonetobelievethatMr。KiplingisantagonistictoAmericaineveryrespect。This，however，isnottrue。These"Notes"arousedmuchprotestandseverecriticismwhentheyappearedin1891，andareconsideredsofarbeneathMr。Kipling’srealworkthattheyhavebeennearlysuppressedandarerarelyfoundinalistofhiswritings。TheirverycausticstyleisofinteresttoastudentandloverofKipling，andforthisreasonthepublishersbelievethemworthyofagoodbinding。
　　G。P。T。
　　ContentsATTHEGOLDENGATE
　　AMERICANPOLITICS
　　AMERICANSALMON
　　THEYELLOWSTONE
　　CHICAGO
　　THEAMERICANARMY
　　AMERICA’SDEFENCELESSCOASTS
　　I
　　AttheGoldenGate"Serene，indifferenttofate，ThousittestattheWesternGate；
　　Thouseestthewhiteseasfoldtheirtents，Oh，warderoftwocontinents；Thoudrawestallthings，smallandgreat，Tothee，besidetheWesternGate。"
　　THISiswhatBretHartehaswrittenofthegreatcityofSanFrancisco，andforthepastfortnightIhavebeenwonderingwhatmadehimdoit。
　　Thereisneitherserenitynorindifferencetobefoundintheseparts；andevilwoulditbeforthecontinentswhosewardshipwereintrustedtosorecklessaguardian。
　　Beholdmepitchedneck—and—cropfromtwentydaysofthehighseasintothewhirlofCalifornia，deprivedofanyguidance，andlefttodrawmyownconclusions。ProtectmefromthewrathofanoutragedcommunityiftheselettersbeeverreadbyAmericaneyes!SanFranciscoisamadcity——inhabitedforthemostpartbyperfectlyinsanepeople，whosewomenareofaremarkablebeauty。
　　Whenthe"CityofPekin"steamedthroughtheGoldenGate，Isawwithgreatjoythattheblock—housewhichguardedthemouthofthe"finestharborintheworld，sir，"couldbesilencedbytwogunboatsfromHongKongwithsafety，comfort，anddespatch。
　　Also，therewasnotasingleAmericanvesselofwarintheharbor。
　　Thismaysoundbloodthirsty；butremember，Ihadcomewithagrievanceuponme——thegrievanceofthepiratedEnglishbooks。
　　Thenareporterleapedaboard，andereIcouldgaspheldmeinhistoils。HepumpedmeexhaustivelywhileIwasgettingashore，demandingofallthingsintheworldnewsaboutIndianjournalism。Itisanawfulthingtoenteranewlandwithanewlieonyourlips。Ispokethetruthtotheevil—mindedCustomHousemanwhoturnedmymostsacredraimentonafloorcom—posedofstablerefuseandpinesplinters；butthereporteroverwhelmedmenotsomuchbyhispoignantaudacityashisbeautifulignorance。IamsorrynowthatIdidnottellhimmoreliesasIpassedintoacityofthreehundredthousandwhitemen。Thinkofit!Threehundredthou—sandwhitemenandwomengatheredinonespot，walkinguponrealpavementsinfrontofplate—glass—windowedshops，andtalkingsomethingthatatfirsthearingwasnotverydifferentfromEnglish。ItwasonlywhenI
　　hadtangledmyselfupinahopelessmazeofsmallwoodenhouses，dust，streetrefuse，andchildrenwhoplayedwithemptykerosenetins，thatIdiscoveredthedifferenceofspeech。
　　"YouwanttogotothePalaceHotel？"saidanaffableyouthonadray。"Whatinhellareyoudoinghere，then？Thisisaboutthelowestwardinthecity。GosixblocksnorthtocornerofGearyandMarkey，thenwalkaroundtillyoustrikecornerofGutterandSixteenth，andthatbringsyouthere。"
　　Idonotvouchfortheliteralaccuracyofthesedirections，quotingbutfromadisorderedmemory。
　　"Amen，"Isaid。"ButwhoamIthatIshouldstrikethecornersofsuchasyouname？Peradventuretheybegentlemenofrepute，andmighthitback。Bringitdowntodots，myson。"
　　Ithoughthewouldhavesmittenme，buthedidn’t。Heexplainedthatnooneeverusedtheword"street，"andthateveryonewassupposedtoknowhowthestreetsran，forsometimesthenameswereuponthelampsandsometimestheyweren’t。Fortifiedwiththesedirections，IproceededtillIfoundamightystreet，fullofsumptuousbuildingsfourandfivestorieshigh，butpavedwithrudecobblestones，afterthefashionoftheyear1。
　　Hereatram—car，withoutanyvisiblemeansofsupport，slidstealthilybehindmeandnearlystruckmeintheback。ThiswasthefamouscablecarofSanFrancisco，whichrunsbygrippinganendlesswireropesunkintheground，andofwhichIwilltellyoumoreanon。Ahundredyardsfurthertherewasaslightcommotioninthestreet，agatheringtogetherofthreeorfour，somethingthatglitteredasitmovedveryswiftly。AponderousIrishgentleman，withpriest’scordsinhishatandasmallnickel—platedbadgeonhisfatbosom，emergedfromtheknotsupportingaChinamanwhohadbeenstabbedintheeyeandwasbleedinglikeapig。Theby—standerswenttheirways，andtheChinaman，assistedbythepoliceman，hisown。Ofcoursethiswasnoneofmybusiness，butIratherwantedtoknowwhathadhappenedtothegentlemanwhohaddealtthestab。Itsaidagreatdealfortheexcellenceofthemunicipalarrangementofthetownthatasurgingcrowddidnotatonceblockthestreettoseewhatwasgoingfor—ward。Iwasthesixthmanandthelastwhoassistedattheperformance，andmycuriositywassixtimesthegreatest。Indeed，Ifeltashamedofshowingit。
　　TherewerenomoreincidentstillIreachedthePalaceHotel，aseven—storiedwarrenofhumanitywithathousandroomsinit。
　　Allthetravelbookswilltellyouabouthotelarrangementsinthiscountry。Theyshouldbeseentobeappreciated。Understandclearly——andthisletteriswrittenafterathousandmilesofexperiences——thatmoneywillnotbuyyouserviceintheWest。
　　Whenthehotelclerk——themanwhoawardsyourroomtoyouandwhoissupposedtogiveyouinformation——whenthatresplendentindividualstoopstoattendtoyourwantshedoessowhistlingorhum—mingorpickinghisteeth，orpausestoconversewithsomeoneheknows。Theseperformances，Igather，aretoimpressuponyouthatheisafreemanandyourequal。Fromhisgeneralappearanceandthesizeofhisdiamondsheoughttobeyoursuperior。Thereisnonecessityforthisswaggeringself—consciousnessoffreedom。Businessisbusiness，andthemanwhoispaidtoattendtoamanmightreasonablydevotehiswholeattentiontothejob。Outofofficehourshecantakehiscoachandfourandpervadesocietyifhepleases。
　　Inavastmarble—pavedhall，undertheglareofanelectriclight，satfortyorfiftymen，andfortheiruseandamusementwereprovidedspittoonsofinfinitecapacityandgenerousgape。
　　Mostofthemenworefrock—coatsandtop—hats——thethingsthatweinIndiaputonatawedding—break—fast，ifwepossessthem——buttheyallspat。Theyspatonprinciple。Thespittoonswereonthestaircases，ineachbedroom——yea，andinchambersevenmoresacredthanthese。Theychasedoneintoretirement，buttheyblossomedinchiefestsplendorroundthebar，andtheywereallused，everyreekingoneofthem。
　　JustbeforeIbegantofeeldeathlysickanotherreportergrappledme。WhathewantedtoknowwasthepreciseareaofIndiainsquaremiles。IreferredhimtoWhittaker。HehadneverheardofWhittaker。Hewanteditfrommyownmouth，andI
　　wouldnottellhim。Thenheswervedoff，justliketheotherman，todetailsofjournalisminourowncountry。Iventuredtosuggestthattheinterioreconomyofapapermostconcernedthepeoplewhoworkedit。
　　"That’stheverythingthatinterestsus，"hesaid。"HaveyougotreportersanythinglikeourreportersonIndiannewspapers？"
　　"Wehavenot，"Isaid，andsuppressedthe"thankGod"risingtomylips。
　　"Whyhaven’tyou？"saidhe。
　　"Becausetheywoulddie，"Isaid。
　　Itwasexactlyliketalkingtoachild——averyrudelittlechild。
　　Hewouldbeginalmosteverysentencewith，"NowtellmesomethingaboutIndia，"andwouldturnaimlesslyfromonequestiontotheotherwithouttheleastcontinuity。Iwasnotangry，butkeenlyinterested。Themanwasarevelationtome。TohisquestionsI
　　re—turnedanswersmendaciousandevasive。Afterall，itreallydidnotmatterwhatIsaid。Hecouldnotunderstand。Icanonlyhopeandpraythatnoneofthereadersofthe"Pioneer"willeverseethatportentousinterview。Themanmademeouttobeanidiotseveralsizesmoredrivellingthanmydestinyintended，andtheranknessofhisignorancemanagedtodistortthefewpoorfactswithwhichIsuppliedhimintolargeandelaboratelies。
　　Then，thoughtI，"thematterofAmericanjournalismshallbelookedintolateron。AtpresentIwillenjoymyself。"
　　Nomanrosetotellmewhatwerethelionsoftheplace。Noonevolunteeredanysortofconveyance。Iwasabsolutelyaloneinthisbigcityofwhitefolk。ByinstinctIsoughtrefreshment，andcameuponabar—roomfullofbadSalonpicturesinwhichmenwithhatsonthebacksoftheirheadswerewolfingfoodfromacounter。Itwastheinstitutionofthe"freelunch"Ihadstruck。
　　Youpaidforadrinkandgotasmuchasyouwantedtoeat。ForsomethinglessthanarupeeadayamancanfeedhimselfsumptuouslyinSanFrancisco，eventhoughhebeabankrupt。
　　Rememberthisifeveryouarestrandedintheseparts。
　　LaterIbeganavastbutunsystematicexplorationofthestreets。
　　Iaskedfornonames。Itwasenoughthatthepavementswerefullofwhitemenandwomen，thestreetsclangingwithtraffic，andthattherestfulroarofagreatcityranginmyears。Thecablecarsglidedtoallpointsofthecompassatonce。ItookthemonebyonetillIcouldgonofurther。SanFranciscohasbeenpitcheddownonthesandbunkersoftheBikaneerdesert。Aboutonefourthofitisgroundreclaimedfromthesea——anyold—timerswilltellyouallaboutthat。Theremainderisjustragged，unthriftysandhills，to—daypeggeddownbyhouses。
　　FromanEnglishpointofviewtherehasnotbeentheleastattemptatgradingthosehills，andindeedyoumightaswelltrytogradethehillocksofSind。ThecablecarshaveforallpracticalpurposesmadeSanFranciscoadeadlevel。Theytakenocountofriseorfall，butslideequablyontheirappointedcoursesfromoneendtotheotherofasix—milestreet。Theyturncornersalmostatrightangles，crossotherlines，andforaughtIknowmayrunupthesidesofhouses。Thereisnovisibleagencyoftheirflight，butonceinawhileyoushallpassafive—storiedbuildinghummingwithmachinerythatwindsupaneverlastingwirecable，andtheinitiatedwilltellyouthathereisthemechanism。Igaveupaskingquestions。IfitpleasesProvidencetomakeacarrunupanddownaslitinthegroundformanymiles，andiffortwopencehalfpennyIcanrideinthatcar，whyshallIseekthereasonsofthemiracle？Ratherletmelookoutofthewindowstilltheshopsgiveplacetothousandsandthousandsoflittlehousesmadeofwood（toimitatestone），eachhousejustbigenoughforamanandhisfamily。Letmewatchthepeopleinthecarsandtrytofindoutinwhatmannertheydifferfromus，theirancestors。
　　ItgrievesmenowthatIcursedthem（inthematterofbookpiracy），becauseIperceivedthatmycurseisworkingandthattheirspeechisbe—comingahorroralready。Theydeludethem—selvesintothebeliefthattheytalkEnglish——theEnglish——andIhavealreadybeenpitiedforspeakingwith"anEnglishaccent。"Themanwhopitiedmespoke，sofarasIwasconcerned，thelanguageofthieves。Andtheyalldo。Whereweputtheaccentforwardtheythrowitback，andviceversawherewegivethelong"a"theyusetheshort，andwordssosimpleastobepastmistakingtheypronouncesomewhereupinthedomeoftheirheads。Howdothesethingshappen？
　　OliverWendellHolmessaysthattheYankeeschool—marm，theciderandthesaltcodfishoftheEasternStates，areresponsibleforwhathecallsanasalaccent。Iknowbetter。Theystolebooksfromacrossthewaterwithoutpayingfor’em，andthesnortofdelightwasfixedintheirnostrilsforeverbyajustProvidence。
　　Thatiswhytheytalkaforeigntongueto—day。
　　"Catsisdogs，andrabbitsisdogs，andso’sparrots。Butthis’eretortoiseisaninsect，sothereain’tnocharge，"astheoldportersaid。
　　AHindooisaHindooandabrothertothemanwhoknowshisvernacular。AndaFrench—manisFrenchbecausehespeakshisownlanguage。ButtheAmericanhasnolanguage。Heisdialect，slang，provincialism，accent，andsoforth。NowthatIhaveheardtheirvoices，allthebeautyofBretHarteisbeingruinedforme，becauseIfindmyselfcatchingthroughtherollofhisrhythmicalprosethecadenceofhispeculiarfatherland。GetanAmericanladytoreadtoyou"HowSantaClausCametoSimpson’sBar，"andseehowmuchis，underhertongue，leftofthebeautyoftheoriginal。
　　ButIamsorryforBretHarte。Ithappenedthisway。AreporteraskedmewhatIthoughtofthecity，andImadeanswersuavelythatitwashallowedgroundtome，becauseofBretHarte。Thatwastrue。
　　"Well，"saidthereporter，"BretHarteclaimsCalifornia，butCaliforniadon’tclaimBretHarte。He’sbeensolonginEnglandthathe’squiteEnglish。Haveyouseenourcrackerfactoriesorthenewofficesofthe’Examiner’？"
　　Hecouldnotunderstandthattotheoutsideworldthecitywasworthagreatdeallessthantheman。Ineverintendedtocursethepeoplewithaprovincialismsovastasthis。
　　Butletusreturntooursheep——whichmeansthesea—lionsoftheCliffHouse。TheyarethegreatshowofSanFrancisco。Youtakeatrainwhichpullsupthemiddleofthestreet（itkilledtwopeoplethedaybeforeyesterday，beingun—brakedanddrivenabsolutelyregardlessofconsequences），andyoupullupsomewhereatthebackofthecityonthePacificbeach。Originallythecliffsandtheirapproachesmusthavebeenpretty，buttheyhavebeensocarefullydefiledwithadvertisementsthattheyarenowonebigblisteredabomination。Ahundredyardsfromtheshorestoodabigrockcoveredwiththecarcassesofthesleeksea—beasts，whoroaredandrolledandwallopedinthespoutingsurges。Noboldmanhadpaintedthecreaturessky—blueoradvertisednews—papersontheirbacks，whereforetheydidnotmatchthelandscape，whichwaschieflyhoarding。Someday，perhaps，whateversortofgovernmentmayobtaininthiscountrywillmakearestorationoftheplaceandkeepitcleanandneat。
　　Atpresentthesovereignpeople，ofwhomIhaveheardsomuchalready，arevendingcherriesandpaintingthevirtuesof"LittleBileBeans"alloverit。
　　NightfelloverthePacific，andthewhitesea—fogwhippedthroughthestreets，dimmingthesplendorsoftheelectriclights。Itistheuseofthiscity，hermenandwomenfolk，toparadebetweenthehoursofeightandtenacertainstreetcalledCairnStreet，wherethefinestshopsaresituated。Heretheclickofhighheelsonthepavementisloudest，herethelightsarebrightest，andherethethunderofthetrafficismostoverwhelming。IwatchedYoungCalifornia，andsawthatitwas，atleast，expensivelydressed，cheerfulinmanner，andself—assertinginconversation。Alsothewomenwereveryfair。
　　Perhapseighteendaysaboardshiphadsomethingtodowithmyunreservedadmiration。Themaidenswereofgenerousbuild，large，wellgroomed，andattiredinraimentthateventomyinexperiencedeyesmusthavecostmuch。CairnStreetatnineo’clocklevelsalldistinctionsofrankasimpartiallyasthegrave。AgainandagainIloiteredattheheelsofacoupleofresplendentbeings，onlytooverhear，whenIexpectedthelevelvoiceofculture，thestaccato"Sezhe，""SezI"thatisthemarkofthewhiteservant—girlalltheworldover。
　　Thiswasdepressingbecause，inspiteofallthatgoestothecontrary，finefeathersoughttomakefinebirds。Therewaswealth——unlimitedwealth——inthestreets，butnotanaccentthatwouldnothavebeendearatfiftycents。Where—fore，revolvinginmymindthatthesefolkwerebarbarians，Iwaspresentlyenlightenedandmadeawarethattheyalsoweretheheirsofalltheages，andcivilizedafterall。Thereappearedbeforemeanaffablestrangerofprepossessingappearance，withablueandaninnocenteye。Addressingmebyname，heclaimedtohavemetmeinNewYork，attheWindsor，andtothisclaimIgaveaqualifiedassent。Ididnotrememberthefact，butsincehewassocertainofit，why，then——Iwaiteddevelopments。
　　"AndwhatdidyouthinkofIndianawhenyoucamethrough？"wasthenextquestion。
　　Itrevealedthemysteryofpreviousacquaintanceandoneortwootherthings。Withreprehensiblecarelessnessmyfriendofthelight—blueeyehadlookedupthenameofhisvictiminthehotelregister，andread"Indiana"forIndia。
　　TheprovincialismwithwhichIhadcursedhispeopleextendedtohimself。HecouldnotimagineanEnglishmancomingthroughtheStatesfromwesttoeastinsteadofbytheregularlyordainedroute。MyfearwasthatinhisdelightinfindingmesoresponsivehewouldmakeremarksaboutNewYorkandtheWindsorwhichIcouldnotunderstand。And，indeed，headventuredinthisdirectiononceortwice，askingmewhatIthoughtofsuchandsuchstreets，whichfromhistoneIgatheredtobeanythingbutrespectable。ItistryingtotalkunknownNewYorkinalmostunknownSanFrancisco。Butmyfriendwasmerciful。HeprotestedthatIwasoneafterhisownheart，andpresseduponmerareandcuriousdrinksatmorethanonebar。ThesedrinksIacceptedwithgratitude，asalsothecigarswithwhichhispocketswerestored。Hewouldshowmethelifeofthecity。Havingnodesiretowatchawearyoldplayagain，Ievadedtheofferandreceivedinlieuofthedevil’sinstructionmuchcoarseflattery。
　　Curiouslyconstitutedisthesoulofman。Knowinghowandwherethismanlied，waitingidlyforthefinale，Iwasdistinctlyconscious，ashebubbledcomplimentsinmyear，ofsoftthrillsofgratifiedpridestealingfromhat—rimtoboot—heels。Iwaswise，quothhe——anybodycouldseethatwithhalfaneye；
　　sagacious，versedinthewaysoftheworld，anacquaintancetobedesired；onewhohadtastedthecupoflifewithdiscretion。
　　Allthispleasedme，andinameasurenumbedthesuspicionthatwasthoroughlyaroused。Eventuallytheblue—eyedonediscovered，nay，insisted，thatIhadatasteforcards（thiswasclumsilyworkedin，butitwasmyfault，forinthatImethimhalf—wayandallowedhimnochanceofgoodacting）。HereuponIlaidmyheadupononesideandsimulatedunholywisdom，quotingoddsandendsofpokertalk，allludicrouslymisapplied。Myfriendkepthiscountenanceadmirably，andwellhemight，forfiveminuteslaterwearrived，alwaysbythepurestofchance，ataplacewherewecouldplaycardsandalsofrivolwithLouisianaStateLotterytickets。WouldIplay？
　　"Nay，"saidI，"fortomecardshaveneithermeaningnorcontinuity；butletusassumethatIamgoingtoplay。Howwouldyouandyourfriendsgettowork？Wouldyouplayastraightgame，ormakemedrunk，or——well，thefactis，I’manewspaperman，andI’dbemuchobligedifyou’dletmeknowsomethingaboutbuncosteering。"
　　Myblue—eyedfrienderectedhimselfintoanobeliskofprofanity。
　　Hecursedmebyhisgods——therightandleftbower；heevencursedtheverygoodcigarshehadgivenme。But，thestormover，hequieteddownandexplained。Iapologizedforcausinghimtowasteanevening，andwespentaverypleasanttimetogether。
　　Inaccuracy，provincialism，andatoohastyrushingtoconclusions，weretherocksthathehadspliton，buthegothisrevengewhenhesaid：——"HowwouldIplaywithyou？Fromallthepoppy—cockAngliceboshyoutalkedaboutpoker，I’dha’playedastraightgame，andskinnedyou。Iwouldn’thavetakenthetroubletomakeyoudrunk。Youneverknewanythingofthegame，buthowIwasmistakeningoingtoworkonyou，makesmesick。"
　　HeglaredatmeasthoughIhaddonehimaninjury。To—dayI
　　knowhowitisthatyearafteryear，weekafterweek，thebuncosteerer，whoistheconfidencetrickandthecard—sharpermanofotherclimes，secureshisprey。Heclaversthemoverwithflatteryasthesnakeclaverstherabbit。TheincidentdepressedmebecauseitshowedIhadlefttheinnocentEastfarbehindandwascometoacountrywhereamanmustlookoutforhimself。Theveryhotelsbristledwithnoticesaboutkeepingmydoorlockedanddepositingmyvaluablesinasafe。Thewhitemaninalumpisbad。WeepingsoftlyforO—Toyo（littleIknewthenthatmyheartwastobetornafreshfrommybosom）Ifellasleepintheclanginghotel。
　　NextmorningIhadentereduponthedeferredinheritance。TherearenoprincesinAmerica——atleastwithcrownsontheirheads——butagenerous—mindedmemberofsomeroyalfamilyreceivedmyletterofintroduction。ErethedayclosedIwasamemberofthetwoclubs，andbookedformanyengagementstodinnerandparty。Now，thisprince，uponwhosefinancialoperationsbecontinualincrease，hadnoreason，norhadtheothers，hisfriends，toputhimselfoutforthesakeofoneBritonmoreorless，butherestednottillhehadaccomplishedallinmybehalfthatamothercouldthinkofforherdebutantedaughter。
　　DoyouknowtheBohemianClubofSanFrancisco？Theysayitsfameextendsovertheworld。Itwascreated，somewhatonthelinesoftheSavage，bymenwhowroteordrewthings，andhasblossomedintomostunrepublicanluxury。Theruleroftheplaceisanowl——anowlstandinguponaskullandcross—bones，showingforthgrimlythewisdomofthemanoflettersandtheendofhishopesforimmortality。Theowlstandsonthestaircase，astatuefourfeethigh；iscarvedinthewood—work，fluttersonthefrescoedceiling，isstampedonthenote—paper，andhangsonthewalls。Heisanancientandhonorablebird。Underhiswing’twasmyprivilegetomeetwithwhitemenwhoseliveswerenotchaineddowntoroutineoftoil，whowrotemagazinearticlesinsteadofreadingthemhurriedlyinthepausesofoffice—work，whopaintedpicturesinsteadofcontentingthemselveswithcheapetchingspickedupatanotherman’ssaleofeffects。Minewerealltherightsofsocialintercourse，craftbycraft，thatIndia，stony—heartedstep—motherofcollectors，hasswindledusoutof。
　　Treadingsoftcarpetsandbreathingtheincenseofsuperiorcigars，Iwanderedfromroomtoroomstudyingthepaintingsinwhichthemembersoftheclubhadcaricaturedthemselves，theirassociates，andtheiraims。TherewasaslickFrenchaudacityabouttheworkmanshipofthesemenoftoilunbendingthatwentstraighttotheheartofthebeholder。AndyetitwasnotaltogetherFrench。Adrygrimnessoftreatment，almostDutch，markedthedifference。Themenpaintedastheyspoke——withcertainty。Theclubindulgesinrevelrieswhichitcalls"jinks"——highandlow，atintervals——andeachofthesegatheringsisfaithfullyportrayedinoilsbyhandsthatknowtheirbusiness。Inthisclubwerenoamateursspoilingcanvas，becausetheyfanciedtheycouldhandleoilswithoutknowledgeofshadowsoranatomy——nogentlemanofleisureruiningthetemperofpublishersandanalreadyruinedmarketwithattemptstowrite"becauseeverybodywritessomethingthesedays。"
　　Myhostswereworking，orhadworkedfortheirdailybreadwithpenorpaint，andtheirtalkforthemostpartwasoftheshop——shoppy——thatistosay，delightful。Theyextendedalargehandofwelcome，andwereasbrethren，andIdidhomagetotheowlandlistenedtotheirtalk。AnIndianclubaboutChristmas—timewillyield，ifproperlyworked，anabundantharvestofqueertales；butatagatheringofAmericansfromtheuttermostendsoftheirowncontinent，thetalesarelarger，thicker，morespinous，andevenmoreazurethananyIndianvariety。TalesofthewarIheardtoldbyanex—officeroftheSouthoverhiseveningdrinktoacoloneloftheNorthernarmy，myintroducer，whohadservedasatrooperintheNorthernHorse，throwinginemendationsfromtimetotime。"TalesoftheLaw，"
　　whichinthiscountryisanamazinglyelasticaffair，followedfromthelipsofajudge。Forgivemeforrecordingonetalethatstruckmeasnew。Itmayinteresttheup—countryBarinIndia。
　　OnceuponatimetherewasSamuelson，ayounglawyer，whofearednotGod，neitherregardedtheBench。（Name，age，andtownofthemanweregivenatgreatlength。）Tohimnocasehadevercomeasaclient，partlybecausehelivedinadistrictwherelynchlawprevailed，andpartlybecausethemostdesperateprisonershrunkfromintrustinghimselftothemerciesofaphenomenalstammerer。
　　Butintimetherehappenedanaggravatedmurder——sobad，indeed，thatbycommonconsentthecitizensdecided，asapreludetolynching，togivethereallawachance。Theycould，infact，gambolroundthatmurder。Theymet——thecourtinitsshirt—sleeves——andagainsttherawsquareoftheCourtHousewindowatemptinglysuggestivebranchofatreefrettedthesky。
　　Nooneappearedfortheprisoner，and，partlyinjest，thecourtadvisedyoungSamuelsontotakeupthecase。
　　"Theprisonerisundefended，Sam，"saidthecourt。"Thesquarethingtodowouldbeforyoutotakehimasideanddothebestyoucanforhim。"
　　Court，jury，andwitnessthenadjournedtotheveranda，whileSamuelsonledhisclientasidetotheCourtHousecells。Anhourpassederethelawyerreturnedalone。Mutelytheaudiencequestioned。
　　"Mayitp—p—pleasethec—court，"saidSamuel—son，"myclient’scaseisab—b—b—badone——ad—d—amnbadone。Youtoldmetodotheb—b—bestIc—couldforhim，judge，soI’vejestgivenhimy—yourb—b—baygelding，an’toldhimtolightoutforhealthierc—climes，myp—p—professionalopinionbeinghe’dbehangedquicker’nh—h—hadesifhedalliedhere。B—bythistimemyclient’s’boutfifteenmileoutyondersomewheres。Thatwastheb—b—bestIcoulddoforhim，mayitp—p—pleasethecourt。"
　　Theyoungman，escapingpunishmentinlieuoftheprisoner，madehisfortuneerefiveyears。
　　Othervoicesfollowed，withequallywondroustalesofriata—throwinginMexicoandArizona，ofgamblingatarmypostsinTexas，ofnewspaperwarswagedingodlessChicago（Icouldnothelpbeinginterested，buttheywerenotprettytricks），ofdeathssuddenandviolentinMontanaandDakota，ofthelovesofhalf—breedmaidensintheSouth，andfantastichuntingsforgoldinmysteriousAlaska。Aboveall，theytoldthestoryofthebuildingofoldSanFrancisco，whenthe"finestcollectionofhumanityonGod’searth，sir，startedthistown，andthewatercameuptothefootofMarketStreet。"Veryterribleweresomeofthetales，grimlyhumoroustheothers，andthemeninbroadclothandfinelinenwhotoldthemhadplayedtheirpartsinthem。
　　"Andnowandagainwhenthingsgottoobadtheywouldtollthecitybell，andtheVigilanceCommitteeturnedoutandhangedthesuspiciouscharacters。Amandidn’tbegintobesuspectedinthosedaystillhehadcommittedatleastoneunprovokedmurder，"
　　saidacalm—eyed，portlyoldgentleman。
　　Ilookedatthepicturesaroundme，thenoiseless，neat—uniformedwaiterbehindme，theoak—ribbedceilingabove，thevelvetcarpetbeneath。Itwashardtorealizethateventwentyyearsagoyoucouldseeamanhangedwithgreatpomp。LateronIfoundreasontochangemyopinion。Thetalesgavemeaheadacheandsetmethinking。Howintheworldwasitpossibletotakeinevenonethousandthofthishuge，roaring，many—sidedcontinent？Inthetobacco—scentedsilenceofthesumptuouslibrarylayProfessorBryce’sbookontheAmericanRepublic。
　　"Itisanomen，"saidI。"Hehasdoneallthingsinallseriousness，andhemaybepurchasedforhalfaguinea。Thosewhodesireinformationofthemostundoubted，mustrefertohispages。Formeisthedailyroundofvagabondage，therecordingoftheincidentsofthehourandinter—coursewiththetravelling—companionoftheday。Iwillnot’do’thiscountryatall。"
　　AndIforgotallaboutIndiafortendayswhileIwentouttodinnersandwatchedthesocialcustomsofthepeople，whichareentirelydifferentfromourcustoms，andwasintroducedtomenofmanymillions。Thesepersonsareharmlessintheirearlierstages——thatistosay，amanworththreeorfourmilliondollarsmaybeagoodtalker，clever，amusing，andoftheworld；amanwithtwicethatamountistobeavoided，andatwentymillionmanis——justtwentymillions。Takeaninstance。Iwasspeakingtoanewspapermanaboutseeingtheproprietorofhisjournal，asinmyinnocenceIsupposednewspapermenoccasionallydid。Myfriendsnortedindignantly：——"Seehim!GreatScott!No。Ifhehappenstoappearintheoffice，Ihavetoassociatewithhim；
　　but，thankHeaven!outsideofthatImoveincircleswherehecannotcome。"
　　AndyetthefirstthingIhavebeentaughttobelieveisthatmoneywaseverythinginAmerica!
　　II
　　AmericanPoliticsIHAVEbeenwatchingmachineryinreposeafterreadingaboutmachineryinaction。
　　Anexcellentgentleman，whobearsanamehonoredinthemagazine，writes，muchasDisraeliorated，of"thesublimeinstinctsofanancientpeople，"thecertaintywithwhichtheycanbetrustedtomanagetheirownaffairsintheirownway，andthespeedwithwhichtheyaremakingforallsortsofdesirablegoals。ThishecalledastatementorpurviewofAmericanpolitics。
　　Iwentalmostdirectlyafterwardtoasaloonwheregentlemeninterestedinwardpoliticsnightlycongregate。Theywerenotprettypersons。Someofthemwerebloated，andtheyallsworecheerfullytilltheheavygoldwatch—chainsontheirfatstomachsroseandfellagain；buttheytalkedovertheirliquorasmenwhohadpowerandunquestionedaccesstoplacesoftrustandprofit。
　　Themagazinewriterdiscussedtheoriesofgovernment；thesementhepractice。Theyhadbeenthere。Theyknewallaboutit。
　　Theybangedtheirfistsonthetableandspokeofpolitical"pulls，"thevendingofvotes，andsoforth。Theirswasnotthetalkofvillagebabblersreconstructingtheaffairsofthenation，butofstrong，coarse，lustfulmenfightingforspoil，andthoroughlyunderstandingthebestmethodsofreachingit。
　　IlistenedlongandintentlytospeechIcouldnotunderstand——orbutinspots。
　　Itwasthespeechofbusiness，however。Ihadsenseenoughtoknowthat，andtodomylaughingoutsidethedoor。
　　ThenIbegantounderstandwhymypleasantandwell—educatedhostsinSanFranciscospokewithabitterscornofsuchdutiesofcitizenshipasvotingandtakinganinterestinthedistributionofoffices。Scoresofmenhavetoldme，withoutfalsepride，thattheywouldassoonconcernthemselveswiththepublicaffairsofthecityorstateasrakemuckwithasteam—shovel。Itmaybethattheirloftydisdaincoversselfishness，butIshouldbeverysorryhabituallytomeetthefatgentlemenwithshinytop—hatsandplumpcigarsinwhosesocietyIhavebeenspendingtheevening。
　　Readaboutpoliticsastheculturedwriterofthemagazineregards’em，andthen，andnottillthen，payyourrespectstothegentlemenwhorunthegrimyreality。
　　I’msickofinterviewingnighteditorswholeantheirchairagainstthewall，and，inresponsetomydemandfortherecordofaprominentcitizen，answer："Well，yousee，hebeganbykeepingasaloon，"etc。IprefertobelievethatmyinformantsaretreatingmeasintheoldsinfuldaysinIndiaIwasusedtotreatthewanderingglobe—trotter。Theydeclarethattheyspeakthetruth，andthenewsofdogpoliticslatelyvouchsafedtomeingroggeriesinclinesmetobelieve，butIwon’t。ThepeoplearemuchtoonicetoslanganderasrecklesslyasIhavebeendoing。
　　Besides，IamhopelesslyinlovewithabouteightAmericanmaidens——allperfectlydelightfultillthenextonecomesintotheroom。
　　O—Toyowasadarling，butshelackedseveralthings——conversationforone。Youcannotliveongiggles。SheshallremainunmarriedatNagasaki，whileIroastabatteredheartbeforetheshrineofabigKentuckyblonde，whohadforanursewhenshewaslittleanegro"mammy。"
　　ByconsequenceshehasweldedonCaliforniabeauty，Parisdresses，Easternculture，Europetrips，andwildWesternoriginality，thequeer，dreamysuperstitionsofthequarters，andtheresultissoul—shattering。Andsheisbutoneofmanystars。
　　Item，amaidenwhobelievesineducationandpossessesit，withafewhundredthousanddollarstobootandatasteforslumming。
　　Item，theleaderofasortofinformalsalonwheregirlscongregate，readpapers，anddaringlydiscussmetaphysicalproblemsandcandy——asloe—eyed，black—browed，imperiousmaidenshe。
　　Item，averysmallmaiden，absolutelywithoutreverence，whocaninoneswiftsentencetrampleuponandleavegaspinghalfadozenyoungmen。
　　Item，amillionairess，burdenedwithhermoney，lonely，caustic，withatonguekeenasasword，yearningforasphere，butchaineduptotherockofhervastpossessions。
　　Item，atypewritermaidenearningherownbreadinthisbigcity，becauseshedoesn’tthinkagirloughttobeaburdenonherparents，whoquotesTheophileGautierandmovesthroughtheworldmanfully，muchrespectedforallhertwentyinexperiencedsummers。
　　Item，awomanfromcloud—landwhohasnohistoryinthepastorfuture，butisdiscreetlyofthepresent，andstrivesfortheconfidencesofmalehumanityonthegroundsof"sympathy"
　　（methinksthisisnotaltogetheranewtype）。
　　Item，agirlina"dive，"blessedwithaGreekheadandeyes，thatseemtospeakallthatisbestandsweetestintheworld。
　　Butwoeisme!Shehasnoideasinthisworldorthenextbeyondtheconsumptionofbeer（acommissiononeachbottle），andproteststhatshesingsthesongsallottedtohernightlywithoutmorethanthevaguestnotionoftheirmeaning。
　　SweetandcomelyarethemaidensofDevonshire；delicateandofgraciousseemingthosewholiveinthepleasantplacesofLondon；
　　fascinatingforalltheirdemurenessthedamselsofFrance，clingingcloselytotheirmothers，withlargeeyeswonderingatthewickedworld；excellentinherownplaceandtothosewhounderstandheristheAnglo—Indian"spin"inhersecondseason；
　　butthegirlsofAmericaareaboveandbeyondthemall。Theyareclever，theycantalk——yea，itissaidthattheythink。
　　Certainlytheyhaveanappearanceofsodoingwhichisdelightfullydeceptive。
　　Theyareoriginal，andregardyoubetweenthebrowswithunabashedeyesasasistermightlookatherbrother。Theyareinstructed，too，inthefollyandvanityofthemalemind，fortheyhaveassociatedwith"theboys"frombabyhood，andcandiscerninglyministertobothvicesorpleasantlysnubthepossessor。Theypossess，moreover，alifeamongthemselves，independentofanymasculineassociations。Theyhavesocietiesandclubsandunlimitedtea—fightswherealltheguestsaregirls。Theyareself—possessed，withoutpartingwithanytendernessthatistheirsex—right；theyunderstand；theycantakecareofthemselves；theyaresuperblyindependent。Whenyouaskthemwhatmakesthemsocharming，theysay：——"Itisbecausewearebettereducatedthanyourgirls，and——andwearemoresensibleinregardtomen。Wehavegoodtimesallround，butwearen’ttaughttoregardeverymanasapossiblehusband。Norisheexpectedtomarrythefirstgirlhecallsonregularly。"
　　Yes，theyhavegoodtimes，theirfreedomislarge，andtheydonotabuseit。TheycangodrivingwithyoungmenandreceivevisitsfromyoungmentoanextentthatwouldmakeanEnglishmotherwinkwithhorror，andneitherdrivernordriveehasathoughtbeyondtheenjoymentofagoodtime。Ascertain，also，oftheirownpoetshavesaid：——
　　"Manisfireandwomanistow，Andthedevilhecomesandbeginstoblow。"
　　InAmericathetowissoakedinasolutionthatmakesitfire—proof，inabsolutelibertyandlargeknowledge；
　　consequently，accidentsdonotexceedtheregularpercentagearrangedbythedevilforeachclassandclimateundertheskies。
　　Butthefreedomoftheyounggirlhasitsdraw—backs。Sheis——I
　　sayitwithallreluctance——irreverent，fromherforty—dollarbonnettothebucklesinhereighteen—dollarshoes。Shetalksflippantlytoherparentsandmenoldenoughtobehergrandfather。Shehasaprescriptiverighttothesocietyofthemanwhoarrives。Theparentsadmitit。
　　Thisissometimesembarrassing，especiallywhenyoucallonamanandhiswifeforthesakeofinformation——theonebeingamerchantofvariedknowledge，theotherawomanoftheworld。Infiveminutesyourhosthasvanished。Inanotherfivehiswifehasfollowedhim，andyouareleftalonewithaverycharmingmaiden，doubtless，butcertainlynotthepersonyoucametosee。
　　Shechatters，andyougrin，butyouleavewiththeverystrongimpressionofawastedmorning。Thishasbeenmyexperienceonceortwice。IhaveevensaidaspointedlyasIdaredtoaman：——"I
　　cametoseeyou。"
　　"You’dbetterseemeinmyoffice，then。Thehousebelongstomywomenfolk——tomydaughter，thatistosay。"
　　Hespokethetruth。TheAmericanofwealthisownedbyhisfamily。Theyexploithimforbullion。Thewomengettheha’pence，thekicksareallhisown。NothingistoogoodforanAmerican’sdaughter（Ispeakhereofthemoneyedclasses）。
　　Thegirlstakeeverygiftasamatterofcourse，andyettheydevelopgreatlywhenacatastrophearrivesandthemanofmanymillionsgoesuporgoesdown，andhisdaughterstaketostenographyortypewriting。Ihaveheardmanytalesofheroismfromthelipsofgirlswhocountedtheprincipalsamongtheirfriends。Thecrashcame，Mamie，orHattie，orSadie，gaveuptheirmaid，theircarriagesandcandy，andwithaNo。2Remingtonandastoutheartsetaboutearningtheirdailybread。
　　"AnddidIdropherfromthelistofmyfriends？No，sir，"saidascarlet—lippedvisioninwhitelace；"thatmighthappentousanyday。"
　　ItmaybethissenseofpossibledisasterintheairthatmakesSanFranciscosocietygowithsocaptivatingarushandwhirl。
　　Recklessnessisintheair。Ican’texplainwhereitcomesfrom，butthereitis。TheroaringwindsofthePacificmakeyoudrunktobeginwith。Theaggressiveluxuryonallsideshelpsouttheintoxication，andyouspinforever"downtheringinggroovesofchange"（thereisnosmallchange，bytheway，westoftheRockies）aslongasmoneylasts。Theymakegreatlyandtheyspendlavishly；notonlytherich，buttheartisans，whopaynearlyfivepoundsforasuitofclothes，andforotherluxuriesinproportion。
　　Theyoungmenrejoiceinthedaysoftheiryouth。Theygamble，yacht，race，enjoyprize—fightsandcock—fights，theoneopenly，theotherinsecret；theyestablishluxuriousclubs；theybreakthemselvesoverhorse—fleshandotherthings，andtheyareinstantinaquarrel。Attwentytheyareexperiencedinbusiness，embarkinvastenterprises，takepartnersasexperiencedasthemselves，andgotopieceswithasmuchsplendorastheirneighbors。RememberthatthemenwhostockedCaliforniainthefiftieswerephysically，and，asfarasregardscertaintoughvirtues，thepickoftheearth。Theineptandtheweaklydiedenroute，orwentunderinthedaysofconstruction。TothisnucleuswereaddedalltheracesoftheContinent——French，Italian，German，and，ofcourse，theJew。
　　Theresultyoucanseeinthelarge—boned，deep—chested，delicate—handedwomen，andlong，elastic，well—builtboys。Itneedsnolittlegoldenbadgeswingingfromthewatch—chaintomarkthenativesonofthegoldenWest，thecountry—bredofCalifornia。
　　HimIlovebecauseheisdevoidoffear，carrieshimselflikeaman，andhasaheartasbigashisbooks。Ifancy，too，heknowshowtoenjoytheblessingsoflifethathisprovincesoabundantlybestowsuponhim。Atleast，Iheardalittleratofacreaturewithhock—bottleshouldersexplainingthatamanfromChicagocouldpulltheeye—teethofaCalifornianinbusiness。
　　Well，ifIlivedinfairy—land，wherecherrieswereasbigasplums，plumsasbigasapples，andstrawberriesofnoaccount，wheretheprocessionofthefruitsoftheseasonswaslikeapageantinaDruryLanepantomimeandthedryairwaswine，I
　　shouldletbusinessslideonceinawayandkickupmyheelswithmyfellows。ThetaleoftheresourcesofCalifornia——vegetableandmineral——isafairy—tale。Youcanreaditinbooks。Youwouldneverbelieveme。
　　Allmannerofnourishingfood，fromsea—fishtobeef，maybeboughtatthelowestprices，andthepeopleareconsequentlywell—developedandofahighstomach。Theydemandtenshillingsfortinkeringajammedlockofatrunk；theyreceivesixteenshillingsadayforworkingascarpenters；theyspendmanysixpencesonverybadcigars，whichthepoorestofthemsmoke，andtheygomadoveraprize—fight。Whentheydisagreetheydosofatally，withfire—armsintheirhands，andonthepublicstreets。IwasjustclearofMissionStreetwhenthetroublebeganbetweentwogentlemen，oneofwhomperforatedtheother。
　　Whenapoliceman，whosenameIdonotrecollect，"fatallyshotEdHearney"forattemptingtoescapearrest，Iwasinthenextstreet。ForthesethingsIamthankful。Itisenoughtotravelwithapolicemaninatram—car，and，whilehearrangeshiscoat—tailsashesitsdown，tocatchsightofaloadedrevolver。
　　Itisenoughtoknowthatfiftypercentofthemeninthepublicsaloonscarrypistolsaboutthem。
　　TheChinamanwaylayshisadversary，andmethodicallychopshimtopieceswithhishatchet。Thenthepressroarsaboutthebrutalferocityofthepagan。
　　TheItalianreconstructshisfriendwithalongknife。Thepresscomplainsofthewaywardnessofthealien。
　　TheIrishmanandthenativeCalifornianintheirhoursofdiscontentusetherevolver，notonce，butsixtimes。Thepressrecordsthefact，andasksinthenextcolumnwhethertheworldcanparalleltheprogressofSanFrancisco。TheAmericanwholoveshiscountrywilltellyouthatthissortofthingisconfinedtothelowerclasses。Justatpresentanex—judgewhowassenttojailbyanotherjudge（uponmywordIcannottellwhetherthesetitlesmeananything）isbreathingred—hotvengeanceagainsthisenemy。Thepapershaveinterviewedbothparties，andconfidentlyexpectafatalissue。
　　Now，letmedrawbreathandcursethenegrowaiter，andthroughhimthenegroinservicegenerally。Hehasbeenmadeacitizenwithavote，consequentlybothpoliticalpartiesplaywithhim。
　　Butthatisneitherherenorthere。Hewillcommitinonemealeverybetisethatasenllionfreshfromtheplow—tailiscapableof，andhewillcontinuetorepeatthosefaults。Heisascompleteaheavy—footed，uncomprehending，bungle—fistedfoolasanymem—sahibintheEastevertookintoherestablishment。Butheisaccordingtolawafreeandindependentcitizen——consequentlyabovereprooforcriticism。He，andhealone，inthisinsanecity，willwaitattable（theChinamandoesn’tcount）。
　　Heisuntrained，inept，buthewillfilltheplaceanddrawthepay。Now，Godandhisfather’sfatemadehimintellectuallyinferiortotheOriental。Heinsistsonpretendingthatheservestablesbyaccident——asasortofamusement。Hewishesyoutounderstandthislittlefact。Youwishtoeatyourmeals，and，ifpossible，tohavethemproperlyserved。Heisabig，black，vainbabyandamanrolledintoone。
　　AcoloredgentlemanwhoinsistedongettingmepiewhenIwantedsomethingelse，demandedinformationaboutIndia。Igavehimsomefactsaboutwages。
　　"Oh，hell!"saidhe，cheerfully，"thatwouldn’tkeepmeincigarsforamonth。"
　　Thenhefawnedonmeforaten—centpiece。LaterhetookituponhimselftopitythenativesofIndia。"Heathens，"hecalledthem——thiswoollyone，whoseracehasbeenthebuttofeverycomedyonthenativestagesincethebeginning。AndIturnedandsawbytheheaduponhisshouldersthathewasaYorubaman，iftherebeanytruthinethnologicalcastes。HedidhisthinkinginEnglish，buthewasaYorubanegro，andtheracetypehadremainedthesamethrough—outhisgenerations。Andtheroomwasfullofotherraces——somethatlookedexactlylikeGallas（butthetradewasneverrecruitedfromthatsideofAfrica），someduplicatesofCameroonheads，andsomeKroomen，ifeverKroomenworeeveningdress。
　　TheAmericandoesnotconsiderlittlemattersofdescent，thoughbythistimeheoughttoknowallabout"damnableheredity。"Asageneralrulehekeepshimselfveryfarfromthenegro，andsaysthingsabouthimthatarenotpretty。Therearesixmillionnegroes，moreorless，intheStates，andtheyareincreasing。
　　TheAmerican，oncehavingmadethemcitizens，cannotunmakethem。
　　Hesays，inhisnewspapers，theyoughttobeelevatedbyeducation。Heistryingthis，butitislikelytobealongjob，becauseblackbloodismuchmoreadhesivethanwhite，andthrowsbackwithannoyingpersistence。Whenthenegrogetsreligionhereturnsdirectlyasahivingbeetothefirstinstinctsofhispeople。JustnowawaveofreligionissweepingoversomeoftheSouthernStates。
　　UptothepresenttwoMessiahsandaDanielhaveappeared，andseveralhumansacrificeshavebeenoffereduptotheseincarnations。TheDanielmanagedtogetthreeyoungmen，whoheinsistedwereShadrach，Meshach，andAbednego，towalkintoablastfurnace，guaranteeingnon—combustion。Theydidnotreturn。
　　Ihaveseennothingofthiskind，butIhaveattendedanegrochurch。Theypray，orarecausedtopraybythemselvesinthiscountry。Thecongregationweremovedbythespirittogroansandtears，andoneofthemdanceduptheaisletothemourners’
　　bench。Themotivemayhavebeengenuine。ThemovementsoftheshakenbodywerethoseofaZanzibarstickdance，suchasyouseeatAdenonthecoal—boats，andevenasIwatchedthepeople，thelinksthatboundthemtothewhitemansnappedonebyone，andI
　　sawbeforemethehubshi（woollyhair）prayingtoaGodhedidnotunderstand。Thoseneatlydressedfolkonthebenches，andthegray—headedelderbythewindow，weresavages，neithermorenorless。
　　WhatwilltheAmericandowiththenegro？TheSouthwillnotconsortwithhim。InsomeStatesmiscegenationisapenaloffence。TheNorthiseveryyearlessandlessinneedofhisservices。
　　Andhewillnotdisappear。Hewillcontinueasaproblem。Hisfriendswillurgethatheisasgoodasthewhiteman。Hisenemies——well，youcanguesswhathisenemieswilldofromalittleincidentthatfollowedonarecentappointmentbythePresident。Hemadeanegroanassistantinapost—officewhere——thinkofit!——hehadtoworkatthenextdesktoawhitegirl，thedaughterofacolonel，oneofthefirstfamiliesofGeorgia’smodernchivalry，andalltheweary，wearyrestofit。
　　TheSouthernchivalryhowled，andhangedorburnedsomeoneineffigy。PerhapsitwasthePresident，andperhapsitwasthenegro——buttheprincipleremainsthesame。Theysaiditwasaninsult。Itisnotgoodtobeanegrointhelandofthefreeandthehomeofthebrave。
　　ButthisisnothingtodowithSanFranciscoandhermerrymaidens，herstrong，swaggeringmen，andherwealthofgoldandpride。Theyboremetoabanquetinhonorofabravelieutenant——Carlin，ofthe"Vandalia"——whostuckbyhisshipinthegreatcycloneatApiaandcomportedhimselfasanofficershould。Onthatoccasion——’twasattheBohemianClub——Iheardoratorywiththeroundestofo’s，anddevouredadinnerthememoryofwhichwilldescendwithmeintothehungrygrave。
　　Therewereaboutfortyspeechesdelivered，andnotoneofthemwasaverageorordinary。ItwasmyfirstintroductiontotheAmericaneaglescreamingforallitwasworth。Thelieutenant’sheroismservedasapegfromwhichthesilver—tonguedonesturnedthemselveslooseandkicked。
　　Theyransackedthecloudsofsunset，thethunderboltsofheaven，thedeepsofhell，andthesplendoroftheresurrectionfortropesandmetaphors，andhurledtheresultattheheadoftheguestoftheevening。
　　Neversincethemorningstarssungtogetherforjoy，Ilearned，hadanamazedcreationwitnessedsuchsuperhumanbraveryasthatdisplayedbytheAmericannavyintheSamoacyclone。Tillearthrottedinthephosphorescentstar—and—stripeslimeofadecayeduniverse，thatgod—likegallantrywouldnotbeforgotten。I
　　grievethatIcannotgivetheexactwords。Myattemptatreproducingtheirspiritispaleandinadequate。IsatbewilderedonacoruscatingNiagaraofblatherum—skite。Itwasmagnificent——itwasstupendous——andIwasconsciousofawickeddesiretohidemyfaceinanapkinandgrin。Then，accordingtorule，theyproducedtheirdead，andacrossthesnowytable—clothsdraggedthecorpseofeverymanslainintheCivilWar，andhurleddefianceat"ournaturalenemy"（England，sopleaseyou），"withherchainoffortressesacrosstheworld。"Thereaftertheyglorifiedtheirnationafreshfromthebeginning，incaseanydetailshouldhavebeenoverlooked，andthatmademeuncomfortablefortheirsakes。Howintheworldcanawhiteman，asahib，ofourblood，standupandplasterpraiseonhisowncountry？Hecanthinkashighlyashelikes，butthisopen—mouthedvehemenceofadorationstruckmealmostasindelicate。Myhoststalkedforrathermorethanthreehours，andattheendseemedreadyforthreehoursmore。