首页 >出版文学> Jude the Obscure>第56章

第56章

  `Itisanaccursedthing-itremindsmeofwhatIwanttoforget!’
  Suerepeated。`Itisonlyfitforthefire。’
  `Lord,youbetoostrict!Whatdoyeusesuchwordsfor,andcondemntohellyourdearlittleinnocentchildrenthat’slostto’ee!UponmylifeIdon’tcallthatreligion!’
  Sueflungherfaceuponthebed,sobbing。`Oh,don’t,don’t!Thatkillsme!’Sheremainedshakenwithhergrief,andslippeddownuponherknees。
  `I’lltell’eewhat-yououghtnottomarrythismanagain!’
  saidMrs。Edlinindignantly。`Youareinlovewi’t’otherstill!’
  `YesImust-Iamhisalready!’
  `Pshoo!Youbet’otherman’s。Ifyoudidn’tliketocommityourselvestothebindingvowagain,justatfirst,’twasallthemorecredittoyourconsciences,consideringyourreasons,andyoumedha’livedon,andmadeitallrightatlast。Afterall,itconcernednobodybutyourowntwoselves。’
  `Richardsayshe’llhavemeback,andI’mboundtogo!Ifhehadrefused,itmightnothavebeensomuchmydutyto-giveupJude。But-`Sheremainedwithherfaceinthebed-clothes,andMrs。Edlinlefttheroom。
  PhillotsonintheintervalhadgonebacktohisfriendGillingham,whostillsatoverthesupper-table。Theysoonrose,andwalkedoutonthegreentosmokeawhile。AlightwasburninginSue’sroom,ashadowmovingnowandthenacrosstheblind。
  GillinghamhadevidentlybeenimpressedwiththeindefinablecharmofSue,andafterasilencehesaid,`Well:you’veallbutgotheragainatlast。Shecan’tverywellgoasecondtime。Thepearhasdroppedintoyourhand。’
  `Yes!……IsupposeIamrightintakingheratherword。Iconfessthereseemsatouchofselfishnessinit。Apartfromherbeingwhatsheis,ofcourse,aluxuryforafogylikeme,itwillsetmerightintheeyesoftheclergyandorthodoxlaity,whohaveneverforgivenmeforlettinghergo。SoImaygetbackinsomedegreeintomyoldtrack。’
  `Well-ifyou’vegotanysoundreasonformarryingheragain,doitnowinGod’sname!Iwasalwaysagainstyouropeningthecage-doorandlettingthebirdgoinsuchanobviouslysuicidalway。Youmighthavebeenaschoolinspectorbythistime,orareverend,ifyouhadn’tbeensoweakabouther。’
  `Ididmyselfirreparabledamage-Iknowit。’
  `Onceyou’vegotherhousedagain,sticktoher。’
  Phillotsonwasmoreevasiveto-night。HedidnotcaretoadmitclearlythathistakingSuetohimagainhadatbottomnothingtodowithrepentanceoflettinghergo,butwas,primarily,ahumaninstinctflyinginthefaceofcustomandprofession。Hesaid,`Yes-Ishalldothat。
  Iknowwomanbetternow。Whateverjusticetherewasinreleasingher,therewaslittlelogic,foroneholdingmyviewsonothersubjects。’
  Gillinghamlookedathim,andwonderedwhetheritwouldeverhappenthatthereactionaryspiritinducedbytheworld’ssneersandhisownphysicalwisheswouldmakePhillotsonmoreorthodoxlycrueltoherthanhehaderstwhilebeeninformallyandperverselykind。
  `Iperceiveitwon’tdotogivewaytoimpulse,’Phillotsonresumed,feelingmoreandmoreeveryminutethenecessityofactinguptohisposition。
  `IflewinthefaceoftheChurch’steaching;butIdiditwithoutmaliceprepense。Womenaresostrangeintheirinfluencethattheytemptyoutomisplacedkindness。However,Iknowmyselfbetternow。Alittlejudiciousseverity,perhaps……’
  `Yes;butyoumusttightenthereinsbydegreesonly。Don’tbetoostrenuousatfirst。She’llcometoanytermsintime。’
  Thecautionwasunnecessary,thoughPhillotsondidnotsayso。
  `IrememberwhatmyvicaratShastonsaid,whenIleftaftertherowthatwasmadeaboutmyagreeingtoherelopement。`Theonlythingyoucandotoretrieveyourpositionandhersistoadmityourerrorinnotrestrainingherwithawiseandstronghand,andtogetherbackagainifshe’llcome,andbefirminthefuture。’ButIwassoheadstrongatthattimethatI
  paidnoheed。AndthatafterthedivorcesheshouldhavethoughtofdoingsoIdidnotdream。’
  ThegateofMrs。Edlin’scottageclicked,andsomebodybegancrossinginthedirectionoftheschool。Phillotsonsaid`Good-night。’
  `Oh,isthatMr。Phillotson,’saidMrs。Edlin。`Iwasgoingovertosee’ee。I’vebeenupstairswithher,helpinghertounpackherthings;
  anduponmyword,sir,Idon’tthinkthisoughttobe!’
  `What-thewedding?’
  `Yes。She’sforcingherselftoit,poordearlittlething;andyou’venonotionwhatshe’ssuffering。Iwasnevermuchforreligionnoragainstit,butitcan’tberighttoletherdothis,andyououghttopersuadeheroutofit。Ofcourseeverybodywillsayitwasverygoodandforgivingof’eetotakeherto’eeagain。ButformypartIdon’t。’
  `It’sherwish,andIamwilling,’saidPhillotsonwithgravereserve,oppositionmakinghimillogicallytenaciousnow。`Agreatpieceoflaxitywillberectified。’
  `Idon’tbelieveit。She’shiswifeifanybody’s。She’shadthreechildrenbyhim,andhelovesherdearly;andit’sawickedshametoeggherontothis,poorlittlequiveringthing!She’sgotnobodyonherside。
  Theonemanwho’dbeherfriendtheobstinatecreaturewon’tallowtocomenearher。Whatfirstputherintothismoodo’mind,Iwonder!’
  `Ican’ttell。NotIcertainly。Itisallvoluntaryonherpart。
  Nowthat’sallIhavetosay。’Phillotsonspokestiffly。`You’veturnedround,Mrs。Edlin。Itisunseemlyofyou!’
  `Well。Iknowedyou’dbeaffrontedatwhatIhadtosay;butI
  don’tmindthat。Thetruth’sthetruth。’
  `I’mnotaffronted,Mrs。Edlin。You’vebeentookindaneighbourforthat。ButImustbeallowedtoknowwhat’sbestformyselfandSusanna。
  Isupposeyouwon’tgotochurchwithus,then?’
  `No。BehangedifIcan……Idon’tknowwhatthetimesbecomingto!Matrimonyhavegrowedtobethatseriousinthesedaysthatonereallydofeelafeardtomoveinitatall。Inmytimewetookitmorecareless;
  andIdon’tknowthatwewasanytheworseforit!WhenIandmypoormanwerejinedinitwekeptupthejunketingalltheweek,anddrunktheparishdry,andhadtoborrowhalfacrowntobeginhousekeeping!’
  WhenMrs。EdlinhadgonebacktohercottagePhillotsonspokemoodily。`Idon’tknowwhetherIoughttodoit-atanyratequitesorapidly。’
  `Why?’
  `Ifsheisreallycompellingherselftothisagainstherinstincts-merelyfromthisnewsenseofdutyorreligion-Ioughtperhapstoletherwaitabit。’
  `Nowyou’vegotsofaryououghtnottobackoutofit。That’smyopinion。’
  `Ican’tverywellputitoffnow;that’strue。ButIhadaqualmwhenshegavethatlittlecryatsightofthelicence。’
  `Now,neveryouhavequalms,oldboy。Imeantogiveherawayto-morrowmorning,andyoumeantotakeher。IthasalwaysbeenonmyconsciencethatIdidn’turgemoreobjectionstoyourlettinghergo,andnowwe’vegottothisstageIshan’tbecontentifIdon’thelpyoutosetthematterright。’
  Phillotsonnodded,andseeinghowstaunchhisfriendwas,becamemorefrank。`NodoubtwhenitgetsknownwhatI’vedoneIshallbethoughtasoftfoolbymany。Buttheydon’tknowSueasIdo。Thoughsoelusive,hersissuchanhonestnatureatbottomthatIdon’tthinkshehaseverdoneanythingagainstherconscience。ThefactofherhavinglivedwithFawleygoesfornothing。Atthetimesheleftmeforhimshethoughtshewasquitewithinherright。Nowshethinksotherwise。’
  Thenextmorningcame,andtheself-sacrificeofthewomanonthealtarofwhatshewaspleasedtocallherprincipleswasacquiescedinbythesetwofriends,eachfromhisownpointofview。PhillotsonwentacrosstotheWidowEdlin’stofetchSueafewminutesaftereighto’clock。
  Thefogofthepreviousdayortwoonthelow-landshadtravelledupherebynow,andthetreesonthegreencaughtarmfuls,andturnedthemintoshowersofbigdrops。Thebridewaswaiting,ready;bonnetandallon。
  Shehadneverinherlifelookedsomuchlikethelilyhernameconnotedasshedidinthatpallidmorninglight。Chastened,world-weary,remorseful,thestrainonhernerveshadpreyeduponherfleshandbones,andsheappearedsmallerinoutlinethanshehadformerlydone,thoughSuehadnotbeenalargewomaninherdaysofrudesthealth。
  `Prompt,’saidtheschoolmaster,magnanimouslytakingherhand。
  Buthecheckedhisimpulsetokissher,rememberingherstartofyesterday,whichunpleasantlylingeredinhismind。
  Gillinghamjoinedthem,andtheyleftthehouse,WidowEdlincontinuingsteadfastinherrefusaltoassistintheceremony。
  `Whereisthechurch?’saidSue。Shehadnotlivedthereforanylengthoftimesincetheoldchurchwaspulleddown,andinherpreoccupationforgotthenewone。
  `Uphere,’saidPhillotson;andpresentlythetowerloomedlargeandsolemninthefog。Thevicarhadalreadycrossedtothebuilding,andwhentheyenteredhesaidpleasantly:`Wealmostwantcandles。’
  `Youdo-wishmetobeyours,Richard?’gaspedSueinawhisper。
  `Certainly,dear:aboveallthingsintheworld。’
  Suesaidnomore;andforthesecondorthirdtimehefelthewasnotquitefollowingoutthehumaneinstinctwhichhadinducedhimtolethergo。
  Theretheystood,fivealtogether:theparson,theclerk,thecouple,andGillingham;andtheholyordinancewasresolemnizedforthwith。
  Inthenaveoftheedificeweretwoorthreevillagers,andwhentheclergymancametothewords,`WhatGodhathjoined,’awoman’svoicefromamongthesewasheardtoutteraudibly:
  `Godhathjinedindeed!’
  Itwaslikeare-enactmentbytheghostsoftheirformerselvesofthesimilarscenewhichhadtakenplaceatMelchesteryearsbefore。
  Whenthebooksweresignedthevicarcongratulatedthehusbandandwifeonhavingperformedanoble,andrighteous,andmutuallyforgivingact。
  `All’swellthatendswell,’hesaidsmiling。`Mayyoulongbehappytogether,afterthushavingbeen`savedasbyfire。’’
  Theycamedownthenearlyemptybuilding,andcrossedtotheschoolhouse。
  Gillinghamwantedtogethomethatnight,andleftearly。He,too,congratulatedthecouple。`Now,’hesaidinpartingfromPhillotson,whowalkedoutalittleway,`Ishallbeabletotellthepeopleinyournativeplaceagoodroundtale;andthey’llallsay`Welldone,’dependonit。’
  WhentheschoolmastergotbackSuewasmakingapretenceofdoingsomehousewiferyasifshelivedthere。Butsheseemedtimidathisapproach,andcompunctionwroughtonhimatsightofit。
  `Ofcourse,mydear,Ishan’texpecttointrudeuponyourpersonalprivacyanymorethanIdidbefore,’hesaidgravely。`Itisforourgoodsociallytodothis,andthat’sitsjustification,ifitwasnotmyreason。’
  Suebrightenedalittle。
  JudetheObscureChapter48VI-viTheplacewasthedoorofJude’slodgingintheout-skirtsofChristminster-farfromtheprecinctsofSt。Silas’wherehehadformerlylived,whichsaddenedhimtosickness。Therainwascomingdown。AwomaninshabbyblackstoodonthedoorsteptalkingtoJude,whoheldthedoorinhishand。
  `Iamlonely,destitute,andhouseless-that’swhatIam!FatherhasturnedmeoutofdoorsafterborrowingeverypennyI’dgot,toputitintohisbusiness,andthenaccusingmeoflazinesswhenIwasonlywaitingforasituation。Iamatthemercyoftheworld!Ifyoucan’ttakemeandhelpme,Jude,Imustgototheworkhouse,ortosomethingworse。
  OnlyjustnowtwoundergraduateswinkedatmeasIcamealong。’Tishardforawomantokeepvirtuouswherethere’ssomanyyoungmen!’
  ThewomanintherainwhospokethuswasArabella,theeveningbeingthatofthedayafterSue’sremarriagewithPhillotson。
  `Iamsorryforyou,butIamonlyinlodgings,’saidJudecoldly。
  `Thenyouturnmeaway?’
  `I’llgiveyouenoughtogetfoodandlodgingforafewdays。’
  `Oh,butcan’tyouhavethekindnesstotakemein?Icannotenduregoingtoapublichousetolodge;andIamsolonely。Please,Jude,foroldtimes’sake!’
  `No,no,’saidJudehastily。`Idon’twanttoberemindedofthosethings;andifyoutalkaboutthemIshallnothelpyou。’
  `ThenIsupposeImustgo!’saidArabella。Shebentherheadagainstthedoorpostandbegansobbing。
  `Thehouseisfull,’saidJude。`AndIhaveonlyalittleextraroomtomyown-notmuchmorethanacloset-whereIkeepmytools,andtemplates,andthefewbooksIhaveleft!’
  `Thatwouldbeapalaceforme!’
  `Thereisnobedsteadinit。’