Somefewdayslater,intheduskofthesummerevening,theyweresittinginthesamesmallroomdown-stairs,whenaknockcametothefrontdoorofthecarpenter’shousewheretheywerelodging,andinafewmomentstherewasatapatthedooroftheirroom。Beforetheycouldopenitthecomerdidso,andawoman’sformappeared。
`IsMr。Fawleyhere?’
JudeandSuestartedashemechanicallyrepliedintheaffirmative,forthevoicewasArabella’s。
Heformallyrequestedhertocomein,andshesatdowninthewindowbench,wheretheycoulddistinctlyseeheroutlineagainstthelight;
butnocharacteristicthatenabledthemtoestimatehergeneralaspectandair。Yetsomethingseemedtodenotethatshewasnotquitesocomfortablycircumstanced,norsobouncinglyattired,asshehadbeenduringCartlett’slifetime。
Thethreeattemptedanawkwardconversationaboutthetragedy,ofwhichJudehadfeltittobehisdutytoinformherimmediately,thoughshehadneverrepliedtohisletter。
`Ihavejustcomefromthecemetery,’shesaid。`Iinquiredandfoundthechild’sgrave。Icouldn’tcometothefuneral-thankyouforinvitingmeallthesame。Ireadallaboutitinthepapers,andIfeltIwasn’twanted……No-Icouldn’tcometothefuneral,’repeatedArabella,who,seemingutterlyunabletoreachtheidealofacatastrophicmanner,fumbledwithiterations。`ButIamgladIfoundthegrave。As’tisyourtrade,Jude,you’llbeabletoputupahandsomestoneto’em。’
`Ishallputupaheadstone,’saidJudedrearily。
`Hewasmychild,andnaturallyIfeelforhim。’
`Ihopeso。Wealldid。’
`Theothersthatweren’tmineIdidn’tfeelsomuchfor,aswasnatural。’
`Ofcourse。’
AsighcamefromthedarkcornerwhereSuesat。
`IhadoftenwishedIhadminewithme,’continuedMrs。Cartlett。
`Perhaps’twouldn’thavehappenedthen!ButofcourseIdidn’twishtotakehimawayfromyourwife。’
`Iamnothiswife,’camefromSue。
TheunexpectednessofherwordsstruckJudesilent。
`Oh,Ibegyourpardon,I’msure,’saidArabella。`Ithoughtyouwere!’
JudehadknownfromthequalityofSue’stonethathernewandtranscendentalviewslurkedinherwords;butallexcepttheirobviousmeaningwas,naturally,missedbyArabella。Thelatter,afterevincingthatshewasstruckbySue’savowal,recoveredherself,andwentontotalkwithplacidbluntnessabout`her’boy,forwhom,thoughinhislifetimeshehadshownnocareatall,shenowexhibitedaceremonialmournfulnessthatwasapparentlysustainingtotheconscience。Shealludedtothepast,andinmakingsomeremarkappealedagaintoSue。Therewasnoanswer:Suehadinvisiblylefttheroom。
`Shesaidshewasnotyourwife?’resumedArabellainanothervoice。`Whyshouldshedothat?’
`Icannotinformyou,’saidJudeshortly。
`Sheis,isn’tshe?Sheoncetoldmeso。’
`Idon’tcriticizewhatshesays。’
`Ah-Isee!Well,mytimeisup。Iamstayinghereto-night,andthoughtIcoulddonolessthancall,afterourmutualaffliction。
IamsleepingattheplacewhereIusedtobebarmaid,andto-morrowI
gobacktoAlfredston。Fatheriscomehomeagain,andIamlivingwithhim。’
`HehasreturnedfromAustralia?’saidJudewithlanguidcuriosity。
`Yes。Couldn’tgetonthere。Hadaroughtimeofit。Motherdiedofdys-whatdoyoucallit-inthehotweather,andFatherandtwooftheyoungoneshavejustgotback。Hehasgotacottageneartheoldplace,andforthepresentIamkeepinghouseforhim。’
Jude’sformerwifehadmaintainedastereotypedmannerofstrictgoodbreedingevennowthatSuewasgone,andlimitedherstaytoanumberofminutesthatshouldaccordwiththehighestrespectability。WhenshehaddepartedJude,muchrelieved,wenttothestairsandcalledSue-feelinganxiousastowhathadbecomeofher。
Therewasnoanswer,andthecarpenterwhokeptthelodgingssaidshehadnotcomein。Judewaspuzzled,andbecamequitealarmedatherabsence,forthehourwasgrowinglate。Thecarpentercalledhiswife,whoconjecturedthatSuemighthavegonetoSt。Silas’church,assheoftenwentthere。
`Surelynotatthistimeo’night?’saidJude。`Itisshut。’
`Sheknowssomebodywhokeepsthekey,andshehasitwhenevershewantsit。’
`Howlonghasshebeengoingonwiththis?’
`Oh,somefewweeks,Ithink。’
Judewentvaguelyinthedirectionofthechurch,whichhehadneveronceapproachedsincehelivedoutthatwayyearsbefore,whenhisyoungopinionsweremoremysticalthantheywerenow。Thespotwasdeserted,butthedoorwascertainlyunfastened;heliftedthelatchwithoutnoise,andpushingtothedoorbehindhim,stoodabsolutelystillinside。Theprevalentsilenceseemedtocontainafaintsound,explicableasabreathing,orasobbing,whichcamefromtheotherendofthebuilding。Thefloor-clothdeadenedhisfootstepsashemovedinthatdirectionthroughtheobscurity,whichwasbrokenonlybythefaintestreflectednight-lightfromwithout。
Highoverhead,abovethechancelsteps,Judecoulddiscernahuge,solidlyconstructedLatincross-aslarge,probably,astheoriginalitwasdesignedtocommemorate。Itseemedtobesuspendedintheairbyinvisiblewires;itwassetwithlargejewels,whichfaintlyglimmeredinsomeweakraycaughtfromoutside,asthecrossswayedtoandfroinasilentandscarcelyperceptiblemotion。Underneath,uponthefloor,laywhatappearedtobeaheapofblackclothes,andfromthiswasrepeatedthesobbingthathehadheardbefore。ItwashisSue’sform,prostrateonthepaving。
`Sue!’hewhispered。
Somethingwhitediscloseditself;shehadturnedupherface。
`What-doyouwantwithmehere,Jude?’shesaidalmostsharply。
`Youshouldn’tcome!Iwantedtobealone!Whydidyouintrudehere?’
`Howcanyouask!’heretortedinquickreproach,forhisfullheartwaswoundedtoitscentreatthisattitudeofherstowardshim。`WhydoIcome?Whohasarighttocome,Ishouldliketoknow,ifIhavenot!
I,wholoveyoubetterthanmyownself-better-farbetter-thanyouhavelovedme!Whatmadeyouleavemetocomeherealone?’
`Don’tcriticizeme,Jude-Ican’tbearit!-Ihaveoftentoldyouso。YoumusttakemeasIam。Iamawretch-brokenbymydistractions!
Icouldn’tbearitwhenArabellacame-IfeltsoutterlymiserableIhadtocomeaway。Sheseemstobeyourwifestill,andRichardtobemyhusband!’
`Buttheyarenothingtous!’
`Yes,dearfriend,theyare。Iseemarriagedifferentlynow。Mybabieshavebeentakenfrommetoshowmethis!Arabella’schildkillingminewasajudgement-therightslayingthewrong。What,whatshallIdo!Iamsuchavilecreature-tooworthlesstomixwithordinaryhumanbeings!’
`Thisisterrible!’saidJude,vergingontears。`Itismonstrousandunnaturalforyoutobesoremorsefulwhenyouhavedonenowrong!’
`Ah-youdon’tknowmybadness!’
Hereturnedvehemently:`Ido!Everyatomanddregofit!YoumakemehateChristianity,ormysticism,orSacerdotalism,orwhateveritmaybecalled,ifit’sthatwhichhascausedthisdeteriorationinyou。
Thatawoman-poet,awoman-seer,awomanwhosesoulshonelikeadiamond-whomallthewiseoftheworldwouldhavebeenproudof,iftheycouldhaveknownyou-shoulddegradeherselflikethis!IamgladIhadnothingtodowithDivinity-damnglad-ifit’sgoingtoruinyouinthisway!’
`Youareangry,Jude,andunkindtome,anddon’tseehowthingsare。’
`Thencomealonghomewithme,dearest,andperhapsIshall。I
amoverburdened-andyou,too,areunhingedjustnow。’Heputhisarmroundherandliftedher;butthoughshecame,shepreferredtowalkwithouthissupport。
`Idon’tdislikeyou,Jude,’shesaidinasweetandimploringvoice。`Iloveyouasmuchasever!Only-Ioughtnottoloveyou-anymore。OhImustnotanymore!’
`Ican’townit。’
`ButIhavemadeupmymindthatIamnotyourwife!Ibelongtohim-Isacramentallyjoinedmyselftohimforlife。Nothingcanalterit!’
`Butsurelywearemanandwife,ifevertwopeoplewereinthisworld?Nature’sownmarriageitis,unquestionably!’
`ButnotHeaven’s。Anotherwasmadeformethere,andratifiedeternallyinthechurchatMelchester。’
`Sue,Sue-afflictionhasbroughtyoutothisunreasonablestate!
Afterconvertingmetoyourviewsonsomanythings,tofindyousuddenlyturntotheright-aboutlikethis-fornoreasonwhatever,confoundingallyouhaveformerlysaidthroughsentimentmerely!YourootoutofmewhatlittleaffectionandreverenceIhadleftinmefortheChurchasanoldacquaintance……WhatIcan’tunderstandinyouisyourextraordinaryblindnessnowtoyouroldlogic。Isitpeculiartoyou,orisitcommontowoman?Isawomanathinkingunitatall,orafractionalwayswantingitsinteger?Howyouarguedthatmarriagewasonlyaclumsycontract-
whichitis-howyoushowedalltheobjectionstoit-alltheabsurdities!
Iftwoandtwomadefourwhenwewerehappytogether,surelytheymakefournow?Ican’tunderstandit,Irepeat!’
`Ah,dearJude;that’sbecauseyouarelikeatotallydeafmanobservingpeoplelisteningtomusic。Yousay`Whataretheyregarding?
Nothingisthere。’Butsomethingis。’
`Thatisahardsayingfromyou;andnotatrueparallel!Youthrewoffoldhusksofprejudices,andtaughtmetodoit;andnowyougobackuponyourself。IconfessIamutterlystultifiedinmyestimateofyou。’
`Dearfriend,myonlyfriend,don’tbehardwithme!Ican’thelpbeingasIam,IamconvincedIamright-thatIseethelightatlast。
Butoh,howtoprofitbyit!’
Theywalkedalongafewmorestepstilltheywereoutsidethebuildingandshehadreturnedthekey。`Canthisbethegirl,’saidJudewhenshecameback,feelingaslightrenewalofelasticitynowthathewasintheopenstreet;`canthisbethegirlwhobroughtthepagandeitiesintothismostChristiancity?-whomimickedMissFontoverwhenshecrushedthemwithherheel?-quotedGibbon,andShelley,andMill?WherearedearApollo,anddearVenusnow!’
`Ohdon’t,don’tbesocrueltome,Jude,andIsounhappy!’shesobbed。`Ican’tbearit!Iwasinerror-Icannotreasonwithyou。I
waswrong-proudinmyownconceit!Arabella’scomingwasthefinish。
Don’tsatirizeme:itcutslikeaknife!’
Heflunghisarmsroundherandkissedherpassionatelythereinthesilentstreet,beforeshecouldhinderhim。Theywentontilltheycametoalittlecoffee-house。`Jude,’shesaidwithsuppressedtears,`wouldyoumindgettingalodginghere?’
`Iwill-if,ifyoureallywish?Butdoyou?Letmegotoourdoorandunderstandyou。’
Hewentandconductedherin。Shesaidshewantednosupper,andwentinthedarkupstairsandstruckalight。TurningshefoundthatJudehadfollowedher,andwasstandingatthechamberdoor。Shewenttohim,putherhandinhis,andsaid`Good-night。’
`ButSue!Don’twelivehere?’
`YousaidyouwoulddoasIwished!’
`Yes。Verywell!……PerhapsitwaswrongofmetoarguedistastefullyasIhavedone!Perhapsaswecouldn’tconscientiouslymarryatfirstintheold-fashionedway,weoughttohaveparted。Perhapstheworldisnotilluminatedenoughforsuchexperimentsasours!Whowerewe,tothinkwecouldactaspioneers!’
`Iamsogladyouseethatmuch,atanyrate。IneverdeliberatelymeanttodoasIdid。Islippedintomyfalsepositionthroughjealousyandagitation!’
`Butsurelythroughlove-youlovedme?’
`Yes。ButIwantedtoletitstopthere,andgoonalwaysasmerelovers;until——’
`Butpeopleinlovecouldn’tliveforeverlikethat!’
`Womencould:mencan’t,becausethey-won’t。Anaveragewomanisinthissuperiortoanaverageman-thatsheneverinstigates,onlyresponds。Weoughttohavelivedinmentalcommunion,andnomore。’
`Iwastheunhappycauseofthechange,asIhavesaidbefore!……Well,asyouwill!……Buthumannaturecan’thelpbeingitself。’
`Ohyes-that’sjustwhatithastolearn-self-mastery。’
`Irepeat-ifeitherweretoblameitwasnotyoubutI。’
第53章