`Y-youmustforgiveme,littleJude!’shepleaded,herbosomheavingnowasmuchastheboy’s。`Ican’texplain-Iwillwhenyouareolder。
Itdoesseem-asifIhaddoneitonpurpose,nowweareinthesedifficulties!
Ican’texplain,dear!Butit-isnotquiteonpurpose-Ican’thelpit!’
`Yesitis-itmustbe!Fornobodywouldinterferewithus,likethat,unlessyouagreed!Iwon’tforgiveyou,ever,ever!I’llneverbelieveyoucareforme,orFather,oranyofusanymore!’
Hegotup,andwentawayintotheclosetadjoiningherroom,inwhichabedhadbeenspreadonthefloor。Theresheheardhimsay:`Ifwechildrenwasgonethere’dbenotroubleatall!’
`Don’tthinkthat,dear,’shecried,ratherperemptorily。`Butgotosleep!’
Thefollowingmorningsheawokeatalittlepastsix,anddecidedtogetupandrunacrossbeforebreakfasttotheinnwhichJudehadinformedhertobehisquarters,totellhimwhathadhappenedbeforehewentout。
Shearosesoftly,toavoiddisturbingthechildren,who,assheknew,mustbefatiguedbytheirexertionsofyesterday。
ShefoundJudeatbreakfastintheobscuretavernhehadchosenasacounterpoisetotheexpenseofherlodging:andsheexplainedtohimherhomelessness。Hehadbeensoanxiousaboutherallnight,hesaid。
Somehow,nowitwasmorning,therequesttoleavethelodgingsdidnotseemsuchadepressingincidentasithadseemedthenightbefore,nordidevenherfailuretofindanotherplaceaffecthersodeeplyasatfirst。
Judeagreedwithherthatitwouldnotbeworthwhiletoinsistuponherrighttostayaweek,buttotakeimmediatestepsforremoval。
`Youmustallcometothisinnforadayortwo,’hesaid。`Itisaroughplace,anditwillnotbesoniceforthechildren,butweshallhavemoretimetolookround。Thereareplentyoflodgingsinthesuburbs-inmyoldquarterofBeersheba。Havebreakfastwithmenowyouarehere,mybird。Youaresureyouarewell?Therewillbeplentyoftimetogetbackandpreparethechildren’smealbeforetheywake。Infact,I’llgowithyou。’
ShejoinedJudeinahastymeal,andinaquarterofanhourtheystartedtogether,resolvingtoclearoutfromSue’stoorespectablelodgingimmediately。Onreachingtheplaceandgoingupstairsshefoundthatallwasquietinthechildren’sroom,andcalledtothelandladyintimoroustonestopleasebringupthetea-kettleandsomethingfortheirbreakfast。
Thiswasperfunctorilydone,andproducingacoupleofeggswhichshehadbroughtwithhersheputthemintotheboilingkettle,andsummonedJudetowatchthemfortheyoungsters,whileshewenttocallthem,itbeingnowabouthalf-pasteighto’clock。
Judestoodbendingoverthekettle,withhiswatchinhishand,timingtheeggs,sothathisbackwasturnedtothelittleinnerchamberwherethechildrenlay。AshriekfromSuesuddenlycausedhimtostartround。Hesawthatthedooroftheroom,orrathercloset-whichhadseemedtogoheavilyuponitshingesasshepusheditback-wasopen,andthatSuehadsunktothefloorjustwithinit。Hasteningforwardtopickherupheturnedhiseyestothelittlebedspreadontheboards;nochildrenwerethere。Helookedinbewildermentroundtheroom。Atthebackofthedoorwerefixedtwohooksforhanginggarments,andfromthesetheformsofthetwoyoungestchildrenweresuspended,byapieceofbox-cordroundeachoftheirnecks,whilefromanailafewyardsoffthebodyoflittleJudewashanginginasimilarmanner。Anoverturnedchairwasneartheelderboy,andhisglazedeyeswereslantedintotheroom;butthoseofthegirlandthebabyboywereclosed。
Half-paralyzedbythestrangeandconsummatehorrorofthesceneheletSuelie,cutthecordswithhispocket-knifeandthrewthethreechildrenonthebed;butthefeeloftheirbodiesinthemomentaryhandlingseemedtosaythattheyweredead。HecaughtupSue,whowasinfaintingfits,andputheronthebedintheotherroom,afterwhichhebreathlesslysummonedthelandladyandranoutforadoctor。
WhenhegotbackSuehadcometoherself,andthetwohelplesswomen,bendingoverthechildreninwildeffortstorestorethem,andthetripletoflittlecorpses,formedasightwhichoverthrewhisself-command。
Thenearestsurgeoncamein,but,asJudehadinferred,hispresencewassuperfluous。Thechildrenwerepastsaving,forthoughtheirbodieswerestillbarelycolditwasconjecturedthattheyhadbeenhangingmorethananhour。Theprobabilityheldbytheparentslateron,whentheywereabletoreasononthecase,wasthattheelderboy,onwaking,lookedintotheouterroomforSue,and,findingherabsent,wasthrownintoafitofaggravateddespondencythattheeventsandinformationoftheeveningbeforehadinducedinhismorbidtemperament。Moreoverapieceofpaperwasfounduponthefloor,onwhichwaswritten,intheboy’shand,withthebitofleadpencilthathecarried:
Donebecausewearetoomenny。AtsightofthisSue’snervesutterlygaveway,anawfulconvictionthatherdiscoursewiththeboyhadbeenthemaincauseofthetragedy,throwingherintoaconvulsiveagonywhichknewnoabatement。Theycarriedherawayagainstherwishtoaroomonthelowerfloor;andthereshelay,herslightfigureshakenwithhergasps,andhereyesstaringattheceiling,thewomanofthehousevainlytryingtosootheher。
Theycouldhearfromthischamberthepeoplemovingaboutabove,andsheimploredtobeallowedtogoback,andwasonlykeptfromdoingsobytheassurancethat,iftherewereanyhope,herpresencemightdoharm,andthereminderthatitwasnecessarytotakecareofherselflestsheshouldendangeracominglife。Herinquirieswereincessant,andatlastJudecamedownandtoldhertherewasnohope。Assoonasshecouldspeaksheinformedhimwhatshehadsaidtotheboy,andhowshethoughtherselfthecauseofthis。
`No,’saidJude。`Itwasinhisnaturetodoit。Thedoctorsaystherearesuchboysspringingupamongstus-boysofasortunknowninthelastgeneration-theoutcomeofnewviewsoflife。Theyseemtoseeallitsterrorsbeforetheyareoldenoughtohavestayingpowertoresistthem。Hesaysitisthebeginningofthecominguniversalwishnottolive。
He’sanadvancedman,thedoctor:buthecangivenoconsolationto——
’
Judehadkeptbackhisowngriefonaccountofher;buthenowbrokedown;andthisstimulatedSuetoeffortsofsympathywhichinsomedegreedistractedherfromherpoignantself-reproach。Wheneverybodywasgone,shewasallowedtoseethechildren。
Theboy’sfaceexpressedthewholetaleoftheirsituation。OnthatlittleshapehadconvergedalltheinauspiciousnessandshadowwhichhaddarkenedthefirstunionofJude,andalltheaccidents,mistakes,fears,errorsofthelast。Hewastheirnodalpoint,theirfocus,theirexpressioninasingleterm。Fortherashnessofthoseparentshehadgroaned,fortheirillassortmenthehadquaked,andforthemisfortunesofthesehehaddied。
Whenthehousewassilent,andtheycoulddonothingbutawaitthecoroner’sinquest,asubdued,large,lowvoicespreadintotheairoftheroomfrombehindtheheavywallsattheback。
`Whatisit?’saidSue,herspasmodicbreathingsuspended。
`Theorganofthecollegechapel。TheorganistpractisingIsuppose。
It’stheanthemfromtheseventy-thirdPsalm;`TrulyGodislovinguntoIsrael。’’
Shesobbedagain。`Oh,Ohmybabies!Theyhaddonenoharm!Whyshouldtheyhavebeentakenaway,andnotI!’
Therewasanotherstillness-brokenatlastbytwopersonsinconversationsomewherewithout。
`Theyaretalkingaboutus,nodoubt!’moanedSue。`’Wearemadeaspectacleuntotheworld,andtoangels,andtomen!’’
Judelistened-`No-theyarenottalkingofus,’hesaid。`Theyaretwoclergymenofdifferentviews,arguingabouttheeastwardposition。
GoodGod-theeastwardposition,andallcreationgroaning!’
Thenanothersilence,tillshewasseizedwithanotheruncontrollablefitofgrief。`Thereissomethingexternaltouswhichsays,`Youshan’t!’
Firstitsaid,`Youshan’tlearn!’Thenitsaid,`Youshan’tlabour!’Nowitsays,`Youshan’tlove!’’
Hetriedtosootheherbysaying,`That’sbitterofyou,darling。’
`Butit’strue!’
Thustheywaited,andshewentbackagaintoherroom。Thebaby’sfrock,shoes,andsocks,whichhadbeenlyingonachairatthetimeofhisdeath,shewouldnotnowhaveremoved,thoughJudewouldfainhavegotthemoutofhersight。Butwheneverhetouchedthemsheimploredhimtoletthemlie,andburstoutalmostsavagelyatthewomanofthehousewhenshealsoattemptedtoputthemaway。
Judedreadedherdullapatheticsilencesalmostmorethanherparoxysms。`Whydon’tyouspeaktome,Jude?’shecriedout,afteroneofthese。`Don’tturnawayfromme!Ican’tbearthelonelinessofbeingoutofyourlooks!’
`There,dear;hereIam,’hesaid,puttinghisfaceclosetohers。
`Yes……Oh,mycomrade,ourperfectunion-ourtwo-in-oneness-isnowstainedwithblood!’
`Shadowedbydeath-that’sall。’
`Ah;butitwasIwhoincitedhimreally,thoughIdidn’tknowIwasdoingit!Italkedtothechildasoneshouldonlytalktopeopleofmatureage。Isaidtheworldwasagainstus,thatitwasbettertobeoutoflifethaninitatthisprice;andhetookitliterally。AndItoldhimIwasgoingtohaveanotherchild。Itupsethim。Ohhowbitterlyheupbraidedme!’
`Whydidyoudoit,Sue?’
`Ican’ttell。ItwasthatIwantedtobetruthful。Icouldn’tbeardeceivinghimastothefactsoflife。AndyetIwasn’ttruthful,forwithafalsedelicacyItoldhimtooobscurely-WhywasIhalf-wiserthanmyfellow-women?Andnotentirelywiser!Whydidn’tItellhimpleasantuntruths,insteadofhalf-realities?Itwasmywantofself-control,sothatIcouldneitherconcealthingsnorrevealthem!’
`Yourplanmighthavebeenagoodoneforthemajorityofcases;
onlyinourpeculiarcaseitchancedtoworkbadlyperhaps。Hemusthaveknownsoonerorlater。’
`AndIwasjustmakingmybabydarlinganewfrock;andnowI
shallneverseehiminit,andnevertalktohimanymore!……MyeyesaresoswollenthatIcanscarcelysee;andyetlittlemorethanayearagoIcalledmyselfhappy!Wewentaboutlovingeachothertoomuch-indulgingourselvestoutterselfishnesswitheachother!Wesaid-doyouremember?-
thatwewouldmakeavirtueofjoy。IsaiditwasNature’sintention,Nature’slawandraisond’ê;trethatweshouldbejoyfulinwhatinstinctssheaffordedus-instinctswhichcivilizationhadtakenuponitselftothwart。WhatdreadfulthingsIsaid!AndnowFatehasgivenusthisstabinthebackforbeingsuchfoolsastotakeNatureatherword!’
Shesankintoaquietcontemplation,tillshesaid,`Itisbest,perhaps,thattheyshouldbegone-Yes-Iseeitis!Betterthattheyshouldbepluckedfreshthanstaytowitherawaymiserably!’
`Yes,’repliedJude。`Somesaythattheeldersshouldrejoicewhentheirchildrendieininfancy。’
`Buttheydon’tknow!……Ohmybabies,mybabies,couldyoubealivenow!Youmaysaytheboywishedtobeoutoflife,orhewouldn’thavedoneit。Itwasnotunreasonableforhimtodie:itwaspartofhisincurablysadnature,poorlittlefellow!Butthentheothers-myownchildrenandyours!’
AgainSuelookedatthehanginglittlefrockandatthesocksandshoes;andherfigurequiveredlikeastring。`Iamapitiablecreature,’
shesaid,`goodneitherforearthnorheavenanymore!Iamdrivenoutofmymindbythings!Whatoughttobedone?’ShestaredatJude,andtightlyheldhishand。
`Nothingcanbedone,’hereplied。`Thingsareastheyare,andwillbebroughttotheirdestinedissue。’
Shepaused。`Yes!Whosaidthat?’sheaskedheavily。
`ItcomesinthechorusoftheAgamemnon。Ithasbeeninmymindcontinuallysincethishappened。’
`MypoorJude-howyou’vemissedeverything!-youmorethanI,forIdidgetyou!Tothinkyoushouldknowthatbyyourunassistedreading,andyetbeinpovertyanddespair!’
Aftersuchmomentarydiversionshergriefwouldreturninawave。
Thejurydulycameandviewedthebodies,theinquestwasheld;
andnextarrivedthemelancholymorningofthefuneral。Accountsinthenewspapershadbroughttothespotcuriousidlers,whostoodapparentlycountingthewindow-panesandthestonesofthewalls。Doubtoftherealrelationsofthecoupleaddedzesttotheircuriosity。Suehaddeclaredthatshewouldfollowthetwolittleonestothegrave,butatthelastmomentshegaveway,andthecoffinswerequietlycarriedoutofthehousewhileshewaslyingdown。Judegotintothevehicle,anditdroveaway,muchtothereliefofthelandlord,whonowhadonlySueandherluggageremainingonhishands,whichhehopedtobealsoclearoflateronintheday,andsotohavefreedhishousefromtheexasperatingnotorietyithadacquiredduringtheweekthroughhiswife’sunluckyadmissionofthesestrangers。Intheafternoonheprivatelyconsultedwiththeownerofthehouse,andtheyagreedthatifanyobjectiontoitarosefromthetragedywhichhadoccurredtheretheywouldtrytogetitsnumberchanged。
WhenJudehadseenthetwolittleboxes-onecontaininglittleJude,andtheotherthetwosmallest-depositedintheearthhehastenedbacktoSue,whowasstillinherroom,andhethereforedidnotdisturbherjustthen。Feelinganxious,however,hewentagainaboutfouro’clock。
Thewomanthoughtshewasstilllyingdown,butreturnedtohimtosaythatshewasnotinherbedroomafterall。Herhatandjacket,too,weremissing:shehadgoneout。Judehurriedofftothepublichousewherehewassleeping。Shehadnotbeenthere。Thenbethinkinghimselfofpossibilitieshewentalongtheroadtothecemetery,whichheentered,andcrossedtowheretheintermentshadrecentlytakenplace。Theidlerswhohadfollowedtothespotbyreasonofthetragedywereallgonenow。Amanwithashovelinhishandswasattemptingtoearthinthecommongraveofthethreechildren,buthisarmwasheldbackbyanexpostulatingwomanwhostoodinthehalf-filledhole。ItwasSue,whosecolouredclothing,whichshehadneverthoughtofchangingforthemourninghehadbought,suggestedtotheeyeadeepergriefthantheconventionalgarbofbereavementcouldexpress。
`He’sfillingthemin,andheshan’ttillI’veseenmylittleonesagain!’shecriedwildlywhenshesawJude。`Iwanttoseethemoncemore。OhJude-pleaseJude-Iwanttoseethem!Ididn’tknowyouwouldletthembetakenawaywhileIwasasleep!YousaidperhapsIshouldseethemoncemorebeforetheywerescreweddown;andthenyoudidn’t,buttookthemaway!OhJude,youarecrueltometoo!’
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