Afterthisexhilaratingtraditionfromthewidowontheeveofthesolemnizationtheyrose,and,wishingtheirguestgood-night,retired。
ThenextmorningSue,whosenervousnessintensifiedwiththehours,tookJudeprivatelyintothesitting-roombeforestarting。`Jude,Iwantyoutokissme,asalover,incorporeally,’shesaid,tremulouslynestlinguptohim,withdamplashes。`Itwon’tbeeverlikethisanymore,willit!Iwishwehadn’tbegunthebusiness。ButIsupposewemustgoon。Howhorridthatstorywaslastnight!Itspoiltmythoughtsofto-day。Itmakesmefeelasifatragicdoomoverhungourfamily,asitdidthehouseofAtreus。’
`OrthehouseofJeroboam,’saidthequondamtheologian。
`Yes。Anditseemsawfultemerityinustwotogomarrying!I
amgoingtovowtoyouinthesamewordsIvowedintomyotherhusband,andyoutomeinthesameasyouusedtoyourotherwife;regardlessofthedeterrentlessonweweretaughtbythoseexperiments!’
`IfyouareuneasyIammadeunhappy,’saidhe。`Ihadhopedyouwouldfeelquitejoyful。Butifyoudon’t,youdon’t。Itisnousepretending。
Itisadismalbusinesstoyou,andthatmakesitsotome!’
`Itisunpleasantlylikethatothermorning-that’sall,’shemurmured。`Letusgoonnow。’
Theystartedarminarmfortheofficeaforesaid,nowitnessaccompanyingthemexcepttheWidowEdlin。Thedaywaschillyanddull,andaclammyfogblewthroughthetownfrom`Royal-tower’dThame。’Onthestepsoftheofficetherewerethemuddyfoot-marksofpeoplewhohadentered,andintheentryweredampumbrellasWithintheofficeseveralpersonsweregathered,andourcoupleperceivedthatamarriagebetweenasoldierandayoungwomanwasjustinprogress。Sue,Jude,andthewidowstoodinthebackgroundwhilethiswasgoingon,Suereadingthenoticesofmarriageonthewall。
Theroomwasadrearyplacetotwooftheirtemperament,thoughtoitsusualfrequentersitdoubtlessseemedordinaryenough。Law-booksinmustycalfcoveredonewall,andelsewherewerepost-officedirectories,andotherbooksofreference。Papersinpacketstiedwithredtapewerepigeon-holedaround,andsomeironsafesfilledarecess,whilethebarewoodfloorwas,likethedoor-step,stainedbypreviousvisitors。
Thesoldierwassullenandreluctant:thebridesadandtimid;
shewassoon,obviously,tobecomeamother,andshehadablackeye。Theirlittlebusinesswassoondone,andthetwainandtheirfriendsstraggledout,oneofthewitnessessayingcasuallytoJudeandSueinpassing,asifhehadknownthembefore:`Seethecouplejustcomein?Ha,ha!Thatfellowisjustoutofgaolthismorning。Shemethimatthegaolgates,andbroughthimstraighthere。She’spayingforeverything。’
Sueturnedherheadandsawanill-favouredman,closelycropped,withabroad-faced,pock-markedwomanonhisarm,ruddywithliquorandthesatisfactionofbeingonthebrinkofagratifieddesire。Theyjocoselysalutedtheoutgoingcouple,andwentforwardinfrontofJudeandSue,whosediffidencewasincreasing。Thelatterdrewbackandturnedtoherlover,hermouthshapingitselflikethatofachildabouttogivewaytogrief:
`Jude-Idon’tlikeithere!Iwishwehadn’tcome!Theplacegivesmethehorrors:itseemssounnaturalastheclimaxofourlove!
Iwishithadbeenatchurch,ifithadtobeatall。Itisnotsovulgarthere!’
`Dearlittlegirl,’saidJude。`Howtroubledandpaleyoulook!’
`Itmustbeperformedherenow,Isuppose?’
`No-perhapsnotnecessarily。’
Hespoketotheclerk,andcameback。`No-weneednotmarryhereoranywhere,unlesswelike,evennow,’hesaid。`Wecanbemarriedinachurch,ifnotwiththesamecertificatewithanotherhe’llgiveus,Ithink。Anyhow,letusgoouttillyouarecalmer,dear,andItoo,andtalkitover。’
Theywentoutstealthilyandguiltily,asiftheyhadcommittedamisdemeanour,closingthedoorwithoutnoise,andtellingthewidow,whohadremainedintheentry,togohomeandawaitthem;thattheywouldcallinanycasualpassersaswitnesses,ifnecessary。Wheninthestreettheyturnedintoanunfrequentedsidealleywheretheywalkedupanddownastheyhaddonelongagointhemarket-houseatMelchester。
`Now,darling,whatshallwedo?Wearemakingamessofit,itstrikesme。Still,anythingthatpleasesyouwillpleaseme。’
`ButJude,dearest,Iamworryingyou!Youwantedittobethere,didn’tyou?’
`Well,totellthetruth,whenIgotinsideIfeltasifIdidn’tcaremuchaboutit。Theplacedepressedmealmostasmuchasitdidyou-itwasugly。AndthenIthoughtofwhatyouhadsaidthismorningastowhetherweought。’
Theywalkedonvaguely,tillshepaused,andherlittlevoicebegananew:`Itseemssoweak,too,tovacillatelikethis!Andyethowmuchbetterthantoactrashlyasecondtime……Howterriblethatscenewastome!Theexpressioninthatflabbywoman’sface,leadingherontogiveherselftothatgaol-bird,notforafewhours,asshewould,butforalifetime,asshemust。Andtheotherpoorsoul-toescapeanominalshamewhichwasowingtotheweaknessofhercharacter,degradingherselftotherealshameofbondagetoatyrantwhoscornedher-amanwhomtoavoidforeverwasheronlychanceofsalvation……Thisisourparishchurch,isn’tit?Thisiswhereitwouldhavetobe,ifwediditintheusualway?Aserviceorsomethingseemstobegoingon。’
Judewentupandlookedinatthedoor。`Why-itisaweddingheretoo,’hesaid。`Everybodyseemstobeonourtackto-day。’
SuesaidshesupposeditwasbecauseLentwasjustover,whentherewasalwaysacrowdofmarriages。`Letuslisten,’shesaid,`andfindhowitfeelstouswhenperformedinachurch。’
Theysteppedin,andenteredabackseat,andwatchedtheproceedingsatthealtar。Thecontractingcoupleappearedtobelongtothewell-to-domiddleclass,andtheweddingaltogetherwasofordinaryprettinessandinterest。Theycouldseetheflowerstrembleinthebride’shand,evenatthatdistance,andcouldhearhermechanicalmurmurofwordswhosemeaningherbrainseemedtogathernotatallunderthepressureofherself-consciousness。
SueandJudelistened,andseverallysawthemselvesintimepastgoingthroughthesameformofself-committal。
`Itisnotthesametoher,poorthing,asitwouldbetomedoingitoveragainwithmypresentknowledge,’Suewhispered。`Yousee,theyarefreshtoit,andtaketheproceedingsasamatterofcourse。Buthavingbeenawakenedtoitsawfulsolemnityaswehave,oratleastasIhave,byexperience,andtomyowntoosqueamishfeelingsperhapssometimes,itreallydoesseemimmoralinmetogoandundertakethesamethingagainwithopeneyes。Cominginhereandseeingthishasfrightenedmefromachurchweddingasmuchastheotherdidfromaregistryone……Weareaweak,tremulouspair,Jude,andwhatothersmayfeelconfidentinIfeeldoubtsof-mybeingproofagainstthesordidconditionsofabusinesscontractagain!’
Thentheytriedtolaugh,andwentondebatinginwhisperstheobject-lessonbeforethem。AndJudesaidhealsothoughttheywerebothtoothin-skinned-thattheyoughtnevertohavebeenborn-muchlesshavecometogetherforthemostpreposterousofalljointventuresforthem-matrimony。
Hisbetrothedshuddered;andaskedhimearnestlyifheindeedfeltthattheyoughtnottogoincoldbloodandsignthatlife-undertakingagain?’Itisawfulifyouthinkwehavefoundourselvesnotstrongenoughforit,andknowingthis,areproposingtoperjureourselves,’shesaid。
`IfancyIdothinkit-sinceyouaskme,’saidJude。`RememberI’lldoitifyouwish,owndarling。’Whileshehesitatedhewentontoconfessthat,thoughhethoughttheyoughttobeabletodoit,hefeltcheckedbythedreadofincompetencyjustasshedid-fromtheirpeculiarities,perhaps,becausetheywereunlikeotherpeople。`Wearehorriblysensitive;
that’sreallywhat’sthematterwithus,Sue!’hedeclared。
`Ifancymorearelikeusthanwethink!’
`Well,Idon’tknow。Theintentionofthecontractisgood,andrightformany,nodoubt;butinourcaseitmaydefeatitsownendsbecausewearethequeersortofpeopleweare-folkinwhomdomestictiesofaforcedkindsnuffoutcordialityandspontaneousness。’
Suestillheldthattherewasnotmuchqueerorexceptionalinthem:thatallwereso。`Everybodyisgettingtofeelaswedo。Wearealittlebeforehand,that’sall。Infifty,ahundred,yearsthedescendantsofthesetwowillactandfeelworsethanwe。Theywillseewelteringhumanitystillmorevividlythanwedonow,asShapeslikeourownselveshideouslymultiplied,andwillbeafraidtoreproducethem。’
`Whataterriblelineofpoetry!……thoughIhavefeltitmyselfaboutmyfellow-creatures,atmorbidtimes。’
Thustheymurmuredon,tillSuesaidmorebrightly:
`Well-thegeneralquestionisnotourbusiness,andwhyshouldweplagueourselvesaboutit?Howeverdifferentourreasonsarewecometothesameconclusion;thatforusparticulartwo,anirrevocableoathisrisky。Then,Jude,letusgohomewithoutkillingourdream!Yes?Howgoodyouare,myfriend:yougivewaytoallmywhims!’
`Theyaccordverymuchwithmyown。’
Hegaveheralittlekissbehindapillarwhiletheattentionofeverybodypresentwastakenupinobservingthebridalprocessionenteringthevestry;andthentheycameoutsidethebuilding。Bythedoortheywaitedtilltwoorthreecarriages,whichhadgoneawayforawhile,returned,andthenewhusbandandwifecameintotheopendaylight。Suesighed。
`Theflowersinthebride’shandaresadlylikethegarlandwhichdeckedtheheifersofsacrificeinoldtimes!’
`Still,Sue,itisnoworseforthewomanthanfortheman。That’swhatsomewomenfailtosee,andinsteadofprotestingagainsttheconditionstheyprotestagainsttheman,theothervictim;justasawomaninacrowdwillabusethemanwhocrushesagainsther,whenheisonlythehelplesstransmitterofthepressureputuponhim。’
`Yes-somearelikethat,insteadofunitingwiththemanagainstthecommonenemy,coercion。’Thebrideandbridegroomhadbythistimedrivenoff,andthetwomovedawaywiththerestoftheidlers。`No-don’tlet’sdoit,’shecontinued。`Atleastjustnow。’
Theyreachedhome,andpassingthewindowarminarmsawthewidowlookingoutatthem。`Well,’criedtheirguestwhentheyentered,`IsaidtomyselfwhenIzeedyecomingsolovinguptothedoor,`Theymadeuptheirmindsatlast,then!’’
Theybrieflyhintedthattheyhadnot。
`What-andha’n’tyereallydoneit?Chok’itall,thatIshouldhavelivedtoseeagoodoldsayinglike`marryinhasteandrepentatleisure’spoiledlikethisbyyoutwo!’TistimeIgotbackagaintoMarygreen-sakesiftidden-ifthisiswhatthenewnotionsbeleadingusto!Nobodythoughto’beingafeardo’matrimonyinmytime,norofmuchelsebutacannon-balloremptycup-board!WhywhenIandmypoormanweremarriedwethoughtnomoreo’tthanofagameo’dibs!’
`Don’ttellthechildwhenhecomesin,’whisperedSuenervously。
`He’llthinkithasallgoneonright,anditwillbebetterthatheshouldnotbesurprisedandpuzzled。Ofcourseitisonlyputoffforreconsideration。
Ifwearehappyasweare,whatdoesitmattertoanybody?’
JudetheObscureChapter39V-vThepurposeofachroniclerofmoodsanddeedsdoesnotrequirehimtoexpresshispersonalviewsuponthegravecontroversyabovegiven。Thatthetwainwerehappy-betweentheirtimesofsadness-wasindubitable。
AndwhentheunexpectedapparitionofJude’schildinthehousehadshownitselftobenosuchdisturbingeventasithadlooked,butonethatbroughtintotheirlivesanewandtenderinterestofanennoblingandunselfishkind,itratherhelpedthaninjuredtheirhappiness。
Tobesure,withsuchpleasinganxiousbeingsastheywere,theboy’scomingalsobroughtwithitmuchthoughtforthefuture,particularlyasheseemedatpresenttobesingularlydeficientinalltheusualhopesofchildhood。Butthepairtriedtodismiss,forawhileatleast,atoostrenuouslyforwardview。
ThereisinUpperWessexanoldtownofnineortenthousandsouls;
thetownmaybecalledStoke-Barehills。Itstandswithitsgaunt,unattractive,ancientchurch,anditsnewredbricksuburb,amidtheopen,chalk-soiledcornlands,nearthemiddleofanimaginarytrianglewhichhasforitsthreecornersthetownsofAldbrickhamandWintoncester,andtheimportantmilitarystationofQuartershot。ThegreatwesternhighwayfromLondonpassesthroughit,nearapointwheretheroadbranchesintotwo,merelytouniteagainsometwentymilesfurtherwestward。Outofthisbifurcationandreunionthereusedtoariseamongwheeledtravellers,beforerailwaydays,endlessquestionsofchoicebetweentherespectiveways。Butthequestionisnowasdeadasthescot-and-lotfreeholder,theroadwaggoner,andthemailcoachmanwhodisputedit;andprobablynotasingleinhabitantofStoke-Barehillsisnowevenawarethatthetworoadswhichpartinhistownevermeetagain;
第43章