首页 >出版文学> Jude the Obscure>第43章

第43章

  Afterthisexhilaratingtraditionfromthewidowontheeveofthesolemnizationtheyrose,and,wishingtheirguestgood-night,retired。
  ThenextmorningSue,whosenervousnessintensifiedwiththehours,tookJudeprivatelyintothesitting-roombeforestarting。`Jude,Iwantyoutokissme,asalover,incorporeally,’shesaid,tremulouslynestlinguptohim,withdamplashes。`Itwon’tbeeverlikethisanymore,willit!Iwishwehadn’tbegunthebusiness。ButIsupposewemustgoon。Howhorridthatstorywaslastnight!Itspoiltmythoughtsofto-day。Itmakesmefeelasifatragicdoomoverhungourfamily,asitdidthehouseofAtreus。’
  `OrthehouseofJeroboam,’saidthequondamtheologian。
  `Yes。Anditseemsawfultemerityinustwotogomarrying!I
  amgoingtovowtoyouinthesamewordsIvowedintomyotherhusband,andyoutomeinthesameasyouusedtoyourotherwife;regardlessofthedeterrentlessonweweretaughtbythoseexperiments!’
  `IfyouareuneasyIammadeunhappy,’saidhe。`Ihadhopedyouwouldfeelquitejoyful。Butifyoudon’t,youdon’t。Itisnousepretending。
  Itisadismalbusinesstoyou,andthatmakesitsotome!’
  `Itisunpleasantlylikethatothermorning-that’sall,’shemurmured。`Letusgoonnow。’
  Theystartedarminarmfortheofficeaforesaid,nowitnessaccompanyingthemexcepttheWidowEdlin。Thedaywaschillyanddull,andaclammyfogblewthroughthetownfrom`Royal-tower’dThame。’Onthestepsoftheofficetherewerethemuddyfoot-marksofpeoplewhohadentered,andintheentryweredampumbrellasWithintheofficeseveralpersonsweregathered,andourcoupleperceivedthatamarriagebetweenasoldierandayoungwomanwasjustinprogress。Sue,Jude,andthewidowstoodinthebackgroundwhilethiswasgoingon,Suereadingthenoticesofmarriageonthewall。
  Theroomwasadrearyplacetotwooftheirtemperament,thoughtoitsusualfrequentersitdoubtlessseemedordinaryenough。Law-booksinmustycalfcoveredonewall,andelsewherewerepost-officedirectories,andotherbooksofreference。Papersinpacketstiedwithredtapewerepigeon-holedaround,andsomeironsafesfilledarecess,whilethebarewoodfloorwas,likethedoor-step,stainedbypreviousvisitors。
  Thesoldierwassullenandreluctant:thebridesadandtimid;
  shewassoon,obviously,tobecomeamother,andshehadablackeye。Theirlittlebusinesswassoondone,andthetwainandtheirfriendsstraggledout,oneofthewitnessessayingcasuallytoJudeandSueinpassing,asifhehadknownthembefore:`Seethecouplejustcomein?Ha,ha!Thatfellowisjustoutofgaolthismorning。Shemethimatthegaolgates,andbroughthimstraighthere。She’spayingforeverything。’
  Sueturnedherheadandsawanill-favouredman,closelycropped,withabroad-faced,pock-markedwomanonhisarm,ruddywithliquorandthesatisfactionofbeingonthebrinkofagratifieddesire。Theyjocoselysalutedtheoutgoingcouple,andwentforwardinfrontofJudeandSue,whosediffidencewasincreasing。Thelatterdrewbackandturnedtoherlover,hermouthshapingitselflikethatofachildabouttogivewaytogrief:
  `Jude-Idon’tlikeithere!Iwishwehadn’tcome!Theplacegivesmethehorrors:itseemssounnaturalastheclimaxofourlove!
  Iwishithadbeenatchurch,ifithadtobeatall。Itisnotsovulgarthere!’
  `Dearlittlegirl,’saidJude。`Howtroubledandpaleyoulook!’
  `Itmustbeperformedherenow,Isuppose?’
  `No-perhapsnotnecessarily。’
  Hespoketotheclerk,andcameback。`No-weneednotmarryhereoranywhere,unlesswelike,evennow,’hesaid。`Wecanbemarriedinachurch,ifnotwiththesamecertificatewithanotherhe’llgiveus,Ithink。Anyhow,letusgoouttillyouarecalmer,dear,andItoo,andtalkitover。’
  Theywentoutstealthilyandguiltily,asiftheyhadcommittedamisdemeanour,closingthedoorwithoutnoise,andtellingthewidow,whohadremainedintheentry,togohomeandawaitthem;thattheywouldcallinanycasualpassersaswitnesses,ifnecessary。Wheninthestreettheyturnedintoanunfrequentedsidealleywheretheywalkedupanddownastheyhaddonelongagointhemarket-houseatMelchester。
  `Now,darling,whatshallwedo?Wearemakingamessofit,itstrikesme。Still,anythingthatpleasesyouwillpleaseme。’
  `ButJude,dearest,Iamworryingyou!Youwantedittobethere,didn’tyou?’
  `Well,totellthetruth,whenIgotinsideIfeltasifIdidn’tcaremuchaboutit。Theplacedepressedmealmostasmuchasitdidyou-itwasugly。AndthenIthoughtofwhatyouhadsaidthismorningastowhetherweought。’
  Theywalkedonvaguely,tillshepaused,andherlittlevoicebegananew:`Itseemssoweak,too,tovacillatelikethis!Andyethowmuchbetterthantoactrashlyasecondtime……Howterriblethatscenewastome!Theexpressioninthatflabbywoman’sface,leadingherontogiveherselftothatgaol-bird,notforafewhours,asshewould,butforalifetime,asshemust。Andtheotherpoorsoul-toescapeanominalshamewhichwasowingtotheweaknessofhercharacter,degradingherselftotherealshameofbondagetoatyrantwhoscornedher-amanwhomtoavoidforeverwasheronlychanceofsalvation……Thisisourparishchurch,isn’tit?Thisiswhereitwouldhavetobe,ifwediditintheusualway?Aserviceorsomethingseemstobegoingon。’
  Judewentupandlookedinatthedoor。`Why-itisaweddingheretoo,’hesaid。`Everybodyseemstobeonourtackto-day。’
  SuesaidshesupposeditwasbecauseLentwasjustover,whentherewasalwaysacrowdofmarriages。`Letuslisten,’shesaid,`andfindhowitfeelstouswhenperformedinachurch。’
  Theysteppedin,andenteredabackseat,andwatchedtheproceedingsatthealtar。Thecontractingcoupleappearedtobelongtothewell-to-domiddleclass,andtheweddingaltogetherwasofordinaryprettinessandinterest。Theycouldseetheflowerstrembleinthebride’shand,evenatthatdistance,andcouldhearhermechanicalmurmurofwordswhosemeaningherbrainseemedtogathernotatallunderthepressureofherself-consciousness。
  SueandJudelistened,andseverallysawthemselvesintimepastgoingthroughthesameformofself-committal。
  `Itisnotthesametoher,poorthing,asitwouldbetomedoingitoveragainwithmypresentknowledge,’Suewhispered。`Yousee,theyarefreshtoit,andtaketheproceedingsasamatterofcourse。Buthavingbeenawakenedtoitsawfulsolemnityaswehave,oratleastasIhave,byexperience,andtomyowntoosqueamishfeelingsperhapssometimes,itreallydoesseemimmoralinmetogoandundertakethesamethingagainwithopeneyes。Cominginhereandseeingthishasfrightenedmefromachurchweddingasmuchastheotherdidfromaregistryone……Weareaweak,tremulouspair,Jude,andwhatothersmayfeelconfidentinIfeeldoubtsof-mybeingproofagainstthesordidconditionsofabusinesscontractagain!’
  Thentheytriedtolaugh,andwentondebatinginwhisperstheobject-lessonbeforethem。AndJudesaidhealsothoughttheywerebothtoothin-skinned-thattheyoughtnevertohavebeenborn-muchlesshavecometogetherforthemostpreposterousofalljointventuresforthem-matrimony。
  Hisbetrothedshuddered;andaskedhimearnestlyifheindeedfeltthattheyoughtnottogoincoldbloodandsignthatlife-undertakingagain?’Itisawfulifyouthinkwehavefoundourselvesnotstrongenoughforit,andknowingthis,areproposingtoperjureourselves,’shesaid。
  `IfancyIdothinkit-sinceyouaskme,’saidJude。`RememberI’lldoitifyouwish,owndarling。’Whileshehesitatedhewentontoconfessthat,thoughhethoughttheyoughttobeabletodoit,hefeltcheckedbythedreadofincompetencyjustasshedid-fromtheirpeculiarities,perhaps,becausetheywereunlikeotherpeople。`Wearehorriblysensitive;
  that’sreallywhat’sthematterwithus,Sue!’hedeclared。
  `Ifancymorearelikeusthanwethink!’
  `Well,Idon’tknow。Theintentionofthecontractisgood,andrightformany,nodoubt;butinourcaseitmaydefeatitsownendsbecausewearethequeersortofpeopleweare-folkinwhomdomestictiesofaforcedkindsnuffoutcordialityandspontaneousness。’
  Suestillheldthattherewasnotmuchqueerorexceptionalinthem:thatallwereso。`Everybodyisgettingtofeelaswedo。Wearealittlebeforehand,that’sall。Infifty,ahundred,yearsthedescendantsofthesetwowillactandfeelworsethanwe。Theywillseewelteringhumanitystillmorevividlythanwedonow,asShapeslikeourownselveshideouslymultiplied,andwillbeafraidtoreproducethem。’
  `Whataterriblelineofpoetry!……thoughIhavefeltitmyselfaboutmyfellow-creatures,atmorbidtimes。’
  Thustheymurmuredon,tillSuesaidmorebrightly:
  `Well-thegeneralquestionisnotourbusiness,andwhyshouldweplagueourselvesaboutit?Howeverdifferentourreasonsarewecometothesameconclusion;thatforusparticulartwo,anirrevocableoathisrisky。Then,Jude,letusgohomewithoutkillingourdream!Yes?Howgoodyouare,myfriend:yougivewaytoallmywhims!’
  `Theyaccordverymuchwithmyown。’
  Hegaveheralittlekissbehindapillarwhiletheattentionofeverybodypresentwastakenupinobservingthebridalprocessionenteringthevestry;andthentheycameoutsidethebuilding。Bythedoortheywaitedtilltwoorthreecarriages,whichhadgoneawayforawhile,returned,andthenewhusbandandwifecameintotheopendaylight。Suesighed。
  `Theflowersinthebride’shandaresadlylikethegarlandwhichdeckedtheheifersofsacrificeinoldtimes!’
  `Still,Sue,itisnoworseforthewomanthanfortheman。That’swhatsomewomenfailtosee,andinsteadofprotestingagainsttheconditionstheyprotestagainsttheman,theothervictim;justasawomaninacrowdwillabusethemanwhocrushesagainsther,whenheisonlythehelplesstransmitterofthepressureputuponhim。’
  `Yes-somearelikethat,insteadofunitingwiththemanagainstthecommonenemy,coercion。’Thebrideandbridegroomhadbythistimedrivenoff,andthetwomovedawaywiththerestoftheidlers。`No-don’tlet’sdoit,’shecontinued。`Atleastjustnow。’
  Theyreachedhome,andpassingthewindowarminarmsawthewidowlookingoutatthem。`Well,’criedtheirguestwhentheyentered,`IsaidtomyselfwhenIzeedyecomingsolovinguptothedoor,`Theymadeuptheirmindsatlast,then!’’
  Theybrieflyhintedthattheyhadnot。
  `What-andha’n’tyereallydoneit?Chok’itall,thatIshouldhavelivedtoseeagoodoldsayinglike`marryinhasteandrepentatleisure’spoiledlikethisbyyoutwo!’TistimeIgotbackagaintoMarygreen-sakesiftidden-ifthisiswhatthenewnotionsbeleadingusto!Nobodythoughto’beingafeardo’matrimonyinmytime,norofmuchelsebutacannon-balloremptycup-board!WhywhenIandmypoormanweremarriedwethoughtnomoreo’tthanofagameo’dibs!’
  `Don’ttellthechildwhenhecomesin,’whisperedSuenervously。
  `He’llthinkithasallgoneonright,anditwillbebetterthatheshouldnotbesurprisedandpuzzled。Ofcourseitisonlyputoffforreconsideration。
  Ifwearehappyasweare,whatdoesitmattertoanybody?’
  JudetheObscureChapter39V-vThepurposeofachroniclerofmoodsanddeedsdoesnotrequirehimtoexpresshispersonalviewsuponthegravecontroversyabovegiven。Thatthetwainwerehappy-betweentheirtimesofsadness-wasindubitable。
  AndwhentheunexpectedapparitionofJude’schildinthehousehadshownitselftobenosuchdisturbingeventasithadlooked,butonethatbroughtintotheirlivesanewandtenderinterestofanennoblingandunselfishkind,itratherhelpedthaninjuredtheirhappiness。
  Tobesure,withsuchpleasinganxiousbeingsastheywere,theboy’scomingalsobroughtwithitmuchthoughtforthefuture,particularlyasheseemedatpresenttobesingularlydeficientinalltheusualhopesofchildhood。Butthepairtriedtodismiss,forawhileatleast,atoostrenuouslyforwardview。
  ThereisinUpperWessexanoldtownofnineortenthousandsouls;
  thetownmaybecalledStoke-Barehills。Itstandswithitsgaunt,unattractive,ancientchurch,anditsnewredbricksuburb,amidtheopen,chalk-soiledcornlands,nearthemiddleofanimaginarytrianglewhichhasforitsthreecornersthetownsofAldbrickhamandWintoncester,andtheimportantmilitarystationofQuartershot。ThegreatwesternhighwayfromLondonpassesthroughit,nearapointwheretheroadbranchesintotwo,merelytouniteagainsometwentymilesfurtherwestward。Outofthisbifurcationandreunionthereusedtoariseamongwheeledtravellers,beforerailwaydays,endlessquestionsofchoicebetweentherespectiveways。Butthequestionisnowasdeadasthescot-and-lotfreeholder,theroadwaggoner,andthemailcoachmanwhodisputedit;andprobablynotasingleinhabitantofStoke-Barehillsisnowevenawarethatthetworoadswhichpartinhistownevermeetagain;