首页 >出版文学> Jude the Obscure>第37章

第37章

  `Butbyyourownwish,dearSue,weareonlytobefriends,notlovers!Itissoveryinconsistentofyouto——’
  `Friendscanbejealous!’
  `Idon’tseethat。YouconcedenothingtomeandIhavetoconcedeeverythingtoyou。Afterall,youwereongoodtermswithyourhusbandatthattime。’
  `No,Iwasn’t,Jude。Ohhowcanyouthinkso!Andyouhavetakenmein,evenifyoudidn’tintendto。’Shewassomortifiedthathewasobligedtotakeherintoherroomandclosethedoorlestthepeopleshouldhear。`Wasitthisroom?Yesitwas-Iseebyyourlookitwas!Iwon’thaveitformine!Ohitwastreacherousofyoutohaveheragain!Ijumpedoutofthewindow!’
  `ButSue,shewas,afterall,mylegalwife,ifnot-’
  SlippingdownonherkneesSueburiedherfaceinthebedandwept。
  `Ineverknewsuchanunreasonable-suchadog-in-the-mangerfeeling,’saidJude。`Iamnottoapproachyou,noranybodyelse!’
  `Ohdon’tyouunderstandmyfeeling!Whydon’tyou!
  Whyareyousogross!Ijumpedoutofthewindow!’
  `Jumpedoutofwindow?’
  `Ican’texplain!’
  Itwastruethathedidnotunderstandherfeelingsverywell。
  Buthedidalittle;andbegantolovehernonetheless。
  `I-Ithoughtyoucaredfornobody-desirednobodyintheworldbutmeatthattime-andeversince!’continuedSue。
  `Itistrue。Ididnot,anddon’tnow!’saidJude,asdistressedasshe。
  `Butyoumusthavethoughtmuchofher!Or-’
  `No-Ineednot-youdon’tunderstandmeeither-womenneverdo!Whyshouldyougetintosuchatantrumaboutnothing?’
  Lookingupfromthequiltshepoutedprovokingly:`Ifithadn’tbeenforthat,perhapsIwouldhavegoneontotheTemperanceHotel,afterall,asyouproposed;forIwasbeginningtothinkIdidbelongtoyou!’
  `Oh,itisofnoconsequence!’saidJudedistantly。
  `Ithought,ofcourse,thatshehadneverbeenreallyyourwifesincesheleftyouofherownaccordyearsandyearsago!Mysenseofitwas,thatapartingsuchasyoursfromher,andminefromhim,endedthemarriage。’
  `Ican’tsaymorewithoutspeakingagainsther,andIdon’twanttodothat,’saidhe。`YetImusttellyouonething,whichwouldsettlethematterinanycase。Shehasmarriedanotherman-reallymarriedhim!
  Iknewnothingaboutittillafterthevisitwemadehere。’
  `Marriedanother?……Itisacrime-astheworldtreatsit,butdoesnotbelieve。’
  `There-nowyouareyourselfagain。Yes,itisacrime-asyoudon’thold,butwouldfearfullyconcede。ButIshallneverinformagainsther!Anditisevidentlyaprickofconscienceinherthathasledhertourgemetogetadivorce,thatshemayremarrythismanlegally。SoyouperceiveIshallnotbelikelytoseeheragain。’
  `Andyoudidn’treallyknowanythingofthiswhenyousawher?’
  saidSuemoregently,assherose。
  `Ididnot。Consideringallthings,Idon’tthinkyououghttobeangry,darling!’
  `Iamnot。ButIshan’tgototheTemperanceHotel!’
  Helaughed。`Nevermind!’hesaid。`SothatIamnearyou,Iamcomparativelyhappy。ItismorethanthisearthlywretchcalledMedeserves-youspirit,youdisembodiedcreature,youdear,sweet,tantalizingphantom-hardlyfleshatall;sothatwhenIputmyarmsroundyouIalmostexpectthemtopassthroughyouasthroughair!Forgivemeforbeinggross,asyoucallit!Rememberthatourcallingcousinswhenreallystrangerswasasnare。Theenmityofourparentsgaveapiquancytoyouinmyeyesthatwasintensereventhanthenoveltyofordinarynewacquaintance。’
  `Saythoseprettylines,then,fromShelley’s`Epipsychidion’
  asiftheymeantme!’shesolicited,slantingupclosertohimastheystood。`Don’tyouknowthem?’
  `Iknowhardlyanypoetry,’herepliedmournfully。
  `Don’tyou?Thesearesomeofthem:
  TherewasaBeingwhommyspiritoftMetonitsvisionedwanderingsfaraloft……AseraphofHeaven,toogentletobehuman,Veilingbeneaththatradiantformofwoman……Ohitistooflattering,soIwon’tgoon!Butsayit’sme!Sayit’sme!’
  `Itisyou,dear;exactlylikeyou!’
  `NowIforgiveyou!Andyoushallkissmejustoncethere-notverylong。’Sheputthetipofherfingergingerlytohercheek;andhedidascommanded。`Youdocareformeverymuch,don’tyou,inspiteofmynot-youknow?’
  `Yes,sweet!’hesaidwithasigh;andbadehergood-night。
  JudetheObscureChapter34IV-viInreturningtohisnativetownofShastonasschoolmasterPhillotsonhadwontheinterestandawakenedthememoriesoftheinhabitants,who,thoughtheydidnothonourhimforhismiscellaneousaquirementsashewouldhavebeenhonouredelsewhere,retainedforhimasincereregard。When,shortlyafterhisarrival,hebroughthomeaprettywife-awkwardlyprettyforhim,ifhedidnottakecare,theysaid-theyweregladtohavehersettleamongthem。
  ForsometimeafterherflightfromthathomeSue’sabsencedidnotexcitecomment。Herplaceasmonitorintheschoolwastakenbyanotheryoungwomanwithinafewdaysofhervacatingit,whichsubstitutionalsopassedwithoutremark,Sue’sserviceshavingbeenofaprovisionalnatureonly。When,however,amonthhadpassed,andPhillotsoncasuallyadmittedtoanacquaintancethathedidnotknowwherehiswifewasstaying,curiositybegantobearoused;till,jumpingtoconclusions,peopleventuredtoaffirmthatSuehadplayedhimfalseandrunawayfromhim。Theschoolmaster’sgrowinglanguorandlistlessnessoverhisworkgavecountenancetotheidea。
  ThoughPhillotsonhadheldhistongueaslongashecould,excepttohisfriendGillingham,hishonestyanddirectnesswouldnotallowhimtodosowhenmisapprehensionsastoSue’sconductspreadabroad。OnaMondaymorningthechairmanoftheschoolcommitteecalled,andafterattendingtothebusinessoftheschooldrewPhillotsonasideoutofearshotofthechildren。
  `You’llexcusemyasking,Phillotson,sinceeverybodyistalkingofit:isthistrueastoyourdomesticaffairs-thatyourwife’sgoingawaywasonnovisit,butasecretelopementwithalover?Ifso,Icondolewithyou。’
  `Don’t,’saidPhillotson。`Therewasnosecretaboutit。’
  `Shehasgonetovisitfriends?’
  `No。’
  `Thenwhathashappened?’
  `Shehasgoneawayundercircumstancesthatusuallycallforcondolencewiththehusband。ButIgavemyconsent。’
  Thechairmanlookedasifhehadnotapprehendedtheremark。
  `WhatIsayisquitetrue,’Phillotsoncontinuedtestily。`Sheaskedleavetogoawaywithherlover,andIlether。Whyshouldn’tI?
  Awomanoffullage,itwasaquestionofherownconscience-notforme。Iwasnothergaoler。Ican’texplainanyfurther。Idon’twishtobequestioned。’
  Thechildrenobservedthatmuchseriousnessmarkedthefacesofthetwomen,andwenthomeandtoldtheirparentsthatsomethingnewhadhappenedaboutMrs。Phillotson。ThenPhillotson’slittlemaidservant,whowasaschoolgirljustoutofherstandards,saidthatMr。Phillotsonhadhelpedinhiswife’spacking,hadofferedherwhatmoneysherequired,andhadwrittenafriendlylettertoheryoungman,tellinghimtotakecareofher。Thechairmanofcommitteethoughtthematterover,andtalkedtotheothermanagersoftheschool,tillarequestcametoPhillotsontomeetthemprivately。Themeetinglastedalongtime,andattheendtheschool-mastercamehome,lookingasusualpaleandworn。Gillinghamwassittinginhishouseawaitinghim。
  `Well;itisasyousaid,’observedPhillotson,flinginghimselfdownwearilyinachair。`Theyhaverequestedmetosendinmyresignationonaccountofmyscandalousconductingivingmytorturedwifeherliberty-or,astheycallit,condoningheradultery。ButIshan’tresign!’
  `IthinkIwould。’
  `Iwon’t。Itisnobusinessoftheirs。Itdoesn’taffectmeinmypubliccapacityatall。Theymayexpelmeiftheylike。’
  `Ifyoumakeafussitwillgetintothepapers,andyou’llnevergetappointedtoanotherschool。Yousee,theyhavetoconsiderwhatyoudidasdonebyateacherofyouth-anditseffectsassuchuponthemoralsofthetown;and,toordinaryopinion,yourpositionisindefensible。Youmustletmesaythat。’
  Tothisgoodadvice,however,Phillotsonwouldnotlisten。
  `Idon’tcare,’hesaid。`Idon’tgounlessIamturnedout。Andforthisreason;thatbyresigningIacknowledgeIhaveactedwronglybyher;whenIammoreandmoreconvincedeverydaythatinthesightofHeavenandbyallnatural,straightforwardhumanity,Ihaveactedrightly。’
  Gillinghamsawthathisratherheadstrongfriendwouldnotbeabletomaintainsuchapositionasthis;buthesaidnothingfurther,andinduetime-indeed,inaquarterofanhour-theformalletterofdismissalarrived,themanagershavingremainedbehindtowriteitafterPhillotson’swithdrawal。Thelatterrepliedthatheshouldnotacceptdismissal;
  andcalledapublicmeeting,whichheattended,althoughhelookedsoweakandillthathisfriendimploredhimtostayathome。Whenhestooduptogivehisreasonsforcontestingthedecisionofthemanagersheadvancedthemfirmly,ashehaddonetohisfriend,andcontended,moreover,thatthematterwasadomestictheorywhichdidnotconcernthem。Thistheyover-ruled,insistingthattheprivateeccentricitiesofateachercamequitewithintheirsphereofcontrol,asittouchedthemoralsofthosehetaught。Phillotsonrepliedthathedidnotseehowanactofnaturalcharitycouldinjuremorals。
  Alltherespectableinhabitantsandwell-to-dofellow-nativesofthetownwereagainstPhillotsontoaman。But,somewhattohissurprise,somedozenormorechampionsroseupinhisdefenceasfromtheground。
  IthasbeenstatedthatShastonwastheanchorageofacuriousandinterestinggroupofitinerants,whofrequentedthenumerousfairsandmarketsheldupanddownWessexduringthesummerandautumnmonths。
  AlthoughPhillotsonhadneverspokentooneofthesegentlementheynownoblyledtheforlornhopeinhisdefence。ThebodyincludedtwocheapJacks,ashooting-galleryproprietorandtheladieswholoadedtheguns,apairofboxing-masters,asteam-roundaboutmanager,twotravellingbroom-makers,whocalledthemselveswidows,agingerbread-stallkeeper,aswing-boatowner,anda`test-your-strength’man。
  Thisgenerousphalanxofsupporters,andafewothersofindependentjudgment,whoseowndomesticexperienceshadbeennotwithoutvicissitude,cameupandwarmlyshookhandswithPhillotson;afterwhichtheyexpressedtheirthoughtssostronglytothemeetingthatissuewasjoined,theresultbeingageneralscuffle,whereinablackboardwassplit,threepanesoftheschoolwindowswerebroken,aninkbottlewasspilledoveratown-councillor’sshirtfront,achurchwardenwasdealtsuchatopperwiththemapofPalestinethathisheadwentrightthroughSamaria,andmanyblackeyesandbleedingnosesweregiven,oneofwhich,toeverybody’shorror,wasthevenerableincumbent’s,owingtothezealofanemancipatedchimney-sweep,whotookthesideofPhillotson’sparty。WhenPhillotsonsawthebloodrunningdowntherector’sfacehedeploredalmostingroanstheuntowardanddegradingcircumstances,regrettedthathehadnotresignedwhencalledupon,andwenthomesoillthatnextmorninghecouldnotleavehisbed。
  Thefarcicalyetmelancholyeventwasthebeginningofaseriousillnessforhim;andhelayinhislonelybedinthepatheticstateofmindofamiddle-agedmanwhoperceivesatlengththathislife,intellectualanddomestic,istendingtofailureandgloom。Gillinghamcametoseehimintheevenings,andononeoccasionmentionedSue’sname。
  `Shedoesn’tcareanythingaboutme!’saidPhillotson。`Whyshouldshe?’
  `Shedoesn’tknowyouareill。’
  `Somuchthebetterforbothofus。’
  `Whereareherloverandsheliving?’
  `AtMelchester-Isuppose;atleasthewaslivingtheresometimeago。’
  WhenGillinghamreachedhomehesatandreflected,andatlastwroteananonymouslinetoSue,onthebarechanceofitsreachingher,theletterbeingenclosedinanenvelopeaddressedtoJudeatthediocesancapital。ArrivingatthatplaceitwasforwardedtoMarygreeninNorthWessex,andthencetoAldbrickhambytheonlypersonwhoknewhispresentaddress-thewidowwhohadnursedhisaunt。
  Threedayslater,intheevening,whenthesunwasgoingdowninsplendouroverthelowlandsofBlackmoor,andmakingtheShastonwindowsliketonguesoffiretotheeyesoftherusticsinthatvale,thesickmanfanciedthatheheardsomebodycometothehouse,andafewminutesaftertherewasatapatthebedroomdoor。Phillotsondidnotspeak;thedoorwashesitatinglyopened,andthereentered-Sue。