`Andyouhavegivenupyourcathedralworkhere?’
`Yes。Itwasrathersudden-yourmessagecomingunexpectedly。
Strictly,Imighthavebeenmadetofinishouttheweek。ButIpleadedurgencyandIwasletoff。Iwouldhavedesertedanydayatyourcommand,dearSue。Ihavedesertedmorethanthatforyou!’
`IfearIamdoingyoualotofharm。RuiningyourprospectsoftheChurch;ruiningyourprogressinyourtrade;everything!’
`TheChurchisnomoretome。Letitlie!IamnottobeoneofThesoldier-saintswho,rowonrow,Burnupwardeachtohispointofbliss,ifanysuchtherebe!Mypointofblissisnotupward,buthere。’
`OhIseemsobad-upsettingmen’scourseslikethis!’saidshe,takingupinhervoicetheemotionthathadbeguninhis。Butsherecoveredherequanimitybythetimetheyhadtravelledadozenmiles。
`Hehasbeensogoodinlettingmego,’sheresumed。`Andhere’sanoteIfoundonmydressing-table,addressedtoyou。’
`Yes。He’snotanunworthyfellow,’saidJude,glancingatthenote。`AndIamashamedofmyselfforhatinghimbecausehemarriedyou。’
`Accordingtotheruleofwomen’swhimsIsupposeIoughttosuddenlylovehim,becausehehasletmegosogenerouslyandunexpectedly,’sheansweredsmiling。`ButIamsocold,ordevoidofgratitude,orsosomething,thateventhisgenerosityhasn’tmademelovehim,orrepent,orwanttostaywithhimashiswife;althoughIdofeelIlikehislarge-mindedness,andrespecthimmorethanever。’
`Itmaynotworksowellforusasifhehadbeenlesskind,andyouhadrunawayagainsthiswill,’murmuredJude。
`ThatIneverwouldhavedone。’
Jude’seyesrestedmusinglyonherface。Thenhesuddenlykissedher;andwasgoingtokissheragain。`No-onlyoncenow-please,Jude!’
`That’srathercruel,’heanswered;butacquiesced。`Suchastrangethinghashappenedtome,’Judecontinuedafterasilence。`Arabellahasactuallywrittentoaskmetogetadivorcefromher-inkindnesstoher,shesays。Shewantstohonestlyandlegallymarrythatmanshehasalreadymarriedvirtually;andbegsmetoenablehertodoit。’
`Whathaveyoudone?’
`Ihaveagreed。IthoughtatfirstIcouldn’tdoitwithoutgettingherintotroubleaboutthatsecondmarriage,andIdon’twanttoinjureherinanyway。Perhapsshe’snoworsethanIam,afterall!Butnobodyknowsaboutitoverhere,andIfinditwillnotbeadifficultproceedingatall。IfshewantstostartafreshIhaveonlytooobviousreasonsfornothinderingher。’
`Thenyou’llbefree?’
`Yes,Ishallbefree。’
`Wherearewebookedfor?’sheasked,withthediscontinuitythatmarkedherto-night。
`Aldbrickham,asIsaid。’
`Butitwillbeverylatewhenwegetthere?’
`Yes。Ithoughtofthat,andIwiredforaroomforusattheTemperanceHotelthere。’
`One?’
`Yes-one。’
Shelookedathim。`OhJude!’Suebentherforeheadagainstthecornerofthecompartment。`Ithoughtyoumightdoit;andthatIwasdeceivingyou。ButIdidn’tmeanthat!’
Inthepausewhichfollowed,Jude’seyesfixedthemselveswithastultifiedexpressionontheoppositeseat。`Well!’hesaid……`Well!’
Heremainedinsilence;andseeinghowdiscomfitedhewassheputherfaceagainsthischeek,murmuring,`Don’tbevexed,dear!’
`Oh-there’snoharmdone,’hesaid。`But-Iunderstooditlikethat……Isthisasuddenchangeofmind?’
`Youhavenorighttoaskmesuchaquestion;andIshan’tanswer!’
shesaid,smiling。
`Mydearone,yourhappinessismoretomethananything-althoughweseemtovergeonquarrellingsooften!-andyourwillislawtome。
Iamsomethingmorethanamere-selfishfellow,Ihope。Haveitasyouwish!’Onreflectionhisbrowshowedperplexity。`Butperhapsitisthatyoudon’tloveme-notthatyouhavebecomeconventional!Muchas,underyourteaching,Ihateconvention,Ihopeitisthat,nottheotherterriblealternative!’
EvenatthisobviousmomentforcandourSuecouldnotbequitecandidastothestateofthatmystery,herheart。`Putitdowntomytimidity,’
shesaidwithhurriedevasiveness;`toawoman’snaturaltimiditywhenthecrisiscomes。ImayfeelaswellasyouthatIhaveaperfectrighttolivewithyouasyouthought-fromthismoment。Imayholdtheopinionthat,inaproperstateofsociety,thefatherofawoman’schildwillbeasmuchaprivatematterofhersasthecutofherunderlinen,onwhomnobodywillhaveanyrighttoquestionher。Butpartly,perhaps,becauseitisbyhisgenerositythatIamnowfree,Iwouldrathernotbeotherthanalittlerigid。Iftherehadbeenarope-ladder,andhehadrunafteruswithpistols,itwouldhaveseemeddifferent,andImayhaveactedotherwise。
Butdon’tpressmeandcriticizeme,Jude!AssumethatIhaven’tthecourageofmyopinions。IknowIamapoormiserablecreature。Mynatureisnotsopassionateasyours!’
Herepeatedsimply!`Ithought-whatInaturallythought。Butifwearenotlovers,wearenot。Phillotsonthoughtso,Iamsure。See,hereiswhathehaswrittentome。’Heopenedthelettershehadbrought,andread:
`Imakeonlyonecondition-thatyouaretenderandkindtoher。
Iknowyouloveher。Butevenlovemaybecruelattimes。Youaremadeforeachother:itisobvious,palpable,toanyunbiasedolderperson。
Youwereallalong`theshadowythird’inmyshortlifewithher。Irepeat,takecareofSue。’
`He’sagoodfellow,isn’the!’shesaidwithlatenttears。Onreconsiderationsheadded,`Hewasveryresignedtolettingmego-tooresignedalmost!Ineverwassonearbeinginlovewithhimaswhenhemadesuchthoughtfularrangementsformybeingcomfortableonmyjourney,andofferingtoprovidemoney。YetIwasnot。IfIlovedhimeversolittleasawife,I’dgobacktohimevennow。’
`Butyoudon’t,doyou?’
`Itistrue-ohsoterriblytrue!-Idon’t。’
`Normeneither,Ihalf-fear!’hesaidpettishly。`Noranybodyperhaps!Sue,sometimes,whenIamvexedwithyou,Ithinkyouareincapableofreallove。’
`That’snotgoodandloyalofyou!’shesaid,anddrawingawayfromhimasfarasshecould,lookedseverelyoutintothedarkness。Sheaddedinhurttones,withoutturninground:`Mylikingforyouisnotassomewomen’sperhaps。Butitisadelightinbeingwithyou,ofasupremelydelicatekind,andIdon’twanttogofurtherandriskitby-anattempttointensifyit!Iquiterealizedthat,aswomanwithman,itwasarisktocome。But,asmewithyou,Iresolvedtotrustyoutosetmywishesaboveyourgratification。Don’tdiscussitfurther,dearJude!’
`Ofcourse,ifitwouldmakeyoureproachyourself……butyoudolikemeverymuch,Sue?Sayyoudo!Saythatyoudoaquarter,atenth,asmuchasIdoyou,andI’llbecontent!’
`I’veletyoukissme,andthattellsenough。’
`Justonceorso!’
`Well-don’tbeagreedyboy。’
Heleantback,anddidnotlookatherforalongtime。Thatepisodeinherpasthistoryofwhichshehadtoldhim-ofthepoorChristminstergraduatewhomshehadhandledthus,returnedtoJude’smind;andhesawhimselfasapossiblesecondinsuchatorturingdestiny。
`Thisisaqueerelopement!’hemurmured。`Perhapsyouaremakingacat’spawofmewithPhillotsonallthistime。Uponmyworditalmostseemsso-toseeyousittinguptheresoprim!’
`Nowyoumustn’tbeangry-Iwon’tletyou!’shecoaxed,turningandmovingnearertohim。`Youdidkissmejustnow,youknow;andIdidn’tdislikeyouto,Iownit,Jude。OnlyIdon’twanttoletyoudoitagain,justyet-consideringhowwearecircumstanced,don’tyousee!’
Hecouldneverresistherwhenshepleadedasshewellknew。
Andtheysatsidebysidewithjoinedhands,tillshearousedherselfatsomethought。
`Ican’tpossiblygotothatTemperanceInn,afteryourtelegraphingthatmessage!’
`Whynot?’
`Youcanseewellenough!’
`Verywell;there’llbesomeotheroneopen,nodoubt。Ihavesometimesthought,sinceyourmarryingPhillotsonbecauseofastupidscandal,thatundertheaffectationofindependentviewsyouareasenslavedtothesocialcodeasanywomanIknow!’
`Notmentally。ButIhaven’tthecourageofmyviews,asIsaidbefore。Ididn’tmarryhimaltogetherbecauseofthescandal。Butsometimesawoman’sloveofbeinglovedgetsthebetterofherconscience,andthoughsheisagonizedatthethoughtoftreatingamancruelly,sheencourageshimtoloveherwhileshedoesn’tlovehimatall。Then,whensheseeshimsuffering,herremorsesetsin,andshedoeswhatshecantorepairthewrong。’
`Yousimplymeanthatyouflirtedoutrageouslywithhim,pooroldchap,andthenrepented,andtomakereparation,marriedhim,thoughyoutorturedyourselftodeathbydoingit。’
`Well-ifyouwillputitbrutally!-itwasalittlelikethat-thatandthescandaltogether-andyourconcealingfrommewhatyououghttohavetoldmebefore!’
Hecouldseethatshewasdistressedandtearfulathiscriticisms,andsoothedher,saying:`There,dear;don’tmind!Crucifyme,ifyouwill!
Youknowyouarealltheworldtome,whateveryoudo!’
`Iamverybadandunprincipled-Iknowyouthinkthat!’shesaid,tryingtoblinkawayhertears。
`IthinkandknowyouaremydearSue,fromwhomneitherlengthnorbreadth,northingspresentnorthingstocome,candivideme!’
Thoughsosophisticatedinmanythingsshewassuchachildinothersthatthissatisfiedher,andtheyreachedtheendoftheirjourneyonthebestofterms。Itwasaboutteno’clockwhentheyarrivedatAldbrickham,thecountytownofNorthWessex。AsshewouldnotgototheTemperanceHotelbecauseoftheformofhistelegram,Judeinquiredforanother;andayouthwhovolunteeredtofindonewheeledtheirluggagetotheGeorgefartheron,whichprovedtobetheinnatwhichJudehadstayedwithArabellaonthatoneoccasionoftheirmeetingaftertheirdivisionforyears。
Owing,however,totheirnowenteringitbyanotherdoor,andtohispreoccupation,hedidnotatfirstrecognizetheplace。Whentheyhadengagedtheirrespectiveroomstheywentdowntoalatesupper。DuringJude’stemporaryabsencethewaiting-maidspoketoSue。
`Ithink,ma’am,Irememberyourrelation,orfriend,orwhateverheis,cominghereoncebefore-late,justlikethis,withhiswife-
alady,atanyrate,thatwasn’tyoubynomannerofmeans-jestasmedbewithyounow。’
`Ohdoyou?’saidSue,withacertainsicknessofheart。`ThoughIthinkyoumustbemistaken!Howlongagowasit?’
`Aboutamonthortwo。Ahandsome,full-figuredwoman。Theyhadthisroom。’
WhenJudecamebackandsatdowntosupperSueseemedmopingandmiserable。`Jude,’shesaidtohimplaintively,attheirpartingthatnightuponthelanding,`itisnotsoniceandpleasantasitusedtobewithus!
Idon’tlikeithere-Ican’tbeartheplace!AndIdon’tlikeyousowellasIdid!’
`Howfidgetedyouseem,dear!Whydoyouchangelikethis?’
`Becauseitwascrueltobringmehere!’
`Why?’
`YouwerelatelyherewithArabella。There,nowIhavesaidit!’
`Dearme,why-`saidJudelookingroundhim。`Yes-itisthesame!Ireallydidn’tknowit,Sue。Well-itisnotcruel,sincewehavecomeaswehave-tworelationsstayingtogether。’
`Howlongagowasityouwerehere?Tellme,tellme!’
`ThedaybeforeImetyouinChristminster,whenwewentbacktoMarygreentogether。ItoldyouIhadmether。’
`Yes,yousaidyouhadmether,butyoudidn’ttellmeall。Yourstorywasthatyouhadmetasestrangedpeople,whowerenothusbandandwifeatallinHeaven’ssight-notthatyouhadmadeitupwithher。’
`Wedidn’tmakeitup,’hesaidsadly。`Ican’texplain,Sue。’
`You’vebeenfalsetome;you,mylasthope!AndIshallneverforgetit,never!’
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