首页 >出版文学> Jude the Obscure>第28章

第28章

  `Iamgladyourstayinghadnothingtodowiththat。But,’shesaid,thefaintestpoutenteringintohertone,`youdidn’tcomebacklastnightandmeetme,asyouengagedto!’
  `Ididn’t-Iamsorrytosay。Ihadanappointmentatnineo’clock-toolateformetocatchthetrainthatwouldhavemetyours,ortogethomeatall。’
  Lookingathislovedoneassheappearedtohimnow,inhistenderthoughtthesweetestandmostdisinterestedcomradethathehadeverhad,livinglargelyinvividimaginings,soetherealacreaturethatherspiritcouldbeseentremblingthroughherlimbs,hefeltheartilyashamedofhisearthlinessinspendingthehourshehadspentinArabella’scompany。
  Therewassomethingrudeandimmoralinthrustingtheserecentfactsofhislifeuponthemindofonewho,tohim,wassouncarnateastoseemattimesimpossibleasahumanwifetoanyaverageman。AndyetshewasPhillotson’s。Howshehadbecomesuch,howshelivedassuch,passedhiscomprehensionasheregardedherto-day。
  `You’llgobackwithme?’hesaid。`There’satrainjustnow。
  Iwonderhowmyauntisbythistime……Andso,Sue,youreallycameonmyaccountallthisway!Atwhatanearlytimeyoumusthavestarted,poorthing!’
  `Yes。Sittingupwatchingalonemademeallnervesforyou,andinsteadofgoingtobedwhenitgotlightIstarted。Andnowyouwon’tfrightenmelikethisagainaboutyourmoralsfornothing?’
  Hewasnotsosurethatshehadbeenfrightenedabouthismoralsfornothing。Hereleasedherhandtilltheyhadenteredthetrain,-itseemedthesamecarriagehehadlatelygotoutofwithanother-wheretheysatdownsidebyside,Suebetweenhimandthewindow。Heregardedthedelicatelinesofherprofile,andthesmall,tight,applelikeconvexitiesofherbodice,sodifferentfromArabella’samplitudes。Thoughsheknewhewaslookingathershedidnotturntohim,butkepthereyesforward,asifafraidthatbymeetinghisownsometroublousdiscussionwouldbeinitiated。
  `Sue-youaremarriednow,youknow,likeme;andyetwehavebeeninsuchahurrythatwehavenotsaidawordaboutit!’
  `There’snonecessity,’shequicklyreturned。
  `Ohwell-perhapsnot……ButIwish’
  `Jude-don’ttalkaboutme-Iwishyouwouldn’t!’sheentreated。`Itdistressesme,rather。Forgivemysayingit!……Wheredidyoustaylastnight?’
  Shehadaskedthequestioninperfectinnocence,tochangethetopic。Heknewthat,andsaidmerely,`Ataninn,’thoughitwouldhavebeenarelieftotellherofhismeetingwithanunexpectedone。Butthelatter’sfinalannouncementofhermarriageinAustraliabewilderedhimlestwhathemightsayshoulddohisignorantwifeaninjury。
  TheirtalkproceededbutawkwardlytilltheyreachedAlfredston。
  ThatSuewasnotasshehadbeen,butwaslabelled`Phillotson,’paralyzedJudewheneverhewantedtocommunewithherasanindividual。Yetsheseemedunaltered-hecouldnotsaywhy。Thereremainedthefive-mileextrajourneyintothecountry,whichitwasjustaseasytowalkastodrive,thegreaterpartofitbeinguphill。JudehadneverbeforeinhislifegonethatroadwithSue,thoughhehadwithanother。Itwasnowasifhecarriedabrightlightwhichtemporarilybanishedtheshadyassociationsoftheearliertime。
  Suetalked;butJudenoticedthatshestillkepttheconversationfromherself。Atlengthheinquiredifherhusbandwerewell。
  `Oyes,’shesaid。`Heisobligedtobeintheschoolalltheday,orhewouldhavecomewithme。Heissogoodandkindthattoaccompanymehewouldhavedismissedtheschoolforonce,evenagainsthisprinciples-forheisstronglyopposedtogivingcasualholidays-onlyIwouldn’tlethim。Ifeltitwouldbebettertocomealone。AuntDrusilla,Iknew,wassoveryeccentric;andhisbeingalmostastrangertohernowwouldhavemadeitirksometoboth。SinceitturnsoutthatsheishardlyconsciousIamgladIdidnotaskhim。’
  JudehadwalkedmoodilywhilethispraiseofPhillotsonwasbeingexpressed。`Mr。Phillotsonobligesyouineverything,asheought,’hesaid。
  `Ofcourse。’
  `Yououghttobeahappywife。’
  `AndofcourseIam。’
  `Bride,Imightalmosthavesaid,asyet。ItisnotsomanyweekssinceIgaveyoutohim,and——’
  `Yes,Iknow!Iknow!’Therewassomethinginherfacewhichbeliedherlateassuringwords,sostrictlyproperandsolifelesslyspokenthattheymighthavebeentakenfromalistofmodelspeechesin`TheWife’sGuidetoConduct。’JudeknewthequalityofeveryvibrationinSue’svoice,couldreadeverysymptomofhermentalcondition;andhewasconvincedthatshewasunhappy,althoughshehadnotbeenamonthmarried。Butherrushingawaythusfromhome,toseethelastofarelativewhomshehadhardlyknowninherlife,provednothing;forSuenaturallydidsuchthingsasthose。
  `Well,youhavemygoodwishesnowasalways,Mrs。Phillotson。’
  Shereproachedhimbyaglance。
  `No,youarenotMrs。Phillotson,’murmuredJude。`Youaredear,freeSueBridehead,onlyyoudon’tknowit!Wifedomhasnotyetsquashedupanddigestedyouinitsvastmawasanatomwhichhasnofurtherindividuality。’
  Sueputonalookofbeingoffended,tillsheanswered,`Norhashusbandomyou,sofarasIcansee!’
  `Butithas!’hesaid,shakinghisheadsadly。
  Whentheyreachedthelonecottageunderthefirs,betweentheBrownHouseandMarygreen,inwhichJudeandArabellahadlivedandquarrelled,heturnedtolookatit。Asqualidfamilylivedtherenow。HecouldnothelpsayingtoSue:`That’sthehousemywifeandIoccupiedthewholeofthetimewelivedtogether。Ibroughtherhometothathouse。’
  Shelookedatit。`Thattoyouwaswhattheschool-houseatShastonistome。’
  `Yes;butIwasnotveryhappythereasyouareinyours。’
  Sheclosedherlipsinretortivesilence,andtheywalkedsomewaytillsheglancedathimtoseehowhewastakingit。`OfcourseImayhaveexaggeratedyourhappiness-oneneverknows,’hecontinuedblandly。
  `Don’tthinkthat,Jude,foramoment,eventhoughyoumayhavesaidittostingme!He’sasgoodtomeasamancanbe,andgivesmeperfectliberty-whichelderlyhusbandsdon’tdoingeneral……IfyouthinkI
  amnothappybecausehe’stoooldforme,youarewrong。’
  `Idon’tthinkanythingagainsthim-toyoudear。’
  `Andyouwon’tsaythingstodistressme,willyou?’
  `Iwillnot。’
  Hesaidnomore,butheknewthat,fromsomecauseorother,intakingPhillotsonasahusband,Suefeltthatshehaddonewhatsheoughtnottohavedone。
  Theyplungedintotheconcavefieldontheothersideofwhichrosethevillage-thefieldwhereinJudehadreceivedathrashingfromthefarmermanyyearsearlier。OnascendingtothevillageandapproachingthehousetheyfoundMrs。Edlinstandingatthedoor,whoatsightofthemliftedherhandsdeprecatingly。`She’sdownstairs,ifyou’llbelieveme!’
  criedthewidow。`Outo’bedshegot,andnothingcouldturnher。Whatwillcomeo’tIdonotknow!’
  Onentering,thereindeedbythefireplacesattheoldwoman,wrappedinblankets,andturninguponthemacountenancelikethatofSebastiano’sLazarus。Theymusthavelookedtheiramazement,forshesaidinahollowvoice:
  `Ah-sceeredye,haveI!Iwasn’tgoingtobideuptherenolonger,topleasenobody!’Tismorethanfleshandbloodcanbear,tobeorderedtodothisandthatbyafellerthatdon’tknowhalfaswellasyoudoyour-self!……Ah-you’llruethismarryingaswellashe!’sheadded,turningtoSue。`Allourfamilydo-andnearlyalleverybodyelse’s。YoushouldhavedoneasIdid,yousimpleton!AndPhillotsontheschoolmaster,ofallmen!Whatmade’eemarryhim?’
  `Whatmakesmostwomenmarry,Aunt?’
  `Ah!Youmeantosayyoulovedtheman!’
  `Idon’tmeanttosayanythingdefinite。’
  `Doyeloveun?’
  `Don’taskme,Aunt。’
  `Icanmindthemanverywell。Averycivil,honourableliver;
  butLord!-Idon’twanttowowndyourfeelings,but-therebecertainmenhereandtherethatnowomanofanynicenesscanstomach。Ishouldhavesaidhewasone。Idon’tsaysonow,sinceyoumustha’knownbetterthanI-butthat’swhatIshouldhavesaid!’
  Suejumpedupandwentout。Judefollowedher,andfoundherintheouthouse,crying。
  `Don’tcry,dear!’saidJudeindistress。`Shemeanswell,butisverycrustyandqueernow,youknow。’
  `Ohno-itisn’tthat!’saidSue,tryingtodryhereyes。`I
  don’tmindherroughnessonebit。’
  `Whatisit,then?’
  `Itisthatwhatshesaysis-istrue!’
  `God-what-youdon’tlikehim?’askedJude。
  `Idon’tmeanthat!’shesaidhastily。`ThatIought-perhapsIoughtnottohavemarried!’
  Hewonderedifshehadreallybeengoingtosaythatatfirst。
  Theywentback,andthesubjectwassmoothedover,andheraunttookratherkindlytoSue,tellingherthatnotmanyyoungwomennewlymarriedwouldhavecomesofartoseeasickoldcronelikeher。IntheafternoonSuepreparedtodepart,JudehiringaneighbourtodrivehertoAlfredston。
  `I’llgowithyoutothestation,ifyou’dlike?’hesaid。
  Shewouldnotlethim。Themancameroundwiththetrap,andJudehelpedherintoit,perhapswithunnecessaryattention,forshelookedathimprohibitively。
  `Isuppose-Imaycometoseeyousomeday,whenIambackagainatMelchester?’hehalf-crosslyobserved。
  Shebentdownandsaidsoftly:`No,dear-youarenottocomeyet。Idon’tthinkyouareinagoodmood。’
  `Verywell,’saidJude。`Good-bye!’
  `Good-bye!’Shewavedherhandandwasgone。
  `She’sright!Iwon’tgo!’hemurmured。
  Hepassedtheeveningandfollowingdaysinmortifyingbyeverypossiblemeanshiswishtoseeher,nearlystarvinghimselfinattemptstoextinguishbyfastinghispassionatetendencytoloveher。Hereadsermonsondiscipline,andhunteduppassagesinChurchhistorythattreatedoftheAsceticsofthesecondcentury。BeforehehadreturnedfromMarygreentoMelchestertherearrivedaletterfromArabella。Thesightofitrevivedastrongerfeelingofself-condemnationforhisbriefreturntohersocietythanforhisattachmenttoSue。
  Theletter,heperceived,boreaLondonpostmarkinsteadoftheChristminsterone。ArabellainformedhimthatafewdaysaftertheirpartinginthemorningatChristminster,shehadbeensurprisedbyanaffectionateletterfromherAustralianhusband,formerlymanagerofthehotelinSydney。
  HehadcometoEnglandonpurposetofindher;andhadtakenafree,fully-licensedpublic,inLambeth,wherehewishedhertojoinhiminconductingthebusiness,whichwaslikelytobeaverythrivingone,thehousebeingsituatedinanexcellent,denselypopulated,gin-drinkingneighbourhood,andalreadydoingatradeof200poundsamonth,whichcouldbeeasilydoubled。
  Ashehadsaidthathelovedherverymuchstill,andimploredhertotellhimwhereshewas,andastheyhadonlypartedinaslighttiff,andasherengagementinChristminsterwasonlytemporary,shehadjustgonetojoinhimasheurged。ShecouldnothelpfeelingthatshebelongedtohimmorethantoJude,sinceshehadproperlymarriedhim,andhadlivedwithhimmuchlongerthanwithherfirsthusband。InthuswishingJudegood-byesheborehimnoill-will,andtrustedhewouldnotturnuponher,aweakwoman,andinformagainsther,andbringhertoruinnowthatshehadachanceofimprovinghercircumstancesandleadingagenteellife。
  JudetheObscureChapter28III-xJudereturnedtoMelchester,whichhadthequestionablerecommendationofbeingonlyadozenandahalfmilesfromhisSue’snowpermanentresidence。
  Atfirsthefeltthatthisnearnesswasadistinctreasonfornotgoingsouthwardatall;butChristminsterwastoosadaplacetobear,whiletheproximityofShastontoMelchestermightaffordhimthegloryofworstingtheEnemyinacloseengagement,suchaswasdeliberatelysoughtbythepriestsandvirginsoftheearlyChurch,who,disdaininganignominiousflightfromtemptation,becameevenchamber-partnerswithimpunity。Judedidnotpausetorememberthat,inthelaconicwordsofthehistorian,`insultedNaturesometimesvindicatedherrights’insuchcircumstances。