`Iamgladyourstayinghadnothingtodowiththat。But,’shesaid,thefaintestpoutenteringintohertone,`youdidn’tcomebacklastnightandmeetme,asyouengagedto!’
`Ididn’t-Iamsorrytosay。Ihadanappointmentatnineo’clock-toolateformetocatchthetrainthatwouldhavemetyours,ortogethomeatall。’
Lookingathislovedoneassheappearedtohimnow,inhistenderthoughtthesweetestandmostdisinterestedcomradethathehadeverhad,livinglargelyinvividimaginings,soetherealacreaturethatherspiritcouldbeseentremblingthroughherlimbs,hefeltheartilyashamedofhisearthlinessinspendingthehourshehadspentinArabella’scompany。
Therewassomethingrudeandimmoralinthrustingtheserecentfactsofhislifeuponthemindofonewho,tohim,wassouncarnateastoseemattimesimpossibleasahumanwifetoanyaverageman。AndyetshewasPhillotson’s。Howshehadbecomesuch,howshelivedassuch,passedhiscomprehensionasheregardedherto-day。
`You’llgobackwithme?’hesaid。`There’satrainjustnow。
Iwonderhowmyauntisbythistime……Andso,Sue,youreallycameonmyaccountallthisway!Atwhatanearlytimeyoumusthavestarted,poorthing!’
`Yes。Sittingupwatchingalonemademeallnervesforyou,andinsteadofgoingtobedwhenitgotlightIstarted。Andnowyouwon’tfrightenmelikethisagainaboutyourmoralsfornothing?’
Hewasnotsosurethatshehadbeenfrightenedabouthismoralsfornothing。Hereleasedherhandtilltheyhadenteredthetrain,-itseemedthesamecarriagehehadlatelygotoutofwithanother-wheretheysatdownsidebyside,Suebetweenhimandthewindow。Heregardedthedelicatelinesofherprofile,andthesmall,tight,applelikeconvexitiesofherbodice,sodifferentfromArabella’samplitudes。Thoughsheknewhewaslookingathershedidnotturntohim,butkepthereyesforward,asifafraidthatbymeetinghisownsometroublousdiscussionwouldbeinitiated。
`Sue-youaremarriednow,youknow,likeme;andyetwehavebeeninsuchahurrythatwehavenotsaidawordaboutit!’
`There’snonecessity,’shequicklyreturned。
`Ohwell-perhapsnot……ButIwish’
`Jude-don’ttalkaboutme-Iwishyouwouldn’t!’sheentreated。`Itdistressesme,rather。Forgivemysayingit!……Wheredidyoustaylastnight?’
Shehadaskedthequestioninperfectinnocence,tochangethetopic。Heknewthat,andsaidmerely,`Ataninn,’thoughitwouldhavebeenarelieftotellherofhismeetingwithanunexpectedone。Butthelatter’sfinalannouncementofhermarriageinAustraliabewilderedhimlestwhathemightsayshoulddohisignorantwifeaninjury。
TheirtalkproceededbutawkwardlytilltheyreachedAlfredston。
ThatSuewasnotasshehadbeen,butwaslabelled`Phillotson,’paralyzedJudewheneverhewantedtocommunewithherasanindividual。Yetsheseemedunaltered-hecouldnotsaywhy。Thereremainedthefive-mileextrajourneyintothecountry,whichitwasjustaseasytowalkastodrive,thegreaterpartofitbeinguphill。JudehadneverbeforeinhislifegonethatroadwithSue,thoughhehadwithanother。Itwasnowasifhecarriedabrightlightwhichtemporarilybanishedtheshadyassociationsoftheearliertime。
Suetalked;butJudenoticedthatshestillkepttheconversationfromherself。Atlengthheinquiredifherhusbandwerewell。
`Oyes,’shesaid。`Heisobligedtobeintheschoolalltheday,orhewouldhavecomewithme。Heissogoodandkindthattoaccompanymehewouldhavedismissedtheschoolforonce,evenagainsthisprinciples-forheisstronglyopposedtogivingcasualholidays-onlyIwouldn’tlethim。Ifeltitwouldbebettertocomealone。AuntDrusilla,Iknew,wassoveryeccentric;andhisbeingalmostastrangertohernowwouldhavemadeitirksometoboth。SinceitturnsoutthatsheishardlyconsciousIamgladIdidnotaskhim。’
JudehadwalkedmoodilywhilethispraiseofPhillotsonwasbeingexpressed。`Mr。Phillotsonobligesyouineverything,asheought,’hesaid。
`Ofcourse。’
`Yououghttobeahappywife。’
`AndofcourseIam。’
`Bride,Imightalmosthavesaid,asyet。ItisnotsomanyweekssinceIgaveyoutohim,and——’
`Yes,Iknow!Iknow!’Therewassomethinginherfacewhichbeliedherlateassuringwords,sostrictlyproperandsolifelesslyspokenthattheymighthavebeentakenfromalistofmodelspeechesin`TheWife’sGuidetoConduct。’JudeknewthequalityofeveryvibrationinSue’svoice,couldreadeverysymptomofhermentalcondition;andhewasconvincedthatshewasunhappy,althoughshehadnotbeenamonthmarried。Butherrushingawaythusfromhome,toseethelastofarelativewhomshehadhardlyknowninherlife,provednothing;forSuenaturallydidsuchthingsasthose。
`Well,youhavemygoodwishesnowasalways,Mrs。Phillotson。’
Shereproachedhimbyaglance。
`No,youarenotMrs。Phillotson,’murmuredJude。`Youaredear,freeSueBridehead,onlyyoudon’tknowit!Wifedomhasnotyetsquashedupanddigestedyouinitsvastmawasanatomwhichhasnofurtherindividuality。’
Sueputonalookofbeingoffended,tillsheanswered,`Norhashusbandomyou,sofarasIcansee!’
`Butithas!’hesaid,shakinghisheadsadly。
Whentheyreachedthelonecottageunderthefirs,betweentheBrownHouseandMarygreen,inwhichJudeandArabellahadlivedandquarrelled,heturnedtolookatit。Asqualidfamilylivedtherenow。HecouldnothelpsayingtoSue:`That’sthehousemywifeandIoccupiedthewholeofthetimewelivedtogether。Ibroughtherhometothathouse。’
Shelookedatit。`Thattoyouwaswhattheschool-houseatShastonistome。’
`Yes;butIwasnotveryhappythereasyouareinyours。’
Sheclosedherlipsinretortivesilence,andtheywalkedsomewaytillsheglancedathimtoseehowhewastakingit。`OfcourseImayhaveexaggeratedyourhappiness-oneneverknows,’hecontinuedblandly。
`Don’tthinkthat,Jude,foramoment,eventhoughyoumayhavesaidittostingme!He’sasgoodtomeasamancanbe,andgivesmeperfectliberty-whichelderlyhusbandsdon’tdoingeneral……IfyouthinkI
amnothappybecausehe’stoooldforme,youarewrong。’
`Idon’tthinkanythingagainsthim-toyoudear。’
`Andyouwon’tsaythingstodistressme,willyou?’
`Iwillnot。’
Hesaidnomore,butheknewthat,fromsomecauseorother,intakingPhillotsonasahusband,Suefeltthatshehaddonewhatsheoughtnottohavedone。
Theyplungedintotheconcavefieldontheothersideofwhichrosethevillage-thefieldwhereinJudehadreceivedathrashingfromthefarmermanyyearsearlier。OnascendingtothevillageandapproachingthehousetheyfoundMrs。Edlinstandingatthedoor,whoatsightofthemliftedherhandsdeprecatingly。`She’sdownstairs,ifyou’llbelieveme!’
criedthewidow。`Outo’bedshegot,andnothingcouldturnher。Whatwillcomeo’tIdonotknow!’
Onentering,thereindeedbythefireplacesattheoldwoman,wrappedinblankets,andturninguponthemacountenancelikethatofSebastiano’sLazarus。Theymusthavelookedtheiramazement,forshesaidinahollowvoice:
`Ah-sceeredye,haveI!Iwasn’tgoingtobideuptherenolonger,topleasenobody!’Tismorethanfleshandbloodcanbear,tobeorderedtodothisandthatbyafellerthatdon’tknowhalfaswellasyoudoyour-self!……Ah-you’llruethismarryingaswellashe!’sheadded,turningtoSue。`Allourfamilydo-andnearlyalleverybodyelse’s。YoushouldhavedoneasIdid,yousimpleton!AndPhillotsontheschoolmaster,ofallmen!Whatmade’eemarryhim?’
`Whatmakesmostwomenmarry,Aunt?’
`Ah!Youmeantosayyoulovedtheman!’
`Idon’tmeanttosayanythingdefinite。’
`Doyeloveun?’
`Don’taskme,Aunt。’
`Icanmindthemanverywell。Averycivil,honourableliver;
butLord!-Idon’twanttowowndyourfeelings,but-therebecertainmenhereandtherethatnowomanofanynicenesscanstomach。Ishouldhavesaidhewasone。Idon’tsaysonow,sinceyoumustha’knownbetterthanI-butthat’swhatIshouldhavesaid!’
Suejumpedupandwentout。Judefollowedher,andfoundherintheouthouse,crying。
`Don’tcry,dear!’saidJudeindistress。`Shemeanswell,butisverycrustyandqueernow,youknow。’
`Ohno-itisn’tthat!’saidSue,tryingtodryhereyes。`I
don’tmindherroughnessonebit。’
`Whatisit,then?’
`Itisthatwhatshesaysis-istrue!’
`God-what-youdon’tlikehim?’askedJude。
`Idon’tmeanthat!’shesaidhastily。`ThatIought-perhapsIoughtnottohavemarried!’
Hewonderedifshehadreallybeengoingtosaythatatfirst。
Theywentback,andthesubjectwassmoothedover,andheraunttookratherkindlytoSue,tellingherthatnotmanyyoungwomennewlymarriedwouldhavecomesofartoseeasickoldcronelikeher。IntheafternoonSuepreparedtodepart,JudehiringaneighbourtodrivehertoAlfredston。
`I’llgowithyoutothestation,ifyou’dlike?’hesaid。
Shewouldnotlethim。Themancameroundwiththetrap,andJudehelpedherintoit,perhapswithunnecessaryattention,forshelookedathimprohibitively。
`Isuppose-Imaycometoseeyousomeday,whenIambackagainatMelchester?’hehalf-crosslyobserved。
Shebentdownandsaidsoftly:`No,dear-youarenottocomeyet。Idon’tthinkyouareinagoodmood。’
`Verywell,’saidJude。`Good-bye!’
`Good-bye!’Shewavedherhandandwasgone。
`She’sright!Iwon’tgo!’hemurmured。
Hepassedtheeveningandfollowingdaysinmortifyingbyeverypossiblemeanshiswishtoseeher,nearlystarvinghimselfinattemptstoextinguishbyfastinghispassionatetendencytoloveher。Hereadsermonsondiscipline,andhunteduppassagesinChurchhistorythattreatedoftheAsceticsofthesecondcentury。BeforehehadreturnedfromMarygreentoMelchestertherearrivedaletterfromArabella。Thesightofitrevivedastrongerfeelingofself-condemnationforhisbriefreturntohersocietythanforhisattachmenttoSue。
Theletter,heperceived,boreaLondonpostmarkinsteadoftheChristminsterone。ArabellainformedhimthatafewdaysaftertheirpartinginthemorningatChristminster,shehadbeensurprisedbyanaffectionateletterfromherAustralianhusband,formerlymanagerofthehotelinSydney。
HehadcometoEnglandonpurposetofindher;andhadtakenafree,fully-licensedpublic,inLambeth,wherehewishedhertojoinhiminconductingthebusiness,whichwaslikelytobeaverythrivingone,thehousebeingsituatedinanexcellent,denselypopulated,gin-drinkingneighbourhood,andalreadydoingatradeof200poundsamonth,whichcouldbeeasilydoubled。
Ashehadsaidthathelovedherverymuchstill,andimploredhertotellhimwhereshewas,andastheyhadonlypartedinaslighttiff,andasherengagementinChristminsterwasonlytemporary,shehadjustgonetojoinhimasheurged。ShecouldnothelpfeelingthatshebelongedtohimmorethantoJude,sinceshehadproperlymarriedhim,andhadlivedwithhimmuchlongerthanwithherfirsthusband。InthuswishingJudegood-byesheborehimnoill-will,andtrustedhewouldnotturnuponher,aweakwoman,andinformagainsther,andbringhertoruinnowthatshehadachanceofimprovinghercircumstancesandleadingagenteellife。
JudetheObscureChapter28III-xJudereturnedtoMelchester,whichhadthequestionablerecommendationofbeingonlyadozenandahalfmilesfromhisSue’snowpermanentresidence。
Atfirsthefeltthatthisnearnesswasadistinctreasonfornotgoingsouthwardatall;butChristminsterwastoosadaplacetobear,whiletheproximityofShastontoMelchestermightaffordhimthegloryofworstingtheEnemyinacloseengagement,suchaswasdeliberatelysoughtbythepriestsandvirginsoftheearlyChurch,who,disdaininganignominiousflightfromtemptation,becameevenchamber-partnerswithimpunity。Judedidnotpausetorememberthat,inthelaconicwordsofthehistorian,`insultedNaturesometimesvindicatedherrights’insuchcircumstances。
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