首页 >出版文学> Jude the Obscure>第19章

第19章

  Thenawaveofwarmthcameoverhimashethoughthownearhenowstoodtothebright-eyedvivaciousgirlwiththebroadforeheadandpileofdarkhairaboveit;thegirlwiththekindlingglance,daringlysoftattimes-somethinglikethatofthegirlshehadseeninengravingsfrompaintingsoftheSpanishschool。Shewashere-actuallyinthisClose-inoneofthehousesconfrontingthisverywestfa&;cced;ade。
  Hewentdownthebroadgravelpathtowardsthebuilding。Itwasanancientedificeofthefifteenthcentury,onceapalace,nowatraining-school,withmullionedandtransomedwindows,andacourtyardinfrontshutinfromtheroadbyawall。Judeopenedthegateandwentuptothedoorthroughwhich,oninquiringforhiscousin,hewasgingerlyadmittedtoawaiting-room,andinafewminutesshecame。
  Thoughshehadbeenheresuchashortwhile,shewasnotashehadseenherlast。Allherboundingmannerwasgone;hercurvesofmotionhadbecomesubduedlines。Thescreensandsubtletiesofconventionhadlikewisedisappeared。Yetneitherwasshequitethewomanwhohadwrittentheletterthatsummonedhim。Thathadplainlybeendashedoffinanimpulsewhichsecondthoughtshadsomewhatregretted;thoughtsthatwerepossiblyofhisrecentself-disgrace。Judewasquiteovercomewithemotion。
  `Youdon’t-thinkmeademoralizedwretch-forcomingtoyouasIwas-andgoingsoshamefully,Sue?’
  `Oh,Ihavetriednotto!Yousaidenoughtoletmeknowwhathadcausedit。IhopeIshallneverhaveanydoubtofyourworthiness,mypoorJude!AndIamgladyouhavecome!’
  Sheworeamurrey-colouredgownwithalittlelacecollar。Itwasmadequiteplain,andhungaboutherslightfigurewithclinginggracefulness。
  Herhair,whichformerlyshehadwornaccordingtothecustomofthedaywasnowtwisteduptightly,andshehadaltogethertheairofawomanclippedandprunedbyseverediscipline,anunder-brightnessshiningthroughfromthedepthswhichthatdisciplinehadnotyetbeenabletoreach。
  Shehadcomeforwardprettily,butJudefeltthatshehadhardlyexpectedhimtokissher,ashewasburningtodo,underothercoloursthanthoseofcousinship。HecouldnotperceivetheleastsignthatSueregardedhimasalover,oreverwoulddoso,nowthatsheknewtheworstofhim,evenifhehadtherighttobehaveasone;andthishelpedonhisgrowingresolvetotellherofhismatrimonialentanglement,whichhehadputoffdoingfromtimetotimeinsheerdreadoflosingtheblissofhercompany。
  Suecameoutintothetownwithhim,andtheywalkedandtalkedwithtonguescentredonlyonthepassingmoments。Judesaidhewouldliketobuyheralittlepresentofsomesort,andthensheconfessed,withsomethingofshame,thatshewasdreadfullyhungry。Theywerekeptonveryshortallowancesinthecollege,andadinner,tea,andsupperallinonewasthepresentshemostdesiredintheworld。Judethereupontookhertoaninnandorderedwhateverthehouseafforded,whichwasnotmuch。
  Theplace,however,gavethemadelightfulopportunityforatê;te-à;-tê;te,nobodyelsebeingintheroom,andtheytalkedfreely。
  Shetoldhimabouttheschoolasitwasatthatdate,andtheroughliving,andthemixedcharacterofherfellow-students,gatheredtogetherfromallpartsofthediocese,andhowshehadtogetupandworkbygas-lightintheearlymorning,withallthebitternessofayoungpersontowhomrestraintwasnew。Toallthishelistened;butitwasnotwhathewantedespeciallytoknow-herrelationswithPhillotson。Thatwaswhatshedidnottell。Whentheyhadsatandeaten,Judeimpulsivelyplacedhishanduponhers;shelookedupandsmiled,andtookhisquitefreelyintoherownlittlesoftone,dividinghisfingersandcoollyexaminingthem,asiftheywerethefingersofagloveshewaspurchasing。
  `Yourhandsareratherrough,Jude,aren’tthey?’shesaid。
  `Yes。Sowouldyoursbeiftheyheldamalletandchiselallday。’
  `Idon’tdislikeit,youknow。Ithinkitisnobletoseeaman’shandssubduedtowhatheworksin……Well,I’mrathergladIcametothistraining-school,afterall。SeehowindependentIshallbeafterthetwoyears’training!Ishallpassprettyhigh,Iexpect,andMr。Phillotsonwillusehisinfluencetogetmeabigschool。’
  Shehadtouchedthesubjectatlast。`Ihadasuspicion,afear,’
  saidJude,`thathe-caredaboutyouratherwarmly,andperhapswantedtomarryyou。’
  `Nowdon’tbesuchasillyboy!’
  `Hehassaidsomethingaboutit,Iexpect。’
  `Ifhehad,whatwoulditmatter?Anoldmanlikehim!’
  `Oh,come,Sue;he’snotsoveryold。AndIknowwhatIsawhimdoing`Notkissingme-thatI’mcertain!’
  `No。Butputtinghisarmroundyourwaist。’
  `Ah-Iremember。ButIdidn’tknowhewasgoingto。’
  `Youarewrigglingoutifit,Sue,anditisn’tquitekind!’
  Herever-sensitivelipbegantoquiver,andhereyetoblink,atsomethingthisreproofwasdecidinghertosay。
  `Iknowyou’llbeangryifItellyoueverything,andthat’swhyIdon’twantto!’
  `Verywell,then,dear,’hesaidsoothingly。`Ihavenorealrighttoaskyou,andIdon’twishtoknow。’
  `Ishalltellyou!’saidshe,withtheperversenessthatwaspartofher。`ThisiswhatIhavedone:Ihavepromised-Ihavepromised-
  thatIwillmarryhimwhenIcomeoutofthetraining-schooltwoyearshence,andhavegotmycertificate;hisplanbeingthatweshallthentakealargedoubleschoolinagreattown-hetheboys’andIthegirls’-
  asmarriedschool-teachersoftendo,andmakeagoodincomebetweenus。’
  `Oh,Sue!……Butofcourseitisright-youcouldn’thavedonebetter!’
  Heglancedatherandtheireyesmet,thereproachinhisownbelyinghiswords。Thenhedrewhishandquiteawayfromhers,andturnedhisfaceinestrangementfromhertothewindow。Sueregardedhimpassivelywithoutmoving。
  `Iknewyouwouldbeangry!’shesaidwithanairofnoemotionwhatever。`Verywell-Iamwrong,Isuppose!Ioughtnottohaveletyoucometoseeme!Wehadbetternotmeetagain;andwe’llonlycorrespondatlongintervals,onpurelybusinessmatters!’
  Thiswasjusttheonethinghewouldnotbeabletobear,assheprobablyknew,anditbroughthimroundatonce。`Ohyes,wewill,’hesaidquickly。`Yourbeingengagedcanmakenodifferencetomewhatever。
  IhaveaperfectrighttoseeyouwhenIwantto;andIshall!’
  `Thendon’tletustalkofitanymore。Itisquitespoilingoureveningtogether。Whatdoesitmatteraboutwhatoneisgoingtodotwoyearshence!’
  Shewassomethingofariddletohim,andheletthesubjectdriftaway。`Shallwegoandsitinthecathedral?’heasked,whentheirmealwasfinished。
  `Cathedral?Yes。ThoughIthinkI’drathersitintherailwaystation,’sheanswered,aremnantofvexationstillinhervoice。`That’sthecentreofthetownlifenow。Thecathedralhashaditsday!’
  `Howmodernyouare!’
  `SowouldyoubeifyouhadlivedsomuchintheMiddleAgesasIhavedonetheselastfewyears!Thecathedralwasaverygoodplacefourorfivecenturiesago;butitisplayedoutnow……Iamnotmodern,either。
  Iammoreancientthanmediaevalism,ifyouonlyknew。’
  Judelookeddistressed。
  `There-Iwon’tsayanymoreofthat!’shecried。`Onlyyoudon’tknowhowbadIam,fromyourpointofview,oryouwouldn’tthinksomuchofme,orcarewhetherIwasengagedornot。Nowthere’sjusttimeforustowalkroundtheClose,thenImustgoin,orIshallbelockedoutforthenight。’
  Hetookhertothegateandtheyparted。Judehadaconvictionthathisunhappyvisittoheronthatsadnighthadprecipitatedthismarriageengagement,anditdidanythingbutaddtohishappiness。Herreproachhadtakenthatshape,then,andnottheshapeofwords。However,nextdayhesetaboutseekingemployment,whichitwasnotsoeasytogetasatChristminster,therebeing,asarule,lessstone-cuttinginprogressinthisquietcity,andhandsbeingmostlypermanent。Butheedgedhimselfinbydegrees。Hisfirstworkwassomecarvingatthecemeteryonthehill;
  andultimatelyhebecameengagedonthelabourhemostdesired-thecathedralrepairs,whichwereveryextensive,thewholeinteriorstoneworkhavingbeenoverhauled,tobelargelyreplacedbynew。Itmightbealabourofyearstogetitalldone,andhehadconfidenceenoughinhisownskillwiththemalletandchiseltofeelthatitwouldbeamatterofchoicewithhimselfhowlonghewouldstay。
  ThelodgingshetookneartheCloseGatewouldnothavedisgracedacurate,therentrepresentingahigherpercentageonhiswagesthanmechanicsofanysortusuallycaretopay。Hiscombinedbedandsitting-roomwasfurnishedwithframedphotographsoftherectoriesanddeaneriesatwhichhislandladyhadlivedastrustedservantinhertime,andtheparlourdownstairsboreaclockonthemantelpieceinscribedtotheeffectthatitwaspresentedtothesameserious-mindedwomanbyherfellow-servantsontheoccasionofhermarriage。Judeaddedtothefurnitureofhisroombyunpackingphotographsoftheecclesiasticalcarvingsandmonumentsthathehadexecutedwithhisownhands;andhewasdeemedasatisfactoryacquisitionastenantofthevacantapartment。
  Hefoundanamplesupplyoftheologicalbooksinthecitybook-shops,andwiththesehisstudieswererecommencedinadifferentspiritanddirectionfromhisformercourse。AsarelaxationfromtheFathers,andsuchstockworksasPaleyandButler,hereadNewman,Pusey,andmanyothermodernlights。Hehiredaharmonium,setitupinhislodging,andpractisedchantsthereon,singleanddouble。
  JudetheObscureChapter20III-ii`To-morrowisourgrandday,youknow。Whereshallwego?’
  `Ihaveleavefromthreetillnine。Whereverwecangettoandcomebackfrominthattime。Notruins,Jude-Idon’tcareforthem。’
  `Well-WardourCastle。AndthenwecandoFonthillifwelike-allinthesameafternoon。’
  `WardourisGothicruins-andIhateGothic!’
  `No。Quiteotherwise。Itisaclassicbuilding-Corinthian,I
  think;withalotofpictures。’
  `Ah-thatwilldo。IlikethesoundofCorinthian。We’llgo。’
  Theirconversationhadrunthussomefewweekslater,andnextmorningtheypreparedtostart。EverydetailoftheoutingwasafacetreflectingasparkletoJude,andhedidnotventuretomeditateonthelifeofinconsistencyhewasleading。HisSue’sconductwasonelovelyconundrumtohim;hecouldsaynomore。
  Theredulycamethecharmofcallingatthecollegedoorforher;
  heremergenceinanunlikesimplicityofcostumethatwasratherenforcedthandesired;thetraipsingalongtothestation,theporters’`B’yourleave!,’thescreamingofthetrains-everythingformedthebasisofabeautifulcrystallization。NobodystaredatSue,becauseshewassoplainlydressed,whichcomfortedJudeinthethoughtthatonlyhimselfknewthecharmsthosehabilimentssubdued。Amatteroftenpoundsspentinadrapery-shop,whichhadnoconnectionwithherreallifeorherrealself,wouldhavesetallMelchesterstaring。Theguardofthetrainthoughttheywerelovers,andputthemintoacompartmentallbythemselves。
  `That’sagoodintentionwasted!’saidshe。
  Judedidnotrespond。Hethoughttheremarkunnecessarilycruel,andpartlyuntrue。
  Theyreachedtheparkandcastleandwanderedthroughthepicture-galleries,JudestoppingbypreferenceinfrontofthedevotionalpicturesbyDelSarto,GuidoReni,Spagnoletto,Sassoferrato,CarloDolci,andothers。
  Suepausedpatientlybesidehim,andstolecriticallooksintohisfaceas,regardingtheVirgins,HolyFamilies,andSaints,itgrewreverentandabstracted。Whenshehadthoroughlyestimatedhimatthis,shewouldmoveonandwaitforhimbeforeaLelyorReynolds。Itwasevidentthathercousindeeplyinterestedher,asonemightbeinterestedinamanpuzzlingouthiswayalongalabyrinthfromwhichonehadone’sselfescaped。
  WhentheycameoutalongtimestillremainedtothemandJudeproposedthatassoonastheyhadhadsomethingtoeattheyshouldwalkacrossthehighcountrytothenorthoftheirpresentposition,andinterceptthetrainofanotherrailwayleadingbacktoMelchester,atastationaboutsevenmilesoff。Sue,whowasinclinedforanyadventurethatwouldintensifythesenseofherday’sfreedom,readilyagreed;andawaytheywent,leavingtheadjoiningstationbehindthem。
  Itwasindeedopencountry,wideandhigh。Theytalkedandboundedon,Judecuttingfromalittlecovertalongwalking-stickforSueastallasherself,withagreatcrook,whichmadeherlooklikeashepherdess。