首页 >出版文学> Jeremy>第10章

第10章

  Jeremy’sface,raisedtohisfather’s,washardandsetandsullen。
  “I’vetoldalie,“hesaid;“IsaidI’dcleanedmyteethwhenI
  hadn’t。Nursewentandlooked,andthenIcalledherabeastlywoman。“
  TheJampot’sfaceexpressedagrievedandatthesametimetriumphantconfirmationofthis。
  “Youtoldalie?“Mr。Cole’svoicewasfullofalingeringsorrow。
  “Yes,“saidJeremy。
  “Areyousorry?“
  “I’msorrythatItoldalie,butI’mnotsorryIcalledNurseabeastlywoman。“
  “Jeremy!“
  “No,I’mnot。Sheisabeastlywoman。“
  Mr。Colewasalwaysatalosswhenanyonedefiedhim,eventhoughitwereonlyasmallboyofeight。Hetookrefugenowinhisecclesiasticalandparentalauthority。
  “I’mverydistressed——verydistressedindeed。Ihopethatpunishment,Jeremy,willshowyouhowwrongyouhavebeen。I’mafraidyoucannotcomewithustothePantomimeto-night。“
  AtthatjudgementaquiverforaninstantheldJeremy’sface,turningit,forthatmoment,intosomethingshapelessandold。Hishearthadgivenawildleapofterroranddismay。Butheshowednofurthersign。Hesimplystoodtherewaiting。
  Mr。Colewasbaffled,ashealwayswasbyJeremy’smoods,sohecontinued:
  “Anduntilyou’veapologisedtoNurseforyourrudenessyoumustremainbyyourself。Ishallforbidyoursisterstospeaktoyou。
  MaryandHelen,youarenottospeaktoyourbrotheruntilhehasapologisedtoNurse。“
  “Yes,Father,“saidHelen“Oh,Father,mayn’thecometo-night?“saidMary。
  “No,Mary,I’mafraidnot。“
  Atearrolleddownhercheek。“Itwon’tbeanyfunwithoutJeremy,“
  shesaid。ShewishedtomakethefurthersacrificeofsayingthatshewouldnotgounlessJeremydid,butsomenaturalcautionrestrainedher。
  Mr。Cole,hisfaceheavywithsorrow,departed。AtthedumbmiseryofJeremy’sfacetheJampot’shear——inrealityakindandevensentimentalheart——repentedher。
  “There,MasterJeremy,youbeagoodboyallday,andIdaresayyourfatherwilltakeyou,afterall;andwewon’tthinknomoreaboutwhatyousaidtomeinthe’eatofthemoment。“
  ButJeremyanswerednothing;nordidherespondtothesmellofbacon,northeadvancesofHamlet,northefloodofsunlightthatpouredintotheroomfromthefrostyworldoutside。
  Acompletecatastrophe。Theynoneofthemhadwantedtoseethisthingwiththeurgentexcitementthathehadfelt。Theyhadnotdreamtofitfordaysandnightsandnightsanddays,ashehaddone。Theirwholefutureexistencedidnotdependupontheirwitnessingthis,asdidhis。
  Duringthatmorninghewasadesperatecreature,likesomethingcagedandtortured。Dohappymiddle-agedphilosophersassureusthatchildrenarelight-heartedandunfeelinganimals?LetthemrealisesomethingoftheagonywhichJeremysufferedthatday。Hiswholeworldhadgone。
  Hewaswicked,anoutcast;hiswordcouldneverbetrustedagain;hewouldbepointedat,astheboywhohadtoldalie……AndhewouldnotmeetDickWhittington。
  Theeternityofhispunishmenthungaroundhisnecklikeanironchain。Childhood’stragediesareterribletragedies,becauseachildhasnosenseoftime;amoment’sdismayiseternal;acarelesswordfromanelderisalastingjudgment;aninstant’sfollyisalifetime’smistake。
  Thedaydraggeditswearylengthalong,andhescarcelymovedfromhiscornerbythefire。Hedidnotattemptconversationwithanyone。
  OnceortwicetheJampottriedtopenetratebehindthatlittlemaskofangeranddismay。
  “Come,now,thingsaren’tsobadasallthat。Youbeagoodboy,andgoandtellyourfatheryou’resorry……“or“Well,then,MasterJeremy,there’llbeanothertime,Idaresay,youcangotothethe-
  ayter……“
  Butshefoundnoresponse。Iftherewasonethingthatshehated,itwassulks。Heretheywere,sulksoftheworst——andso,likemanywiserthanherself,shecoveredupwithawordasituationthatshedidnotunderstand,andleftitatthat。
  Theeveningcameon;thecurtainsweredrawn。Teaarrived;stillJeremysatthere,notspeaking,notraisinghiseyes,acondemnedcreature。MaryandHelenandHamlethadhadawretchedday。Theyallsympathisedwithhim。
  Thegirlswenttodress。Seveno’clockstruck。TheyweretakendownstairsbyNurse,whohadhereveningout。Rose,thehousemaid,wouldsitwithMasterJeremy。
  Doorsclosed,doorsopened,voicesechoed,carriage-wheelswereheard。
  JeremyandHamletwerelefttothemselves……
  III
  Thelastdoorhadclosed,andthesuddensensethateveryonehadgoneandthathemightbehavenowashepleased,removedthearmourinwhichalldayhehadencasedhimself。
  Heraisedhishead,lookedaboutthedesertednursery,andthen,withthesuddenconsciousnessofthatotherlightedandbusiedplacewhereWhittingtonwaspursuinghisadventures,heburstintotears。
  Hesobbed,hisheaddownuponhisarms,andhisbodysqueezedtogethersothathiskneeswereclosetohisnoseandhishairinhisboots。Hamletrestoredhimtohimself。Insteadofassistinghismaster’sgrief,asasentimentaldogwouldhavedone,bysighingorsniffingorhowling,heyawned,stretchedhimself,androlledonthecarpet。Hedidnotbelieveingivingwaytofeelings,andhewassurprised,andperhapsdisappointed,atJeremy’slackofrestraint。
  Jeremyfeltthis,andinalittlewhilesobscameveryslowly,andatlastwereonlylittleshudders,ratherpleasantandhealthy。Helookedabouthim,rubbedhisrednosewithahideouslydirtyhandkerchief,andfeltimmenselysleepy。
  No,hewouldnotcryanymore。Rosewouldshortlyappear,andhedidnotintendtocrybeforehousemaids。Nevertheless,hisdesolationwassupreme。Hewasaliar。Hehadtoldliesbefore,buttheyhadnotbeendiscovered,andsotheywerescarcelylies……Now,insomestrangeway,thepublicationofhisliehadshownhimwhattrulyimpossiblethingslieswere。Hehadwitnessedthiseffectuponthegeneralpublic;hehadnotbelievedthathewassowicked。Hedidnotevennowfeelreallywicked,buthesawquiteclearlythattherewasoneworldforliarsandonefortruthfulmen。Hewanted,terriblybadly,someonetotellhimthathewasstillintherightworld……
  Andthen,ontheotherside,thethoughtthatMaryandHelenwereatthisverymomentwitnessingthecolouredhistoryofDickWhittinglon,thehistorythathehadpursuedceaselesslyduringallthesedaysandnights——thatpictureofthemallinthelightedtheatre——oncemorenearlyovercamehim。Buthepulledhimselftogether。
  Hesniffed,lefthisdirtyhandkerchief,andwentslowlyandsorrowfullytodragouthistoyvillagefromitscornerandseewhetheranythingcouldbedonewithit……Afterall,hewasgoingtoschoolinSeptember。Hispunishmentcouldnotbequitelimitless。
  HamlethadjustshownhisapprovalofthismanlyconductbystrollingupandsniffingattheNoahfamily,whowere,asusual,ontheirwaytochurch,whenthedoorsuddenlyopened,andincameUncleSamuel。
  Jeremyhadforgottenhisuncle,andnowblinkedupathimfromthefloor,wherehewassquatting,ratherashamedofhisswolleneyesandrednose。
  UncleSamuel,however,hadnotimefordetails;hewasapparentlyinahurry。Hedidnotwearhisbluepainting-smock,butwasinacomparativelycleanblacksuit,andonthebackofhisheadwasasquashybrownhat。
  “Comeon,“hesaid,“orweshallbetoolate。“
  Jeremychoked。“Toolate?“herepeated。
  “You’recoming,aren’tyou——tothePantomime?Theysentmebackforyou。“
  Theroomsuddenlygotontoitslegs,likethefoodandthefamiliesduringAlice’sfeastinthe“LookingGlass,“andswunground,lurchingfromsidetoside,andcausingthefiretorunintothegasandthegastoflyoutofthewindow。
  “I——don’t——understand,“Jeremystammered。
  “Well,ifyoudon’tunderstandinhalfashake,“saidUncleSamuel,“youwon’tseeanyoftheshowatall。Goon。Washyourface。TherearestreaksofdirtalldownitasthoughyouwereapaintedIndian;
  stickonyourcapandcoatandbootsandcomealong。“
  ExactlyasonemovesinsleepsoJeremynowmoved。Hehadoncehadawonderfuldream,inwhichhehadbeenatamealthatincludedeverythingthathehadmostloved——fish-cakes,sausages,ices,strawberryjam,sponge-cake,chocolates,andscrambledeggs——andhehadbeenabletoeat,andeat,andhadneverbeensatisfied,andhadneverfeltsick——alovelydream。
  Heoftenthoughtofit。Andnowinthesamebewilderingfashionhefoundhisbootsandcapandcoatandthen,deliberatelykeepingfromhimthethoughtofthePantomimelestheshouldsuddenlywakeup,hesaid: