Jeremywasnot,perhaps,sotactfulashemighthavebeen。“Ohbother,Mary!“hewouldsay。“You’vegoneandwakedHamletup!“or“Don’tstrokeHamletthatway,Mary;hehatesit!“or“No,I’mgoingforawalkwithHamlet;wedon’twantanyone!“OrHamlethimselfwouldsuddenlybarkatherasthoughhehatedher,orwouldbarehisteethandgrinatherinamocking,sarcasticwaythathehad。Atfirst,asananswertothis,shehadtheridiculousideaofherselfadoptingananimal,andsheselected,forthispurpose,thekitchencat,adull,somnolentbeast,whosesleekblackhairwasfurtive,andgreen,crookedeyesmalignant。ThecatshowednosignsofaffectionforMary,norcouldsheherselfhonestlycareforit。Whenshebroughtitwithherintotheschoolroom,Hamlettreateditinascornful,sarcasticfashionthatwasworsethanoutrageousattack。
Thecatwasuncleanly,andwasspeedilybanishedbackintothekitchen。Mary’sjealousyofHamletthengrewapace,andwiththatjealousy,unfortunately,hersecretappreciationofhissplendours。
Shecouldnothelpadmittingtoherselfthathewasthemostattractivedogintheworld。Shewouldlookathimfromunderherspectacleswhenshewassupposedtobereadingandwatchhimasherolled,kickinghislegsintheair,orlaystretchedout,hisblackwetnoseagainsthispaws,hiseyesgleaming,hisgazefixedlikethepointofadaggerraisedtostrike,uponsometrophy,orenemy,orspoil,orsat,solemnandpompous,liketheLordMayorholdingameeting,asJeremysaid,upagainsthismaster’sleg,squareandsolidasthoughhewerecutoutofwood,hispeakedbeardsupercilious,hisveryearsatapatronisingangle;or,asMarylovedbestofalltoseehim,whenhewassimplychildish,playing,asthoughhewasstillanew-foundpuppy,withpiecesofpaperorballsofstring,rollingandchoking,growling,purring,staggeringandtumbling。Atsuchtimes,againandagain,herimpulsewouldbetogoforwardandapplaudhim,andthen,theinstinctthatshewouldbecheckedbyJeremystayedher。
SheknewverywellthatJeremyrealisednothingofthis。Jeremywasnotgiventotheconsiderationofotherpeople’smotives——hisownindependencesavedhimfromanxietyaboutothers。HehadtheEnglishcharacteristicoffancyingthatothersmustlikeanddislikeashehimselflikedanddisliked。Ofsentimenthehadnoknowledgewhatever。
AsthisyeargrewtowardssummerMaryhadthefeelingthatJeremywasslippingawayfromher。Shedidnotknowwhathadhappenedtohim。Intheolddayshehadaskedheropinionaboutmanythings;hehadscornedtoenjoythelongstoriesthatshehadtoldhim——atanyrate,hehadlistenedtothemverypolitely——andhehadaskedhertosuggestgamesortoplaywithhistoys。Nowasthesummerdrewnear,hedidnoneofthesethings。Hewasfranklyimpatientwithherstories,neveraskedheradviceaboutanything,andneverplayedwithher。Washegrowingveryconceited?Wasitbecausehewasgoingtoschool,andthoughthimselftoooldforhissisters?No,hedidnotseemtobeconceited——hehadalwaysbeenproud,butneverconceited。Itwasratherasthoughhehadlatelyhadthoughtsofhisown,almostagainsthiswill,andthatthesehadshuthimofffromthepeopleroundhim。
Then,whentheirmotherwassoillandBarbaramadeherstartlingappearanceJeremykeptmoretohimself。Henevertalkedabouthismother’sillness,asdidtheothers,andyetMaryknewthathehadbeenmoredeeplyconcernedthananyofthem。Shehadbeenmiserable,ofcourse,buttoJeremyithadbeenasthoughhehadbeenledintoanewworldaltogether;Helenandshewerestillintheiroldplaces,andJeremyhadleftthem。
AtlastjustbeforetheyallmovedtoCowFarmMarymadeasillyscene。Shehadnotintendedtomakeascene。Scenesseemedtocomeuponher,likeevilbirds,straightoutoftheair,toseizeherbeforesheknewwhereshewas,toenvelopandcarryherupwiththem;atlast,whenallthemischiefwasdone,tosetheronherfeetagain,battered,tornandbitterlyashamed。Oneeveningshewassittingdeepin“CharlotteMary,“andHamlet,bunchedupagainsthismaster’sleg,staredather。ShehadlongagotoldherselfthatitwasridiculoustomindwhatHamletdid,thathewasnotlookingather,and,inanycase,hewasonlya,dog——andsoon。
Butto-nightshewastired,andhadreadsolongthatherheadached——Hamletwaslaughingather,hiseyesstaredthroughhishairather,cynically,superciliously,contemptuously。Hislipcurledandhisbeardbristled。Movedbyasuddenwildimpulseshepickedup“TheChapletofPearls“andthrewitathim。Ithithimnotveryseverely,andhegavethesharp,melodramatichowlthathealwaysusedwhenitwashisdignityratherthanhisbodythatwashurt。
Jeremylookedup,sawwhathadhappened,andafinescenefollowed。
Maryhadhysterics,stampedandscreamedandhowled。Jeremy,hisfacewhite,stoodandsaidnothing,butlookedasthoughhehatedher,whichatthatmomentheundoubtedlydid。Itwasthatlookwhichmorethananythingelseintheworldshedreaded。
Shemadeherselfsickwithcrying;thenapologisedwithanabjectionthatonlyirritatedhimthemore;finallyrememberedthesmallestdetailsoftheaffairlongafterhehadforgottenallaboutit。
II
DuringthefirstweeksatCowFarmMarywashappy。Shehadthenmanyespecialprivatejoys,suchasclimbingintooneoftheoldappletreesbehindthehouseandreadingthere,safefromtheworld,orinventingforherselfwonderfuladventuresoutofthedarkgloomsandsunlitspacesoftheorchard,orcreepingabouttheloftsandbarnsasthoughtheywerefullofthemostdesperatedangersandhazardsthatshealonehadthepluckandintelligencetoovercome。
ThenMrs。Monkwaskindtoher,andlistenedtoherimaginativechatterwithamostmarvellouspatience。Marydidnotknowthat,afterthesenarrations,shewouldshakeherheadandsaytoherhusband:“Notlongforthisworld,I’mthinking,poorworm……notlongforthisworld。“
Then,atfirstJeremywaskindandconsiderate。Hewassohappythathedidnotmindwhatanyonedid,andhewouldlistentoMary’sstoriesquiteintheoldway,whistlingtohimself,notthinkingaboutheratallperhaps,really,butverypatient。Afterthefirstfortnightheslippedawayfromheragain——andnowmorethaneverbefore。HewentoffforlongwalkswithHamlet,refusingtotakeherwiththem;heansweredherquestionssovaguelythatshecouldseethathepaidhernoattentionatall;heturneduponherandrentherifshecomplained。Anditwasall,shewassure,thathorribledog。JeremywasalwayswithHamletnow。Thefreelifethatthefarmgavethem,nolessons,nosethours,nocareforappearances,leftthemtochoosetheirownways,andsodevelopedtheirindividualities。Helenwasnowmoreandmorewithherelders,wasbecomingthatinvaluablething,“agreathelptohermother,“andeven,toherowninexhaustiblepride,paidtwocallswithMrs。Coleonthewivesofneighbouringfarmers。Then,BarbaraabsorbedmorethaneverofHelen’sattention,andMarywasnotallowedtoshareintheseritesandservicesbecause“shealwaysmadeBarbaracry。“
Shewas,therefore,verymuchalone,andfeltallherinjuriestwiceasdeeplyasshehadfeltthembefore。Hamletbegantobeanobsessionwithher。Shehadalwayshadahabitoftalkingtoherself,andnowshecouldbeheardtellingherselfthatifitwerenotforthedog,Jeremywouldalwaysbewithher,wouldplaywithher,walkwithher,laughwithherasheusedtodo。Sheacquirednowanawkwardhabitofgazingathimwithpassionateintensity。Hewouldraisehiseyesandfindthegreatmoon-facedspectaclesfixeduponhimwithabeseeching,reproachfulglareinthelightofthem。
Thiswouldirritatehimintensely。Hewouldsay:
“You’llknowmenexttime,Mary。“
Shewouldblushcrimsonandthen,withtremblingmouth,answer:
“Iwasn’tlooking。“
“Yes,youwere。“
“No,Iwasn’t。“
“Ofcourse,youwere——staringasthoughIwereanIndianorChinaman。Ifmyfaceisdirty,sayso。“
“Itisn’tdirty。“
“Well,then——“
“You’realwayssocross。“
“I’mnotcross——onlyyou’resosilly——“
“Youusen’talwaystosayIwassilly。Nowyoualwaysdo——everyminute。“
“Soyouare。“Thenashesawthetearscominghewouldgetupandgoaway。Hedidn’tmeantobeunkindtoher;hewasfondofher——buthehatedscenes。
“Mary’salwayshowlingaboutsomethingnow,“heconfidedtoHelen。
“Isshe?“Helenansweredwithindifference。“Mary’ssuchababy。“
SoMarybegantoattributeeverythingtothedog。Itseemedtoherthenthatshemettheanimaleverywhere。CowFarmwasaramblingbuilding,withdark,unevenstairs,low-ceilingedrooms,queer,oddcorners,andsuddenunexpecteddoors。ItseemedtoMaryasthoughinthisplacethereweretwoHamlets。When,intheeveningshewenttoherroom,hurryingthroughthepassagesforfearofwhatshemightsee,stumblingovertheunevenboards,snifflingthemiceandstrawunderthesmellofhertallowcandle,suddenlyoutofnowhereatallHamletwouldappearscurryingalong,liketheWhiteRabbit,intentonseriousbusiness。
Hecamesosoftlyandwithsosuddenaflurryandscatterwhenshedidhearhimthatherheartwouldbeatforminutesafterwards,andshewouldnotdarethatnighttosearch,assheusuallydid,forburglarsunderherbed,butwouldlie,quaking,hotandstaring,unabletosleep。Whenatlastdreamscametheywouldbehauntedbyamonstrousdog,allhairandeyes,who,withpaddingfeet,wouldtrackherroundandroundaroomfromwhichtherewasnoescape。
Hamlet,beingoneofthewisestofdogs,veryquicklydiscoveredthatMaryhatedhim。Hewasnotasentimentaldog,andhedidnotdevotehistimetoinventingwaysinwhichhemightplacatehisenemy,hesimplyavoidedher。Buthecouldnothinderacertaincynicalandironicpleasurethathehadof,sotospeak,flauntinghismasterinherface。HeclungtoJeremymoreresolutelythanever,wouldjumpupathim,lickhishandsandtumbleaboutinfrontofhimwheneverMarywasthere,andthensuddenly,verystraightandverygrave,wouldstareatherasthoughhewerethemostdevoutandobedientdogintheplace。Indeed,heborehernomalice;hecouldaffordtodisregardtheMarysofthisworld,andofwomeningeneralhehadapooropinion。Buthelovedtotease,andMarywasaneasyprey。Hehadhisfunwithher。
Aftertheaffairofthesea-picnic,Jeremywasforsometimeunderacloud。Itwasfeltthathewasgettingtoobigforanyonetomanage。
Itwasnotthathewaswicked,notthathekeptbadcompanywiththeboysonthefarm,orwasdishonest,ortoldlies,orstolethings——
no,hegavenoonethatkindofanxiety——butthathewasdevelopingquiteunmistakablyawillofhisown,andhadaremarkablewayofdoingwhathewantedwithoutbeingactuallydisobedient,whichwasverypuzzlingtohiselders。Beingalittleindisgracehewentoffmorethaneverbyhimself,alwaysappearingagainattheappointedtime,buttellingnoonewherehehadbeenorwhathehadbeendoing。Hisfatherhadnoinfluenceoverhimatall,whilstUncleSamuelcouldmakehimdowhateverhewanted——andthis,asAuntAmysaid,“wasreallyapity。“
“It’sagoodthinghe’sgoingtoschoolinSeptember,“sighedhismother。“He’sgettingoutofwomen’shands。“
Marylongedwithfeverishlongingtoshareinhisadventures。Ifonlyhewouldtellherwhathedidonthesewalksofhis。Butno,onlyHamletknew。Perhaps,ifhedidnotgowiththedoghewouldgowithher。Whenthisideacreptintoherbrainsheseizeditandclutchedit。Thatwasallhewanted——acompanion!WereHamletnottherehewouldtakeher。WereHamletnotthere……Shebegantobroodoverthis。Shewandered……Sheconsidered。Sheshudderedatherownwickedness;shetriedtodrivethethoughtsfromherhead,buttheykeptcoming。
Afterall,nooneneedknow。ForadayortwoJeremywouldbesorryandthenhewouldforget。Sheknewthemanwhowentroundsellingdogs——sellingdogsandbuyingthem。
Sheshudderedatherwickedness。
第33章