首页 >出版文学> Jeremy>第33章

第33章

  Jeremywasnot,perhaps,sotactfulashemighthavebeen。“Ohbother,Mary!“hewouldsay。“You’vegoneandwakedHamletup!“or“Don’tstrokeHamletthatway,Mary;hehatesit!“or“No,I’mgoingforawalkwithHamlet;wedon’twantanyone!“OrHamlethimselfwouldsuddenlybarkatherasthoughhehatedher,orwouldbarehisteethandgrinatherinamocking,sarcasticwaythathehad。Atfirst,asananswertothis,shehadtheridiculousideaofherselfadoptingananimal,andsheselected,forthispurpose,thekitchencat,adull,somnolentbeast,whosesleekblackhairwasfurtive,andgreen,crookedeyesmalignant。ThecatshowednosignsofaffectionforMary,norcouldsheherselfhonestlycareforit。Whenshebroughtitwithherintotheschoolroom,Hamlettreateditinascornful,sarcasticfashionthatwasworsethanoutrageousattack。
  Thecatwasuncleanly,andwasspeedilybanishedbackintothekitchen。Mary’sjealousyofHamletthengrewapace,andwiththatjealousy,unfortunately,hersecretappreciationofhissplendours。
  Shecouldnothelpadmittingtoherselfthathewasthemostattractivedogintheworld。Shewouldlookathimfromunderherspectacleswhenshewassupposedtobereadingandwatchhimasherolled,kickinghislegsintheair,orlaystretchedout,hisblackwetnoseagainsthispaws,hiseyesgleaming,hisgazefixedlikethepointofadaggerraisedtostrike,uponsometrophy,orenemy,orspoil,orsat,solemnandpompous,liketheLordMayorholdingameeting,asJeremysaid,upagainsthismaster’sleg,squareandsolidasthoughhewerecutoutofwood,hispeakedbeardsupercilious,hisveryearsatapatronisingangle;or,asMarylovedbestofalltoseehim,whenhewassimplychildish,playing,asthoughhewasstillanew-foundpuppy,withpiecesofpaperorballsofstring,rollingandchoking,growling,purring,staggeringandtumbling。Atsuchtimes,againandagain,herimpulsewouldbetogoforwardandapplaudhim,andthen,theinstinctthatshewouldbecheckedbyJeremystayedher。
  SheknewverywellthatJeremyrealisednothingofthis。Jeremywasnotgiventotheconsiderationofotherpeople’smotives——hisownindependencesavedhimfromanxietyaboutothers。HehadtheEnglishcharacteristicoffancyingthatothersmustlikeanddislikeashehimselflikedanddisliked。Ofsentimenthehadnoknowledgewhatever。
  AsthisyeargrewtowardssummerMaryhadthefeelingthatJeremywasslippingawayfromher。Shedidnotknowwhathadhappenedtohim。Intheolddayshehadaskedheropinionaboutmanythings;hehadscornedtoenjoythelongstoriesthatshehadtoldhim——atanyrate,hehadlistenedtothemverypolitely——andhehadaskedhertosuggestgamesortoplaywithhistoys。Nowasthesummerdrewnear,hedidnoneofthesethings。Hewasfranklyimpatientwithherstories,neveraskedheradviceaboutanything,andneverplayedwithher。Washegrowingveryconceited?Wasitbecausehewasgoingtoschool,andthoughthimselftoooldforhissisters?No,hedidnotseemtobeconceited——hehadalwaysbeenproud,butneverconceited。Itwasratherasthoughhehadlatelyhadthoughtsofhisown,almostagainsthiswill,andthatthesehadshuthimofffromthepeopleroundhim。
  Then,whentheirmotherwassoillandBarbaramadeherstartlingappearanceJeremykeptmoretohimself。Henevertalkedabouthismother’sillness,asdidtheothers,andyetMaryknewthathehadbeenmoredeeplyconcernedthananyofthem。Shehadbeenmiserable,ofcourse,buttoJeremyithadbeenasthoughhehadbeenledintoanewworldaltogether;Helenandshewerestillintheiroldplaces,andJeremyhadleftthem。
  AtlastjustbeforetheyallmovedtoCowFarmMarymadeasillyscene。Shehadnotintendedtomakeascene。Scenesseemedtocomeuponher,likeevilbirds,straightoutoftheair,toseizeherbeforesheknewwhereshewas,toenvelopandcarryherupwiththem;atlast,whenallthemischiefwasdone,tosetheronherfeetagain,battered,tornandbitterlyashamed。Oneeveningshewassittingdeepin“CharlotteMary,“andHamlet,bunchedupagainsthismaster’sleg,staredather。ShehadlongagotoldherselfthatitwasridiculoustomindwhatHamletdid,thathewasnotlookingather,and,inanycase,hewasonlya,dog——andsoon。
  Butto-nightshewastired,andhadreadsolongthatherheadached——Hamletwaslaughingather,hiseyesstaredthroughhishairather,cynically,superciliously,contemptuously。Hislipcurledandhisbeardbristled。Movedbyasuddenwildimpulseshepickedup“TheChapletofPearls“andthrewitathim。Ithithimnotveryseverely,andhegavethesharp,melodramatichowlthathealwaysusedwhenitwashisdignityratherthanhisbodythatwashurt。
  Jeremylookedup,sawwhathadhappened,andafinescenefollowed。
  Maryhadhysterics,stampedandscreamedandhowled。Jeremy,hisfacewhite,stoodandsaidnothing,butlookedasthoughhehatedher,whichatthatmomentheundoubtedlydid。Itwasthatlookwhichmorethananythingelseintheworldshedreaded。
  Shemadeherselfsickwithcrying;thenapologisedwithanabjectionthatonlyirritatedhimthemore;finallyrememberedthesmallestdetailsoftheaffairlongafterhehadforgottenallaboutit。
  II
  DuringthefirstweeksatCowFarmMarywashappy。Shehadthenmanyespecialprivatejoys,suchasclimbingintooneoftheoldappletreesbehindthehouseandreadingthere,safefromtheworld,orinventingforherselfwonderfuladventuresoutofthedarkgloomsandsunlitspacesoftheorchard,orcreepingabouttheloftsandbarnsasthoughtheywerefullofthemostdesperatedangersandhazardsthatshealonehadthepluckandintelligencetoovercome。
  ThenMrs。Monkwaskindtoher,andlistenedtoherimaginativechatterwithamostmarvellouspatience。Marydidnotknowthat,afterthesenarrations,shewouldshakeherheadandsaytoherhusband:“Notlongforthisworld,I’mthinking,poorworm……notlongforthisworld。“
  Then,atfirstJeremywaskindandconsiderate。Hewassohappythathedidnotmindwhatanyonedid,andhewouldlistentoMary’sstoriesquiteintheoldway,whistlingtohimself,notthinkingaboutheratallperhaps,really,butverypatient。Afterthefirstfortnightheslippedawayfromheragain——andnowmorethaneverbefore。HewentoffforlongwalkswithHamlet,refusingtotakeherwiththem;heansweredherquestionssovaguelythatshecouldseethathepaidhernoattentionatall;heturneduponherandrentherifshecomplained。Anditwasall,shewassure,thathorribledog。JeremywasalwayswithHamletnow。Thefreelifethatthefarmgavethem,nolessons,nosethours,nocareforappearances,leftthemtochoosetheirownways,andsodevelopedtheirindividualities。Helenwasnowmoreandmorewithherelders,wasbecomingthatinvaluablething,“agreathelptohermother,“andeven,toherowninexhaustiblepride,paidtwocallswithMrs。Coleonthewivesofneighbouringfarmers。Then,BarbaraabsorbedmorethaneverofHelen’sattention,andMarywasnotallowedtoshareintheseritesandservicesbecause“shealwaysmadeBarbaracry。“
  Shewas,therefore,verymuchalone,andfeltallherinjuriestwiceasdeeplyasshehadfeltthembefore。Hamletbegantobeanobsessionwithher。Shehadalwayshadahabitoftalkingtoherself,andnowshecouldbeheardtellingherselfthatifitwerenotforthedog,Jeremywouldalwaysbewithher,wouldplaywithher,walkwithher,laughwithherasheusedtodo。Sheacquirednowanawkwardhabitofgazingathimwithpassionateintensity。Hewouldraisehiseyesandfindthegreatmoon-facedspectaclesfixeduponhimwithabeseeching,reproachfulglareinthelightofthem。
  Thiswouldirritatehimintensely。Hewouldsay:
  “You’llknowmenexttime,Mary。“
  Shewouldblushcrimsonandthen,withtremblingmouth,answer:
  “Iwasn’tlooking。“
  “Yes,youwere。“
  “No,Iwasn’t。“
  “Ofcourse,youwere——staringasthoughIwereanIndianorChinaman。Ifmyfaceisdirty,sayso。“
  “Itisn’tdirty。“
  “Well,then——“
  “You’realwayssocross。“
  “I’mnotcross——onlyyou’resosilly——“
  “Youusen’talwaystosayIwassilly。Nowyoualwaysdo——everyminute。“
  “Soyouare。“Thenashesawthetearscominghewouldgetupandgoaway。Hedidn’tmeantobeunkindtoher;hewasfondofher——buthehatedscenes。
  “Mary’salwayshowlingaboutsomethingnow,“heconfidedtoHelen。
  “Isshe?“Helenansweredwithindifference。“Mary’ssuchababy。“
  SoMarybegantoattributeeverythingtothedog。Itseemedtoherthenthatshemettheanimaleverywhere。CowFarmwasaramblingbuilding,withdark,unevenstairs,low-ceilingedrooms,queer,oddcorners,andsuddenunexpecteddoors。ItseemedtoMaryasthoughinthisplacethereweretwoHamlets。When,intheeveningshewenttoherroom,hurryingthroughthepassagesforfearofwhatshemightsee,stumblingovertheunevenboards,snifflingthemiceandstrawunderthesmellofhertallowcandle,suddenlyoutofnowhereatallHamletwouldappearscurryingalong,liketheWhiteRabbit,intentonseriousbusiness。
  Hecamesosoftlyandwithsosuddenaflurryandscatterwhenshedidhearhimthatherheartwouldbeatforminutesafterwards,andshewouldnotdarethatnighttosearch,assheusuallydid,forburglarsunderherbed,butwouldlie,quaking,hotandstaring,unabletosleep。Whenatlastdreamscametheywouldbehauntedbyamonstrousdog,allhairandeyes,who,withpaddingfeet,wouldtrackherroundandroundaroomfromwhichtherewasnoescape。
  Hamlet,beingoneofthewisestofdogs,veryquicklydiscoveredthatMaryhatedhim。Hewasnotasentimentaldog,andhedidnotdevotehistimetoinventingwaysinwhichhemightplacatehisenemy,hesimplyavoidedher。Buthecouldnothinderacertaincynicalandironicpleasurethathehadof,sotospeak,flauntinghismasterinherface。HeclungtoJeremymoreresolutelythanever,wouldjumpupathim,lickhishandsandtumbleaboutinfrontofhimwheneverMarywasthere,andthensuddenly,verystraightandverygrave,wouldstareatherasthoughhewerethemostdevoutandobedientdogintheplace。Indeed,heborehernomalice;hecouldaffordtodisregardtheMarysofthisworld,andofwomeningeneralhehadapooropinion。Buthelovedtotease,andMarywasaneasyprey。Hehadhisfunwithher。
  Aftertheaffairofthesea-picnic,Jeremywasforsometimeunderacloud。Itwasfeltthathewasgettingtoobigforanyonetomanage。
  Itwasnotthathewaswicked,notthathekeptbadcompanywiththeboysonthefarm,orwasdishonest,ortoldlies,orstolethings——
  no,hegavenoonethatkindofanxiety——butthathewasdevelopingquiteunmistakablyawillofhisown,andhadaremarkablewayofdoingwhathewantedwithoutbeingactuallydisobedient,whichwasverypuzzlingtohiselders。Beingalittleindisgracehewentoffmorethaneverbyhimself,alwaysappearingagainattheappointedtime,buttellingnoonewherehehadbeenorwhathehadbeendoing。Hisfatherhadnoinfluenceoverhimatall,whilstUncleSamuelcouldmakehimdowhateverhewanted——andthis,asAuntAmysaid,“wasreallyapity。“
  “It’sagoodthinghe’sgoingtoschoolinSeptember,“sighedhismother。“He’sgettingoutofwomen’shands。“
  Marylongedwithfeverishlongingtoshareinhisadventures。Ifonlyhewouldtellherwhathedidonthesewalksofhis。Butno,onlyHamletknew。Perhaps,ifhedidnotgowiththedoghewouldgowithher。Whenthisideacreptintoherbrainsheseizeditandclutchedit。Thatwasallhewanted——acompanion!WereHamletnottherehewouldtakeher。WereHamletnotthere……Shebegantobroodoverthis。Shewandered……Sheconsidered。Sheshudderedatherownwickedness;shetriedtodrivethethoughtsfromherhead,buttheykeptcoming。
  Afterall,nooneneedknow。ForadayortwoJeremywouldbesorryandthenhewouldforget。Sheknewthemanwhowentroundsellingdogs——sellingdogsandbuyingthem。
  Sheshudderedatherwickedness。