首页 >出版文学> Miss Billie Married>第23章
  Well,itmustbeanewexperience——forCyril。Foramanwhosedailyexistenceforyearshasbeenrubber-heeledandwoolen-padded,andwhosefamilyfromboyhoodhasstoodatattentionandsalutedifhesomuchaslookedatthem,itmustbequiteachange,asthingsarenow。
  However,it’llbedifferent,ofcourse,whenMarieisonherfeetagain。’
  Doessheknowatallhowthingsaregoing?’
  Notverymuch,asyet,thoughIbelieveshehasbeguntoworrysome。Sheconfidedtomeonedaythatshewasglad,ofcourse,thatshehadtwodarlingbabies,insteadofone;butthatshewasafraiditmightbehard,justatfirst,toteachthembothatoncetobequiet;forshewasafraidthatwhileshewasteachingone,theotherwouldbesuretocry,ordosomethingnoisy。’
  Dosomethingnoisy,indeed!’ejaculatedAuntHannah。
  Asfortherealstateofaffairs,Mariedoesn’tdreamthatCyril’ssacreddenisgivenovertoTeddybearsandbabyblankets。Allis,Ihopeshe’llbemeasurablystrongbeforeshedoesfinditout,’laughedBilly,assheroseto
  WilliamcamebackfromhisbusinesstriptheeighthofJuly,andontheninthBillyandBertramwenttoNewYork。Eliza’smotherwassowellnowthatElizahadtakenupheroldquartersintheStrata,andthehouseholdaffairswereoncemorerunninglikeclockwork。LaterintheseasonWilliamwouldgoawayforamonth’sfishingtrip,andthehousewouldbeclosed。
  Mr。andMrs。BertramHenshawwerenotexpectedtoreturnuntilthefirstofOctober;butwithElizatolookafterthecomfortofWilliam,themistressofthehousedidnoworrying。EversincePete’sgoing,Elizahadsaidthatshepreferredtobetheonlymaid,withacharwomantocomeinfortheheavierwork;andtothisarrangementhermistresshadwillinglyconsented,forthepresent。
  Marieandthebabiesweredoingfinely,andAuntHannah’shealth,andaffairsattheAnnex,wereallthatcouldbedesired。AsBilly,indeed,sawit,therewasonlyoneflawtomarherperfectcontentonthisholidaytripwithBertram,andthatwasherdisappointmentovertheveryevidentdisasterthathadcometohercherishedmatrimonialplansforArkwrightandAliceGreggory。ShecouldnotforgetArkwright’sfacethatdayattheAnnex,whenshehadsofoolishlycalledhisattentiontoCalderwell’sdevotion;andshecouldnotforget,either,AliceGreggory’sveryobviousperturbationalittlelater,andhersuspiciouslyemphaticassertionthatshehadnointentionofmarryinganyone,certainlynotArkwright。AsBillythoughtofallthisnow,shecouldnotbutadmitthatitdidlookdarkforArkwright——poorArkwright,whomshe,morethananyoneelseintheworld,perhaps,hadaspecialreasonforwishingtoseehappilymarried。
  Therewas,then,thisonecloudonBilly’shorizonasthebigboatthatwastobearheracrossthewatersteameddowntheharborthatbeautifulJulyday。
  Asitchanced,naturally,perhaps,notonlywasBillythinkingofArkwrightthatmorning,butArkwrightwasthinkingofBilly。
  ArkwrighthadthoughtfrequentlyofBillyduringthelastfewdays,particularlysincethatafternoonmeetingattheAnnexwhenthefourhadrenewedtheiroldgoodtimestogether。UptothatdayArkwrighthadbeentryingnottothinkofBilly。Hehadbeenfightinghistigerskin。’Sternlyhehadbeenforcinghimselftomeether,toseeher,totalkwithher,tosingwithher,ortopassherby——allwiththeindifferenceproperlyexpectedtobeshowninassociationwithMrs。BertramHenshaw,anotherman’swife。Hehadknown,ofcourse,thatdeepdowninhishearthelovedher,alwayshadlovedher,andalwayswouldloveher。Hopelesslyanddrearilyheacceptedthisasafactevenwhilewithallhismightfightingthattigerskin。Sosurewashe,indeed,ofthis,soimplicitlyhadheaccepteditasanunalterablecertainty,thatintimeevenhiseffortstofightitbecamealmostmechanicalandunconsciousintheirsternroundofforcedindifference。
  ThencamethatdayattheAnnex——andthediscovery:thediscoverywhichhehadmadewhenBillycalledhisattentiontoCalderwellandAliceGreggoryacrosstheroominthecorner;
  thediscoverywhichhadcomewithsoblindingaforce,andwhichevennowhewastemptedtoquestionastoitsreality;thediscoverythatnotBillyNeilson,norMrs。BertramHenshaw,noreventhetenderghostofalostloveheldthecenterofhisheart——butAliceGreggory。
  ThefirstintimationofallthishadcomewithhiscuriousfeelingofunreasoninghatredandblindindignationtowardCalderwellas,throughBilly’seyes,hehadseenthetwotogether。ThenhadcometheoverwhelminglongingtopickupAliceGreggoryandrunoffwithher——somewhere,anywhere,sothatCalderwellcouldnotfollow。
  Atonce,however,hehadpulledhimselfupshortwiththementalcryofAbsurd!’WhatwasittohimifCalderwelldidcareforAliceGreggory?Surelyhehimselfwasnotinlovewiththegirl。HewasinlovewithBilly;thatis——
  Itwasallconfusionthen,inhismind,andhewasgladindeedwhenhecouldleavethehouse。
  Hewantedtobealone。Hewantedtothink。
  Hemust,insomeway,thrashoutthisastoundingthingthathadcometohim。
  ArkwrightdidnotvisittheAnnexagainforsomedays。Untilhewasmorenearlysureofhimselfandofhisfeelings,hedidnotwishtoseeAliceGreggory。ItwasthenthathebegantothinkofBilly,deliberately,purposefully,foritmustbe,ofcourse,thathehadmadeamistake,hetoldhimself。Itmustbethathedid,really,stillcareforBilly——thoughofcourseheoughtnotto。
  Arkwrightmadeanotherdiscoverythen。Helearnedthat,howeverdeliberatelyhestartedintothinkofBilly,heendedeverytimeinthinkingofAlice。Hethoughtofhowgoodshehadbeentohim,andofhowfaithfulshehadbeeninhelpinghimtofighthisloveforBilly。Justherehedecided,foramoment,thatprobably,afterall,hisfeelingofangeragainstCalderwellwasmerelythefearoflosingthishelpfulcomradeshipthathesoneeded。Evenwithhimself,however,Arkwrightcouldnotkeepupthisfarcelong,andverysoonheadmittedmiserablythatitwasnotthecomradeshipofAliceGreggorythathewantedorneeded,butthelove。
  Heknewitnow。Nolongerwasthereanyuseinbeatingaboutthebush。HedidloveAliceGreggory;butsocuriouslyandunbelievablystupidhadhebeenthathehadnotfounditoutuntilnow。Andnowitwastoolate。HadnotevenBillycalledhisattentiontothefactofCalderwell’sdevotion?Besides,hadnothehimself,attheveryfirst,toldCalderwellthathemighthaveaclearfield?
  Foolthathehadbeentoletanotherthuslightlystepinandwinfromunderhisverynosewhatmighthavebeenhisifhehadbutknownhisownmindbeforeitwastoolate!
  Butwasit,afterall,quitetoolate?HeandAlicewereoldfriends。Awaybackintheiryoungdaysintheirnativetowntheyhadbeen,indeed,almostsweethearts,inaboy-and-girlfashion。
  Itwouldnothavetakenmuchinthosedays,hebelieved,tohavemadetherelationshipmoreinteresting。Butchangeshadcome。Alicehadlefttown,andforyearstheyhaddriftedapart。
  ThenhadcomeBilly,andBillyhadfoundAlice,thusbringingabouttheoddcircumstanceoftheirrenewingofacquaintanceship。Perhaps,atthattime,ifhehadnotalreadythoughthecaredforBilly,therewouldhavebeensomethingmorethanacquaintanceship。
  Buthe_had_thoughthecaredforBillyalltheseyears;andnow,atthislateday,towakeupandfindthathecaredforAlice!Aprettymesshehadmadeofthings!Washesoinconstantthen,sofickle?Didhenotknowhisownmindfiveminutesatatime?WhatwouldAliceGreggorythink,evenifhefoundthecouragetotellher?
  Whatcouldshethink?Whatcouldanybodythink?
  Arkwrightfairlygroundhisteethinimpotentwrath——andhedidnotknowwhetherhewerethemostangrythathedidnotloveBilly,orthathehadlovedBilly,orthathelovedsomebodyelsenow。
  ItwaswhilehewasinthisunenviableframeofmindthathewenttoseeAlice。Notthathehadplanneddefinitelytospeaktoherofhisdiscovery,noryetthathehadplannednotto。Hehad,indeed,plannednothing。Foramanusuallysodecidedastopurposeandenergeticastoaction,hewasinamostunhappystateofuncertaintyandchangeableness。Onethingonlywasunmistakablycleartohim,andthatwasthathemustseeAlice。
  Formonths,now,hehadtakentoAliceallhishopesandgriefs,perplexitiesandproblems;andneverhadhefailedtofindcomfortintheshapeofsympatheticunderstandingandwisecounsel。
  ToAlice,therefore,nowheturnedasamatterofcourse,tellinghimselfvaguelythat,perhaps,afterhehadseenAlice,hewouldfeelbetter。
  JusthowintimatelythisparticularproblemofhisconcernedAliceherself,hedidnotstoptorealize。Hedidnot,indeed,thinkofitatallfromAlice’sstandpoint——untilhecamefacetofacewiththegirlintheliving-roomattheAnnex。
  Then,suddenly,hedid。Hismannerbecameatonce,consequently,fullofembarrassmentandquitedevoidofitsusualfrankfriendliness。
  Asithappened,thiswasperhapsthemostunfortunatethingthatcouldhaveoccurred,sofarasitconcernedtheattitudeofAliceGreggory,fortherebyinnumerabletinysparksofsuspicionthathadbeentormentingthegirlfordayswereinstantlyfannedintoconsumingflamesofconviction。
  AlicehadnotbeenslowtonoteArkwright’sprolongedabsencefromtheAnnex。ComingasitdidsosoonafterhermostdisconcertingtalkwithBillyinregardtoherownrelationswithhim,ithadfilledherwithfrightenedquestionings。
  IfBillyhadseenthingstomakeherthinkoflinkingtheirnamestogether,perhapsArkwrighthimselfhadheardsomesuchideaputforthsomewhere,andthatwaswhyhewasstayingaway——toshowtheworldthattherewasnofoundationforsuchrumors。Perhapshewasevendoingittoshow_her_that——
  EveninherthoughtsAlicecouldscarcelybringherselftofinishthesentence。ThatArkwrightshouldeversuspectforamomentthatshecaredforhimwasintolerable。Painfullyconsciousasshewasthatshedidcareforhim,itwaseasytofearthatothersmustbeconsciousofit,too。HadshenotalreadyproofthatBillysuspectedit?Why,then,mightnotitbequitepossible,evenprobable,thatArkwrightsuspectedit,also;and,becausehedidsuspectit,haddecidedthatitwouldbejustaswell,perhaps,ifhedidnotcallsooften。
  InspiteofAlice’sangryinsistencetoherselfthat,afterall,thiscouldnotbethecase——
  thattheman_knew_sheunderstoodhestilllovedBilly——shecouldnothelpfearing,inthefaceofArkwright’sunusualabsence,thatitmightyetbetrue。When,therefore,hefinallydidappear,onlytobecomeatonceobviouslyembarrassedinherpresence,herfearsinstantlybecameconvictions。Itwastrue,then。Themandidbelieveshecaredforhim,andhehadbeentryingtoteachher——tosaveher。
  Toteachher!Tosaveher,indeed!Verywell,heshouldsee!Andforthwith,fromthatmoment,AliceGreggory’schiefreasonforlivingbecametoprovetoMr。M。J。Arkwrightthatheneedednottoteachher,tosaveher,noryettosympathizewithher。
  Howdoyoudo?’shegreetedhim,withaparticularlybrightsmile。I’msureI_hope_youarewell,suchabeautifuldayasthis。’
  Oh,yes,I’mwell,Isuppose。Still,Ihavefeltbetterinmylife,’smiledArkwright,withsomeconstraint。
  Oh,I’msorry,’murmuredthegirl,strivingsohardtospeakwithimpersonalunconcernthatshedidnotnoticetheinaptnessofherreply。
  Eh?SorryI’vefeltbetter,areyou?’
  retortedArkwright,withnervoushumor。Then,becausehewasembarrassed,hesaidtheonethinghehadmeantnottosay:Don’tyouthinkI’mquiteastranger?It’sbeensometimesinceI’vebeenhere。’
  Alice,smartingunderthestingofwhatshejudgedtobetheonlypossiblecauseforhisembarrassment,leapedtothisnewopportunitytoshowherlackofinterest。
  Oh,hasit?’shemurmuredcarelessly。
  Well,Idon’tknowbutithas,nowthatIcometothinkofit。’
  Arkwrightfrownedgloomily。Aweekagohewouldhavetossedbackalaughinglyaggrievedremarkastoherunflatteringindifferencetohispresence。Nowhewasinnomoodforsuchjoking。Itwastooseriousamatterwithhim。
  You’vebeenbusy,nodoubt,with——othermatters,’hepresumedforlornly,thinkingofCalderwell。
  Yes,Ihavebeenbusy,’assentedthegirl。
  Oneisalwayshappier,Ithink,tobebusy。
  NotthatImeantthatIneededtheworkto_be_
  happy,’sheaddedhastily,inapaniclesthethinkshehadaconsumingsorrowtokill。