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第62章

  “Naturalindolence,youmean。It’sreallydreadful!“
  AndAmylookedsevere。
  “Notsobadasitseems,forIshouldonlyplaguehimifI
  went,soImightaswellstayandplagueyoualittlelonger,youcanbearitbetter,infactIthinkitagreeswithyouexcellently。“
  AndLauriecomposedhimselfforaloungeonthebroadledgeofthebalustrade。
  Amyshookherheadandopenedhersketchbookwithanairofresignation,butshehadmadeuphermindtolecture`thatboy’andinaminuteshebeganagain。
  “Whatareyoudoingjustnow?“
  “Watchinglizards。“
  “No,no。Imeanwhatdoyouintendandwishtodo?“
  “Smokeacigarette,ifyou’llallowme。“
  “Howprovokingyouare!Idon’tapproveofcigarsandIwillonlyallowitonconditionthatyouletmeputyouintomysketch。Ineedafigure。“
  “Withallthepleasureinlife。Howwillyouhaveme,fulllengthorthree-quarters,onmyheadormyheels?Ishouldrespectfullysuggestarecumbentposture,thenputyourselfinalsoandcallit`Dolcefarniente’。“
  “Stayasyouare,andgotosleepifyoulike。Iintendtoworkhard,“saidAmyinhermostenergetictone。
  “Whatdelightfulenthusiasm!“Andheleanedagainstatallurnwithanirofentiresatisfaction。
  “WhatwouldJosayifshesawyounow?“askedAmyimpatiently,hopingtostirhimupbythementionofherstillmoreenergeticsister’sname。
  “Asusual,`Goaway,Teddy。I’mbusy!’“Helaughedashespoke,butthelaughwasnotnatural,andashadepassedoverhisface,fortheutteranceofthefamiliarnametouchedthewoundthatwasnothealedyet。BothtoneandshadowstruckAmy,forshehadseenandheardthembefore,andnowshelookedupintimetocatchanewexpressiononLaurie’sface——ahardbitterlook,fullofpain,dissatisfaction,andregret。Itwasgonebeforeshecouldstudyitandthelistlessexpressionbackagain。
  Shewatchedhimforamomentwithartisticpleasure,thinkinghowlikeanItalianhelooked,ashelaybaskinginthesunwithuncoveredheadandeyesfullofsoutherndreaminess,forheseemedtohaveforgottenherandfallenintoareverie。
  “Youlookliketheeffigyofayoungknightasleeponhistomb,“shesaid,carefullytracingthewell-cutprofiledefinedagainstthedarkstone。
  “WishIwas!“
  “That’safoolishwish,unlessyouhavespoiledyourlife。
  Youaresochanged,Isometimesthink——“ThereAmystopped,withahalf-timid,half-wistfullook,moresignificantthanherunfinishedspeech。
  Lauriesawandunderstoodtheaffectionateanxietywhichshehesitatedtoexpress,andlookingstraightintohereyes,said,justasheusedtosayittohermother,“It’sallright,ma’am。“
  Thatsatisfiedherandsetatrestthedoubtsthathadbeguntoworryherlately。Italsotouchedher,andsheshowedthatitdid,bythecordialtoneinwhichshesaid……
  “I’mgladofthat!Ididn’tthinkyou’dbeenaverybadboy,butIfanciedyoumighthavewastedmoneyatthatwickedBaden-Baden,lostyourhearttosomecharmingFrenchwomanwithahusband,orgotintosomeofthescrapesthatyoungmenseemtoconsideranecessarypartofaforeigntour。Don’tstayoutthereinthesun,comeandlieonthegrasshereand`letusbefriendly’,asJousedtosaywhenwegotinthesofacornerandtoldsecrets。“
  Laurieobedientlythrewhimselfdownontheturf,andbegantoamusehimselfbystickingdaisiesintotheribbonsofAmy’shat,thatlaythere。
  “I’mallreadyforthesecrets。“Andheglancedupwithadecidedexpressionofinterestinhiseyes。
  “I’venonetotell。Youmaybegin。“
  “Haven’tonetoblessmyselfwith。Ithoughtperhapsyou’dhadsomenewsfromhome……“
  “Youhaveheardallthathascomelately。Don’tyouhearoften?IfanciedJowouldsendyouvolumes。“
  “She’sverybusy。I’mrovingaboutso,it’simpossibletoberegular,youknow。Whendoyoubeginyourgreatworkofart,Raphaella?’heasked。changingthesubjectabruptlyafteranotherpause,inwhichhehadbeenwonderingifAmyknewhissecretandwantedtotalkaboutit。
  “Never,“sheanswered,withadespondentbutdecidedair。
  “Rometookallthevanityoutofme,forafterseeingthewondersthere,Ifelttooinsignificanttoliveandgaveupallmyfoolishhopesindespair。“
  “Whyshouldyou,withsomuchenergyandtalent?“
  “That’sjustwhy,becausetalentisn’tgenius,andnoamountofenergycanmakeitso。Iwanttobegreat,ornothing。
  Iwon’tbeacommon-placedauber,soIdon’tintendtotryanymore。“
  “Andwhatareyougoingtodowithyourselfnow,ifImayask?“
  “Polishupmyothertalents,andbeanornamenttosociety,ifIgetthechance。“
  Itwasacharacteristicspeech,andsoundeddaring,butaudacitybecomesyoungpeople,andAmy’sambitionhadagoodfoundation。Lauriesmiled,buthelikedthespiritwithwhichshetookupanewpurposewhenalong-cherishedonedied,andspentnotimelamenting。
  “Good!AndhereiswhereFredVaughncomesin,Ifancy。“
  Amypreservedadiscreetsilence,buttherewasaconsciouslookinherdowncastfacethatmadeLauriesitupandsaygravely,“NowI’mgoingtoplaybrother,andaskquestions。MayI?“
  “Idon’tpromisetoanswer。“
  “Yourfacewill,ifyourtonguewon’t。Youaren’twomanoftheworldenoughyettohideyourfeelings,mydear。IheardrumorsaboutFredandyoulastyear,andit’smyprivateopinionthatifhehadnotbeencalledhomesosuddenlyanddetainedsolong,somethingwouldhavecomeofit,hey?“
  “That’snotformetosay,“wasAmy’sgrimreply,butherlipswouldsmile,andtherewasatraitoroussparkleoftheeyewhichbetrayedthatsheknewherpowerandenjoyedtheknowledge。
  “Youarenotengaged,Ihope?“AndLaurielookedveryelder-brotherlyandgraveallofasudden。
  “No。“
  “Butyouwillbe,ifhecomesbackandgoesproperlydownonhisknees,won’tyou?“
  “Verylikely。“
  “ThenyouarefondofoldFred?“
  “Icouldbe,ifItried。“
  “Butyoudon’tintendtotrytillthepropermoment?Blessmysoul,whatunearthlyprudence!He’sagoodfellow,Amy,butnotthemanIfanciedyou’dlike。“
  “Heisrich,agentleman,andhasdelightfulmanners,“
  beganAmy,tryingtobequitecoolanddignified,butfeelingalittleashamedofherself,inspiteofthesincerityofherintentions。
  “Iunderstand。Queensofsocietycan’tgetonwithoutmoney,soyoumeantomakeagoodmatch,andstartinthatway?Quiterightandproper,astheworldgoes,butitsoundsoddfromthelipsofoneofyourmother’sgirls。“
  “True,nevertheless。“
  Ashortspeech,butthequietdecisionwithwhichitwasutteredcontrastedcuriouslywiththeyoungspeaker。Lauriefeltthisinstinctivelyandlaidhimselfdownagain,withasenseofdisappointmentwhichhecouldnotexplain。Hislookandsilence,aswellasacertaininwardself-disapproval,ruffledAmy,andmadeherresolvetodeliverherlecturewithoutdelay。
  “Iwishyou’ddomethefavortorouseyourselfalittle,“
  shesaidsharply。
  “Doitforme,there’sadeargirl。“
  “Icould,ifItried。“Andshelookedasifshewouldlikedoingitinthemostsummarystyle。
  “Try,then。Igiveyouleave,“returnedLaurie,whoenjoyedhavingsomeonetotease,afterhislongabstinencefromhisfavoritepastime。
  “You’dbeangryinfiveminutes。“
  “I’mneverangrywithyou。Ittakestwoflintstomakeafire。
  Youareascoolandsoftassnow。“
  “Youdon’tknowwhatIcando。Snowproducesaglowandatingle,ifappliedrightly。Yourindifferenceishalfaffectation,andagoodstirringupwouldproveit。“
  “Stiraway,itwon’thurtmeanditmayamuseyou,asthebigmansaidwhenhislittlewifebeathim。Regardmeinthelightofahusbandoracarpet,andbeattillyouaretired,ifthatsortofexerciseagreeswithyou。“
  Beingdecidedlynettledherself,andlongingtoseehimshakeofftheapathythatsoalteredhim,Amysharpenedbothtongueandpencil,andbegan。
  “FloandIhavegotanewnameforyou。It’sLazyLaurence。
  Howdoyoulikeit?“
  Shethoughtitwouldannoyhim,butheonlyfoldedhisarmsunderhishead,withanimperturbable,“That’snotbad。
  Thankyou,ladies。“
  “DoyouwanttoknowwhatIhonestlythinkofyou?“
  “Piningtobetold。“
  “Well,Idespiseyou。“
  Ifshehadevensaid`Ihateyou’inapetulantorcoquettishtone,hewouldhavelaughedandratherlikedit,butthegrave,almostsad,accentinhervoicemadehimopenhiseyes,andaskquickly……
  “Why,ifyouplease?“
  “Because,witheverychanceforbeinggood,useful,andhappy,youarefaulty,lazy,andmiserable。“
  “Stronglanguage,mademoiselle。“
  “Ifyoulikeit,I’llgoon。“
  “Praydo,it’squiteinteresting。“
  “Ithoughtyou’dfinditso。Selfishpeoplealwaysliketotalkaboutthemselves。“
  “AmIselfish?“Thequestionslippedoutinvoluntarilyandinatoneofsurprise,fortheonevirtueonwhichhepridedhimselfwasgenerosity。
  “Yes,veryselfish,“continuedAmy,inacalm,coolvoice,twiceaseffectivejustthenasanangryone。“I’llshowyouhow,forI’vestudiedyouwhilewewerefrolicking,andI’mnotatallsatisfiedwithyou。Hereyouhavebeenabroadnearlysixmonths,anddonenothingbutwastetimeandmoneyanddisappointyourfriends。“
  “Isn’tafellowtohaveanypleasureafterafour-yeargrind?“
  “Youdon’tlookasifyou’dhadmuch。Atanyrate,youarenonethebetterforit,asfarasIcansee。Isaidwhenwefirstmetthatyouhadimproved。NowItakeitallback,forI
  don’tthinkyouhalfsoniceaswhenIleftyouathome。Youhavegrownabominablylazy,youlikegossip,andwastetimeonfrivolousthings,youarecontentedtobepettedandadmiredbysillypeople,insteadofbeinglovedandrespectedbywiseones。Withmoney,talent,position,health,andbeauty,ahyoulikethatoldVanity!Butit’sthetruth,soIcan’thelpsayingit,withallthesesplendidthingstouseandenjoy,youcanfindnothingtodobutdawdle,andinsteadofbeingthemanyououghttobe,youareonly……“Thereshestopped,withalookthathadbothpainandpityinit。
  “SaintLaurenceonagridiron,“addedLaurie,blandlyfinishingthesentence。Butthelecturebegantotakeeffect,fortherewasawide-awakesparkleinhiseyesnowandahalf-angry,half-injuredexpressionreplacedtheformerindifference。
  “Isupposedyou’dtakeitso。Youmentellusweareangels,andsaywecanmakeyouwhatwewill,buttheinstantwehonestlytrytodoyougood,youlaughatusandwon’tlisten,whichproveshowmuchyourflatteryisworth。“Amyspokebitterly,andturnedherbackontheexasperatingmartyratherfeet。
  Inaminuteahandcamedownoverthepage,sothatshecouldnotdraw,andLaurie’svoicesaid,withadrollimitationofapenitentchild,“Iwillbegood,oh,Iwillbegood!“
  ButAmydidnotlaugh,forshewasinearnest,andtappingontheoutspreadhandwithherpencil,saidsoberly,“Aren’tyouashamedofahandlikethat?It’sassoftandwhiteasawoman’s,andlooksasifitneverdidanythingbutwearJouvin’sbestglovesandpickflowersforladies。Youarenotadandy,thankHeaven,soI’mgladtoseetherearenodiamondsorbigsealringsonit,onlythelittleoldoneJogaveyousolongago。Dearsoul,Iwishshewasheretohelpme!“
  “SodoI!“
  Thehandvanishedassuddenlyasitcame,andtherewasenergyenoughintheechoofherwishtosuitevenAmy。Sheglanceddownathimwithanewthoughtinhermind,buthewaslyingwithhishathalfoverhisface,asifforshade,andhismustachehidhismouth。Sheonlysawhischestriseandfall,withalongbreaththatmighthavebeenasigh,andthehandthatworetheringnestleddownintothegrass,asiftohidesomethingtoopreciousortootendertobespokenof。
  AllinaminutevarioushintsandtriflesassumedshapeandsignificanceinAmy’smind,andtoldherwhathersisterneverhadconfidedtoher。SherememberedthatLaurieneverspokevoluntarilyofJo,sherecalledtheshadowonhisfacejustnow,thechangeinhischaracter,andthewearingofthelittleoldringwhichwasnoornamenttoahandsomehand。Girlsarequicktoreadsuchsignsandfeeltheireloquence。Amyhadfanciedthatperhapsalovetroublewasatthebottomofthealteration,andnowshewassureofit。Herkeeneyesfilled,andwhenshespokeagain,itwasinavoicethatcouldbebeautifullysoftandkindwhenshechosetomakeitso。
  “IknowIhavenorighttotalksotoyou,Laurie,andifyouweren’tthesweetest-temperedfellowintheworld,you’dbeveryangrywithme。Butweareallsofondandproudofyou,Icouldn’tbeartothinktheyshouldbedisappointedinyouathomeasIhavebeen,though,perhapstheywouldunderstandthechangebetterthanIdo。“
  “Ithinktheywould,“camefromunderthehat,inagrimtone,quiteastouchingasabrokenone。
  “Theyoughttohavetoldme,andnotletmegoblunderingandscolding,whenIshouldhavebeenmorekindandpatientthanever。IneverdidlikethatMissRandalandnowIhateher!“saidartfulAmy,wishingtobesureofherfactsthistime。
  “HangMissRandal!“AndLaurieknockedthehatoffhisfacewithalookthatleftnodoubtofhissentimentstowardthatyounglady。
  “Ibegpardon,Ithought……“Andthereshepauseddiplomatically。
  “No,youdidn’t,youknewperfectlywellInevercaredforanyonebutJo,“Lauriesaidthatinhisold,impetuoustone,andturnedhisfaceawayashespoke。
  “Ididthinkso,butastheyneversaidanythingaboutit,andyoucameaway,IsupposedIwasmistaken。AndJowouldn’tbekindtoyou?Why,Iwassureshelovedyoudearly。“
  “Shewaskind,butnotintherightway,andit’sluckyforhershedidn’tloveme,ifI’mthegood-for-nothingfellowyouthinkme。It’sherfaultthough,andyoumaytellherso。“
  Thehard,bitterlookcamebackagainashesaidthat,andittroubledAmy,forshedidnotknowwhatbalmtoapply。
  “Iwaswrong,Ididn’tknow。I’mverysorryIwassocross,butIcan’thelpwishingyou’dbearitbetter,Teddy,dear。“
  “Don’t,that’shernameforme!“AndLaurieputuphishandwithaquickgesturetostopthewordsspokeninJo’shalf-kind,half-reproachfultone。“Waittillyou’vetriedityourself,“headdedinalowvoice,ashepulledupthegrassbythehandful。