首页 >出版文学> Little Women>第54章

第54章

  Asshedeparted,Mr。Dashwoodputuphisfeet,withthegracefulremark,“Poorandproud,asusual,butshe’lldo。“
  FollowingMr。Dashwood’sdirections,andmakingMrs。Northburyhermodel,Jorashlytookaplungeintothefrothyseaofsensationalliterature,butthankstothelifepreserverthrownherbyafriend,shecameupagainnotmuchtheworseforherducking。
  Likemostyoungscribblers,shewentabroadforhercharactersandscenery,andbanditti,counts,gypsies,nuns,andduchessesappeareduponherstage,andplayedtheirpartswithasmuchaccuracyandspiritascouldbeexpected。Herreaderswerenotparticularaboutsuchtriflesasgrammar,punctuation,andprobability,andMr。Dashwoodgraciouslypermittedhertofillhiscolumnsatthelowestprices,notthinkingitnecessarytotellherthattherealcauseofhishospitalitywasthefactthatoneofhishacks,onbeingofferedhigherwages,hadbaselylefthiminthelurch。
  Shesoonbecameinterestedinherwork,forheremaciatedpursegrewstout,andthelittlehoardshewasmakingtotakeBethtothemountainsnextsummergrewslowlybutsurelyastheweekspassed。Onethingdisturbedhersatisfaction,andthatwasthatshedidnottellthemathome。ShehadafeelingthatFatherandMotherwouldnotapprove,andpreferredtohaveherownwayfirst,andbegpardonafterward。Itwaseasytokeephersecret,fornonameappearedwithherstories。Mr。
  Dashwoodhadofcoursefounditoutverysoon,butpromisedtobedumb,andforawonderkepthisword。
  Shethoughtitwoulddohernoharm,forshesincerelymeanttowritenothingofwhichshewouldbeashamed,andquietedallpricksofconsciencebyanticipationsofthehappyminutewhensheshouldshowherearningsandlaughoverherwell-keptsecret。
  ButMr。Dashwoodrejectedanybutthrillingtales,andasthrillscouldnotbeproducedexceptbyharrowingupthesoulsofthereaders,historyandromance,landandsea,scienceandart,policerecordsandlunaticasylums,hadtoberansackedforthepurpose。Josoonfoundthatherinnocentexperiencehadgivenherbutfewglimpsesofthetragicworldwhichunderliessociety,soregardingitinabusinesslight,shesetaboutsupplyingherdeficiencieswithcharacteristicenergy。
  Eagertofindmaterialforstories,andbentonmakingthemoriginalinplot,ifnotmasterlyinexecution,shesearchednewspapersforaccidents,incidents,andcrimes。Sheexcitedthesuspicionsofpubliclibrariansbyaskingforworksonpoisons。Shestudiedfacesinthestreet,andcharacters,good,bad,andindifferent,allabouther。Shedelvedinthedustofancienttimesforfactsorfictionssooldthattheywereasgoodasnew,andintroducedherselftofolly,sin,andmisery,aswellasherlimitedopportunitiesallowed。Shethoughtshewasprosperingfinely,butunconsciouslyshewasbeginningtodesecratesomeofthewomanliestattributesofawoman’scharacter。Shewaslivinginbadsociety,andimaginarythoughitwas,itsinfluenceaffectedher,forshewasfeedingheartandfancyondangerousandunsubstantialfood,andwasfastbrushingtheinnocentbloomfromhernaturebyaprematureacquaintancewiththedarkersideoflife,whichcomessoonenoughtoallofus。
  Shewasbeginningtofeelratherthanseethis,formuchdescribingofotherpeople’spassionsandfeelingssethertostudyingandspeculatingaboutherown。amorbidamusementinwhichhealthyyoungmindsdonotvoluntarilyindulge。
  Wrongdoingalwaysbringsitsownpunishment,andwhenJomostneededhers,shegotit。
  Idon’tknowwhetherthestudyofShakespearehelpedhertoreadcharacter,orthenaturalinstinctofawomanforwhatwashonest,brave,andstrong,butwhileendowingherimaginaryheroeswitheveryperfectionunderthesun,Jowasdiscoveringalivehero,whointerestedherinspiteofmanyhumanimperfections。
  Mr。Bhaer,inoneoftheirconversations,hadadvisedhertostudysimple,true,andlovelycharacters,wherevershefoundthem,asgoodtrainingforawriter。Jotookhimathisword,forshecoollyturnedroundandstudiedhim——aproceedingwhichwouldhavemuchsurprisedhim,hadheknowit,fortheworthyProfessorwasveryhumbleinhisownconceit。
  WhyeverybodylikedhimwaswhatpuzzledJo,atfirst。Hewasneitherrichnorgreat,youngnorhandsome,innorespectwhatiscalledfascinating,imposing,orbrilliant,andyethewasasattractiveasagenialfire,andpeopleseemedtogatherabouthimasnaturallyasaboutawarmhearth。Hewaspoor,yetalwaysappearedtobegivingsomethingaway;astranger,yeteveryonewashisfriend;nolongeryoung,butashappy-heartedasaboy;plainandpeculiar,yethisfacelookedbeautifultomany,andhisodditieswerefreelyforgivenforhissake。Jooftenwatchedhim,tryingtodiscoverthecharm,andatlastdecidedthatitwasbenevolencewhichworkedthemiracle。Ifhehadanysorrow,`itsatwithitsheadunderitswing’,andheturnedonlyhissunnysidetotheworld。Therewerelinesuponhisforehead,butTimeseemedtohavetouchedhimgently,rememberinghowkindhewastoothers。Thepleasantcurvesabouthismouthwerethememorialsofmanyfriendlywordsandcheerylaughs,hiseyeswerenevercoldorhard,andhisbighandhadawarm,stronggraspthatwasmoreexpressivethanwords。
  Hisveryclothesseemedtopartakeofthehospitablenatureofthewearer。Theylookedasiftheywereatease,andlikedtomakehimcomfortable。Hiscapaciouswaistcoatwassugges-
  tiveofalargeheartunderneath。Hisrustycoathadasocialair,andthebaggypocketsplainlyprovedthatlittlehandsoftenwentinemptyandcameoutfull。Hisverybootswerebenevolent,andhiscollarsneverstiffandraspylikeotherpeople’s。
  “That’sit!“saidJotoherself,whensheatlengthdiscoveredthatgenuinegoodwilltowardone’sfellowmencouldbeautifyanddignifyevenastoutGermanteacher,whoshoveledinhisdinner,darnedhisownsocks,andwasburdenedwiththenameofBhaer。
  Jovaluedgoodnesshighly,butshealsopossessedamostfemininerespectforintellect,andalittlediscoverywhichshemadeabouttheProfessoraddedmuchtoherregardforhim。
  Heneverspokeofhimself,andnooneeverknewthatinhisnativecityhehadbeenamanmuchhonoredandesteemedforlearningandintegrity,tillacountrymancametoseehim。
  Heneverspokeofhimself,andinaconversationwithMissNortondivulgedthepleasingfact。FromherJolearnedit,andlikeditallthebetterbecauseMr。Bhaerhadnevertoldit。ShefeltproudtoknowthathewasanhonoredProfessorinBerlin,thoughonlyapoorlanguage-masterinAmerica,andhishomely,hard-workinglifewasmuchbeautifiedbythespiceofromancewhichthisdiscoverygaveit。
  Anotherandabettergiftthanintellectwasshownherinamostunexpectedmanner。MissNortonhadtheentreeintomostsociety,whichJowouldhavehadnochanceofseeingbutforher。Thesolitarywomanfeltaninterestintheambitiousgirl,andkindlyconferredmanyfavorsofthissortbothonJoandtheProfessor。Shetookthemwithheronenighttoaselectsymposium,heldinhonorofseveralcelebrities。
  Jowentpreparedtobowdownandadorethemightyoneswhomshehadworshipedwithyouthfulenthusiasmafaroff。Butherreverenceforgeniusreceivedasevereshockthatnight,andittookhersometimetorecoverfromthediscoverythatthegreatcreatureswereonlymenandwomenafterall。Imagineherdismay,onstealingaglanceoftimidadmirationatthepoetwhoselinessuggestedanetherealbeingfedon`spirit,fire,anddew’,tobeholdhimdevouringhissupperwithanardorwhichflushedhisintellectualcountenance。Turningasfromafallenidol,shemadeotherdiscoverieswhichrapidlydispelledherromanticillusions。Thegreatnovelistvibratedbetweentwodecanterswiththeregularityofapendulum;
  thefamousdivineflirtedopenlywithoneoftheMadamedeStaelsoftheage,wholookeddaggersatanotherCorinne,whowasamiablysatirizingher,afteroutmaneuveringherineffortstoabsorbtheprofoundphilosopher,whoimbibedteaJohnsonianlyandappearedtoslumber,theloquacityoftheladyrenderingspeechimpossible。Thescientificcelebrities,forgettingtheirmollusksandglacialperiods,gossipedaboutart,whiledevotingthemselvestooystersandiceswithcharacteristicenergy;theyoungmusician,whowascharmingthecitylikeasecondOrpheus,talkedhorses;andthespecimenoftheBritishnobilitypresenthappenedtobethemostordinarymanoftheparty。
  Beforetheeveningwashalfover,Jofeltsocompletelydisillusioned,thatshesatdowninacornertorecoverherself。
  Mr。Bhaersoonjoinedher,lookingratheroutofhiselement,andpresentlyseveralofthephilosophers,eachmountedonhishobby,cameamblinguptoholdanintellectualtournamentintherecess。TheconversationsweremilesbeyondJo’scomprehension,butsheenjoyedit,thoughKantandHegelwereunknowngods,theSubjectiveandObjectiveunintelligibleterms,andtheonlything`evolvedfromherinnerconsciousness’wasabadheadacheafteritwasallover。Itdawneduponhergraduallythattheworldwasbeingpickedtopieces,andputtogetheronnewand,accordingtothetalkers,oninfinitelybetterprinciplesthanbefore,thatreligionwasinafairwaytobereasonedintonothingness,andintellectwastobetheonlyGod。Joknewnothingaboutphilosophyormetaphysicsofanysort,butacuriousexcitement,halfpleasurable,halfpainful,cameoverherasshelistenedwithasenseofbeingturnedadriftintotimeandspace,likeayoungballoonoutonaholiday。
  ShelookedroundtoseehowtheProfessorlikedit,andfoundhimlookingatherwiththegrimestexpressionshehadeverseenhimwear。Heshookhisheadandbeckonedhertocomeaway,butshewasfascinatedjustthenbythefreedomofSpeculativePhilosophy,andkeptherseat,tryingtofindoutwhatthewisegentlemenintendedtorelyuponaftertheyhadannihilatedalltheoldbeliefs。
  Now,Mr。Bhaerwasadiffidentmanandslowtoofferhisownopinions,notbecausetheywereunsettled,buttoosincereandearnesttobelightlyspoken。AsheglancedfromJotoseveralotheryoungpeople,attractedbythebrilliancyofthephilosophicpyrotechnics,heknithisbrowsandlongedtospeak,fearingthatsomeinflammableyoungsoulwouldbeledastraybytherockets,tofindwhenthedisplaywasoverthattheyhadonlyanemptystickorascorchedhand。
  Heboreitaslongashecould,butwhenhewasappealedtoforanopinion,heblazedupwithhonestindignationanddefendedreligionwithalltheeloquenceoftruth——aneloquencewhichmadehisbrokenEnglishmusicalandhisplainfacebeautiful。Hehadahardfight,forthewisemenarguedwell,buthedidn’tknowwhenhewasbeatenandstoodtohiscolorslikeaman。Somehow,ashetalked,theworldgotrightagaintoJo。Theoldbeliefs,thathadlastedsolong,seemedbetterthanthenew。Godwasnotablindforce,andimmortalitywasnotaprettyfable,butablessedfact。Shefeltasifshehadsolidgroundunderherfeetagain,andwhenMr。Bhaerpaused,outtalkedbutnotonewhitconvinced,Jowantedtoclapherhandsandthankhim。
  Shedidneither,butsherememberedthescene,andgavetheProfessorherheartiestrespect,forsheknewitcosthimanefforttospeakoutthenandthere,becausehisconsciencewouldnotlethimbesilent。Shebegantoseethatcharacterisabetterpossessionthanmoney,rank,intellect,orbeauty,andtofeelthatifgreatnessiswhatawisemanhasdefinedittobe,`truth,reverence,andgoodwill’,thenherfriendfriedrichBhaerwasnotonlygood,butgreat。
  Thisbeliefstrengtheneddaily。Shevaluedhisesteem,shecovetedhisrespect,shewantedtobeworthyofhisfriendship,andjustwhenthewishwassincerest,shecameneartolosingeverything。Itallgrewoutofacockedhat,foroneeveningtheProfessorcameintogiveJoherlessonwithapapersoldiercaponhishead,whichTinahadputthereandhehadforgottentotakeoff。
  “It’sevidenthedoesn’tlookinhisglassbeforecomingdown,“thoughtJo,withasmile,ashesaid“Gootefening,“
  andsatsoberlydown,quiteunconsciousoftheludicrouscontrastbetweenhissubjectandhisheadgear,forhewasgoingtoreadhertheDeathofWallenstein。
  Shesaidnothingatfirst,forshelikedtohearhimlaughouthisbig,heartylaughwhenanythingfunnyhappened,soshelefthimtodiscoveritforhimself,andpresentlyforgotallaboutit,fortohearaGermanreadSchillerisratheranabsorbingoccupation。Afterthereadingcamethelesson,whichwasalivelyone,forJowasinagaymoodthatnight,andthecockedhatkepthereyesdancingwithmerriment。TheProfessordidn’tknowwhattomakeofher,andstoppedatlasttoaskwithanairofmildsurprisethatwasirresistible……
  “MeesMarsch,forwhatdoyoulaughinyourmaster’sface?
  Hafyounorespectforme,thatyougoonsobad?“
  “HowcanIberespectful,Sir,whenyouforgettotakeyourhatoff?“saidJo。
  Liftinghishandtohishead,theabsent-mindedProfessorgravelyfeltandremovedthelittlecockedhat,lookedatitaminute,andthenthrewbackhisheadandlaughedlikeamerrybassviol。
  “Ah!Iseehimnow,itisthatimpTinawhomakesmeafoolwithmycap。Well,itisnothing,butseeyou,ifthislessongoesnotwell,youtooshallwearhim。“
  ButthelessondidnotgoatallforafewminutesbecauseMr。Bhaercaughtsightofapictureonthehat,andunfoldingit,saidwithgreatdisgust,“Iwishthesepapersdidnotcomeinthehouse。
  Theyarenotforchildrentosee,noryoungpeopletoread。
  Itisnotwell,andIhafnopatiencewiththosewhomakethisharm。“
  Joglancedatthesheetandsawapleasingillustrationcomposedofalunatic,acorpse,avillian,andaviper。Shedidnotlikeit,buttheimpulsethatmadeherturnitoverwasnotoneofdispleasurebutfear,becauseforaminuteshefanciedthepaperwastheVolcano。Itwasnot,however,andherpanicsubsidedassherememberedthatevenifithadbeenandoneofherowntalesinit,therewouldhavebeennonametobetrayher。Shehadbetrayedherself,however,byalookandablush,forthoughanabsentman,theProfessorsawagooddealmorethanpeoplefancied。HeknewthatJowrote,andhadmetherdownamongthenewspaperofficesmorethanonce,butassheneverspokeofit,heaskednoquestionsinspiteofastrongdesiretoseeherwork。Nowitoccurredtohimthatshewasdoingwhatshewasashamedtoown,andittroubledhim。Hedidnotsaytohimself,“Itisnoneofmybusiness。I’venorighttosayanything,“asmanypeoplewouldhavedone。Heonlyrememberedthatshewasyoungandpoor,agirlfarawayfrommother’sloveandfather’scare,andhewasmovedtohelpherwithanimpulseasquickandnaturalasthatwhichwouldprompthimtoputouthishandtosaveababyfromapuddle。Allthisflashedthroughhismindinaminute,butnotatraceofitappearedinhisface,andbythetimethepaperwasturned,andJo’sneedlethreaded,hewasreadytosayquitenaturally,butverygravely……
  “Yes,youarerighttoputitfromyou。Idonotthinkthatgoodyounggirlsshouldseesuchthings。Theyaremadepleasanttosome,butIwouldmorerathergivemyboysgunpowdertoplaywiththanthisbadtrash。“
  “Allmaynotbebad,onlysilly,youknow,andifthereisademandforit,Idon’tseeanyharminsupplyingit。
  Manyveryrespectablepeoplemakeanhonestlivingoutofwhatarecalledsensationstories,“saidJo,scratchinggatherssoenergeticallythatarowoflittleslitsfollowedherpin。
  “Thereisademandforwhisky,butIthinkyouandIdonotcaretosellit。Iftherespectablepeopleknewwhatharmtheydid,theywouldnotfeelthatthelivingwashonest。Theyhafnorighttoputpoisoninthesugarplum,andletthesmalloneseatit。No,theyshouldthinkalittle,andsweepmudinthestreetbeforetheydothisthing。“