“Well,youcan’t,thereisn’troom。Goandmakeyourselfuseful,sinceyouaretoobigtobeornamental。Ithoughtyouhatedtobetiedtoawoman’sapronstring?“retortedJo,quotingcertainrebelliouswordsofhisown。
“Ah,thatdependsonwhowearstheapron!“andLauriegaveanaudacioustweakatthetassel。
“Areyougoing?“demandedJo,divingforthepillow。
Hefledatonce,andtheminuteitwaswell,“UpwiththebonnetsofbonnieDundee,“sheslippedawaytoreturnnomoretilltheyounggentlemandepartedinhighdudgeon。
Jolaylongawakethatnight,andwasjustdroppingoffwhenthesoundofastifledsobmadeherflytoBeth’sbedside,withtheanxiousinquiry,“Whatisit,dear?“
“Ithoughtyouwereasleep,“sobbedBeth。
“Isittheoldpain,myprecious?’
“No,it’sanewone,butIcanbearit。“AndBethtriedtocheckhertears。
“Tellmeallaboutit,andletmecureitasIoftendidtheother。“
“Youcan’t,thereisnocure。“ThereBeth’svoicegaveway,andclingingtohersister,shecriedsodespairinglythatJowasfrightened。
“Whereisit?ShallIcallMother?“
“No,no,don’tcallher,don’ttellher。Ishallbebettersoon。Liedownhereand`poor’myhead。I’llbequietandgotosleep,indeedIwill。“
Joobeyed,butasherhandwentsoftlytoandfroacrossBeth’shotforeheadandweteyelids,herheartwasveryfullandshelongedtospeak。Butyoungasshewas,Johadlearnedthathearts,likeflowers,cannotberudelyhandled,butmustopennaturally,sothoughshebelievedsheknewthecauseofBeth’snewpain,sheonlysaid,inhertenderesttone,“Doesanythingtroubleyou,deary?“
“Yes,Jo,“afteralongpause。
“Wouldn’titcomfortyoutotellmewhatitis?“
“notnow,notyet。“
“ThenIwon’task,butremember,Bethy,thatMotherandJoarealwaysgladtohearandhelpyou,iftheycan。“
“Iknowit。I’lltellyouby-and-by。“
“Isthepainbetternow?“
“Oh,yes,muchbetter,youaresocomfortable,Jo。“
“Gotosleep,dear。I’llstaywithyou。“
Socheektocheektheyfellasleep,andonthemorrowBethseemedquiteherselfagain,forateighteenneitherheadsnorheartsachelong,andalovingwordcanmedicinemostills。
ButJohadmadeuphermind,andafterponderingoveraprojectforsomedays,sheconfidedittohermother。
“Youaskedmetheotherdaywhatmywisheswere。I’lltellyouoneofthem,Marmee,“shebegan,astheysatalongtogether。“Iwanttogoawaysomewherethiswinterforachange。“
“Why,Jo?“Andhermotherlookedupquickly,asifthewordssuggestedadoublemeaning。
WithhereyesonherworkJoansweredsoberly,“Iwantsomethingnew。Ifeelrestlessandanxioustobeseeing,doing,andlearningmorethanIam。Ibroodtoomuchovermyownsmallaffairs,andneedstirringup,soasIcanbesparedthiswinter,I’dliketohopalittlewayandtrymywings。“
“Wherewillyouhop?“
“ToNewYork。Ihadabrightideayesterday,andthisisit。YouknowMrs。Kirkewrotetoyouforsomerespectableyoungpersontoteachherchildrenandsew。It’sratherhardtofindjustthething,butIthinkIshouldsuitifItried。“
“Mydear,goouttoserviceinthatgreatboardinghouse!“
AndMrs。Marchlookedsurprised,butnotdispleased。
“It’snotexactlygoingouttoservice,forMrs。Kirkeisyourfriend——thekindestsoulthateverlived——andwouldmakethingspleasantforme,Iknow。Herfamilyisseparatefromtherest,andnooneknowsmethere。Don’tcareiftheydo。
It’shonestwork,andI’mnotashamedofit。“
“NorI。Butyourwriting?“
“Allthebetterforthechange。Ishallseeandhearnewthings,getnewideas,andevenifIhaven’tmuchtimethere,Ishallbringhomequantitiesofmaterialformyrubbish。“
“Ihavenodoubtofit,butaretheseyouronlyreasonsforthissuddenfancy?’
“No,Mother。“
“MayIknowtheothers?“
JolookedupandJolookeddown,thensaidslowly,withsuddencolorinhercheeks。“Itmaybevainandwrongtosayit,but——I’mafraid——Laurieisgettingtoofondofme。“
“Thenyoudon’tcareforhiminthewayitisevidenthebeginstocareforyou?’AndMrs。Marchlookedanxiousassheputthequestion。
“Mercy,no!Ilovethedearboy,asIalwayshave,andamimmenselyproudofhim,butasforanythingmore,it’soutofthequestion。“
“I’mgladofthat,Jo。“
“Why,please?’
“Because,dear,Idon’tthinkyousuitedtooneanother。Asfriendsyouareveryhappy,andyourfrequentquarrelssoonblowover,butIfearyouwouldbothrebelifyouwerematedforlife。
Youaretoomuchalikeandtoofondoffreedom,nottomentionhottempersandstrongwills,togetonhappilytogether,inarelationwhichneedsinfinitepatienceandforbearance,aswellaslove。“
“That’sjustthefeelingIhad,thoughIcouldn’texpressit。
I’mgladyouthinkheisonlybeginningtocareforme。Itwouldtroublemesadlytomakehimunhappy,forIcouldn’tfallinlovewiththedearoldfellowmerelyoutofgratitude,couldI?“
“Youaresureofhisfeelingforyou?“
ThecolordeepenedinJo’scheeksassheanswered,withthelookofmingledpleasure,pride,andpainwhichyounggirlswearwhenspeakingoffirstlovers,“I’mafraiditisso,Mother。Hehasn’tsaidanything,buthelooksagreatdeal。
IthinkIhadbettergoawaybeforeitcomestoanything。“
“Iagreewithyou,andifitcanbemanagedyoushallgo。“
Jolookedrelieved,andafterapause,said,smiling,“HowMrs。Moffatwouldwonderatyourwantofmanagement,ifsheknew,andhowshewillrejoicethatAnniemaystillhope。“
“AH,Jo,mothersmaydifferintheirmanagement,butthehopeisthesameinall——thedesiretoseetheirchildrenhappy。
Megisso,andIamcontentwithhersuccess。YouIleavetoenjoyyourlibertytillyoutireofit,foronlythenwillyoufindthatthereissomethingsweeter。Amyismychiefcarenow,buthergoodsensewillhelp;her。ForBeth,Iindulgenohopesexceptthatshemaybewell。Bytheway,sheseemsbrighterthislastdayortwo。Haveyouspokentoher?’
“Yes,sheownedshehadatrouble,andpromisedtotellmeby-and-by。Isaidnomore,forIthinkIknowit,“AndJotoldherlittlestory。
Mrs。Marchshookherhead,anddidnottakesoromanticaviewofthecase,butlookedgrave,andrepeatedheropinionthatforLaurie’ssakeJoshouldgoawayforatime。
“Letussaynothingaboutittohimtilltheplanissettled,thenI’llrunawaybeforehecancollecthiswitsandbetragic。
BethmustthinkI’mgoingtopleasemyself,asIam,forIcan’ttalkaboutLaurietoher。ButshecanpetandcomforthimafterI’mgone,andsocurehimofthisromanticnotion。He’sbeenthroughsomanylittletrialsofthesort,he’susedtoit,andwillsoongetoverhislovelornity。“
Jospokehopefully,butcouldnotridherselfoftheforebodingfearthatthis`littletrial’wouldbeharderthantheothers,andthatLauriewouldnotgetoverhis`lovelornity’aseasilyasheretofore。
Theplanwastalkedoverinafamilycouncilandagreedupon,forMrs。KirkegladlyacceptedJo,andpromisedtomakeapleasanthomeforher。Theteachingwouldrenderherindependent,andsuchleisureasshegotmightbemadeprofitablebywriting,whilethenewscenesandsocietywouldbebothusefulandagreeable。Jolikedtheprospectandwaseagertobegone,forthehomenestwasgrowingtoonarrowforherrestlessnatureandadventurousspirit。Whenallwassettled,withfearandtremblingshetoldLaurie,buttohersurprisehetookitveryquietly。Hehadbeengraverthanusualoflate,butverypleasant,andwhenjokinglyaccusedofturningoveranewleaf,heansweredsoberly,“SoIam,andImeanthisoneshallstayturned。“
Jowasverymuchrelievedthatoneofhisvirtuousfitsshouldcomeonjustthen,andmadeherpreparationswithalightenedheart,forBethseemedmorecheerful,andhopedshewasdoingthebestforall。
“OnethingIleaveinyourespecialcare,“shesaid,thenightbeforesheleft。
“Youmeanyourpapers?“askedBeth。
“No,myboy。Beverygoodtohim,won’tyou?“
“OfcourseIwill,butIcan’tfillyourplace,andhe’llmissyousadly。“
“Itwon’thurthim,soremember,Ileavehiminyourcharge,toplague,pet,andkeepinorder。“
“I’lldomybest,foryoursake,“promisedBeth,wonderingwhyJolookedathersoqueerly。
WhenLauriesaidgood-by,hewhisperedsignificantly,“Itwon’tdoabitofgood,Jo。Myeyeisonyou,somindwhatyoudo,orI’llcomeandbringyouhome。“
NewYork,NovemberDearMarmeeandBeth,I’mgoingtowriteyouaregularvolume,forI’vegotheapstotell,thoughI’mnotafineyoungladytravelingonthecontinent。
WhenIlostsightofFather’sdearoldface,Ifeltatrifleblue,andmighthaveshedabrinydroportwo,ifanIrishladywithfoursmallchildren,allcryingmoreorless,hadn’tdivertedmymind,forIamusedmyselfbydroppinggingerbreadnutsovertheseateverytimetheyopenedtheirmouthstoroar。
Soonthesuncameout,andtakingitasagoodomen,I
cleareduplikewiseandenjoyedmyjourneywithallmyheart。
Mrs。KirkewelcomedmesokindlyIfeltathomeatonce,eveninthatbighousefullofstrangers。Shegavemeafunnylittleskyparlor——allshehad,butthereisastoveinit,andanicetableinasunnywindow,soIcansithereandwritewheneverIlike。Afineviewandachurchtoweroppositeatoneforthemanystairs,andItookafancytomydenonthespot。
Thenursery,whereIamtoteachandsew,isapleasantroomnextMrs。Kirke’sprivateparlor,andthetwolittlegirlsareprettychildren,ratherspoiled,Ifancy,buttheytooktomeaftertellingthemTheSevenBadPigs,andI’venodoubtIshallmakeamodelgoverness。
Iamtohavemymealswiththechildren,ifIpreferittothegreattable,andforthepresentIdo,forIambashful,thoughnoonewillbelieveit。
“Now,mydear,makeyourselfathome,“saidMrs。K。inhermotherlyway,“I’monthedrivefrommorningtonight,asyoumaysupposewithsuchafamily,butagreatanxietywillbeoffmymindifIknowthechildrenaresafewithyou。Myroomsarealwaysopentoyou,andyourownshallbeascomfortableasI
canmakeit。Therearesomepleasantpeopleinthehouseifyoufeelsociable,andyoureveningsarealwaysfree。Cometomeifanythinggoeswrong,andbeashappyasyoucan。There’stheteabell,Imustrunandchangemycap。“Andoffshebustled,leavingmetosettlemyselfinmynewnest。
AsIwentdownstairssoonafter,IsawsomethingIliked。
Theflightsareverylonginthistallhouse,andasIstoodwaitingattheheadofthethirdoneforalittleservantgirltolumberup,Isawagentlemancomealongbehindher,taketheheavyhodofcoaloutofherhand,carryitallthewayup,putitdownatadoornearby,andwalkaway,saying,withakindnodandaforeignaccent,“Itgoesbetterso。Thelittlebackistooyoungtohafsuchheaviness。“
Wasn’titgoodofhim?Ilikesuchthings,forasFathersays,triflesshowcharacter。WhenImentionedittoMrs。K。,thatevening,shelaughed,andsaid,“ThatmusthavebeenProfessorBhaer,he’salwaysdoingthingsofthatsort。“
Mrs。K。toldmehewasfromBerlin,verylearnedandgood,butpoorasachurchmouse,andgiveslessonstosupporthimselfandtwolittleorphannephewswhomheiseducatinghere,accordingtothewishesofhissister,whomarriedanAmerican。Notaveryromanticstory,butitinterestedme,andIwasgladtohearthatMrs。K。lendshimherparlorforsomeofhisscholars。
Thereisaglassdoorbetweenitandthenursery,andImeantopeepathim,andthenI’lltellyouhowhelooks。He’salmostforty,soit’snoharm,Marmee。
Afterteaandago-to-bedrompwiththelittlegirls,I
attackedthebigworkbasket,andhadaquieteveningchattingwithmynewfriend。Ishallkeepajournal-letter,andsenditonceaweek,sogoodnight,andmoretomorrow。
第51章