So,TinklerthevaletwasinstructedtofindMissAmy’smaid,andtorequestthatsubordinatetoinformMissAmythatMrDorritwishedtoseeherinhisownroom。IndeliveringthischargetoTinkler,MrDorritlookedseverelyathim,andalsokeptajealouseyeuponhimuntilhewentoutatthedoor,mistrustingthathemighthavesomethinginhismindprejudicialtothefamilydignity;
thathemighthaveevengotwindofsomeCollegiatejokebeforehecameintotheservice,andmightbederisivelyrevivingitsremembranceatthepresentmoment。IfTinklerhadhappenedtosmile,howeverfaintlyandinnocently,nothingwouldhavepersuadedMrDorrit,tothehourofhisdeath,butthatthiswasthecase。
AsTinklerhappened,however,veryfortunatelyforhimself,tobeofaseriousandcomposedcountenance,heescapedthesecretdangerthatthreatenedhim。Andasonhisreturn——whenMrDorriteyedhimagain——heannouncedMissAmyasifshehadcometoafuneral,heleftavagueimpressiononMrDorrit’smindthathewasawell-
conductedyoungfellow,whohadbeenbroughtupinthestudyofhisCatechismbyawidowedmother。
’Amy,’saidMrDorrit,’youhavejustnowbeenthesubjectofsomeconversationbetweenmyselfandMrsGeneral。Weagreethatyouscarcelyseemathomehere。Ha——howisthis?’
Apause。
’Ithink,father,Irequirealittletime。’
’Papaisapreferablemodeofaddress,’observedMrsGeneral。
’Fatherisrathervulgar,mydear。ThewordPapa,besides,givesaprettyformtothelips。Papa,potatoes,poultry,prunes,andprismareallverygoodwordsforthelips:especiallyprunesandprism。Youwillfinditserviceable,intheformationofademeanour,ifyousometimessaytoyourselfincompany——onenteringaroom,forinstance——Papa,potatoes,poultry,prunesandprism,prunesandprism。’
’Pray,mychild,’saidMrDorrit,’attendtothe——hum——preceptsofMrsGeneral。’
PoorLittleDorrit,witharatherforlornglanceatthateminentvarnisher,promisedtotry。
’Yousay,Amy,’pursuedMrDorrit,’thatyouthinkyourequiretime。Timeforwhat?’
Anotherpause。
’Tobecomeaccustomedtothenoveltyofmylife,wasallImeant,’
saidLittleDorrit,withherlovingeyesuponherfather;whomshehadverynearlyaddressedaspoultry,ifnotprunesandprismtoo,inherdesiretosubmitherselftoMrsGeneralandpleasehim。
MrDorritfrowned,andlookedanythingbutpleased。’Amy,’hereturned,’itappearstome,Imustsay,thatyouhavehadabundanceoftimeforthat。Ha——yousurpriseme。Youdisappointme。Fannyhasconqueredanysuchlittledifficulties,and——hum——
whynotyou?’
’IhopeIshalldobettersoon,’saidLittleDorrit。
’Ihopeso,’returnedherfather。’I——ha——Imostdevoutlyhopeso,Amy。Isentforyou,inorderthatImightsay——hum——impressivelysay,inthepresenceofMrsGeneral,towhomweareallsomuchindebtedforobliginglybeingpresentamongus,on——ha——onthisoranyotheroccasion,’MrsGeneralshuthereyes,’thatI——hahum——amnotpleasedwithyou。YoumakeMrsGeneral’sathanklesstask。
You——ha——embarrassmeverymuch。YouhavealwaysasIhaveinformedMrsGeneralbeenmyfavouritechild;Ihavealwaysmadeyoua——hum——afriendandcompanion;inreturn,Ibeg——I——ha——Idobeg,thatyouaccommodateyourselfbetterto——hum——circumstances,anddutifullydowhatbecomesyour——yourstation。’
MrDorritwasevenalittlemorefragmentarythanusual,beingexcitedonthesubjectandanxioustomakehimselfparticularlyemphatic。
’Idobeg,’herepeated,’thatthismaybeattendedto,andthatyouwillseriouslytakepainsandtrytoconductyourselfinamannerbothbecomingyourpositionas——ha——MissAmyDorrit,andsatisfactorytomyselfandMrsGeneral。’
Thatladyshuthereyesagain,onbeingagainreferredto;then,slowlyopeningthemandrising,addedthesewords:
’IfMissAmyDorritwilldirectherownattentionto,andwillacceptofmypoorassistancein,theformationofasurface,Mr。
Dorritwillhavenofurthercauseofanxiety。MayItakethisopportunityofremarking,asaninstanceinpoint,thatitisscarcelydelicatetolookatvagrantswiththeattentionwhichI
haveseenbestoweduponthembyaverydearyoungfriendofmine?
Theyshouldnotbelookedat。Nothingdisagreeableshouldeverbelookedat。Apartfromsuchahabitstandinginthewayofthatgracefulequanimityofsurfacewhichissoexpressiveofgoodbreeding,ithardlyseemscompatiblewithrefinementofmind。A
trulyrefinedmindwillseemtobeignorantoftheexistenceofanythingthatisnotperfectlyproper,placid,andpleasant。’
Havingdeliveredthisexaltedsentiment,MrsGeneralmadeasweepingobeisance,andretiredwithanexpressionofmouthindicativeofPrunesandPrism。
LittleDorrit,whetherspeakingorsilent,hadpreservedherquietearnestnessandherlovinglook。Ithadnotbeenclouded,exceptforapassingmoment,untilnow。Butnowthatshewasleftalonewithhimthefingersofherlightlyfoldedhandswereagitated,andtherewasrepressedemotioninherface。
Notforherself。Shemightfeelalittlewounded,buthercarewasnotforherself。Herthoughtsstillturned,astheyalwayshadturned,tohim。Afaintmisgiving,whichhadhungabouthersincetheiraccessiontofortune,thatevennowshecouldneverseehimasheusedtobebeforetheprisondays,hadgraduallybeguntoassumeforminhermind。Shefeltthat,inwhathehadjustnowsaidtoherandinhiswholebearingtowardsher,therewasthewell-knownshadowoftheMarshalseawall。Ittookanewshape,butitwastheoldsadshadow。Shebeganwithsorrowfulunwillingnesstoacknowledgetoherselfthatshewasnotstrongenoughtokeepoffthefearthatnospaceinthelifeofmancouldovercomethatquarterofacenturybehindtheprisonbars。Shehadnoblametobestowuponhim,therefore:nothingtoreproachhimwith,noemotionsinherfaithfulheartbutgreatcompassionandunboundedtenderness。
Thisiswhyitwas,that,evenashesatbeforeheronhissofa,inthebrilliantlightofabrightItalianday,thewonderfulcitywithoutandthesplendoursofanoldpalacewithin,shesawhimatthemomentinthelong-familiargloomofhisMarshalsealodging,andwishedtotakeherseatbesidehim,andcomforthim,andbeagainfullofconfidencewithhim,andofusefulnesstohim。Ifhedivinedwhatwasinherthoughts,hisownwerenotintunewithit。
Aftersomeuneasymovinginhisseat,hegotupandwalkedabout,lookingverymuchdissatisfied。
’Isthereanythingelseyouwishtosaytome,dearfather?’
’No,no。Nothingelse。’
’Iamsorryyouhavenotbeenpleasedwithme,dear。Ihopeyouwillnotthinkofmewithdispleasurenow。Iamgoingtotry,morethanever,toadaptmyselfasyouwishtowhatsurroundsme——forindeedIhavetriedallalong,thoughIhavefailed,Iknow。’
’Amy,’hereturned,turningshortuponher。’You——ha——habituallyhurtme。’
’Hurtyou,father!I!’
’Thereisa——hum——atopic,’saidMrDorrit,lookingallabouttheceilingoftheroom,andneverattheattentive,uncomplaininglyshockedface,’apainfultopic,aseriesofeventswhichIwish——
ha——altogethertoobliterate。Thisisunderstoodbyyoursister,whohasalreadyremonstratedwithyouinmypresence;itisunderstoodbyyourbrother;itisunderstoodby——hahum——byeveryoneofdelicacyandsensitivenessexceptyourself——ha——Iamsorrytosay,exceptyourself。You,Amy——hum——youaloneandonlyyou——
constantlyrevivethetopic,thoughnotinwords。’
Shelaidherhandonhisarm。Shedidnothingmore。Shegentlytouchedhim。Thetremblinghandmayhavesaid,withsomeexpression,’Thinkofme,thinkhowIhaveworked,thinkofmymanycares!’Butshesaidnotasyllableherself。
Therewasareproachinthetouchsoaddressedtohimthatshehadnotforeseen,orshewouldhavewithheldherhand。Hebegantojustifyhimselfinaheated,stumbling,angrymanner,whichmadenothingofit。
’Iwasthereallthoseyears。Iwas——ha——universallyacknowledgedastheheadoftheplace。I——hum——Icausedyoutoberespectedthere,Amy。I——hahum——Igavemyfamilyapositionthere。I
deserveareturn。Iclaimareturn。Isay,sweepitoffthefaceoftheearthandbeginafresh。Isthatmuch?Iask,isthatmuch?’Hedidnotoncelookather,asherambledoninthisway;
butgesticulatedat,andappealedto,theemptyair。
’Ihavesuffered。ProbablyIknowhowmuchIhavesufferedbetterthananyone——ha——Isaythananyone!IfIcanputthataside,ifIcaneradicatethemarksofwhatIhaveendured,andcanemergebeforetheworld——a——ha——gentlemanunspoiled,unspotted——isitagreatdealtoexpect——Isayagain,isitagreatdealtoexpect——
thatmychildrenshould——hum——dothesameandsweepthataccursedexperienceoffthefaceoftheearth?’
Inspiteofhisflusteredstate,hemadealltheseexclamationsinacarefullysuppressedvoice,lestthevaletshouldoverhearanything。
’Accordingly,theydoit。Yoursisterdoesit。Yourbrotherdoesit。Youalone,myfavouritechild,whomImadethefriendandcompanionofmylifewhenyouwereamere——hum——Baby,donotdoit。
Youalonesayyoucan’tdoit。Iprovideyouwithvaluableassistancetodoit。Iattachanaccomplishedandhighlybredlady——ha——MrsGeneral,toyou,forthepurposeofdoingit。IsitsurprisingthatIshouldbedispleased?IsitnecessarythatI
shoulddefendmyselfforexpressingmydispleasure?No!’
Notwithstandingwhich,hecontinuedtodefendhimself,withoutanyabatementofhisflushedmood。
’Iamcarefultoappealtothatladyforconfirmation,beforeI
expressanydispleasureatall。I——hum——Inecessarilymakethatappealwithinlimitedbounds,orI——ha——shouldrenderlegible,bythatlady,whatIdesiretobeblottedout。AmIselfish?DoI
complainformyownsake?No。No。Principallyfor——hahum——yoursake,Amy。’
Thislastconsiderationplainlyappeared,fromhismannerofpursuingit,tohavejustthatinstantcomeintohishead。
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