首页 >出版文学> LITTLE DORRIT>第95章

第95章

  WhenIgoabouthereinagondola,IsurprisemyselflookingintoothergondolasasifIhopedtoseethem。Itwouldovercomemewithjoytoseethem,butIdon’tthinkitwouldsurprisememuch,atfirst。Inmyfancifultimes,Ifancythattheymightbeanywhere;andIalmostexpecttoseetheirdearfacesonthebridgesorthequays。
  AnotherdifficultythatIhavewillseemverystrangetoyou。Itmustseemverystrangetoanyonebutme,anddoeseventome:I
  oftenfeeltheoldsadpityfor——Ineednotwritetheword——forhim。Changedasheis,andinexpressiblyblestandthankfulasI
  alwaysamtoknowit,theoldsorrowfulfeelingofcompassioncomesuponmesometimeswithsuchstrengththatIwanttoputmyarmsroundhisneck,tellhimhowIlovehim,andcryalittleonhisbreast。Ishouldbegladafterthat,andproudandhappy。ButI
  knowthatImustnotdothis;thathewouldnotlikeit,thatFannywouldbeangry,thatMrsGeneralwouldbeamazed;andsoIquietmyself。Yetindoingso,IstrugglewiththefeelingthatIhavecometobeatadistancefromhim;andthateveninthemidstofalltheservantsandattendants,heisdeserted,andinwantofme。
  DearMrClennam,Ihavewrittenagreatdealaboutmyself,butI
  mustwritealittlemorestill,orwhatIwantedmostofalltosayinthisweakletterwouldbeleftoutofit。Inallthesefoolishthoughtsofmine,whichIhavebeensohardyastoconfesstoyoubecauseIknowyouwillunderstandmeifanybodycan,andwillmakemoreallowanceformethananybodyelsewouldifyoucannot——inallthesethoughts,thereisonethoughtscarcelyever——never——outofmymemory,andthatisthatIhopeyousometimes,inaquietmoment,haveathoughtforme。Imusttellyouthatastothis,I
  havefelt,eversinceIhavebeenaway,ananxietywhichIamveryanxioustorelieve。Ihavebeenafraidthatyoumaythinkofmeinanewlight,oranewcharacter。Don’tdothat,Icouldnotbearthat——itwouldmakememoreunhappythanyoucansuppose。ItwouldbreakmyhearttobelievethatyouthoughtofmeinanywaythatwouldmakemestrangertoyouthanIwaswhenyouweresogoodtome。WhatIhavetoprayandentreatofyouis,thatyouwillneverthinkofmeasthedaughterofarichperson;thatyouwillneverthinkofmeasdressinganybetter,orlivinganybetter,thanwhenyoufirstknewme。Thatyouwillremembermeonlyasthelittleshabbygirlyouprotectedwithsomuchtenderness,fromwhosethreadbaredressyouhavekeptawaytherain,andwhosewetfeetyouhavedriedatyourfire。Thatyouwillthinkofmewhenyouthinkofmeatall,andofmytrueaffectionanddevotedgratitude,alwayswithoutchange,asofyourpoorchild,LITTLEDORRIT。
  P。S——ParticularlyrememberthatyouarenottobeuneasyaboutMrsGowan。Herwordswere,’Verywellandveryhappy。’Andshelookedmostbeautiful。
  SomethingWrongSomewhereThefamilyhadbeenamonthortwoatVenice,whenMrDorrit,whowasmuchamongCountsandMarquises,andhadbutscantleisure,setanhourofonedayapart,beforehand,forthepurposeofholdingsomeconferencewithMrsGeneral。
  Thetimehehadreservedinhismindarriving,hesentMrTinkler,hisvalet,toMrsGeneral’sapartmentwhichwouldhaveabsorbedaboutathirdoftheareaoftheMarshalsea,topresenthiscomplimentstothatlady,andrepresenthimasdesiringthefavourofaninterview。Itbeingthatperiodoftheforenoonwhenthevariousmembersofthefamilyhadcoffeeintheirownchambers,somecoupleofhoursbeforeassemblingatbreakfastinafadedhallwhichhadoncebeensumptuous,butwasnowthepreyofwateryvapoursandasettledmelancholy,MrsGeneralwasaccessibletothevalet。Thatenvoyfoundheronalittlesquareofcarpet,soextremelydiminutiveinreferencetothesizeofherstoneandmarblefloorthatshelookedasifshemighthavehaditspreadforthetryingonofaready-madepairofshoes;orasifshehadcomeintopossessionoftheenchantedpieceofcarpet,boughtforfortypursesbyoneofthethreeprincesintheArabianNights,andhadthatmomentbeentransportedonit,atawish,intoapalatialsaloonwithwhichithadnoconnection。
  MrsGeneral,replyingtotheenvoy,asshesetdownheremptycoffee-cup,thatshewaswillingatoncetoproceedtoMrDorrit’sapartment,andsparehimthetroubleofcomingtoherwhich,inhisgallantry,hehadproposed,theenvoythrewopenthedoor,andescortedMrsGeneraltothepresence。Itwasquiteawalk,bymysteriousstaircasesandcorridors,fromMrsGeneral’sapartment,——hoodwinkedbyanarrowsidestreetwithalowgloomybridgeinit,anddungeon-likeoppositetenements,theirwallsbesmearedwithathousanddownwardstainsandstreaks,asifeverycrazyapertureinthemhadbeenweepingtearsofrustintotheAdriaticforcenturies——toMrDorrit’sapartment:withawholeEnglishhouse-
  frontofwindow,aprospectofbeautifulchurch-domesrisingintotheblueskysheeroutofthewaterwhichreflectedthem,andahushedmurmuroftheGrandCanallavingthedoorwaysbelow,wherehisgondolasandgondoliersattendedhispleasure,drowsilyswinginginalittleforestofpiles。
  MrDorrit,inaresplendentdressing-gownandcap——thedormantgrubthathadsolongbideditstimeamongtheCollegianshadburstintoararebutterfly——rosetoreceiveMrsGeneral。AchairtoMrsGeneral。Aneasierchair,sir;whatareyoudoing,whatareyouabout,whatdoyoumean?Now,leaveus!
  ’MrsGeneral,’saidMrDorrit,’Itooktheliberty——’
  ’Bynomeans,’MrsGeneralinterposed。’Iwasquiteatyourdisposition。Ihadhadmycoffee。’
  ’——Itooktheliberty,’saidMrDorritagain,withthemagnificentplacidityofonewhowasabovecorrection,’tosolicitthefavourofalittleprivateconversationwithyou,becauseIfeelratherworriedrespectingmy——ha——myyoungerdaughter。Youwillhaveobservedagreatdifferenceoftemperament,madam,betweenmytwodaughters?’
  SaidMrsGeneralinresponse,crossingherglovedhandsshewasneverwithoutgloves,andtheynevercreasedandalwaysfitted,’Thereisagreatdifference。’
  ’MayIasktobefavouredwithyourviewofit?’saidMrDorrit,withadeferencenotincompatiblewithmajesticserenity。
  ’Fanny,’returnedMrsGeneral,’hasforceofcharacterandself-
  reliance。Amy,none。’
  None?OMrsGeneral,asktheMarshalseastonesandbars。OMrsGeneral,askthemillinerwhotaughthertowork,andthedancing-
  masterwhotaughthersistertodance。OMrsGeneral,MrsGeneral,askme,herfather,whatIoweher;andhearmytestimonytouchingthelifeofthisslightedlittlecreaturefromherchildhoodup!
  NosuchadjurationenteredMr。Dorrit’shead。HelookedatMrsGeneral,seatedinherusualerectattitudeonhercoach-boxbehindtheproprieties,andhesaidinathoughtfulmanner,’True,madam。’
  ’Iwouldnot,’saidMrsGeneral,’beunderstoodtosay,observe,thatthereisnothingtoimproveinFanny。Butthereismaterialthere——perhaps,indeed,alittletoomuch。’
  ’Willyoubekindenough,madam,’saidMrDorrit,’tobe——ha——moreexplicit?Idonotquiteunderstandmyelderdaughter’shaving——
  hum——toomuchmaterial。Whatmaterial?’
  ’Fanny,’returnedMrsGeneral,’atpresentformstoomanyopinions。
  Perfectbreedingformsnone,andisneverdemonstrative。’
  Lesthehimselfshouldbefounddeficientinperfectbreeding,MrDorrithastenedtoreply,’Unquestionably,madam,youareright。’
  MrsGeneralreturned,inheremotionlessandexpressionlessmanner,’Ibelieveso。’
  ’Butyouareaware,mydearmadam,’saidMrDorrit,’thatmydaughtershadthemisfortunetolosetheirlamentedmotherwhentheywereveryyoung;andthat,inconsequenceofmynothavingbeenuntillatelytherecognisedheirtomyproperty,theyhavelivedwithmeasacomparativelypoor,thoughalwaysproud,gentleman,in——hahum——retirement!’
  ’Idonot,’saidMrsGeneral,’losesightofthecircumstance。’
  ’Madam,’pursuedMrDorrit,’ofmydaughterFanny,underherpresentguidanceandwithsuchanexampleconstantlybeforeher——’
  MrsGeneralshuthereyes。——
  ’Ihavenomisgivings。ThereisadaptabilityofcharacterinFanny。Butmyyoungerdaughter,MrsGeneral,ratherworriesandvexesmythoughts。Imustinformyouthatshehasalwaysbeenmyfavourite。’
  ’Thereisnoaccounting,’saidMrsGeneral,’forthesepartialities。’
  ’Ha——no,’assentedMrDorrit。’No。Now,madam,IamtroubledbynoticingthatAmyisnot,sotospeak,oneofourselves。ShedoesnotCaretogoaboutwithus;sheislostinthesocietywehavehere;ourtastesareevidentlynothertastes。Which,’saidMrDorrit,summingupwithjudicialgravity,’istosay,inotherwords,thatthereissomethingwrongin——ha——Amy。’
  ’Mayweinclinetothesupposition,’saidMrsGeneral,withalittletouchofvarnish,’thatsomethingisreferabletothenoveltyoftheposition?’
  ’Excuseme,madam,’observedMrDorrit,ratherquickly。’Thedaughterofagentleman,though——ha——himselfatonetimecomparativelyfarfromaffluent——comparatively——andherselfrearedin——hum——retirement,neednotofnecessityfindthispositionsoverynovel。’
  ’True,’saidMrsGeneral,’true。’
  ’Therefore,madam,’saidMrDorrit,’Itooktheliberty’helaidanemphasisonthephraseandrepeatedit,asthoughhestipulated,withurbanefirmness,thathemustnotbecontradictedagain,’I
  tookthelibertyofrequestingthisinterview,inorderthatI
  mightmentionthetopictoyou,andinquirehowyouwouldadviseme?’
  ’MrDorrit,’returnedMrsGeneral,’IhaveconversedwithAmyseveraltimessincewehavebeenresidinghere,onthegeneralsubjectoftheformationofademeanour。ShehasexpressedherselftomeaswonderingexceedinglyatVenice。Ihavementionedtoherthatitisbetternottowonder。IhavepointedouttoherthatthecelebratedMrEustace,theclassicaltourist,didnotthinkmuchofit;andthathecomparedtheRialto,greatlytoitsdisadvantage,withWestminsterandBlackfriarsBridges。Ineednotadd,afterwhatyouhavesaid,thatIhavenotyetfoundmyargumentssuccessful。Youdomethehonourtoaskmewhattoadvise。Italwaysappearstomeifthisshouldprovetobeabaselessassumption,Ishallbepardoned,thatMrDorrithasbeenaccustomedtoexerciseinfluenceoverthemindsofothers。’
  ’Hum——madam,’saidMrDorrit,’Ihavebeenattheheadof——haofaconsiderablecommunity。YouarerightinsupposingthatIamnotunaccustomedto——aninfluentialposition。’
  ’Iamhappy,’returnedMrsGeneral,’tobesocorroborated。I
  wouldthereforethemoreconfidentlyrecommendthatMrDorritshouldspeaktoAmyhimself,andmakehisobservationsandwishesknowntoher。Beinghisfavourite,besides,andnodoubtattachedtohim,sheisallthemorelikelytoyieldtohisinfluence。’
  ’Ihadanticipatedyoursuggestion,madam,’saidMrDorrit,’but——
  ha——wasnotsurethatImight——hum——notencroachon——’
  ’Onmyprovince,MrDorrit?’saidMrsGeneral,graciously。’Donotmentionit。’
  ’Then,withyourleave,madam,’resumedMrDorrit,ringinghislittlebelltosummonhisvalet,’Iwillsendforheratonce。’
  ’DoesMrDorritwishmetoremain?’
  ’Perhaps,ifyouhavenootherengagement,youwouldnotobjectforaminuteortwo——’
  ’Notatall。’