首页 >出版文学> LITTLE DORRIT>第38章

第38章

  Strange,ifthelittlesick-roomfirewereineffectabeaconfire,summoningsomeone,andthatthemostunlikelysomeoneintheworld,tothespotthatMUSTbecometo。Strange,ifthelittlesick-roomlightwereineffectawatch-light,burninginthatplaceeverynightuntilanappointedeventshouldbewatchedout!Whichofthevastmultitudeoftravellers,underthesunandthestars,climbingthedustyhillsandtoilingalongthewearyplains,journeyingbylandandjourneyingbysea,comingandgoingsostrangely,tomeetandtoactandreactononeanother;whichofthehostmay,withnosuspicionofthejourney’send,betravellingsurelyhither?
  Timeshallshowus。Thepostofhonourandthepostofshame,thegeneral’sstationandthedrummer’s,apeer’sstatueinWestminsterAbbeyandaseaman’shammockinthebosomofthedeep,themitreandtheworkhouse,thewoolsackandthegallows,thethroneandtheguillotine——thetravellerstoallareonthegreathighroad,butithaswonderfuldivergencies,andonlyTimeshallshowuswhithereachtravellerisbound。
  Onawintryafternoonattwilight,MrsFlintwinch,havingbeenheavyallday,dreamedthisdream:
  Shethoughtshewasinthekitchengettingthekettlereadyfortea,andwaswarmingherselfwithherfeetuponthefenderandtheskirtofhergowntuckedup,beforethecollapsedfireinthemiddleofthegrate,borderedoneitherhandbyadeepcoldblackravine。Shethoughtthatasshesatthus,musinguponthequestionwhetherlifewasnotforsomepeoplearatherdullinvention,shewasfrightenedbyasuddennoisebehindher。Shethoughtthatshehadbeensimilarlyfrightenedoncelastweek,andthatthenoisewasofamysteriouskind——asoundofrustlingandofthreeorfourquickbeatslikearapidstep;whileashockortremblewascommunicatedtoherheart,asifthestephadshakenthefloor,orevenasifshehadbeentouchedbysomeawfulhand。Shethoughtthatthisrevivedwithinhercertainoldfearsofhersthatthehousewashaunted;andthatsheflewupthekitchenstairswithoutknowinghowshegotup,tobenearercompany。
  MistressAfferythoughtthatonreachingthehall,shesawthedoorofherliegelord’sofficestandingopen,andtheroomempty。Thatshewenttotheripped-upwindowinthelittleroombythestreetdoortoconnectherpalpitatingheart,throughtheglass,withlivingthingsbeyondandoutsidethehauntedhouse。Thatshethensaw,onthewalloverthegateway,theshadowsofthetwocleveronesinconversationabove。Thatshethenwentupstairswithhershoesinherhand,partlytobenearthecleveronesasamatchformostghosts,andpartlytohearwhattheyweretalkingabout。
  ’Noneofyournonsensewithme,’saidMrFlintwinch。’Iwon’ttakeitfromyou。’
  MrsFlintwinchdreamedthatshestoodbehindthedoor,whichwasjustajar,andmostdistinctlyheardherhusbandsaytheseboldwords。
  ’Flintwinch,’returnedMrsClennam,inherusualstronglowvoice,’thereisademonofangerinyou。Guardagainstit。’
  ’Idon’tcarewhetherthere’soneoradozen,’saidMrFlintwinch,forciblysuggestinginhistonethatthehighernumberwasnearerthemark。’Iftherewasfifty,theyshouldallsay,Noneofyournonsensewithme,Iwon’ttakeitfromyou——I’dmake’emsayit,whethertheylikeditornot。’
  ’WhathaveIdone,youwrathfulman?’herstrongvoiceasked。
  ’Done?’saidMrFlintwinch。’Droppeddownuponme。’
  ’Ifyoumean,remonstratedwithyou——’
  ’Don’tputwordsintomymouththatIdon’tmean,’saidJeremiah,stickingtohisfigurativeexpressionwithtenaciousandimpenetrableobstinacy:’Imeandroppeddownuponme。’
  ’Iremonstratedwithyou,’shebeganagain,’because——’
  ’Iwon’thaveit!’criedJeremiah。’Youdroppeddownuponme。’
  ’Idroppeddownuponyou,then,youill-conditionedman,’Jeremiahchuckledathavingforcedhertoadopthisphrase,’forhavingbeenneedlesslysignificanttoArthurthatmorning。Ihavearighttocomplainofitasalmostabreachofconfidence。Youdidnotmeanit——’
  ’Iwon’thaveit!’interposedthecontradictoryJeremiah,flingingbacktheconcession。’Ididmeanit。’
  ’IsupposeImustleaveyoutospeakinsoliloquyifyouchoose,’
  shereplied,afterapausethatseemedanangryone。’Itisuselessmyaddressingmyselftoarashandheadstrongoldmanwhohasasetpurposenottohearme。’
  ’Now,Iwon’ttakethatfromyoueither,’saidJeremiah。’Ihavenosuchpurpose。IhavetoldyouIdidmeanit。DoyouwishtoknowwhyImeantit,yourashandheadstrongoldwoman?’
  ’Afterall,youonlyrestorememyownwords,’shesaid,strugglingwithherindignation。’Yes。’
  ’Thisiswhy,then。Becauseyouhadn’tclearedhisfathertohim,andyououghttohavedoneit。Because,beforeyouwentintoanytantrumaboutyourself,whoare——’
  ’Holdthere,Flintwinch!’shecriedoutinachangedvoice:’youmaygoawordtoofar。’
  Theoldmanseemedtothinkso。Therewasanotherpause,andhehadalteredhispositionintheroom,whenhespokeagainmoremildly:
  ’Iwasgoingtotellyouwhyitwas。Because,beforeyoutookyourownpart,IthoughtyououghttohavetakenthepartofArthur’sfather。Arthur’sfather!IhadnoparticularloveforArthur’sfather。IservedArthur’sfather’suncle,inthishouse,whenArthur’sfatherwasnotmuchaboveme——waspoorerasfarashispocketwent——andwhenhisunclemightassoonhaveleftmehisheirashavelefthim。Hestarvedintheparlour,andIstarvedinthekitchen;thatwastheprincipaldifferenceinourpositions;therewasnotmuchmorethanaflightofbreakneckstairsbetweenus。I
  nevertooktohiminthosetimes;Idon’tknowthatIevertooktohimgreatlyatanytime。Hewasanundecided,irresolutechap,whohadeverythingbuthisorphanlifescaredoutofhimwhenhewasyoung。Andwhenhebroughtyouhomehere,thewifehisunclehadnamedforhim,Ididn’tneedtolookatyoutwiceyouwereagood-
  lookingwomanatthattimetoknowwho’dbemaster。Youhavestoodofyourownstrengtheversince。Standofyourownstrengthnow。Don’tleanagainstthedead。’
  ’Idonot——asyoucallit——leanagainstthedead。’
  ’Butyouhadamindtodoit,ifIhadsubmitted,’growledJeremiah,’andthat’swhyyoudropdownuponme。Youcan’tforgetthatIdidn’tsubmit。IsupposeyouareastonishedthatIshouldconsideritworthmywhiletohavejusticedonetoArthur’sfather?
  Hey?Itdoesn’tmatterwhetheryouanswerornot,becauseIknowyouare,andyouknowyouare。Come,then,I’lltellyouhowitis。Imaybeabitofanoddityinpointoftemper,butthisismytemper——Ican’tletanybodyhaveentirelytheirownway。Youareadeterminedwoman,andacleverwoman;andwhenyouseeyourpurposebeforeyou,nothingwillturnyoufromit。WhoknowsthatbetterthanIdo?’
  ’Nothingwillturnmefromit,Flintwinch,whenIhavejustifiedittomyself。Addthat。’
  ’Justifiedittoyourself?IsaidyouwerethemostdeterminedwomanonthefaceoftheearthorImeanttosayso,andifyouaredeterminedtojustifyanyobjectyouentertain,ofcourseyou’lldoit。’
  ’Man!IjustifymyselfbytheauthorityoftheseBooks,’shecried,withsternemphasis,andappearingfromthesoundthatfollowedtostrikethedead-weightofherarmuponthetable。
  ’Nevermindthat,’returnedJeremiahcalmly,’wewon’tenterintothatquestionatpresent。Howeverthatmaybe,youcarryoutyourpurposes,andyoumakeeverythinggodownbeforethem。Now,I
  won’tgodownbeforethem。Ihavebeenfaithfultoyou,andusefultoyou,andIamattachedtoyou。ButIcan’tconsent,andIwon’tconsent,andIneverdidconsent,andIneverwillconsenttobelostinyou。Swallowupeverybodyelse,andwelcome。Thepeculiarityofmytemperis,ma’am,thatIwon’tbeswallowedupalive。’
  PerhapsthishadOriginallybeenthemainspringoftheunderstandingbetweenthem。DescryingthusmuchofforceofcharacterinMrFlintwinch,perhapsMrsClennamhaddeemedalliancewithhimworthherwhile。
  ’Enoughandmorethanenoughofthesubject,’saidshegloomily。
  ’Unlessyoudropdownuponmeagain,’returnedthepersistentFlintwinch,’andthenyoumustexpecttohearofitagain。’
  MistressAfferydreamedthatthefigureofherlordherebeganwalkingupanddowntheroom,asiftocoolhisspleen,andthatsheranaway;butthat,ashedidnotissueforthwhenshehadstoodlisteningandtremblingintheshadowyhallalittletime,shecreptup-stairsagain,impelledasbeforebyghostsandcuriosity,andoncemorecoweredoutsidethedoor。
  ’Pleasetolightthecandle,Flintwinch,’MrsClennamwassaying,apparentlywishingtodrawhimbackintotheirusualtone。’Itisnearlytimefortea。LittleDorritiscoming,andwillfindmeinthedark。’
  MrFlintwinchlightedthecandlebriskly,andsaidasheputitdownuponthetable:
  ’WhatareyougoingtodowithLittleDorrit?Isshetocometoworkhereforever?Tocometoteahereforever?Tocomebackwardsandforwardshere,inthesameway,forever?’
  ’Howcanyoutalkabout“forever“toamaimedcreaturelikeme?
  Arewenotallcutdownlikethegrassofthefield,andwasnotI
  shornbythescythemanyyearsago:sincewhenIhavebeenlyinghere,waitingtobegatheredintothebarn?’
  ’Ay,ay!Butsinceyouhavebeenlyinghere——notneardead——
  nothinglikeit——numbersofchildrenandyoungpeople,bloomingwomen,strongmen,andwhatnot,havebeencutdownandcarried;
  andstillhereareyou,yousee,notmuchchangedafterall。Yourtimeandminemaybealongoneyet。WhenIsayforever,ImeanthoughIamnotpoeticalthroughallourtime。’MrFlintwinchgavethisexplanationwithgreatcalmness,andcalmlywaitedforananswer。
  ’SolongasLittleDorritisquietandindustrious,andstandsinneedoftheslighthelpIcangiveher,anddeservesit;solong,Isuppose,unlessshewithdrawsofherownact,shewillcontinuetocomehere,Ibeingspared。’
  ’Nothingmorethanthat?’saidFlintwinch,strokinghismouthandchin。
  ’Whatshouldtherebemorethanthat!Whatcouldtherebemorethanthat!’sheejaculatedinhersternlywonderingway。
  MrsFlintwinchdreamed,that,forthespaceofaminuteortwo,theyremainedlookingateachotherwiththecandlebetweenthem,andthatshesomehowderivedanimpressionthattheylookedateachotherfixedly。
  ’Doyouhappentoknow,MrsClennam,’Affery’sliegelordthendemandedinamuchlowervoice,andwithanamountofexpressionthatseemedquiteoutofproportiontothesimplepurposeofhiswords,’whereshelives?’
  ’No。’
  ’Wouldyou——now,wouldyouliketoknow?’saidJeremiahwithapounceasifhehadsprunguponher。
  ’IfIcaredtoknow,Ishouldknowalready。CouldInothaveaskedheranyday?’
  ’Thenyoudon’tcaretoknow?’