首页 >出版文学> LITTLE DORRIT>第150章

第150章

  Asheembracedher,shesaidtohim,’Theynevertoldmeyouwereill,’anddrawinganarmsoftlyroundhisneck,laidhisheaduponherbosom,putahanduponhishead,andrestinghercheekuponthathand,nursedhimaslovingly,andGODknowsasinnocently,asshehadnursedherfatherinthatroomwhenshehadbeenbutababy,needingallthecarefromothersthatshetookofthem。
  Whenhecouldspeak,hesaid,’Isitpossiblethatyouhavecometome?Andinthisdress?’
  ’Ihopedyouwouldlikemebetterinthisdressthananyother。I
  havealwayskeptitbyme,toremindme:thoughIwantednoreminding。Iamnotalone,yousee。Ihavebroughtanoldfriendwithme。’
  Lookinground,hesawMaggyinherbigcapwhichhadbeenlongabandoned,withabasketonherarmasinthebygonedays,chucklingrapturously。
  ’ItwasonlyyesterdayeveningthatIcametoLondonwithmybrother。IsentroundtoMrsPlornishalmostassoonaswearrived,thatImighthearofyouandletyouknowIhadcome。
  ThenIheardthatyouwerehere。Didyouhappentothinkofmeinthenight?Ialmostbelieveyoumusthavethoughtofmealittle。
  Ithoughtofyousoanxiously,anditappearedsolongtomorning。’
  ’Ihavethoughtofyou——’hehesitatedwhattocallher。Sheperceiveditinaninstant。
  ’Youhavenotspokentomebymyrightnameyet。Youknowwhatmyrightnamealwaysiswithyou。’
  ’Ihavethoughtofyou,LittleDorrit,everyday,everyhour,everyminute,sinceIhavebeenhere。’
  ’Haveyou?Haveyou?’
  Hesawthebrightdelightofherface,andtheflushthatkindledinit,withafeelingofshame。He,abroken,bankrupt,sick,dishonouredprisoner。
  ’Iwasherebeforethegateswereopened,butIwasafraidtocomestraighttoyou。Ishouldhavedoneyoumoreharmthangood,atfirst;fortheprisonwassofamiliarandyetsostrange,anditbroughtbacksomanyremembrancesofmypoorfather,andofyoutoo,thatatfirstitoverpoweredme。ButwewenttoMrChiverybeforewecametothegate,andhebroughtusin,andgotjohn’sroomforus——mypooroldroom,youknow——andwewaitedtherealittle。Ibroughttheflowerstothedoor,butyoudidn’thearme。’
  Shelookedsomethingmorewomanlythanwhenshehadgoneaway,andtheripeningtouchoftheItaliansunwasvisibleuponherface。
  But,otherwise,shewasquiteunchanged。Thesamedeep,timidearnestnessthathehadalwaysseeninher,andneverwithoutemotion,hesawstill。Ifithadanewmeaningthatsmotehimtotheheart,thechangewasinhisperception,notinher。
  Shetookoffheroldbonnet,hungitintheoldplace,andnoiselesslybegan,withMaggy’shelp,tomakehisroomasfreshandneatasitcouldbemade,andtosprinkleitwithapleasant-
  smellingwater。Whenthatwasdone,thebasket,whichwasfilledwithgrapesandotherfruit,wasunpacked,andallitscontentswerequietlyputaway。Whenthatwasdone,amoment’swhisperdespatchedMaggytodespatchsomebodyelsetofillthebasketagain;whichsooncamebackreplenishedwithnewstores,fromwhichapresentprovisionofcoolingdrinkandjelly,andaprospectivesupplyofroastchickenandwineandwater,werethefirstextracts。Thesevariousarrangementscompleted,shetookoutheroldneedle-casetomakehimacurtainforhiswindow;andthus,withaquietreigningintheroom,thatseemedtodiffuseitselfthroughtheelsenoisyprison,hefoundhimselfcomposedinhischair,withLittleDorritworkingathisside。
  Toseethemodestheadagainbentdownoveritstask,andthenimblefingersbusyattheiroldwork——thoughshewasnotsoabsorbedinit,butthathercompassionateeyeswereoftenraisedtohisface,and,whentheydroopedagainhadtearsinthem——tobesoconsoledandcomforted,andtobelievethatallthedevotionofthisgreatnaturewasturnedtohiminhisadversitytopouroutitsinexhaustiblewealthofgoodnessuponhim,didnotsteadyClennam’stremblingvoiceorhand,orstrengthenhiminhisweakness。Yetitinspiredhimwithaninwardfortitude,thatrosewithhislove。Andhowdearlyhelovedhernow,whatwordscantell!
  Astheysatsidebysideintheshadowofthewall,theshadowfelllikelightuponhim。Shewouldnotlethimspeakmuch,andhelaybackinhischair,lookingather。Nowandagainshewouldriseandgivehimtheglassthathemightdrink,orwouldsmooththeresting-placeofhishead;thenshewouldgentlyresumeherseatbyhim,andbendoverherworkagain。
  Theshadowmovedwiththesun,butshenevermovedfromhisside,excepttowaituponhim。Thesunwentdownandshewasstillthere。Shehaddoneherworknow,andherhand,falteringonthearmofhischairsinceitslasttendingofhim,washesitatingthereyet。Helaidhishanduponit,anditclaspedhimwithatremblingsupplication。
  ’DearMrClennam,ImustsaysomethingtoyoubeforeIgo。Ihaveputitofffromhourtohour,butImustsayit。’
  ’Itoo,dearLittleDorrit。IhaveputoffwhatImustsay。’
  Shenervouslymovedherhandtowardshislipsasiftostophim;
  thenitdropped,trembling,intoitsformerplace。
  ’Iamnotgoingabroadagain。Mybrotheris,butIamnot。Hewasalwaysattachedtome,andheissogratefultomenow——somuchtoograteful,foritisonlybecauseIhappenedtobewithhiminhisillness——thathesaysIshallbefreetostaywhereIlikebest,andtodowhatIlikebest。Heonlywishesmetobehappy,hesays。’
  Therewasonebrightstarshininginthesky。ShelookedupatitWhileshespoke,asifitweretheferventpurposeofherownheartshiningaboveher。
  ’Youwillunderstand,Idaresay,withoutmytellingyou,thatmybrotherhascomehometofindmydearfather’swill,andtotakepossessionofhisproperty。Hesays,ifthereisawill,heissureishallbeleftrich;andifthereisnone,thathewillmakemeso。’
  Hewouldhavespoken;butsheputuphertremblinghandagain,andhestopped。
  ’Ihavenouseformoney,Ihavenowishforit。Itwouldbeofnovalueatalltomebutforyoursake。Icouldnotberich,andyouhere。Imustalwaysbemuchworsethanpoor,withyoudistressed。
  WillyouletmelendyouallIhave?Willyouletmegiveityou?
  WillyouletmeshowyouthatIhaveneverforgotten,thatInevercanforget,yourprotectionofmewhenthiswasmyhome?DearMrClennam,makemeofalltheworldthehappiest,bysayingYes。
  MakemeashappyasIcanbeinleavingyouhere,bysayingnothingto-night,andlettingmegoawaywiththehopethatyouwillthinkofitkindly;andthatformysake——notforyours,formine,fornobody’sbutmine!——youwillgivemethegreatestjoyIcanexperienceonearth,thejoyofknowingthatIhavebeenserviceabletoyou,andthatIhavepaidsomelittleofthegreatdebtofmyaffectionandgratitude。Ican’tsaywhatIwishtosay。Ican’tvisityouherewhereIhavelivedsolong,Ican’tthinkofyouherewhereIhaveseensomuch,andbeascalmandcomfortingasIought。Mytearswillmaketheirway。Icannotkeepthemback。Butpray,pray,pray,donotturnfromyourLittleDorrit,now,inyouraffliction!Pray,pray,pray,Ibegyouandimploreyouwithallmygrievingheart,myfriend——mydear!——takeallIhave,andmakeitaBlessingtome!’
  Thestarhadshoneonherfaceuntilnow,whenherfacesankuponhishandandherown。
  Ithadgrowndarkerwhenheraisedherinhisencirclingarm,andsoftlyansweredher。
  ’No,darlingLittleDorrit。No,mychild。Imustnothearofsuchasacrifice。Libertyandhopewouldbesodear,boughtatsuchaprice,thatIcouldneversupporttheirweight,neverbearthereproachofpossessingthem。ButwithwhatardentthankfulnessandloveIsaythis,ImaycallHeaventowitness!’
  ’Andyetyouwillnotletmebefaithfultoyouinyouraffliction?’
  ’Say,dearestLittleDorrit,andyetIwilltrytobefaithfultoyou。If,inthebygonedayswhenthiswasyourhomeandwhenthiswasyourdress,IhadunderstoodmyselfIspeakonlyofmyself
  better,andhadreadthesecretsofmyownbreastmoredistinctly;
  if,throughmyreserveandself-mistrust,IhaddiscernedalightthatIseebrightlynowwhenithaspassedfaraway,andmyweakfootstepscanneverovertakeit;ifIhadthenknown,andtoldyouthatIlovedandhonouredyou,notasthepoorchildIusedtocallyou,butasawomanwhosetruehandwouldraisemehighabovemyselfandmakemeafarhappierandbetterman;ifIhadsousedtheopportunitythereisnorecalling——asIwishIhad,OIwishI
  had!——andifsomethinghadkeptusapartthen,whenIwasmoderatelythriving,andwhenyouwerepoor;Imighthavemetyournobleofferofyourfortune,dearestgirl,withotherwordsthanthese,andstillhaveblushedtotouchit。But,asitis,Imustnevertouchit,never!’
  Shebesoughthim,morepatheticallyandearnestly,withherlittlesupplicatoryhand,thanshecouldhavedoneinanywords。
  ’Iamdisgracedenough,myLittleDorrit。Imustnotdescendsolowasthat,andcarryyou——sodear,sogenerous,sogood——downwithme。GODblessyou,GODrewardyou!Itispast。’Hetookherinhisarms,asifshehadbeenhisdaughter。
  ’Alwayssomucholder,somuchrougher,andsomuchlessworthy,evenwhatIwasmustbedismissedbybothofus,andyoumustseemeonlyasIam。Iputthispartingkissuponyourcheek,mychild——whomighthavebeenmoreneartome,whonevercouldhavebeenmoredear——aruinedmanfarremovedfromyou,foreverseparatedfromyou,whosecourseisrunwhileyoursisbutbeginning。Ihavenotthecouragetoasktobeforgottenbyyouinmyhumiliation;butIasktoberememberedonlyasIam。’
  Thebellbegantoring,warningvisitorstodepart。Hetookhermantlefromthewall,andtenderlywrappeditroundher。
  ’Oneotherword,myLittleDorrit。Ahardonetome,butitisanecessaryone。Thetimewhenyouandthisprisonhadanythingincommonhaslonggoneby。Doyouunderstand?’
  ’O!youwillneversaytome,’shecried,weepingbitterly,andholdingupherclaspedhandsinentreaty,’thatIamnottocomebackanymore!Youwillsurelynotdesertmeso!’
  ’Iwouldsayit,ifIcould;butIhavenotthecouragequitetoshutoutthisdearface,andabandonallhopeofitsreturn。Butdonotcomesoon,donotcomeoften!Thisisnowataintedplace,andIwellknowthetaintofitclingstome。Youbelongtomuchbrighterandbetterscenes。Youarenottolookbackhere,myLittleDorrit;youaretolookawaytoverydifferentandmuchhappierpaths。Again,GODblessyouinthem!GODrewardyou!’
  Maggy,whohadfallenintoverylowspirits,herecried,’Ohgethimintoahospital;dogethimintoahospital,Mother!He’llneverlooklikehisselfagain,ifhean’tgotintoahospital。Andthenthelittlewomanaswasalwaysaspinningatherwheel,shecangotothecupboardwiththePrincess,andsay,whatdoyoukeeptheChickingtherefor?andthentheycantakeitoutandgiveittohim,andthenallbehappy!’
  Theinterruptionwasseasonable,forthebellhadnearlyrungitselfout。Againtenderlywrappinghermantleabouther,andtakingheronhisarmthough,butforhervisit,hewasalmosttooweaktowalk,ArthurledLittleDorritdown-stairs。ShewasthelastvisitortopassoutattheLodge,andthegatejarredheavilyandhopelesslyuponher。
  WiththefuneralclangthatitsoundedintoArthur’sheart,hissenseofweaknessreturned。Itwasatoilsomejourneyup-stairstohisroom,andhere-entereditsdarksolitaryprecinctsinunutterablemisery。
  Whenitwasalmostmidnight,andtheprisonhadlongbeenquiet,acautiouscreakcameupthestairs,andacautioustapofakeywasgivenathisdoor。ItwasYoungJohn。Heglidedin,inhisstockings,andheldthedoorclosed,whilehespokeinawhisper。
  ’It’sagainstallrules,butIdon’tmind。Iwasdeterminedtocomethrough,andcometoyou。’
  ’Whatisthematter?’
  ’Nothing’sthematter,sir。Iwaswaitinginthecourt-yardforMissDorritwhenshecameout。Ithoughtyou’dlikesomeonetoseethatshewassafe。’
  ’Thankyou,thankyou!Youtookherhome,John?’
  ’Isawhertoherhotel。ThesamethatMrDorritwasat。MissDorritwalkedalltheway,andtalkedtomesokind,itquiteknockedmeover。Whydoyouthinkshewalkedinsteadofriding?’
  ’Idon’tknow,John。’
  ’Totalkaboutyou。Shesaidtome,“John,youwasalwayshonourable,andifyou’llpromisemethatyouwilltakecareofhim,andneverlethimwantforhelpandcomfortwhenIamnotthere,mymindwillbeatrestsofar。“Ipromisedher。AndI’llstandbyyou,’saidJohnChivery,’forever!’
  Clennam,muchaffected,stretchedouthishandtothishonestspirit。
  ’BeforeItakeit,’saidJohn,lookingatit,withoutcomingfromthedoor,’guesswhatmessageMissDorritgaveme。’
  Clennamshookhishead。
  ’“Tellhim,“’repeatedJohn,inadistinct,thoughquaveringvoice,’“thathisLittleDorritsenthimherundyinglove。“Nowit’sdelivered。HaveIbeenhonourable,sir?’
  ’Very,very!’
  ’WillyoutellMissDorritI’vebeenhonourable,sir?’
  ’Iwillindeed。’
  ’There’smyhand,sir,’saidjohn,’andI’llstandbyyouforever!’
  Afteraheartysqueeze,hedisappearedwiththesamecautiouscreakuponthestair,creptshoelessoverthepavementoftheyard,and,lockingthegatesbehindhim,passedoutintothefrontwherehehadlefthisshoes。Ifthesamewayhadbeenpavedwithburningploughshares,itisnotatallimprobablethatJohnwouldhavetraverseditwiththesamedevotion,forthesamepurpose。