observedmycomrade,pointingtowardsthedwellingwithhisthumb;’ashnugspot,andbelongstotheMooneysthislongtime。
’Tisanotedplaceforwhathappenedwidthefamousgandherthereinformertimes。’
’Andwhatwasthat?’inquiredI。
’Whatwasithappenedwidthegandher!’
ejaculatedmycompanioninatoneofindignantsurprise;’thegandherivBallymacrucker,thegandher!Yourraverancemustbeastrangerintheseparts。Sureeveryfoolknowsallaboutthegandher,andTerenceMooney,thatwas,resthissowl。Begorra,’tissurprisin’tomehowintheworldyoudidn’thearivthegandher;andmaybeit’sfunninmeyeare,yourraverance。’
Iassuredhimtothecontrary,andconjuredhimtonarratetomethefacts,anunacquaintancewithwhichwassufficientitappearedtostampmeasanignoramusofthefirstmagnitude。
Itdidnotrequiremuchentreatytoinducemycommunicativefriendtorelatethecircumstance,innearlythefollowingwords:
’TerenceMooneywasanhonestboyandwelltodo;an’herintedthebiggestfarmonthissideivtheGalties;an’bein’
mightycutean’asevareworker,itwassmallwonderheturnedagoodpennyeveryharvest。Butunluckilyhewasblessedwithanilegantlargefamilyivdaughters,an’ivcoorsehisheartwasallamostbruck,strivingtomakeupfortunesforthewholeofthem。An’therewasn’taconthrivanceivanysoartordescriptionformakin’moneyoutivthefarm,buthewasupto。
’Well,amongtheotherwayshehadivgettin’upintheworld,healwayskepapowerivturkeys,andallsoartsivpoul-
trey;an’hewasoutivallrasonpartialtogeese——an’smallblametohimforthatsame——fortwice’tayearyoucanpluckthemasbareasmyhand——an’getafinepriceforthefeathers,an’plentyofralesizableeggs——an’whentheyaretooouldtolayanymore,youcankillthem,an’sellthemtothegintlemenforgoslings,d’yesee,letalonethatagooseisthemostmanlybirdthatisout。
’Well,ithappenedinthecoorseivtimethatoneouldgandhertuckawondherfullikin’toTerence,an’divilaplacehecouldgoserenadin’aboutthefarm,orlookin’
aftherthemen,butthegandheridbeathisheels,an’rubbin’himselfaginhislegs,an’lookin’upinhisfacejistlikeanyotherChristianiddo;an’begorra,thelikesivitwasneverseen——TerenceMooneyan’thegandherworsogreat。
’An’atlastthebirdwassoengagin’
thatTerencewouldnotallowittobepluckedanymore,an’kepitfromthattimeoutforlovean’affection——justallasonelikeoneivhischilder。
’Buthappinessinperfectionneverlastslong,an’theneighboursbegin’dtosuspectthenathuran’intentionsivthegandher,an’someivthemsaiditwasthedivil,an’
moreivthemthatitwasafairy。
’Well,Terencecouldnotbuthearsomethingofwhatwassayin’,an’youmaybesurehewasnotaltogetherasyinhismindaboutit,an’fromonedaytoanotherhewasgettin’moreancomfortableinhimself,untilhedetarminedtosindforJerGarvan,thefairydocthorinGarryowen,an’it’shewastheileganthandatthebusiness,an’
divilasperitidsayacrasswordtohim,nomorenorapriest。An’moreoverhewasverygreatwidouldTerenceMooney——
thisman’sfatherthat’was。
’Sowithoutmoreaboutithewassintfor,an’sureenoughthedivilalonghewasaboutit,forhekembackthatveryevenin’alongwidtheboythatwassintforhim,an’assoonashewasthere,an’
tuckhissupper,an’wasdonetalkin’forawhile,hebeginedofcoorsetolookintothegandher。
’Well,heturneditthisawayan’thataway,totherightan’totheleft,an’
straight-waysan’upside-down,an’whenhewastiredhandlin’it,sayshetoTerenceMooney:
’“Terence,“sayshe,“youmustremovethebirdintothenextroom,“sayshe,“an’
putapetticoat,“sayshe,“orannyotherconvaynienceroundhishead,“sayshe。
’“An’whyso?“saysTerence。
’“Becase,“saysJer,sayshe。
’“Becasewhat?“saysTerence。
’“Becase,“saysJer,“ifitisn’tdoneyou’llneverbeasyagain,“sayshe,“orpusilanimousinyourmind,“sayshe;“soaxnomorequestions,butdomybiddin’,“
sayshe。
’“Well,“saysTerence,“haveyourownway,“sayshe。
’An’widthathetucktheouldgandher,an’giv’ittooneivthegossoons。
’“An’takecare,“sayshe,“don’tsmotherthecrathur,“sayshe。
’Well,assoonasthebirdwasgone,saysJerGarvansayshe:
’“DoyouknowwhatthatouldgandherIS,TerenceMooney?“
’“Divilataste,“saysTerence。
’“Wellthen,“saysJer,“thegandherisyourownfather,“sayshe。
’“It’sjokin’youare,“saysTerence,turnin’mightypale;“howcananouldgandherbemyfather?“sayshe。
’“I’mnotfunnin’youatall,“saysJer;
“it’sthruewhatItellyou,it’syourfather’swandhrin’sowl,“sayshe,“that’snaturallytuckpissessionivtheouldgandher’sbody,“sayshe。“Iknowhimmanyways,andIwondher,“sayshe,“youdonotknowthecockivhiseyeyourself,“
sayshe。
’“Ohbluran’ages!“saysTerence,“whatthedivilwillIeverdoatallatall,“sayshe;“it’salloverwidme,forIpluckedhimtwelvetimesatthelaste,“
sayshe。
’“Thatcan’tbehelpednow,“saysJer;
“itwasasevareactsurely,“sayshe,“butit’stoolatetolamintforitnow,“sayshe;“theonlywaytoprevintwhat’spast,“
sayshe,“istoputastoptoitbeforeithappens,“sayshe。
’“Thrueforyou,“saysTerence,“buthowthedivildidyoucometotheknowledgeivmyfather’ssowl,“sayshe,“bein’
intheowldgandher,“sayshe。
’“IfItouldyou,“saysJer,“youwouldnotundherstandme,“sayshe,“withoutbook-larnin’an’gasthronomy,“sayshe;“soaxmenoquestions,“sayshe,“an’
I’lltellyounolies。Butblievemeinthismuch,“sayshe,“it’syourfatherthat’sinit,“sayshe;“an’ifIdon’tmakehimspaketo-morrowmornin’,“sayshe,“I’llgiveyoulavetocallmeafool,“sayshe。
’“Saynomore,“saysTerence,“thatsettlesthebusiness,“sayshe;“an’oh!
blurandagesisitnotaquarething,“
sayshe,“foradacentrespictableman,“
sayshe,“tobewalkin’aboutthecoun-
thryintheshapeivanouldgandher,“
sayshe;“andoh,murdher,murdher!
isnotitoftenIpluckedhim,“sayshe,“an’tundherandounsmightnotIhaveatehim,“sayshe;andwidthathefellintoacouldparspiration,savin’yourprisince,anwasonthepintivfaintin’
widthebarenotionsivit。
’Well,whinhewascometohimselfagin,saysJerrytohimquitean’
asy:
’“Terence,“sayshe,“don’tbeaggravatin’yourself,“sayshe;“forIhaveaplancomposedthat’illmakehimspakeout,“sayshe,“an’tellwhatitisintheworldhe’swantin’,“sayshe;“an’mindan’don’tbecomin’inwidyourgosther,an’tosayaginanythingItellyou,“sayshe,“butjistpurtind,assoonasthebirdisbroughtback,“sayshe,“howthatwe’regoin’tosindhimto-morrowmornin’
tomarket,“sayshe。“An’ifhedon’tspaketo-night,“sayshe,“orgotherhimselfoutivtheplace,“sayshe,“puthimintothehamperairly,andsindhiminthecart,“sayshe,“straighttoTipperary,tobesouldforating,“sayshe,“alongwidthetwogossoons,“sayshe,“an’mynameisn’tJerGarvan,“sayshe,“ifhedoesn’tspakeoutbeforehe’shalf-way,“sayshe。
“An’mind,“sayshe,“assoonasiverhesaysthefirstword,“sayshe,“thatveryminutebringhimafftoFatherCrotty,“sayshe;“an’ifhisraverincedoesn’tmakehimratire,“sayshe,“liketherestivhisparishioners,glorybetoGod,“sayshe,“intothesiclusionivtheflamesivpurgathory,“sayshe,“there’snovartueinmycharums,“sayshe。
’Well,widthattheouldgandherwasletintotheroomagin,an’theyallbiginedtotalkivsindin’himthenixtmornin’
tobesouldforroastin’inTipperary,jistasifitwasathingandoubtinglysettled。
Butdivilanoticethegandhertuck,nomorenoriftheyworspakingivtheLord-Liftinant;an’Terencedesiredtheboystogetreadythekishforthepoulthry,an’to“settleitoutwidhaysoftan’shnug,“sayshe,“forit’sthelastjauntin’thepoorouldgandher’illgetinthisworld,“sayshe。
’Well,asthenightwasgettin’late,Terencewasgrowin’mightysorrowfulan’down-heartedinhimselfentirelywidthenotionsivwhatwasgoin’tohappen。
An’assoonasthewifean’thecrathurswarfairlyinbed,hebroughtoutsomeilligintpotteen,an’himselfan’JerGarvansotdowntoit;an’begorra,themoreanasyTerencegot,themorehedhrank,andhimselfandJerGarvanfinishedaquartbetunethem。Itwasn’tanimparialthough,an’more’sthepity,forthemwasn’tanvintedantilshortsince;
butdivilamuchmattheritsignifiesanylongerifapintcouldhouldtwoquarts,letalonewhatitdoes,sinstFatherMathew——theLordpurloinhisraverence——begin’dtogivethepledge,an’widtheblessin’ivtimperancetodeginerateIreland。
’An’begorra,Ihavethemedlemyself;
an’it’sproudIamivthatsame,forabstamiousnessisafinething,althoughit’smightydhry。
’Well,whinTerencefinishedhispint,hethoughthemightaswellstop;“forenoughisasgoodasafaste,“sayshe;
“an’Ipitythevagabond,“sayshe,“thatisnotabletoconthroulhislicquor,“sayshe,“an’tokeepconstantlyinsideivapintmeasure,“saidhe;an’widthathewishedJerGarvanagood-night,an’
walkedoutivtheroom。
’Buthewintoutthewrongdoor,bein’
athrifleheartyinhimself,an’notrightlyknowin’whetherhewasstandin’onhisheadorhisheels,orbothivthematthesametime,an’inplaceivgettin’intobed,wheredidhethrunhimselfbutintothepoulthryhamper,thattheboyshadsettledoutreadyforthegandherinthemornin’。An’sureenoughhesunkdownsoftan’complatethroughthehaytothebottom;an’widtheturnin’androulin’
aboutinthenight,thedivilabitivhimbutwascoveredupasshnugasalumperinapittatyfurrowbeforemornin’。
’Sowidthefirstlight,upgetsthetwoboys,thatwartotakethesperit,astheyconsaved,toTipperary;an’theycotchedtheouldgandher,an’puthiminthehamper,andclappedagoodwispivhayan’thetopivhim,andtieditdownsthrongwidabitivacoard,andmedthesignivthecrassoverhim,indhreadivanyharum,an’putthehamperupanthecar,wontherin’allthewhilewhatintheworldwasmakin’theouldburdsosurprisin’heavy。
’Well,theywintalongquiteanasytowardsTipperary,wishin’everyminutethatsomeivtheneighboursboundthesamewayidhappentofallinwiththem,fortheydidn’thalflikethenotionsivhavin’nocompanybutthebewitchedgandher,an’smallblametothemforthatsame。
’Butalthoughtheyworshakingintheirskhinsindhreadivtheouldbirdbeginnin’
toconvarsethemeveryminute,theydidnotletan’tooneanother,budkepsingin’
an’whistlin’likemad,tokeepthedreadoutivtheirhearts。
’Well,afthertheywarontheroadbetthernorhalfanhour,theykemtothebadbitclosebyFatherCrotty’s,an’therewasonedivilofarutthreefeetdeepatthelaste;an’
thecargotsichawondherfulchuckgoin’
throughit,thatitwakenedTerencewidininthebasket。
’“Badlucktoye,“sayshe,“mybonesisbruckwidyerthricks;whatthedivilareyedoin’widme?“
’“Didyehearanythingquare,Thady?“
saystheboythatwasnexttothecar,turnin’
aswhiteasthetopivamusharoon;
“didyehearanythingquaresoundin’outivthehamper?“sayshe。
’“No,noryou,’saysThady,turnin’aspaleashimself,“it’stheouldgandherthat’sgruntin’widtheshakin’he’sgettin’,“
sayshe。
’“Wherethedivilhaveyeputmeinto,“saysTerenceinside,“badlucktoyoursowls,“sayshe,“letmeout,orI’llbesmotheredthisminute,“sayshe。
’“There’snouseinpurtending,“saystheboy,“thegandher’sspakin’,glorybetoGod,“sayshe。
’“Letmeout,youmurdherers,“saysTerence。
’“InthenameivtheblessedVargin,“
saysThady,“an’ivalltheholysaints,houldyertongue,youunnatheralgandher,“
sayshe。
’“Who’sthat,thatdartocallmenick-
names?“saysTerenceinside,roaringwidthefairpassion,“letmeout,youblasphamiousinfiddles,“sayshe,“orbythiscrassI’llstretchye,“sayshe。
’“Inthenameivalltheblessedsaintsinheaven,“saysThady,“whothedivilareye?“