首页 >出版文学> Lavengro>第89章

第89章

  ’Mystoryisnearlytold,’saidPeter;’afewwordswillcompleteit。Mywifeendeavouredtoconsoleandreassureme,usingtheargumentswhichyouhavejustheardheruse,andmanyothers,butinvain。Peacenorcomfortcametomybreast。Iwasrapidlyfallingintothedepthsofdespair;whenonedayWinifredsaidtome,“Iseethouwiltbelost,ifweremainhere。Oneresourceonlyremains。Thoumustgoforth,myhusband,intothewideworld,andtocomforttheeIwillgowiththee。““AndwhatcanIdointhewideworld?“saidI,despondingly。“Much,“repliedWinifred,“ifyouwillbutexertyourself;muchgoodcanstthoudowiththeblessingofGod。“Manythingsofthesamekindshesaidtome;andatlastIarosefromtheearthtowhichGodhadsmittenme,anddisposedofmypropertyinthebestwayIcould,andwentintotheworld。Wedidallthegoodwewereable,visitingthesick,ministeringtothesick,andprayingwiththesick。AtlastI
  becamecelebratedasthepossessorofagreatgiftofprayer。Andpeopleurgedmetopreach,andWinifredurgedmetoo,andatlastI
  consented,andIpreached。I-I-outcastPeter,becamethepreacherPeterWilliams。I,thelostone,attemptedtoshowotherstherightroad。AndinthiswayIhavegoneonforthirteenyears,preachingandteaching,visitingthesick,andministeringtothem,withWinifredbymysidehearteningmeon。OccasionallyIamvisitedwithfitsofindescribableagony,generallyonthenightbeforetheSabbath;forIthenaskmyself,howdareI,theoutcast,attempttopreachthewordofGod?Youngman,mytaleistold;youseeminthought!’
  ’IamthinkingofLondonBridge,’saidI。
  ’OfLondonBridge!’saidPeterandhiswife。
  ’Yes,’saidI,’ofLondonBridge。IamindebtedformuchwisdomtoLondonBridge;itwastherethatIcompletedmystudies。Buttothepoint。IwasoncereadingonLondonBridgeabookwhichanancientgentlewoman,whokeptthebridge,wasinthehabitoflendingme;andthereIfoundwritten,“Eachonecarriesinhisbreasttherecollectionofsomesinwhichpressesheavyuponhim。
  Oh,ifmencouldbutlookintoeachother’shearts,whatblacknesswouldtheyfindthere!“’
  ’That’strue,’saidPeter。’Whatisthenameofthebook?’
  ’THELIFEOFBLESSEDMARYFLANDERS。’
  ’Somepopishsaint,Isuppose,’saidPeter。
  ’Asmuchofasaint,Idaresay,’saidI,’asmostpopishones;butyouinterruptedme。OnepartofyournarrativebroughtthepassagewhichIhavequotedintomymind。Yousaidthatafteryouhadcommittedthissamesinofyoursyouwereinthehabit,atschool,oflookinguponyourschoolfellowswithakindofgloomysuperiority,consideringyourselfalonemonstrousbeingwhohadcommittedasinfarabovethedaringofanyofthem。Areyousurethatmanyothersofyourschoolfellowswerenotlookinguponyouandtheotherswithmuchthesameeyeswithwhichyouwerelookinguponthem?’
  ’How!’saidPeter,’dostthouthinkthattheyhaddivinedmysecret?’
  ’Notthey,’saidI,’theywere,Idaresay,thinkingtoomuchofthemselvesandoftheirownconcernstohavedivinedanysecretsofyours。AllImeantosayis,theyhadprobablysecretsoftheirown,andwhoknowsthatthesecretsinofmorethanoneofthemwasnottheverysinwhichcausedyousomuchmisery?’
  ’Dostthouthenimagine,’saidPeter,’thesinagainsttheHolyGhosttobesocommonanoccurrence?’
  ’Asyouhavedescribedit,’saidI,’ofverycommonoccurrence,especiallyamongstchildren,whoare,indeed,theonlybeingslikelytocommitit。’
  ’Truly,’saidWinifred,’theyoungmantalkswisely。’
  Peterwassilentforsomemoments,andappearedtobereflecting;
  atlast,suddenlyraisinghishead,helookedmefullintheface,and,graspingmyhandwithvehemence,hesaid,’Tellme,youngman,onlyonething,hastthou,too,committedthesinagainsttheHolyGhost?’
  ’IamneitherPapistnorMethodist,’saidI,’butoftheChurch,and,beingso,confessmyselftonoone,butkeepmyowncounsel;I
  willtellthee,however,hadIcommitted,atthesameage,twentysuchsinsasthatwhichyoucommitted,Ishouldfeelnouneasinessattheseyears-butIamsleepy,andmustgotorest。’
  ’Godblessthee,youngman,’saidWinifred。
  CHAPTERLXXVIII
  Lowandcalm-Muchbetter-Blessedeffect-Noanswer-Suchasermon。
  BEFOREIsanktorestIheardWinifredandherhusbandconversingintheplacewhereIhadleftthem;boththeirvoiceswerelowandcalm。Isoonfellasleep,andslumberedforsometime。OnmyawakeningIagainheardthemconversing,buttheywerenowintheircart;stillthevoicesofbothwerecalm。Iheardnopassionateburstsofwilddespaironthepartoftheman。MethoughtI
  occasionallyheardthewordPechodproceedingfromthelipsofeach,butwithnoparticularemphasis。Isupposedtheyweretalkingoftheinnatesinofboththeirhearts。
  ’Iwishthatmanwerehappy,’saidItomyself,’wereitonlyforhiswife’ssake,andyethedeservestobehappyforhisown。’
  ThenextdayPeterwasverycheerful,morecheerfulthanIhadeverseenhim。Atbreakfasthisconversationwasanimated,andhesmiledrepeatedly。Ilookedathimwiththegreatestinterest,andtheeyesofhiswifewerealmostconstantlyfixeduponhim。A
  shadeofgloomwouldoccasionallycomeoverhiscountenance,butitalmostinstantlydisappeared;perhapsitproceededmorefromhabitthananythingelse。AfterbreakfasthetookhisWelshBibleandsatdownbeneathatree。Hiseyesweresoonfixedintentlyonthevolume;nowandthenhewouldcallhiswife,showhersomepassage,andappearedtoconsultwithher。Thedaypassedquicklyandcomfortably。
  ’Yourhusbandseemsmuchbetter,’saidI,ateveningfall,toWinifred,aswechancedtobealone。
  ’Hedoes,’saidWinifred;’andthatonthedayoftheweekwhenhewaswonttoappearmostmelancholy,fortomorrowistheSabbath。
  HenownolongerlooksforwardtotheSabbathwithdread,butappearstoreckononit。Whatahappychange!andtothinkthatthischangeshouldhavebeenproducedbyafewwords,seeminglycarelessones,proceedingfromthemouthofonewhoisalmostastrangertohim。Truly,itiswonderful。’
  ’Towhomdoyouallude,’saidI;’andtowhatwords?’
  ’Toyourself,andtothewordswhichcamefromyourlipslastnight,afteryouhadheardmypoorhusband’shistory。Thosestrangewords,drawnoutwithsomuchseemingindifference,haveproducedinmyhusbandtheblessedeffectwhichyouhaveobserved。
  Theyhavealteredthecurrentofhisideas。Henolongerthinkshimselftheonlybeingintheworlddoomedtodestruction,-theonlybeingcapableofcommittingthenever-to-be-forgivensin。
  Yoursuppositionthatthatwhichharrowedhissoulisoffrequentoccurrenceamongstchildrenhastranquillisedhim;themistwhichhungoverhismindhasclearedaway,andhebeginstoseethegroundlessnessofhisapprehensions。TheLordhaspermittedhimtobechastenedforaseason,buthislampwillonlyburnthebrighterforwhathehasundergone。’
  Sundaycame,fineandgloriousasthelast。Againmyfriendsandmyselfbreakfastedtogether-againthegoodfamilyofthehouseonthehillabove,headedbytherespectablemaster,descendedtothemeadow。Peterandhiswifewerereadytoreceivethem。AgainPeterplacedhimselfatthesideofthehonestfarmer,andWinifredbythesideofherfriend。’Wiltthounotcome?’saidPeter,lookingtowardsmewithafaceinwhichtherewasmuchemotion。
  ’Wiltthounotcome?’saidWinifred,withafacebeamingwithkindness。ButImadenoanswer,andpresentlythepartymovedaway,inthesamemannerinwhichithadmovedontheprecedingSabbath,andIwasagainleftalone。
  ThehoursoftheSabbathpassedslowlyaway。Isatgazingatthesky,thetrees,andthewater。AtlastIstrolleduptothehouseandsatdownintheporch。Itwasempty;therewasnomodestmaidenthere,asontheprecedingSabbath。Thedamselofthebookhadaccompaniedtherest。Ihadseenherintheprocession,andthehouseappearedquitedeserted。Theownershadprobablyleftittomycustody,soIsatdownintheporch,quitealone。ThehoursoftheSabbathpassedheavilyaway。
  Atlasteveningcame,andwithitthepartyofthemorning。Iwasnowatmyplacebeneaththeoak。Iwentforwardtomeetthem。
  Peterandhiswifereceivedmewithacalmandquietgreeting,andpassedforward。Therestofthepartyhadbrokenintogroups。
  Therewasakindofexcitementamongstthem,andmucheagerwhispering。Iwenttooneofthegroups;theyounggirlofwhomI
  havespokenmorethanoncewasspeaking:’Suchasermon,’saidshe,’ithasneverbeenourlottohear;Peterneverbeforespokeashehasdonethisday-hewasalwaysapowerfulpreacher,butoh,theunctionofthediscourseofthismorning,andyetmoreofthatoftheafternoon,whichwasthecontinuationofit!’’Whatwasthesubject?’saidI,interruptingher。’Ah!youshouldhavebeenthere,youngman,tohaveheardit;itwouldhavemadealastingimpressionuponyou。Iwasbathedintearsallthetime;
  thosewhohearditwillneverforgetthepreachingofthegoodPeterWilliamsonthePower,Providence,andGoodnessofGod。’
  CHAPTERLXXIX
  Deepinterest-Goodlycountry-Twomansions-Welshman’sCandle-
  Beautifuluniverse-Godlydiscourse-Finechurch-Pointsofdoctrine-Strangeadventures-Paltrycause-Romanpontiff-Evilspirit。
  ONthemorrowIsaidtomyfriends,’Iamabouttodepart;
  farewell!’’Depart!’saidPeterandhiswife,simultaneously;
  ’whitherwouldstthougo?’’Ican’tstayhereallmydays,’I
  replied。’Ofcoursenot,’saidPeter;’butwehadnoideaoflosingtheesosoon:wehadalmosthopedthatthouwouldstjoinus,becomeoneofus。Weareunderinfiniteobligationstothee。’
  ’YoumeanIamunderinfiniteobligationstoyou,’saidI。’Didyounotsavemylife?’’Perhapsso,underGod,’saidPeter;’andwhathastthounotdoneforme?Artthouawarethat,underGod,thouhastpreservedmysoulfromdespair?But,independentofthat,welikethycompany,andfeeladeepinterestinthee,andwouldfainteachtheethewaythatisright。Hearken,to-morrowwegointoWales;gowithus。’’IhavenowishtogointoWales,’
  saidI。’Whynot?’saidPeter,withanimation。’Walesisagoodlycountry;astheScripturesays-alandofbrooksofwater,offountainsanddepths,thatspringoutofvalleysandhills,alandwhosestonesareiron,andoutofwhosehillsthoumayestdiglead。’
  ’Idaresayitisaveryfinecountry,’saidI,’butIhavenowishtogotherejustnow;mydestinyseemstopointinanotherdirection,tosaynothingofmytrade。’’Thoudostrighttosaynothingofthytrade,’saidPeter,smiling,’forthouseemesttocarenothingaboutit;whichhasledWinifredandmyselftosuspectthatthouartnotaltogetherwhatthouseemest;but,settingthataside,weshouldbemosthappyifthouwouldstgowithusintoWales。’’IcannotpromisetogowithyouintoWales,’saidI;
  ’but,asyoudepartto-morrow,Iwillstaywithyouthroughtheday,andonthemorrowaccompanyyoupartoftheway。’’Do,’saidPeter:’Ihavemanypeopletoseeto-day,andsohasWinifred;butwewillbothendeavourtohavesomeseriousdiscoursewiththee,which,perhaps,willturntothyprofitintheend。’
  InthecourseofthedaythegoodPetercametome,asIwasseatedbeneaththeoak,and,placinghimselfbyme,commencedaddressingmeinthefollowingmanner:-