Ihavealreadyhintedthatmyfatherneverrosetoanyveryexaltedrankinhisprofession,notwithstandinghisprowessandotherqualifications。Afterservingformanyyearsintheline,heatlastenteredascaptaininthemilitiaregimentoftheEarlof-,atthatperiodjustraised,andtowhichhewassentbytheDukeofYorktoinstructtheyoungleviesinmilitarymanoeuvresanddiscipline;andinthismissionIbelieveheperfectlysucceeded,competentjudgeshavingassuredmethattheregimentinquestionsooncamebyhismeanstobeconsideredasoneofthemostbrilliantintheservice,andinferiortonoregimentofthelineinappearanceordiscipline。
AstheheadquartersofthiscorpswereatD-thedutiesofmyfathernotunfrequentlycarriedhimtothatplace,anditwasononeoftheseoccasionsthathebecameacquaintedwithayoungpersonoftheneighbourhood,forwhomheformedanattachment,whichwasreturned;andthisyoungpersonwasmymother。
ShewasdescendedfromafamilyofFrenchProtestants,nativesofCaen,whowereobligedtoleavetheirnativecountrywhenoldLouis,attheinstigationofthePope,thoughtfittorevoketheEdictofNantes:theirnamewasPetrement,andIhavereasonforbelievingthattheywerepeopleofsomeconsideration;thattheywerenoblehearts,andgoodChristians,theygavesufficientproofinscorningtobowthekneetothetyrannyofRome。SotheyleftbeautifulNormandyfortheirfaith’ssake,andwithafewlouisd’orsintheirpurse,aBibleinthevulgartongue,andacoupleofoldswords,which,ifreportbetrue,haddoneserviceintheHuguenotwars,theycrossedtheseatotheisleofcivilpeaceandreligiousliberty,andestablishedthemselvesinEastAnglia。
AndmanyotherHuguenotfamiliesbenttheirstepsthither,anddevotedthemselvestoagricultureorthemechanicalarts;andinthevenerableoldcity,thecapitaloftheprovince,inthenorthernshadowoftheCastleofDeBurgh,theexilesbuiltforthemselvesachurchwheretheypraisedGodintheFrenchtongue,andtowhich,atparticularseasonsoftheyear,theywereinthehabitofflockingfromcountryandfromtowntosing-
’Thouhastprovidedforusagoodlyearth;thouwaterestherfurrows,thousendestrainintothelittlevalleysthereof,thoumakestitsoftwiththedropsofrain,andblessesttheincreaseofit。’
Ihavebeentoldthatinheryoungerdaysmymotherwasstrikinglyhandsome;thisIcaneasilybelieve:Ineverknewherinheryouth,forthoughshewasveryyoungwhenshemarriedmyfatherwhowasherseniorbymanyyears,shehadattainedthemiddleagebeforeIwasborn,nochildrenhavingbeenvouchsafedtomyparentsintheearlystagesoftheirunion。Yetevenatthepresentday,nowthatyearsthreescoreandtenhavepassedoverherhead,attendedwithsorrowandtroublesmanifold,poorlychequeredwithscantyjoys,canIlookonthatcountenanceanddoubtthatatonetimebeautydeckeditaswithagloriousgarment?Hailtothee,myparent!asthousittestthere,inthywidow’sweeds,intheduskyparlourinthehouseovergrownwiththelustrousivyofthesisterisle,thesolitaryhouseattheendoftheretiredcourtshadedbyloftypoplars。Hailtothee,dameoftheovalface,olivecomplexion,andGrecianforehead;bythytableseatedwiththemightyvolumeofthegoodBishopHopkinsspreadoutbeforethee;
thereispeaceinthycountenance,mymother;itisnotworldlypeace,however,notthedeceitfulpeacewhichlullstobewitchingslumbers,andfromwhich,letuspray,humblypray,thateverysinnermayberousedintimetoimploremercynotinvain!Thineisthepeaceoftherighteous,mymother,ofthosetowhomnosincanbeimputed,thescoreofwhosemisdeedshasbeenlongsincewashedawaybythebloodofatonement,whichimputethrighteousnesstothosewhotrustinit。Itwasnotalwaysthus,mymother;atimewas,whenthecares,pomps,andvanitiesofthisworldagitatedtheetoomuch;butthattimeisgoneby,anotherandabetterhassucceeded;thereispeacenowonthycountenance,thetruepeace;peacearoundthee,too,inthysolitarydwelling,soundsofpeace,thecheerfulhumofthekettleandthepurringoftheimmenseangola,whichstaresupattheefromitssettlewithitsalmosthumaneyes。
Nomoreearthlycaresandaffectionsnow,mymother!Yes,one。
Whydostthousuddenlyraisethydarkandstillbrillianteyefromthevolumewithasomewhatstartledglance?Whatnoiseisthatinthedistantstreet?Merelythenoiseofahoof;asoundcommonenough:itdrawsnearer,nearer,andnowitstopsbeforethygate。
Singular!Andnowthereisapause,alongpause。Ha!thouhearestsomething-afootstep;aswiftbutheavyfootstep!thourisest,thoutremblest,thereisahandonthepinoftheouterdoor,thereissomeoneinthevestibule,andnowthedoorofthyapartmentopens,thereisareflectiononthemirrorbehindthee,atravellinghat,agrayheadandsunburntface。MydearestSon!-
MydarlingMother!
Yes,mother,thoudidstrecogniseinthedistantstreetthehoof-
trampofthewanderer’shorse。
Iwasnottheonlychildofmyparents;Ihadabrothersomethreeyearsolderthanmyself。Hewasabeautifulchild;oneofthoseoccasionallyseeninEngland,andinEnglandalone;arosy,angelicface,blueeyes,andlightchestnuthair;itwasnotexactlyanAnglo-Saxoncountenance,inwhich,bythebye,thereisgenerallyacastofloutishnessandstupidity;itpartook,toacertainextent,oftheCelticcharacter,particularlyinthefireandvivacitywhichilluminedit;hisfacewasthemirrorofhismind;perhapsnodispositionmoreamiablewaseverfoundamongstthechildrenofAdam,united,however,withnoinconsiderableportionofhighanddauntlessspirit。Sogreatwashisbeautyininfancy,thatpeople,especiallythoseofthepoorerclasses,wouldfollowthenursewhocarriedhimaboutinordertolookatandblesshislovelyface。
Attheageofthreemonthsanattemptwasmadetosnatchhimfromhismother’sarmsinthestreetsofLondon,atthemomentshewasabouttoenteracoach;indeed,hisappearanceseemedtooperatesopowerfullyuponeverypersonwhobeheldhim,thatmyparentswereundercontinualapprehensionoflosinghim;hisbeauty,however,wasperhapssurpassedbythequicknessofhisparts。Hemasteredhislettersinafewhours,andinadayortwocoulddecipherthenamesofpeopleonthedoorsofhousesandovertheshop-windows。
Ashegrewup,hispersonalappearancebecamelessprepossessing,hisquicknessandcleverness,however,ratherincreased;andImaysayofhim,thatwithrespecttoeverythingwhichhetookinhandhediditbetterandmorespeedilythananyotherperson。Perhapsitwillbeaskedhere,whatbecameofhim?Alas!alas!hiswasanearlyandaforeigngrave。AsIhavesaidbefore,theraceisnotalwaysfortheswift,northebattleforthestrong。
Andnow,doubtless,aftertheaboveportraitofmybrother,paintedintheverybeststyleofRubens,thereaderwillconceivehimselfjustifiedinexpectingafull-lengthoneofmyself,asachild,forastomypresentappearance,Isupposehewillbetolerablycontentwiththatflittingglimpseinthemirror。Buthemustexcuseme;I
havenointentionofdrawingaportraitofmyselfinchildhood;
indeeditwouldbedifficult,foratthattimeIneverlookedintomirrors。Noattempts,however,wereevermadetostealmeinmyinfancy,andIneverheardthatmyparentsentertainedtheslightestapprehensionoflosingmebythehandsofkidnappers,thoughIrememberperfectlywellthatpeoplewereinthehabitofstandingstilltolookatme,ay,morethanatmybrother;fromwhichpremissesthereadermayformanyconclusionwithrespecttomyappearancewhichseemethgooduntohimandreasonable。Shouldhe,beingagood-naturedperson,andalwaysinclinedtoadoptthecharitablesideinanydoubtfulpoint,bewillingtosupposethatI,too,waseminentlyendowedbynaturewithpersonalgraces,I
tellhimfranklythatIhavenoobjectionwhatevertohisentertainingthatidea;moreover,thatIheartilythankhim,andshallatalltimesbedisposed,undersimilarcircumstances,toexercisethesamespeciesofcharitytowardshimself。
WithrespecttomymindanditsqualitiesIshallbemoreexplicit;
for,wereItomaintainmuchreserveonthispoint,manythingswhichappearinthesememoirswouldbehighlymysterioustothereader,indeedincomprehensible。Perhapsnotwoindividualswereevermoreunlikeinmindanddispositionthanmybrotherandmyself:aslightisopposedtodarkness,sowasthathappy,brilliant,cheerfulchildtothesadandmelancholybeingwhosprangfromthesamestockashimself,andwasnurturedbythesamemilk。
Once,whentravellinginanAlpinecountry,Iarrivedataconsiderableelevation;Isawinthedistance,farbelow,abeautifulstreamhasteningtotheocean,itsrapidwatersheresparklinginthesunshine,andtheretumblingmerrilyincascades。
Onitsbankswerevineyardsandcheerfulvillages;closetowhereI
stood,inagranitebasinwithsteepandprecipitoussides,slumberedadeep,darklagoon,shadedbyblackpines,cypresses,andyews。Itwasawild,savagespot,strangeandsingular;ravenshoveredabovethepines,fillingtheairwiththeiruncouthnotes,pieschattered,andIheardthecryofaneaglefromaneighbouringpeak;therelaythelake,thedark,solitary,andalmostinaccessiblelake;gloomyshadowswereuponit,which,strangelymodified,asgustsofwindagitatedthesurface,occasionallyassumedtheshapeofmonsters。SoIstoodontheAlpineelevation,andlookednowonthegaydistantriver,andnowatthedarkgranite-encircledlakeclosebesidemeinthelonesolitude,andI
thoughtofmybrotherandmyself。Iamnomoraliser;butthegayandrapidriver,andthedarkandsilentlake,were,ofaverity,nohademblemsofustwo。
Sofarfrombeingquickandcleverlikemybrother,andabletorivaltheliteraryfeatwhichIhaverecordedofhim,manyyearselapsedbeforeIwasabletounderstandthenatureofletters,ortoconnectthem。Aloverofnooksandretiredcorners,Iwasasachildinthehabitoffleeingfromsociety,andofsittingforhourstogetherwithmyheadonmybreast。WhatIwasthinkingabout,itwouldbedifficulttosayatthisdistanceoftime;I
rememberperfectlywell,however,beingeverconsciousofapeculiarheavinesswithinme,andattimesofastrangesensationoffear,whichoccasionallyamountedtohorror,andforwhichI
couldassignnorealcausewhatever。
Bynatureslowofspeech,Itooknopleasureinconversation,norinhearingthevoicesofmyfellow-creatures。Whenpeopleaddressedme,Inotunfrequently,especiallyiftheywerestrangers,turnedawaymyheadfromthem,andiftheypersistedintheirnoticeburstintotears,whichsingularityofbehaviourbynomeanstendedtodisposepeopleinmyfavour。Iwasasmuchdislikedasmybrotherwasdeservedlybelovedandadmired。Myparents,itistrue,werealwayskindtome;andmybrother,whowasgoodnatureitself,wascontinuallylavishinguponmeeverymarkofaffection。
Therewas,however,oneindividualwho,inthedaysofmychildhood,wasdisposedtoformafavourableopinionofme。Oneday,aJew-Ihavequiteforgottenthecircumstance,butIwaslongsubsequentlyinformedofit-onedayatravellingJewknockedatthedoorofafarmhouseinwhichwehadtakenapartments;Iwasnearathandsittinginthebrightsunshine,drawingstrangelinesonthedustwithmyfingers,anapeanddogweremycompanions;theJewlookedatmeandaskedmesomequestions,towhich,thoughI
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