首页 >出版文学> LADY CHATTERLEY’S LOVER>第43章
  Hewassilentforalongtime。
  `Howareyougoingaboutitforus?’hesaid。
  `WewillseeifDuncanwillconsenttofigureasco-respondent:thenwemustgetCliffordtodivorceConnie:andyoumustgoonwithyourdivorce,andyoumustbothkeepaparttillyouarefree。’
  `Soundslikealunaticasylum。’
  `Possibly!Andtheworldwouldlookonyouaslunatics:orworse。;
  `Whatisworse?’
  `Criminals,Isuppose。’
  `HopeIcanplungeinthedaggerafewmoretimesyet,’hesaid,grinning。
  Thenhewassilent,andangry。
  `Well!’hesaidatlast。`Iagreetoanything。Theworldisaravingidiot,andnomancankillit:thoughI’lldomybest。Butyoureright。
  Wemustrescueourselvesasbestwecan。’
  Helookedinhumiliation,anger,wearinessandmiseryatConnie。
  `Malass!’hesaid。`Theworld’sgoin’toputsaltonthytail。’
  `Notifwedon’tletit,’shesaid。
  Shemindedthisconnivingagainsttheworldlessthanhedid。
  Duncan,whenapproached,alsoinsistedonseeingthedelinquentgame-keeper,sotherewasadinner,thistimeinhisflat:thefourofthem。Duncanwasarathershort,broad,dark-skinned,taciturnHamletofafellowwithstraightblackhairandaweirdCelticconceitofhimself。Hisartwasalltubesandvalvesandspiralsandstrangecolours,ultra-modern,yetwithacertainpower,evenacertainpurityofformandtone:onlyMellorsthoughtitcruelandrepellent。Hedidnotventuretosayso,forDuncanwasalmostinsaneonthepointofhisart:itwasapersonalcult,apersonalreligionwithhim。
  Theywerelookingatthepicturesinthestudio,andDuncankepthissmallishbrowneyesontheotherman。Hewantedtohearwhatthegame-keeperwouldsay。HeknewalreadyConnie’sandHilda’sopinions。
  `Itislikeapurebitofmurder,’saidMellorsatlast;aspeechDuncanbynomeansexpectedfromagame-keeper。
  `Andwhoismurdered?’askedHilda,rathercoldlyandsneeringly。
  `Me!Itmurdersallthebowelsofcompassioninaman。’
  Awaveofpurehatecameoutoftheartist。Heheardthenoteofdislikeintheotherman’svoice,andthenoteofcontempt。Andhehimselfloathedthementionofbowelsofcompassion。Sicklysentiment!
  Mellorsstoodrathertallandthin,worn-looking,gazingwithflickeringdetachmentthatwassomethinglikethedancingofamothonthewing,atthepictures。
  `Perhapsstupidityismurdered;sentimentalstupidity,’sneeredtheartist。
  `Doyouthinkso?Ithinkallthesetubesandcorrugatedvibrationsarestupidenoughforanything,andprettysentimental。Theyshowalotofself-pityandanawfullotofnervousself-opinion,seemstome。’
  Inanotherwaveofhatetheartist’sfacelookedyellow。Butwithasortofsilenthauteurheturnedthepicturestothewall。
  `Ithinkwemaygotothedining-room,’hesaid。Andtheytrailedoff,dismally。
  Aftercoffee,Duncansaid:
  `Idon’tatallmindposingasthefatherofConnie’schild。Butonlyontheconditionthatshe’llcomeandposeasamodelforme。I’vewantedherforyears,andshe’salwaysrefused。’Heuttereditwiththedarkfinalityofaninquisitorannouncinganautodafe。
  `Ah!’saidMellors。`Youonlydoitoncondition,then?’
  `Quite!Ionlydoitonthatcondition。’Theartisttriedtoputtheutmostcontemptoftheotherpersonintohisspeech。Heputalittletoomuch。
  `Betterhavemeasamodelatthesametime,’saidMellors。`Betterdousinagroup,VulcanandVenusunderthenetofart。Iusedtobeablacksmith,beforeIwasagame-keeper。’
  `Thankyou,’saidtheartist。`Idon’tthinkVulcanhasafigurethatinterestsme。’
  `Notevenifitwastubifiedandtitivatedup?’
  Therewasnoanswer。Theartistwastoohaughtyforfurtherwords。
  Itwasadismalparty,inwhichtheartisthenceforthsteadilyignoredthepresenceoftheotherman,andtalkedonlybriefly,asifthewordswerewrungoutofthedepthsofhisgloomyportentousness,tothewomen。
  `Youdidn’tlikehim,buthe’sbetterthanthat,really。He’sreallykind,’Connieexplainedastheyleft。
  `He’salittleblackpupwithacorrugateddistemper,’saidMellors。
  `No,hewasn’tnicetoday。’
  `Andwillyougoandbeamodeltohim?’
  `Oh,Idon’treallymindanymore。Hewon’ttouchme。AndIdon’tmindanything,ifitpavesthewaytoalifetogetherforyouandme。’
  `Buthe’llonlyshitonyouoncanvas。’
  `Idon’tcare。He’llonlybepaintinghisownfeelingsforme,andI
  don’tmindifhedoesthat。Iwouldn’thavehimtouchme,notforanything。
  Butifhethinkshecandoanythingwithhisowlishartystaring,lethimstare。Hecanmakeasmanyemptytubesandcorrugationsoutofmeashelikes。It’shisfuneral。Hehatedyouforwhatyousaid:thathistubifiedartissentimentalandself-important。Butofcourseit’strue。’
  Chapter19DearClifford,Iamafraidwhatyouforesawhashappened。I
  amreallyinlovewithanotherman,anddohopeyouwilldivorceme。I
  amstayingatpresentwithDuncanitshisflat。ItoldyouhewasatVenicewithus。I’mawfullyunhappyforyoursake:butdotrytotakeitquietly。
  Youdon’treallyneedmeanymore,andIcan’tbeartocomebacktoWragby。
  I’mawfullysorry。Butdotrytoforgiveme,anddivorcemeandfindsomeonebetter。I’mnotreallytherightpersonforyou,Iamtooimpatientandselfish,Isuppose。ButIcan’tevercomebacktolivewithyouagain。
  AndIfeelsofrightfullysorryaboutitall,foryoursake。Butifyoudon’tletyourselfgetworkedup,you’llseeyouwon’tmindsofrightfully。
  Youdidn’treallycareaboutmepersonally。Sodoforgivemeandgetridofme。
  Cliffordwasnotinwardlysurprisedtogetthisletter。Inwardly,hehadknownforalongtimeshewasleavinghim。Buthehadabsolutelyrefusedanyoutwardadmissionofit。Therefore,outwardly,itcameasthemostterribleblowandshocktohim,Hehadkeptthesurfaceofhisconfidenceinherquiteserene。
  Andthatishowweare,Bystrengthofwillwecutoffourinnerintuitiveknowledgefromadmittedconsciousness。Thiscausesastateofdread,orapprehension,whichmakestheblowtentimesworsewhenitdoesfall。
  Cliffordwaslikeahystericalchild。HegaveMrsBoltonaterribleshock,sittingupinbedghastlyandblank。
  `Why,SirClifford,whatever’sthematter?’
  Noanswer!Shewasterrifiedlesthehadhadastroke。Shehurriedandfelthisface,tookhispulse。
  `Isthereapain?Dotryandtellmewhereithurtsyou。Dotellme!’
  Noanswer!
  `Ohdear,ohdear!ThenI’lltelephonetoSheffieldforDrCarrington,andDrLeckymayaswellrunroundstraightaway。’
  Shewasmovingtothedoor,whenhesaidinahollowtone:
  `No!’
  Shestoppedandgazedathim。Hisfacewasyellow,blank,andlikethefaceofanidiot。
  `Doyoumeanyou’dratherIdidn’tfetchthedoctor?’
  `Yes!Idon’twanthim,’camethesepulchralvoice。
  `Oh,butSirClifford,you’reill,andIdaren’ttaketheresponsibility。
  Imustsendforthedoctor,orIshallbeblamed。’
  Apause:thenthehollowvoicesaid:
  `I’mnotill。Mywifeisn’tcomingback。’——Itwasasifanimagespoke。
  `Notcomingback?youmeanherladyship?’MrsBoltonmovedalittlenearertothebed。`Oh,don’tyoubelieveit。Youcantrustherladyshiptocomeback。’
  Theimageinthebeddidnotchange,butitpushedaletteroverthecounterpane。
  `Readit!’saidthesepulchralvoice。
  `Why,ifit’saletterfromherladyship,I’msureherladyshipwouldn’twantmetoreadherlettertoyou,SirClifford。Youcantellmewhatshesays,ifyouwish。’
  `Readit!’repeatedthevoice。
  `Why,ifImust,Idoittoobeyyou,SirClifford,’shesaid。Andshereadtheletter。
  `Well,Iamsurprisedatherladyship,’shesaid。`Shepromisedsofaithfullyshe’dcomeback!’
  Thefaceinthebedseemedtodeepenitsexpressionofwild,butmotionlessdistraction。MrsBoltonlookedatitandwasworried。Sheknewwhatshewasupagainst:malehysteria。Shehadnotnursedsoldierswithoutlearningsomethingaboutthatveryunpleasantdisease。
  ShewasalittleimpatientofSirClifford。Anymaninhissensesmusthaveknownhiswifewasinlovewithsomebodyelse,andwasgoingtoleavehim。Even,shewassure,SirCliffordwasinwardlyabsolutelyawareofit,onlyhewouldn’tadmitittohimself。Ifhewouldhaveadmittedit,andpreparedhimselfforit:orifhewouldhaveadmittedit,andactivelystruggledwithhiswifeagainstit:thatwouldhavebeenactinglikeaman。Butno!heknewit,andallthetimetriedtokidhimselfitwasn’tso。Hefeltthedeviltwistinghistail,andpretendeditwastheangelssmilingonhim。Thisstateoffalsityhadnowbroughtonthatcrisisoffalsityanddislocation,hysteria,whichisaformofinsanity。`Itcomes’,shethoughttoherself,hatinghimalittle,`becausehealwaysthinksofhimself。He’ssowrappedupinhisownimmortalself,thatwhenhedoesgetashockhe’slikeamummytangledinitsownbandages。Lookathim!’
  Buthysteriaisdangerous:andshewasanurse,itwasherdutytopullhimout。Anyattempttorousehismanhoodandhispridewouldonlymakehimworse:forhismanhoodwasdead,temporarilyifnotfinally。Hewouldonlysquirmsofterandsofter,likeaworm,andbecomemoredislocated。
  Theonlythingwastoreleasehisself-pity。LiketheladyinTennyson,hemustweeporhemustdie。
  SoMrsBoltonbegantoweepfirst。Shecoveredherfacewithherhandandburstintolittlewildsobs。`Iwouldneverhavebelieveditofherladyship,Iwouldn’t!’shewept,suddenlysummoningupallheroldgriefandsenseofwoe,andweepingthetearsofherownbitterchagrin。Onceshestarted,herweepingwasgenuineenough,forshehadhadsomethingtoweepfor。
  CliffordthoughtofthewayhehadbeenbetrayedbythewomanConnie,andinacontagionofgrief,tearsfilledhiseyesandbegantorundownhischeeks。Hewasweepingforhimself。MrsBolton,assoonasshesawthetearsrunningoverhisblankface,hastilywipedherownwetcheeksonherlittlehandkerchief,andleanedtowardshim。
  `Now,don’tyoufret,SirClifford!’shesaid,inaluxuryofemotion。
  `Now,don’tyoufret,don’t,you’llonlydoyourselfaninjury!’
  Hisbodyshiveredsuddenlyinanindrawnbreathofsilentsobbing,andthetearsranquickerdownhisface。Shelaidherhandonhisarm,andherowntearsfellagain。Againtheshiverwentthroughhim,likeaconvulsion,andshelaidherarmroundhisshoulder。`There,there!There,there!Don’tyoufret,then,don’tyou!Don’tyoufret!’shemoanedtohim,whileherowntearsfell。Andshedrewhimtoher,andheldherarmsroundhisgreatshoulders,whilehelaidhisfaceonherbosomandsobbed,shakingandhulkinghishugeshoulders,whilstshesoftlystrokedhisdusky-blondhairandsaid:`There!There!There!Therethen!Therethen!Neveryoumind!
  Neveryoumind,then!’
  Andheputhisarmsroundherandclungtoherlikeachild,wettingthebibofherstarchedwhiteapron,andthebosomofherpale-bluecottondress,withhistears。Hehadlethimselfgoaltogether,atlast。
  Soatlengthshekissedhim,androckedhimonherbosom,andinherheartshesaidtoherself:`Oh,SirClifford!Oh,highandmightyChatterleys!
  Isthiswhatyou’vecomedownto!’Andfinallyheevenwenttosleep,likeachild。Andshefeltwornout,andwenttoherownroom,whereshelaughedandcriedatonce,withahysteriaofherown。Itwassoridiculous!Itwassoawful!Suchacome-down!Soshameful!Anditwassoupsettingaswell。
  Afterthis,CliffordbecamelikeachildwithMrsBolton。Hewouldholdherh,andresthisheadonherbreast,andwhensheoncelightlykissedhim,hesaid!`Yes!Dokissme!Dokissme!’Andwhenshespongedhisgreatblondbody,hewouldsaythesame!`Dokissme!’andshewouldlightlykisshisbody,anywhere,halfinmockery。
  Andhelaywithaqueer,blankfacelikeachild,withabitofthewondermentofachild。Andhewouldgazeonherwithwide,childisheyes,inarelaxationofmadonna-worship。Itwassheerrelaxationonhispart,lettinggoallhismanhood,andsinkingbacktoachildishpositionthatwasreallyperverse。Andthenhewouldputhishandintoherbosomandfeelherbreasts,andkisstheminexultation,theexultationofperversity,ofbeingachildwhenhewasaman。
  MrsBoltonwasboththrilledandashamed,shebothlovedandhatedit。
  Yetsheneverrebuffednorrebukedhim。Andtheydrewintoacloserphysicalintimacy,anintimacyofperversity,whenhewasachildstrickenwithanapparentcandourandanapparentwonderment,thatlookedalmostlikeareligiousexaltation:theperverseandliteralrenderingof:`exceptyebecomeagainasalittlechild’——WhileshewastheMagnaMater,fullofpowerandpotency,havingthegreatblondchild-manunderherwillandherstrokeentirely。
  Thecuriousthingwasthatwhenthischild-man,whichCliffordwasnowandwhichhehadbeenbecomingforyears,emergedintotheworld,itwasmuchsharperandkeenerthantherealmanheusedtobe。Thispervertedchild-manwasnowarealbusiness-man;whenitwasaquestionofaffairs,hewasanabsolutehe-man,sharpasaneedle,andimperviousasabitofsteel。Whenhewasoutamongmen,seekinghisownends,and`makinggood’hiscollieryworkings,hehadanalmostuncannyshrewdness,hardness,andastraightsharppunch。ItwasasifhisverypassivityandprostitutiontotheMagnaMatergavehiminsightintomaterialbusinessaffairs,andlenthimacertainremarkableinhumanforce。Thewallowinginprivateemotion,theutterabasementofhismanlyself,seemedtolendhimasecondnature,cold,almostvisionary,business-clever。Inbusinesshewasquiteinhuman。
  AndinthisMrsBoltontriumphed。`Howhe’sgettingon!’shewouldsaytoherselfinpride。`Andthat’smydoing!Myword,he’dneverhavegotonlikethiswithLadyChatterley。Shewasnottheonetoputamanforward。
  Shewantedtoomuchforherself。’
  Atthesametime,insomecornerofherweirdfemalesoul,howshedespisedhimandhatedhim!Hewastoherthefallenbeast,thesquirmingmonster。
  Andwhilesheaidedandabettedhimallshecould,awayintheremotestcornerofherancienthealthywomanhoodshedespisedhimwithasavagecontemptthatknewnobounds。Themeresttrampwasbetterthanhe。
  HisbehaviourwithregardtoConniewascurious。Heinsistedonseeingheragain。Heinsisted,moreover,onhercomingtoWragby。Onthispointhewasfinallyandabsolutelyfixed。ConniehadpromisedtocomebacktoWragby,faithfully。