首页 >出版文学> MARY BARTON>第41章

第41章

  Herloveforherfatherseemedtoreturnwithpainfulforce,mixedupasitwaswithhorrorathiscrime。Thatdearfatherwhowasoncesokind,sowarm-hearted,soreadytohelpeithermanorbeastindistress,tomurder!
  Butinthedesertofmiserywithwhichthesethoughtssurroundedher,theariddepthsofwhosegloomshedarednotventuretocon-template,alittlespringofcomfortwasgushingupatherfeet,unnoticedatfirst,butsoontogiveherstrengthandhope。Andthatwasthenecessityforexertiononherpartwhichthisdiscoveryenforced。Oh!Idothinkthatthenecessityforexertion,forsomekindofactionbodilyormentallyintimeofdistress,isamostinfiniteblessing,althoughthefirsteffortsatsuchseasonsarepainful。Somethingtobedoneimpliesthatthereisyethopeofsomegoodthingtobeaccomplished,orsomeadditionalevilthatmaybeavoided;andbydegreesthehopeabsorbsmuchofthesorrow。Itisthewoesthatcannotinanyearthlywaybeescapedthatadmitleastearthlycomforting。Ofalltrite,worn-out,hollowmockeriesofcomfortthatwe’reeverutteredbypeoplewhowillnottakethetroubleofsympathizingwithothers,theoneIdislikethemostistheexhortationnottogrieveoveranevent,“foritcannotbehelped。“DoyouthinkifIcouldhelpit,Iwouldsitstillwithfoldedhands,content’tomourn?DoyounotbelievethataslongashoperemainedIwouldbeupanddoing?Imournbecausewhathasoccurredcannotbehelped。Thereasonyougivemefornotgrieving,istheveryandsolereasonofmygrief。GivemenoblerandhigherreasonsforenduringmeeklywhatmyFatherseesfittosend,andIwilltryearnestlyandfaithfullytobepatient;butmockmenot,oranyothermourner,withthespeech,“Donotgrieve,foritcannotbehelped。
  Itispastremedy。“ButsomeremedytoMary’ssorrowcamewiththinking。Ifherfatherwasguilty,Jemwasinnocent。Ifinnocent,therewasapossibilityofsavinghim。Hemustbesaved。Andshemustdoit;for,wasnotshethesoledepositaryoftheterriblesecret?Herfatherwasnotsuspected;andnevershouldbe,ifbyanyforesightoranyexertionsofherownshecouldpreventit。ShedidnotknowhowJemwastobesaved,whileherfatherwasalsotobeconsideredinnocent,itwouldrequiremuchthought,andmuchprudence。
  Butwiththecalluponherexertions,andhervariousqualitiesofjudgementanddiscretion,cametheansweringconsciousnessofinnatepowertomeettheemergency。Everystepnow,nay,theemploymentofeveryminute,wasofconsequence;foryoumustremembershehadlearntatMissSimmonds’
  theprobabilitythatthemurdererwouldbebroughttotrialthenextweek。
  Andyoumustremember,too,thatneverwassoyoungagirlsofriendless,orsopenniless,asMarywasatthistime。ButthelionaccompaniedUnathroughthewildernessandthedanger;andsowillahigh,resolvedpurposeofright-doingeverguardandaccompanythehelpless。Itstrucktwo;deep,mirknight。Itwasofnousebewilderingherselfwithplansthisweary,endlessnight。
  Nothingcouldbedonebeforemorningand,atfirstinherimpatience,shebegantolongforday;butthenshefeltinhowunfitastateherbodywasforanyplanofexertion,andsheresolutelymadeuphermindtohusbandherphysicalstrength。Firstofallshemustburnthetell-talepaper。Thepowder,bullets,andgun-case,shetiedintoabundle,andhidinthesackingofthebedforthepresent,althoughtherewasnolikelihoodoftheiraffordingevidenceagainstanyone。Thenshecarriedthepaperdown-stairs,andburneditonthehearth,powderingtheveryasheswithherfingers,anddispersingthefragmentsofflutteringblackfilmsamongthecindersofthegrate。
  Thenshebreathedagain。Herheadachedwithdizzyingviolence;shemustgetquitofthepainoritwouldincapacitateherforthinkingandplanning。Shelookedforfood,buttherewasnothingbutalittlerawoatmealinthehouse:still,althoughitalmostchokedher,sheatesomeofthis,knowingfromexperience,howoftenheadacheswerecausedbylongfasting。Thenshesoughtforsomewatertobatheherthrobbingtemples,andquenchherfeverishthirst。Therewasnoneinthehouse,soshetookthejugandwentouttothepumpattheotherendofthecourt,whoseechoesresoundedherlightfootstepsinthequietstillnessofthenight。Thehard,squareoutlinesofthehousescutsharplyagainstthecoldbrightsky,fromwhichmyriadsofstarswereshiningdownineternalrepose。Therewaslittlesympathyintheoutwardscene,withtheinternaltrouble。Allwassostill,somotionless,sohard!VerydifferenttothislovelynightinthecountryinwhichIamnowwriting,wherethedistanthorizonissoftandundulatinginthemoonlight,andthenearertreesswaygentlytoandfrointhenightwindwithsomethingofalmosthumanmotion;andtherustlingairmakesmusicamongtheirbranches,asifspeakingsoothinglytothewearyones,wholieawakeinheavinessofheart。Thesightsandsoundsofsuchanightlullpainandgrieftorest。ButMaryre-enteredherhomeaftershehadfilledherpitcher,withastillstrongersenseofanxiety,andastillclearerconvictionofhowmuchresteduponherunassistedandfriendlessself;alonewithherterribleknowledge,inthehard,cold,populousworld。Shebathedherforehead,andquenchedherthirst,andthen,withwisedeliberationofpurpose,wentup-stairs,andundressedherself,asifforalongnight’sslumber,althoughsofewhoursintervenedbeforeday-dawn。Shebelievedshenevercouldsleep,butshelaydown,andshuthereyes;andbeforemanyminutesshewasinasdeepandsoundaslumberasiftherewasnosinorsorrowintheworld。Shewokeup,asitwasnatural,muchrefreshedinbody;hutwithaconsciousnessofsomegreatimpendingcalamity。Shesatupinbedtorecollect,andwhenshedidremember,shesankdownagainwithallthehelplessnessofdespair。
  Butitwasonlytheweaknessofaninstant;forwerenottheveryminutesprecious,fordeliberationifnotforaction?Beforeshehadfinishedthenecessarymorningbusinessofdressing,andsettingherhouseinsomekindoforder,shehaddisentangledherravelledideas,andarrangedsomekindofaplanforaction。IfJemwasinnocentandnow,ofhisguilt,evenhisslightestparticipationin,orknowledgeof;themurder,sheacquittedhimwithallherheartandsoul,hemusthavebeensomewhereelsewhenthecrimewascommitted;probablywithsomeothers,whomightbearwitnesstothefact,ifsheonlyknewwheretofindthem。Everythingrestedonher。Shehadheardofanalibi,andbelieveditmightmeanthedeliveranceshewishedtoaccomplish;butshewasnotquitesure,anddeterminedtoapplytoJob,asoneofthefewamongheracquaintancegiftedwiththeknowledgeofhardwords,fortoher,alltermsoflaw,ornaturalhistory,werealikemany-syllabledmysteries。Notimewastobelost。ShewentstraighttoJobLegh’shouse,andfoundtheoldmanandhisgrand-daughtersittingatbreakfast;assheopenedthedoorsheheardtheirvoicesspeakinginagrave,hushed,subduedtone,asifsomethinggrievedtheirheartsTheystoppedtalkingonherentrance,andthensheknewtheyhadbeenconversingaboutthemurder;aboutJem’sprobableguilt;anditflasheduponherforthefirsttimeonthenewlighttheywouldhaveobtainedregardingherself:foruntilnowtheyhadneverheardofhergiddyflirtingwithMrCarson;notinallherconfidentialtalkwithMargarethadsheeverspokenofhim。Andnow,Margaretwouldhearherconducttalkedofbyall,asthatofabold,badgirl;andevenifshedidnotbelieveeverythingthatwasIsaid,shecouldhardlyhelpfeelingwounded,anddisappointedinMary。SoitwasinatimidvoicethatMarywishedherusualgood-morrow,andherheartsunkwithinheralittle,whenJob,withaformofcivility,badeherwelcomeinthatdwelling,where,untilnow,shehadbeentoowellassuredtorequiretobeaskedtositdown。Shetookachair。Margaretcontinuedsilent。“I’mcometospeaktoyouaboutthis——aboutJemWilson。““It’sabadbusiness,I’mafeard,“repliedJob,sadly。“Aye,it’sbadenoughanyhow。ButJem’sinnocent。Indeedheis;I’massureassurecanbe。““Howcanyouknow,wench?Factsbearstrongagainhim,poorfellow,thoughhe’dadealtoputhimup,andaggravatehim,theysay。Aye,poorlad,he’sdoneforhimself;I’mafeard。““Job,“saidMary,risingfromherchairinhereagerness,“youmustnotsayhedidit。Hedidn’t;I’msureandcertainhedidn’t。Oh!whydoyoushakeyourhead?Whoistobelieveme,——whoistothinkhiminnocent,ifyou,whoknow’dhimsowell,sticktoithe’sguilty?““I’mloathenoughtodoit,lass,“repliedJob;“butIthinkhe’sbeenill-used,and——jiltedthat’splaintruth,Mary,bareasitmayseem,andhisbloodhasbeenup——manyamanhasdonethelikeafore,fromlikecauses。“Oh,God!Thenyouwon’thelpme,Job,toprovehiminnocent?OhJob,Job;
  believeme,Jemneverdidharmtonoone。““Notafore;——andmind,wench!Idon’tover-blamehimforthis。“Jobrelapsedintosilence。Marythoughtamoment。“Well,Job,you’llnotrefusemethis,Iknow。Iwon’tmindwhatyouthink,ifyou’llhelpmeasifhewasinnocent。NowsupposeIknow——Iknew,hewasinnocent,——it’sonlysupposing,Job,——whatmustIdotoproveit?Tellme,Job!Isnotitcalledanalibi,thegettingfolktosweartowherehereallywasatthetime?““Bestway,ifyouknow’dhiminnocent,wouldbetofindouttherealmurderer。
  Someonedidit,that’sclearenough。Ifitwasn’tJem,whowasit?““HowcanItell?“answeredMary,inagonyofterror,lestJob’squestionwaspromptedbyanysuspicionofthetruth。Buthewasfarenoughfromanysuchthought。Indeed,hehadnodoubtinhisownmindthatJemhad,insomepassionatemoment,urgedonbyslightedloveandjealousy,beenthemurderer。Andhewasstronglyinclinedtobelieve,thatMarywasawareofthis,onlythat,toolaterepentantofherlightconductwhichhadledtosuchfatalconsequences,shewasnowmostanxioustosaveheroldplayfellow,herearlyfriend,fromthedoomawaitingtheshedderofblood。“IfJem’snotdoneit,Idon’tseeasanyonuscantellwhodidit。Wemightfindoutsomethingifwe’dtime;buttheysayhe’stobetriedonTuesday。It’snousehidingit,Mary;thingslooksstrongagainsthim。““Iknowtheydo!Iknowtheydo!Butoh!Job!isn’tanalibiaprovingwherehereallywasatth’timeofthemurder;andhowmustIsetaboutanalibi?““Analibiisthat,sureenough。“Hethoughtalittle。“Youmunaskhismotherhis,doings,andhiswhereaboutsthatnight;theknowledgeofthatwillguideabit。“ForhewasanxiousthatonanothershouldfallthetaskofenlighteningMaryonthehopelessnessofthecase,andhefeltthatherownsensewouldbemoreconvincedbyinquiryandexaminationthananymereassertionofhis。Margarethadsatsilentandgraveallthistime。Totellthetruth,shewassurprisedanddisappointedbythedisclosureofMary’sconduct,withregardtoMrHenryCarson。Gentle,reserved,andprudentherself;neverexposedtothetrialofbeingadmiredforherpersonalappearance,andunsusceptibleenoughtobeindoubtevenyet,whetherthefluttering,tender,infinitely-joyousfeeling,shewasforthefirsttimeexperiencing,atsightorsound,orthoughtofWillWilson,wasloveornot,——Margarethadnosympathywiththetemptationstowhichloveliness,vanity,ambition,orthedesireofbeingadmired,exposessomany;nosympathywithflirtinggirls,inshort。Then,shehadnoideaofthestrengthoftheconflictbetweenwillandprincipleinsomewhoweredifferentlyconstitutedfromherself。Withher,tobeconvincedthatanactionwaswrong,wastantamounttoadeterminationnottodosoagain;andshehadlittleornodifficultyincarryingoutherdetermination。SoshecouldnotunderstandhowitwasthatMaryhadactedwrongly,andhadfelttoomuchashamed,inspiteofsophistry,tospeakofheractions。Margaretconsideredherselfdeceived;
  feltaggrieved;and,atthetimeofwhichIamnowtellingyou,wasstronglyinclinedtogiveMaryupaltogether,asagirldevoidofthemodestproprietiesofhersex,andcapableofgrossduplicity,inspeakingofoneloverasshehaddoneofJem,whileshewasencouraginganotherinattentions,atbestofaverydoubtfulcharacter。ButnowMargaretwasdrawnintotheconversation。SuddenlyitflashedacrossMary’smind,thatthenightofthemurderwastheverynight,orratherthesameearlymorning,thatMargarethadbeenwithAlice。Sheturnedsharpround,with——“Oh!Margaret,youcantellme;youweretherewhenhecamebackthatnight;
  wereyounot?No!youwerenot;butyouweretherenotmanyhoursafter。
  Didnotyouhearwherehe’dbeen?Hewasawaythenightbefore,too,whenAlicewasfirsttaken;whenyouwerethereforyourtea。Oh!wherewashe,Margaret?““Idon’tknow,“sheanswered。“Stay!IdoremembersomethingabouthiskeepingWillcompany,inhiswalktoLiverpool。Ican’tjustlysaywhatitwas,somuchhappenedthatnight。““I’llgotohismother’s,“saidMaryresolutely。Theyneitherofthemspoke,eithertoadviseordissuade。Maryfeltshehadnosympathyfromthem,andbraceduphersoultoactwithoutsuchlovingaidoffriendship。Sheknewthattheiradvicewouldbewillinglygivenatherdemand,andthatwasallshereallyrequiredforJem’ssake。StillhercouragefailedalittleasshewalkedtoJaneWilson’s,aloneintheworldwithhersecret。JaneWilson’seyeswereswelledwithcrying;anditwassadtoseetheravageswhichintenseanxietyandsorrowhadmadeonherappearanceinfour-and-twentyhours。AllnightlongsheandMrsDavenporthadcroonedovertheirsorrows,alwaysrecurring,liketheburdenofanoldsong,tothedreadestsorrowofall,whichwasnowimpendingoverMrsWilson。Shehadgrown——Ihardlyknowwhatwordtouse——but,somethinglikeproudofhermartyrdomshehadgrowntohughergrief;tofeelanexcitementinheragonyofanxietyaboutherboy。“So,Mary,you’rehere!Oh!Mary,lass!He’stobetriedonTuesday。“Shefelltosobbing,intheconvulsivebreath-catchingmannerwhichtellssoofmuchpreviousweeping。“Oh!MrsWilson,don’ttakeonso!We’llgethimoff,you’llsee。Don’tfret;theycan’tprovehimguilty!““ButItelltheetheywill,“interruptedMrsWilson,half-irritatedatthelightway,assheconsideredit,inwhichMaryspoke;andalittledispleasedthatanothercouldhopewhenshehadalmostbroughtherselftofindpleasureindespair。“Itmaysuittheewell,“continuedshe,“tomakelighto’themiserythouhastcaused;butIshalllayhisdeathatthydoor,aslongasIlive,anddieIknowhewill;andallforwhatheneverdid——no,heneverdid;