首页 >出版文学> Mansfield Parkby>第93章

第93章

  Simplegirl!Ishallneverforgiveher。Hadsheacceptedhimassheought,theymightnowhavebeenonthepointofmarriage,andHenrywouldhavebeentoohappyandtoobusytowantanyotherobject。HewouldhavetakennopainstobeontermswithMrs。Rushworthagain。
  Itwouldhaveallendedinaregularstandingflirtation,inyearlymeetingsatSothertonandEveringham。’Couldyouhavebelieveditpossible?Butthecharmisbroken。
  Myeyesareopened。“
  “Cruel!“saidFanny,“quitecruel。Atsuchamomenttogivewaytogaiety,tospeakwithlightness,andtoyou!
  Absolutecruelty。“
  “Cruelty,doyoucallit?Wedifferthere。No,hersisnotacruelnature。Idonotconsiderherasmeaningtowoundmyfeelings。Theevilliesyetdeeper:
  inhertotalignorance,unsuspiciousnessoftherebeingsuchfeelings;inaperversionofmindwhichmadeitnaturaltohertotreatthesubjectasshedid。Shewasspeakingonlyasshehadbeenusedtohearothersspeak,assheimaginedeverybodyelsewouldspeak。Hersarenotfaultsoftemper。Shewouldnotvoluntarilygiveunnecessarypaintoanyone,andthoughImaydeceivemyself,Icannotbutthinkthatforme,formyfeelings,shewould——
  Hersarefaultsofprinciple,Fanny;ofblunteddelicacyandacorrupted,vitiatedmind。Perhapsitisbestforme,sinceitleavesmesolittletoregret。Notso,however。
  GladlywouldIsubmittoalltheincreasedpainoflosingher,ratherthanhavetothinkofherasIdo。
  Itoldherso。“
  “Didyou?“
  “Yes;whenIleftherItoldherso。“
  “Howlongwereyoutogether?“
  “Five-and-twentyminutes。Well,shewentontosaythatwhatremainednowtobedonewastobringaboutamarriagebetweenthem。Shespokeofit,Fanny,withasteadiervoicethanIcan。“Hewasobligedtopausemorethanonceashecontinued。“’WemustpersuadeHenrytomarryher,’
  saidshe;’andwhatwithhonour,andthecertaintyofhavingshuthimselfoutforeverfromFanny,Idonotdespairofit。Fannyhemustgiveup。Idonotthinkthateven_he_couldnowhopetosucceedwithoneofherstamp,andthereforeIhopewemayfindnoinsuperabledifficulty。
  Myinfluence,whichisnotsmallshallallgothatway;
  andwhenoncemarried,andproperlysupportedbyherownfamily,peopleofrespectabilityastheyare,shemayrecoverherfootinginsocietytoacertaindegree。
  Insomecircles,weknow,shewouldneverbeadmitted,butwithgooddinners,andlargeparties,therewillalwaysbethosewhowillbegladofheracquaintance;
  andthereis,undoubtedly,moreliberalityandcandouronthosepointsthanformerly。WhatIadviseis,thatyourfatherbequiet。Donotlethiminjurehisowncausebyinterference。Persuadehimtoletthingstaketheircourse。Ifbyanyofficiousexertionsofhis,sheisinducedtoleaveHenry’sprotection,therewillbemuchlesschanceofhismarryingherthanifsheremainwithhim。Iknowhowheislikelytobeinfluenced。
  LetSirThomastrusttohishonourandcompassion,anditmayallendwell;butifhegethisdaughteraway,itwillbedestroyingthechiefhold。’“
  Afterrepeatingthis,EdmundwassomuchaffectedthatFanny,watchinghimwithsilent,butmosttenderconcern,wasalmostsorrythatthesubjecthadbeenenteredonatall。Itwaslongbeforehecouldspeakagain。
  Atlast,“Now,Fanny,“saidhe,“Ishallsoonhavedone。
  Ihavetoldyouthesubstanceofallthatshesaid。
  AssoonasIcouldspeak,IrepliedthatIhadnotsupposeditpossible,cominginsuchastateofmindintothathouseasIhaddone,thatanythingcouldoccurtomakemesuffermore,butthatshehadbeeninflictingdeeperwoundsinalmosteverysentence。
  ThatthoughIhad,inthecourseofouracquaintance,beenoftensensibleofsomedifferenceinouropinions,onpoints,too,ofsomemoment,ithadnotenteredmyimaginationtoconceivethedifferencecouldbesuchasshehadnowprovedit。ThatthemannerinwhichshetreatedthedreadfulcrimecommittedbyherbrotherandmysisterwithwhomlaythegreaterseductionIpretendednottosay,butthemannerinwhichshespokeofthecrimeitself,givingiteveryreproachbuttheright;consideringitsillconsequencesonlyastheyweretobebravedoroverbornebyadefianceofdecencyandimpudenceinwrong;andlastofall,andaboveall,recommendingtousacompliance,acompromise,anacquiescenceinthecontinuanceofthesin,onthechanceofamarriagewhich,thinkingasInowthoughtofherbrother,shouldratherbepreventedthansought;
  allthistogethermostgrievouslyconvincedmethatIhadneverunderstoodherbefore,andthat,asfarasrelatedtomind,ithadbeenthecreatureofmyownimagination,notMissCrawford,thatIhadbeentooapttodwellonformanymonthspast。That,perhaps,itwasbestforme;
  Ihadlesstoregretinsacrificingafriendship,feelings,hopeswhichmust,atanyrate,havebeentornfrommenow。
  Andyet,thatImustandwouldconfessthat,couldI
  haverestoredhertowhatshehadappearedtomebefore,Iwouldinfinitelypreferanyincreaseofthepainofparting,forthesakeofcarryingwithmetherightoftendernessandesteem。ThisiswhatIsaid,thepurportofit;but,asyoumayimagine,notspokensocollectedlyormethodicallyasIhaverepeatedittoyou。Shewasastonished,exceedinglyastonished——morethanastonished。
  Isawherchangecountenance。Sheturnedextremelyred。
  IimaginedIsawamixtureofmanyfeelings:agreat,thoughshortstruggle;halfawishofyieldingtotruths,halfasenseofshame,buthabit,habitcarriedit。
  Shewouldhavelaughedifshecould。Itwasasortoflaugh,assheanswered,’Aprettygoodlecture,uponmyword。
  Wasitpartofyourlastsermon?AtthisrateyouwillsoonreformeverybodyatMansfieldandThorntonLacey;
  andwhenIhearofyounext,itmaybeasacelebratedpreacherinsomegreatsocietyofMethodists,orasamissionaryintoforeignparts。’Shetriedtospeakcarelessly,butshewasnotsocarelessasshewantedtoappear。
  Ionlysaidinreply,thatfrommyheartIwishedherwell,andearnestlyhopedthatshemightsoonlearntothinkmorejustly,andnotowethemostvaluableknowledgewecouldanyofusacquire,theknowledgeofourselvesandofourduty,tothelessonsofaffliction,andimmediatelylefttheroom。Ihadgoneafewsteps,Fanny,whenI
  heardthedooropenbehindme。’Mr。Bertram,’saidshe。
  Ilookedback。’Mr。Bertram,’saidshe,withasmile;
  butitwasasmileill-suitedtotheconversationthathadpassed,asaucyplayfulsmile,seemingtoinviteinordertosubdueme;atleastitappearedsotome。
  Iresisted;itwastheimpulseofthemomenttoresist,andstillwalkedon。Ihavesince,sometimes,foramoment,regrettedthatIdidnotgoback,butIknowIwasright,andsuchhasbeentheendofouracquaintance。Andwhatanacquaintancehasitbeen!HowhaveIbeendeceived!
  Equallyinbrotherandsisterdeceived!Ithankyouforyourpatience,Fanny。Thishasbeenthegreatestrelief,andnowwewillhavedone。“
  AndsuchwasFanny’sdependenceonhiswords,thatforfiveminutesshethoughtthey_had_done。Then,however,itallcameonagain,orsomethingverylikeit,andnothinglessthanLadyBertram’srousingthoroughlyupcouldreallyclosesuchaconversation。Tillthathappened,theycontinuedtotalkofMissCrawfordalone,andhowshehadattachedhim,andhowdelightfulnaturehadmadeher,andhowexcellentshewouldhavebeen,hadshefallenintogoodhandsearlier。Fanny,nowatlibertytospeakopenly,feltmorethanjustifiedinaddingtohisknowledgeofherrealcharacter,bysomehintofwhatsharehisbrother’sstateofhealthmightbesupposedtohaveinherwishforacompletereconciliation。Thiswasnotanagreeableintimation。Natureresisteditforawhile。
  Itwouldhavebeenavastdealpleasantertohavehadhermoredisinterestedinherattachment;buthisvanitywasnotofastrengthtofightlongagainstreason。
  HesubmittedtobelievethatTom’sillnesshadinfluencedher,onlyreservingforhimselfthisconsolingthought,thatconsideringthemanycounteractionsofopposinghabits,shehadcertainlybeen_more_attachedtohimthancouldhavebeenexpected,andforhissakebeenmoreneardoingright。Fannythoughtexactlythesame;andtheywerealsoquiteagreedintheiropinionofthelastingeffect,theindelibleimpression,whichsuchadisappointmentmustmakeonhismind。Timewouldundoubtedlyabatesomewhatofhissufferings,butstillitwasasortofthingwhichhenevercouldgetentirelythebetterof;
  andastohisevermeetingwithanyotherwomanwhocould——
  itwastooimpossibletobenamedbutwithindignation。
  Fanny’sfriendshipwasallthathehadtoclingto。
  Letotherpensdwellonguiltandmisery。IquitsuchodioussubjectsassoonasIcan,impatienttorestoreeverybody,notgreatlyinfaultthemselves,totolerablecomfort,andtohavedonewithalltherest。
  MyFanny,indeed,atthisverytime,Ihavethesatisfactionofknowing,musthavebeenhappyinspiteofeverything。
  Shemusthavebeenahappycreatureinspiteofallthatshefelt,orthoughtshefelt,forthedistressofthosearoundher。
  Shehadsourcesofdelightthatmustforcetheirway。
  ShewasreturnedtoMansfieldPark,shewasuseful,shewasbeloved;shewassafefromMr。Crawford;
  andwhenSirThomascamebackshehadeveryproofthatcouldbegiveninhisthenmelancholystateofspirits,ofhisperfectapprobationandincreasedregard;
  andhappyasallthismustmakeher,shewouldstillhavebeenhappywithoutanyofit,forEdmundwasnolongerthedupeofMissCrawford。
  ItistruethatEdmundwasveryfarfromhappyhimself。