首页 >出版文学> Mansfield Parkby>第86章

第86章

  Ihavenojealousyofanyindividual。ItistheinfluenceofthefashionableworldaltogetherthatIamjealousof。
  ItisthehabitsofwealththatIfear。Herideasarenothigherthanherownfortunemaywarrant,buttheyarebeyondwhatourincomesunitedcouldauthorise。
  Thereiscomfort,however,evenhere。Icouldbetterbeartoloseherbecausenotrichenough,thanbecauseofmyprofession。Thatwouldonlyproveheraffectionnotequaltosacrifices,which,infact,Iamscarcelyjustifiedinasking;and,ifIamrefused,that,Ithink,willbethehonestmotive。Herprejudices,Itrust,arenotsostrongastheywere。Youhavemythoughtsexactlyastheyarise,mydearFanny;perhapstheyaresometimescontradictory,butitwillnotbealessfaithfulpictureofmymind。Havingoncebegun,itisapleasuretometotellyouallIfeel。Icannotgiveherup。
  Connectedaswealreadyare,and,Ihope,aretobe,togiveupMaryCrawfordwouldbetogiveupthesocietyofsomeofthosemostdeartome;tobanishmyselffromtheveryhousesandfriendswhom,underanyotherdistress,Ishouldturntoforconsolation。ThelossofMaryImustconsiderascomprehendingthelossofCrawfordandofFanny。
  Wereitadecidedthing,anactualrefusal,IhopeI
  shouldknowhowtobearit,andhowtoendeavourtoweakenherholdonmyheart,andinthecourseofafewyears——
  butIamwritingnonsense。WereIrefused,Imustbearit;
  andtillIam,Icanneverceasetotryforher。
  Thisisthetruth。Theonlyquestionis_how_?Whatmaybethelikeliestmeans?IhavesometimesthoughtofgoingtoLondonagainafterEaster,andsometimesresolvedondoingnothingtillshereturnstoMansfield。Evennow,shespeakswithpleasureofbeinginMansfieldinJune;
  butJuneisatagreatdistance,andIbelieveIshallwritetoher。Ihavenearlydeterminedonexplainingmyselfbyletter。Tobeatanearlycertaintyisamaterialobject。Mypresentstateismiserablyirksome。
  Consideringeverything,Ithinkaletterwillbedecidedlythebestmethodofexplanation。IshallbeabletowritemuchthatIcouldnotsay,andshallbegivinghertimeforreflectionbeforesheresolvesonheranswer,andIamlessafraidoftheresultofreflectionthanofanimmediatehastyimpulse;IthinkIam。
  MygreatestdangerwouldlieinherconsultingMrs。Fraser,andIatadistanceunabletohelpmyowncause。
  Aletterexposestoalltheevilofconsultation,andwherethemindisanythingshortofperfectdecision,anadvisermay,inanunluckymoment,leadittodowhatitmayafterwardsregret。Imustthinkthismatteroveralittle。Thislongletter,fullofmyownconcernsalone,willbeenoughtotireeventhefriendshipofaFanny。
  ThelasttimeIsawCrawfordwasatMrs。Fraser’sparty。
  IammoreandmoresatisfiedwithallthatIseeandhearofhim。Thereisnotashadowofwavering。Hethoroughlyknowshisownmind,andactsuptohisresolutions:
  aninestimablequality。Icouldnotseehimandmyeldestsisterinthesameroomwithoutrecollectingwhatyouoncetoldme,andIacknowledgethattheydidnotmeetasfriends。Therewasmarkedcoolnessonherside。
  Theyscarcelyspoke。Isawhimdrawbacksurprised,andIwassorrythatMrs。RushworthshouldresentanyformersupposedslighttoMissBertram。YouwillwishtohearmyopinionofMaria’sdegreeofcomfortasawife。
  Thereisnoappearanceofunhappiness。Ihopetheygetonprettywelltogether。IdinedtwiceinWimpoleStreet,andmighthavebeenthereoftener,butitismortifyingtobewithRushworthasabrother。JuliaseemstoenjoyLondonexceedingly。Ihadlittleenjoymentthere,buthavelesshere。Wearenotalivelyparty。Youareverymuchwanted。ImissyoumorethanIcanexpress。
  Mymotherdesiresherbestlove,andhopestohearfromyousoon。Shetalksofyoualmosteveryhour,andIamsorrytofindhowmanyweeksmoresheislikelytobewithoutyou。Myfathermeanstofetchyouhimself,butitwillnotbetillafterEaster,whenhehasbusinessintown。YouarehappyatPortsmouth,Ihope,butthismustnotbeayearlyvisit。Iwantyouathome,thatImayhaveyouropinionaboutThorntonLacey。
  IhavelittleheartforextensiveimprovementstillIknowthatitwilleverhaveamistress。IthinkI
  shallcertainlywrite。ItisquitesettledthattheGrantsgotoBath;theyleaveMansfieldonMonday。
  Iamgladofit。Iamnotcomfortableenoughtobefitforanybody;butyourauntseemstofeeloutofluckthatsuchanarticleofMansfieldnewsshouldfalltomypeninsteadofhers——Yoursever,mydearestFanny。“
  “Ineverwill,no,Icertainlyneverwillwishforaletteragain,“wasFanny’ssecretdeclarationasshefinishedthis。“Whatdotheybringbutdisappointmentandsorrow?NottillafterEaster!HowshallIbearit?
  Andmypooraunttalkingofmeeveryhour!“
  Fannycheckedthetendencyofthesethoughtsaswellasshecould,butshewaswithinhalfaminuteofstartingtheideathatSirThomaswasquiteunkind,bothtoherauntandtoherself。Asforthemainsubjectoftheletter,therewasnothinginthattosootheirritation。ShewasalmostvexedintodispleasureandangeragainstEdmund。
  “Thereisnogoodinthisdelay,“saidshe。“Whyisnotitsettled?Heisblinded,andnothingwillopenhiseyes;
  nothingcan,afterhavinghadtruthsbeforehimsolonginvain。Hewillmarryher,andbepoorandmiserable。
  Godgrantthatherinfluencedonotmakehimceasetoberespectable!“Shelookedovertheletteragain。
  “’Soveryfondofme!’’tisnonsenseall。Shelovesnobodybutherselfandherbrother。Herfriendsleadingherastrayforyears!Sheisquiteaslikelytohaveled_them_astray。Theyhaveall,perhaps,beencorruptingoneanother;butiftheyaresomuchfonderofherthansheisofthem,sheisthelesslikelytohavebeenhurt,exceptbytheirflattery。’Theonlywomanintheworldwhomhecouldeverthinkofasawife。’Ifirmlybelieveit。Itisanattachmenttogovernhiswholelife。
  Acceptedorrefused,hisheartisweddedtoherforever。
  ’ThelossofMaryImustconsiderascomprehendingthelossofCrawfordandFanny。’Edmund,youdonotknowme。
  Thefamilieswouldneverbeconnectedifyoudidnotconnectthem!Oh!write,write。Finishitatonce。
  Lettherebeanendofthissuspense。Fix,commit,condemnyourself。“
  Suchsensations,however,weretoonearakintoresentmenttobelongguidingFanny’ssoliloquies。
  Shewassoonmoresoftenedandsorrowful。Hiswarmregard,hiskindexpressions,hisconfidentialtreatment,touchedherstrongly。Hewasonlytoogoodtoeverybody。
  Itwasaletter,inshort,whichshewouldnotbuthavehadfortheworld,andwhichcouldneverbevaluedenough。
  Thiswastheendofit。
  Everybodyatalladdictedtoletter-writing,withouthavingmuchtosay,whichwillincludealargeproportionofthefemaleworldatleast,mustfeelwithLadyBertramthatshewasoutofluckinhavingsuchacapitalpieceofMansfieldnewsasthecertaintyoftheGrantsgoingtoBath,occuratatimewhenshecouldmakenoadvantageofit,andwilladmitthatitmusthavebeenverymortifyingtohertoseeitfalltotheshareofherthanklessson,andtreatedasconciselyaspossibleattheendofalongletter,insteadofhavingittospreadoverthelargestpartofapageofherown。ForthoughLadyBertramrathershoneintheepistolaryline,havingearlyinhermarriage,fromthewantofotheremployment,andthecircumstanceofSirThomas’sbeinginParliament,gotintothewayofmakingandkeepingcorrespondents,andformedforherselfaverycreditable,common-place,amplifyingstyle,sothataverylittlematterwasenoughforher:shecouldnotdoentirelywithoutany;shemusthavesomethingtowriteabout,eventoherniece;andbeingsosoontoloseallthebenefitofDr。Grant’sgoutysymptomsandMrs。Grant’smorningcalls,itwasveryharduponhertobedeprivedofoneofthelastepistolaryusesshecouldputthemto。
  Therewasarichamends,however,preparingforher。
  LadyBertram’shourofgoodluckcame。WithinafewdaysfromthereceiptofEdmund’sletter,Fannyhadonefromheraunt,beginningthus——
  “MyDearFanny,——Itakeupmypentocommunicatesomeveryalarmingintelligence,whichImakenodoubtwillgiveyoumuchconcern“。
  ThiswasagreatdealbetterthantohavetotakeupthepentoacquaintherwithalltheparticularsoftheGrants’
  intendedjourney,forthepresentintelligencewasofanaturetopromiseoccupationforthepenformanydaystocome,beingnolessthanthedangerousillnessofhereldestson,ofwhichtheyhadreceivednoticebyexpressafewhoursbefore。
  TomhadgonefromLondonwithapartyofyoungmentoNewmarket,whereaneglectedfallandagooddealofdrinkinghadbroughtonafever;andwhenthepartybrokeup,beingunabletomove,hadbeenleftbyhimselfatthehouseofoneoftheseyoungmentothecomfortsofsicknessandsolitude,andtheattendanceonlyofservants。
  Insteadofbeingsoonwellenoughtofollowhisfriends,ashehadthenhoped,hisdisorderincreasedconsiderably,anditwasnotlongbeforehethoughtsoillofhimselfastobeasreadyashisphysiciantohavealetterdespatchedtoMansfield。
  “Thisdistressingintelligence,asyoumaysuppose,“
  observedherladyship,aftergivingthesubstanceofit,“hasagitatedusexceedingly,andwecannotpreventourselvesfrombeinggreatlyalarmedandapprehensiveforthepoorinvalid,whosestateSirThomasfearsmaybeverycritical;andEdmundkindlyproposesattendinghisbrotherimmediately,butIamhappytoaddthatSirThomaswillnotleavemeonthisdistressingoccasion,asitwouldbetootryingforme。WeshallgreatlymissEdmundinoursmallcircle,butItrustandhopehewillfindthepoorinvalidinalessalarmingstatethanmightbeapprehended,andthathewillbeabletobringhimtoMansfieldshortly,whichSirThomasproposesshouldbedone,andthinksbestoneveryaccount,andI