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第73章

  andhaddiscretionenoughtoreservetheresttilltheymightbesecureofhavingfourwallstothemselves。
  Fannynaturallyturnedupstairs,andtookherguesttotheapartmentwhichwasnowalwaysfitforcomfortableuse;
  openingthedoor,however,withamostachingheart,andfeelingthatshehadamoredistressingscenebeforeherthaneverthatspothadyetwitnessed。ButtheevilreadytoburstonherwasatleastdelayedbythesuddenchangeinMissCrawford’sideas;bythestrongeffectonhermindwhichthefindingherselfintheEastroomagainproduced。
  “Ha!“shecried,withinstantanimation,“amIhereagain?
  TheEastroom!OnceonlywasIinthisroombefore“;
  andafterstoppingtolookabouther,andseeminglytoretraceallthathadthenpassed,sheadded,“Onceonlybefore。Doyourememberit?Icametorehearse。
  Yourcousincametoo;andwehadarehearsal。Youwereouraudienceandprompter。Adelightfulrehearsal。
  Ishallneverforgetit。Herewewere,justinthispartoftheroom:herewasyourcousin,herewasI,herewerethechairs。Oh!whywillsuchthingseverpassaway?“
  Happilyforhercompanion,shewantednoanswer。
  Hermindwasentirelyself-engrossed。Shewasinareverieofsweetremembrances。
  “Thescenewewererehearsingwassoveryremarkable!
  Thesubjectofitsovery——very——whatshallIsay?
  Hewastobedescribingandrecommendingmatrimonytome。
  IthinkIseehimnow,tryingtobeasdemureandcomposedasAnhaltought,throughthetwolongspeeches。
  ’Whentwosympatheticheartsmeetinthemarriagestate,matrimonymaybecalledahappylife。’IsupposenotimecaneverwearouttheimpressionIhaveofhislooksandvoiceashesaidthosewords。Itwascurious,verycurious,thatweshouldhavesuchascenetoplay!
  IfIhadthepowerofrecallinganyoneweekofmyexistence,itshouldbethatweek——thatactingweek。Saywhatyouwould,Fanny,itshouldbe_that_;forIneverknewsuchexquisitehappinessinanyother。Hissturdyspirittobendasitdid!Oh!itwassweetbeyondexpression。
  Butalas,thatveryeveningdestroyeditall。Thatveryeveningbroughtyourmostunwelcomeuncle。PoorSirThomas,whowasgladtoseeyou?Yet,Fanny,donotimagineIwouldnowspeakdisrespectfullyofSirThomas,thoughIcertainlydidhatehimformanyaweek。No,Idohimjusticenow。
  Heisjustwhattheheadofsuchafamilyshouldbe。
  Nay,insobersadness,IbelieveInowloveyouall。“
  Andhavingsaidso,withadegreeoftendernessandconsciousnesswhichFannyhadneverseeninherbefore,andnowthoughtonlytoobecoming,sheturnedawayforamomenttorecoverherself。“IhavehadalittlefitsinceIcameintothisroom,asyoumayperceive,“
  saidshepresently,withaplayfulsmile,“butitisovernow;soletussitdownandbecomfortable;forastoscoldingyou,Fanny,whichIcamefullyintendingtodo,Ihavenottheheartforitwhenitcomestothepoint。“
  Andembracingherveryaffectionately,“Good,gentleFanny!
  whenIthinkofthisbeingthelasttimeofseeingyouforI
  donotknowhowlong,Ifeelitquiteimpossibletodoanythingbutloveyou。“
  Fannywasaffected。Shehadnotforeseenanythingofthis,andherfeelingscouldseldomwithstandthemelancholyinfluenceoftheword“last。“ShecriedasifshehadlovedMissCrawfordmorethanshepossiblycould;
  andMissCrawford,yetfarthersoftenedbythesightofsuchemotion,hungaboutherwithfondness,andsaid,“Ihatetoleaveyou。IshallseenoonehalfsoamiablewhereIamgoing。Whosaysweshallnotbesisters?
  Iknowweshall。Ifeelthatweareborntobeconnected;
  andthosetearsconvincemethatyoufeelittoo,dearFanny。“
  Fannyrousedherself,andreplyingonlyinpart,said,“Butyouareonlygoingfromonesetoffriendstoanother。
  Youaregoingtoaveryparticularfriend。“
  “Yes,verytrue。Mrs。Fraserhasbeenmyintimatefriendforyears。ButIhavenottheleastinclinationtogonearher。IcanthinkonlyofthefriendsIamleaving:
  myexcellentsister,yourself,andtheBertramsingeneral。
  Youhaveallsomuchmore_heart_amongyouthanonefindsintheworldatlarge。Youallgivemeafeelingofbeingabletotrustandconfideinyou,whichincommonintercourseoneknowsnothingof。IwishIhadsettledwithMrs。FrasernottogotohertillafterEaster,amuchbettertimeforthevisit,butnowIcannotputheroff。
  AndwhenIhavedonewithherImustgotohersister,LadyStornaway,because_she_wasrathermymostparticularfriendofthetwo,butIhavenotcaredmuchfor_her_
  thesethreeyears。“
  Afterthisspeechthetwogirlssatmanyminutessilent,eachthoughtful:Fannymeditatingonthedifferentsortsoffriendshipintheworld,Maryonsomethingoflessphilosophictendency。_She_firstspokeagain。
  “HowperfectlyIremembermyresolvingtolookforyouupstairs,andsettingofftofindmywaytotheEastroom,withouthavinganideawhereaboutsitwas!
  HowwellIrememberwhatIwasthinkingofasIcamealong,andmylookinginandseeingyouheresittingatthistableatwork;andthenyourcousin’sastonishment,whenheopenedthedoor,atseeingmehere!Tobesure,youruncle’sreturningthatveryevening!Thereneverwasanythingquitelikeit。“
  Anothershortfitofabstractionfollowed,when,shakingitoff,shethusattackedhercompanion。
  “Why,Fanny,youareabsolutelyinareverie。
  Thinking,Ihope,ofonewhoisalwaysthinkingofyou。
  Oh!thatIcouldtransportyouforashorttimeintoourcircleintown,thatyoumightunderstandhowyourpoweroverHenryisthoughtofthere!Oh!theenvyingsandheartburningsofdozensanddozens;thewonder,theincredulitythatwillbefeltathearingwhatyouhavedone!Forastosecrecy,Henryisquitetheheroofanoldromance,andgloriesinhischains。YoushouldcometoLondontoknowhowtoestimateyourconquest。
  Ifyouweretoseehowheiscourted,andhowIamcourtedforhissake!Now,IamwellawarethatIshallnotbehalfsowelcometoMrs。Fraserinconsequenceofhissituationwithyou。Whenshecomestoknowthetruthshewill,verylikely,wishmeinNorthamptonshireagain;
  forthereisadaughterofMr。Fraser,byafirstwife,whomsheiswildtogetmarried,andwantsHenrytotake。
  Oh!shehasbeentryingforhimtosuchadegree。
  Innocentandquietasyousithere,youcannothaveanideaofthe_sensation_thatyouwillbeoccasioning,ofthecuriositytherewillbetoseeyou,oftheendlessquestionsIshallhavetoanswer!PoorMargaretFraserwillbeatmeforeveraboutyoureyesandyourteeth,andhowyoudoyourhair,andwhomakesyourshoes。
  IwishMargaretweremarried,formypoorfriend’ssake,forIlookupontheFraserstobeaboutasunhappyasmostothermarriedpeople。AndyetitwasamostdesirablematchforJanetatthetime。Wewerealldelighted。
  Shecouldnotdootherwisethanaccepthim,forhewasrich,andshehadnothing;butheturnsoutill-temperedand_exigeant_,andwantsayoungwoman,abeautifulyoungwomanoffive-and-twenty,tobeassteadyashimself。
  Andmyfrienddoesnotmanagehimwell;shedoesnotseemtoknowhowtomakethebestofit。Thereisaspiritofirritationwhich,tosaynothingworse,iscertainlyveryill-bred。IntheirhouseIshallcalltomindtheconjugalmannersofMansfieldParsonagewithrespect。
  EvenDr。Grantdoesshewathoroughconfidenceinmysister,andacertainconsiderationforherjudgment,whichmakesonefeelthere_is_attachment;butofthatIshallseenothingwiththeFrasers。IshallbeatMansfieldforever,Fanny。Myownsisterasawife,SirThomasBertramasahusband,aremystandardsofperfection。
  PoorJanethasbeensadlytakenin,andyettherewasnothingimproperonherside:shedidnotrunintothematchinconsiderately;therewasnowantofforesight。
  Shetookthreedaystoconsiderofhisproposals,andduringthosethreedaysaskedtheadviceofeverybodyconnectedwithherwhoseopinionwasworthhaving,andespeciallyappliedtomylatedearaunt,whoseknowledgeoftheworldmadeherjudgmentverygenerallyanddeservedlylookeduptobyalltheyoungpeopleofheracquaintance,andshewasdecidedlyinfavourofMr。Fraser。Thisseemsasifnothingwereasecurityformatrimonialcomfort。IhavenotsomuchtosayformyfriendFlora,whojiltedaveryniceyoungmanintheBluesforthesakeofthathorridLordStornaway,whohasaboutasmuchsense,Fanny,asMr。Rushworth,butmuchworse-looking,andwithablackguardcharacter。
  I_had_mydoubtsatthetimeaboutherbeingright,forhehasnoteventheairofagentleman,andnowIamsureshewaswrong。Bythebye,FloraRosswasdyingforHenrythefirstwintershecameout。ButwereI
  toattempttotellyouofallthewomenwhomIhaveknowntobeinlovewithhim,Ishouldneverhavedone。
  Itisyou,onlyyou,insensibleFanny,whocanthinkofhimwithanythinglikeindifference。Butareyousoinsensibleasyouprofessyourself?No,no,Iseeyouarenot。“