首页 >出版文学> Mansfield Parkby>第65章

第65章

  Butthereisnotimefixed;perhapsto-morrow,orwheneveryourspiritsarecomposedenough。Forthepresentyouhaveonlytotranquilliseyourself。Checkthesetears;
  theydobutexhaustyou。If,asIamwillingtosuppose,youwishtoshewmeanyobservance,youwillnotgivewaytotheseemotions,butendeavourtoreasonyourselfintoastrongerframeofmind。Iadviseyoutogoout:
  theairwilldoyougood;gooutforanhouronthegravel;
  youwillhavetheshrubberytoyourself,andwillbethebetterforairandexercise。And,Fanny“turningbackagainforamoment,“Ishallmakenomentionbelowofwhathaspassed;IshallnoteventellyourauntBertram。
  Thereisnooccasionforspreadingthedisappointment;
  saynothingaboutityourself。“
  Thiswasanordertobemostjoyfullyobeyed;thiswasanactofkindnesswhichFannyfeltatherheart。
  TobesparedfromherauntNorris’sinterminablereproaches!heleftherinaglowofgratitude。
  Anythingmightbebearableratherthansuchreproaches。
  EventoseeMr。Crawfordwouldbelessoverpowering。
  Shewalkedoutdirectly,asherunclerecommended,andfollowedhisadvicethroughout,asfarasshecould;
  didcheckhertears;didearnestlytrytocomposeherspiritsandstrengthenhermind。Shewishedtoprovetohimthatshediddesirehiscomfort,andsoughttoregainhisfavour;
  andhehadgivenheranotherstrongmotiveforexertion,inkeepingthewholeaffairfromtheknowledgeofheraunts。
  Nottoexcitesuspicionbyherlookormannerwasnowanobjectworthattaining;andshefeltequaltoalmostanythingthatmightsaveherfromherauntNorris。
  Shewasstruck,quitestruck,when,onreturningfromherwalkandgoingintotheEastroomagain,thefirstthingwhichcaughthereyewasafirelightedandburning。
  Afire!itseemedtoomuch;justatthattimetobegivinghersuchanindulgencewasexcitingevenpainfulgratitude。
  ShewonderedthatSirThomascouldhaveleisuretothinkofsuchatrifleagain;butshesoonfound,fromthevoluntaryinformationofthehousemaid,whocameintoattendit,thatsoitwastobeeveryday。SirThomashadgivenordersforit。
  “Imustbeabrute,indeed,ifIcanbereallyungrateful!“
  saidshe,insoliloquy。“Heavendefendmefrombeingungrateful!“
  Shesawnothingmoreofheruncle,norofherauntNorris,tilltheymetatdinner。Heruncle’sbehaviourtoherwasthenasnearlyaspossiblewhatithadbeenbefore;
  shewassurehedidnotmeanthereshouldbeanychange,andthatitwasonlyherownconsciencethatcouldfancyany;
  butherauntwassoonquarrellingwithher;andwhenshefoundhowmuchandhowunpleasantlyherhavingonlywalkedoutwithoutheraunt’sknowledgecouldbedwelton,shefeltallthereasonshehadtoblessthekindnesswhichsavedherfromthesamespiritofreproach,exertedonamoremomentoussubject。
  “IfIhadknownyouweregoingout,IshouldhavegotyoujusttogoasfarasmyhousewithsomeordersforNanny,“
  saidshe,“whichIhavesince,tomyverygreatinconvenience,beenobligedtogoandcarrymyself。Icouldveryillsparethetime,andyoumighthavesavedmethetrouble,ifyouwouldonlyhavebeensogoodastoletusknowyouweregoingout。Itwouldhavemadenodifferencetoyou,Isuppose,whetheryouhadwalkedintheshrubberyorgonetomyhouse。“
  “IrecommendedtheshrubberytoFannyasthedriestplace,“
  saidSirThomas。
  “Oh!“saidMrs。Norris,withamoment’scheck,“thatwasverykindofyou,SirThomas;butyoudonotknowhowdrythepathistomyhouse。Fannywouldhavehadquiteasgoodawalkthere,Iassureyou,withtheadvantageofbeingofsomeuse,andobligingheraunt:
  itisallherfault。IfshewouldbuthaveletusknowshewasgoingoutbutthereisasomethingaboutFanny,Ihaveoftenobserveditbefore——shelikestogoherownwaytowork;shedoesnotliketobedictatedto;
  shetakesherownindependentwalkwhenevershecan;
  shecertainlyhasalittlespiritofsecrecy,andindependence,andnonsense,abouther,whichIwouldadvisehertogetthebetterof。“
  AsageneralreflectiononFanny,SirThomasthoughtnothingcouldbemoreunjust,thoughhehadbeensolatelyexpressingthesamesentimentshimself,andhetriedtoturntheconversation:triedrepeatedlybeforehecouldsucceed;
  forMrs。Norrishadnotdiscernmentenoughtoperceive,eithernow,oratanyothertime,towhatdegreehethoughtwellofhisniece,orhowveryfarhewasfromwishingtohavehisownchildren’smeritssetoffbythedepreciationofhers。Shewastalking_at_Fanny,andresentingthisprivatewalkhalfthroughthedinner。
  Itwasover,however,atlast;andtheeveningsetinwithmorecomposuretoFanny,andmorecheerfulnessofspiritsthanshecouldhavehopedforaftersostormyamorning;
  butshetrusted,inthefirstplace,thatshehaddoneright:
  thatherjudgmenthadnotmisledher。Forthepurityofherintentionsshecouldanswer;andshewaswillingtohope,secondly,thatheruncle’sdispleasurewasabating,andwouldabatefartherasheconsideredthematterwithmoreimpartiality,andfelt,asagoodmanmustfeel,howwretched,andhowunpardonable,howhopeless,andhowwickeditwastomarrywithoutaffection。
  Whenthemeetingwithwhichshewasthreatenedforthemorrowwaspast,shecouldnotbutflatterherselfthatthesubjectwouldbefinallyconcluded,andMr。CrawfordoncegonefromMansfield,thateverythingwouldsoonbeasifnosuchsubjecthadexisted。Shewouldnot,couldnotbelieve,thatMr。Crawford’saffectionforhercoulddistresshimlong;hismindwasnotofthatsort。
  Londonwouldsoonbringitscure。InLondonhewouldsoonlearntowonderathisinfatuation,andbethankfulfortherightreasoninherwhichhadsavedhimfromitsevilconsequences。
  WhileFanny’smindwasengagedinthesesortofhopes,herunclewas,soonaftertea,calledoutoftheroom;
  anoccurrencetoocommontostrikeher,andshethoughtnothingofittillthebutlerreappearedtenminutesafterwards,andadvancingdecidedlytowardsherself,said,“SirThomaswishestospeakwithyou,ma’am,inhisownroom。“
  Thenitoccurredtoherwhatmightbegoingon;asuspicionrushedoverhermindwhichdrovethecolourfromhercheeks;
  butinstantlyrising,shewaspreparingtoobey,whenMrs。Norriscalledout,“Stay,stay,Fanny!whatareyouabout?whereareyougoing?don’tbeinsuchahurry。Dependuponit,itisnotyouwhoarewanted;dependuponit,itisme“
  lookingatthebutler;“butyouaresoveryeagertoputyourselfforward。WhatshouldSirThomaswantyoufor?
  Itisme,Baddeley,youmean;Iamcomingthismoment。
  Youmeanme,Baddeley,Iamsure;SirThomaswantsme,notMissPrice。“
  ButBaddeleywasstout。“No,ma’am,itisMissPrice;
  IamcertainofitsbeingMissPrice。“Andtherewasahalf-smilewiththewords,whichmeant,“Idonotthinkyouwouldanswerthepurposeatall。“
  Mrs。Norris,muchdiscontented,wasobligedtocomposeherselftoworkagain;andFanny,walkingoffinagitatingconsciousness,foundherself,assheanticipated,inanotherminutealonewithMr。Crawford。
  Theconferencewasneithersoshortnorsoconclusiveastheladyhaddesigned。Thegentlemanwasnotsoeasilysatisfied。HehadallthedispositiontoperseverethatSirThomascouldwishhim。Hehadvanity,whichstronglyinclinedhiminthefirstplacetothinkshedidlovehim,thoughshemightnotknowitherself;
  andwhich,secondly,whenconstrainedatlasttoadmitthatshedidknowherownpresentfeelings,convincedhimthatheshouldbeableintimetomakethosefeelingswhathewished。
  Hewasinlove,verymuchinlove;anditwasalovewhich,operatingonanactive,sanguinespirit,ofmorewarmththandelicacy,madeheraffectionappearofgreaterconsequencebecauseitwaswithheld,anddeterminedhimtohavetheglory,aswellasthefelicity,offorcinghertolovehim。
  Hewouldnotdespair:hewouldnotdesist。Hehadeverywell-groundedreasonforsolidattachment;heknewhertohavealltheworththatcouldjustifythewarmesthopesoflastinghappinesswithher;herconductatthisverytime,byspeakingthedisinterestednessanddelicacyofhercharacterqualitieswhichhebelievedmostrareindeed,wasofasorttoheightenallhiswishes,andconfirmallhisresolutions。Heknewnotthathehadapre-engagedhearttoattack。Of_that_hehadnosuspicion。
  Heconsideredherratherasonewhohadneverthoughtonthesubjectenoughtobeindanger;whohadbeenguardedbyyouth,ayouthofmindaslovelyasofperson;
  whosemodestyhadpreventedherfromunderstandinghisattentions,andwhowasstilloverpoweredbythesuddennessofaddressessowhollyunexpected,andthenoveltyofasituationwhichherfancyhadnevertakenintoaccount。