Butthereisnotimefixed;perhapsto-morrow,orwheneveryourspiritsarecomposedenough。Forthepresentyouhaveonlytotranquilliseyourself。Checkthesetears;
theydobutexhaustyou。If,asIamwillingtosuppose,youwishtoshewmeanyobservance,youwillnotgivewaytotheseemotions,butendeavourtoreasonyourselfintoastrongerframeofmind。Iadviseyoutogoout:
theairwilldoyougood;gooutforanhouronthegravel;
youwillhavetheshrubberytoyourself,andwillbethebetterforairandexercise。And,Fanny“turningbackagainforamoment,“Ishallmakenomentionbelowofwhathaspassed;IshallnoteventellyourauntBertram。
Thereisnooccasionforspreadingthedisappointment;
saynothingaboutityourself。“
Thiswasanordertobemostjoyfullyobeyed;thiswasanactofkindnesswhichFannyfeltatherheart。
TobesparedfromherauntNorris’sinterminablereproaches!heleftherinaglowofgratitude。
Anythingmightbebearableratherthansuchreproaches。
EventoseeMr。Crawfordwouldbelessoverpowering。
Shewalkedoutdirectly,asherunclerecommended,andfollowedhisadvicethroughout,asfarasshecould;
didcheckhertears;didearnestlytrytocomposeherspiritsandstrengthenhermind。Shewishedtoprovetohimthatshediddesirehiscomfort,andsoughttoregainhisfavour;
andhehadgivenheranotherstrongmotiveforexertion,inkeepingthewholeaffairfromtheknowledgeofheraunts。
Nottoexcitesuspicionbyherlookormannerwasnowanobjectworthattaining;andshefeltequaltoalmostanythingthatmightsaveherfromherauntNorris。
Shewasstruck,quitestruck,when,onreturningfromherwalkandgoingintotheEastroomagain,thefirstthingwhichcaughthereyewasafirelightedandburning。
Afire!itseemedtoomuch;justatthattimetobegivinghersuchanindulgencewasexcitingevenpainfulgratitude。
ShewonderedthatSirThomascouldhaveleisuretothinkofsuchatrifleagain;butshesoonfound,fromthevoluntaryinformationofthehousemaid,whocameintoattendit,thatsoitwastobeeveryday。SirThomashadgivenordersforit。
“Imustbeabrute,indeed,ifIcanbereallyungrateful!“
saidshe,insoliloquy。“Heavendefendmefrombeingungrateful!“
Shesawnothingmoreofheruncle,norofherauntNorris,tilltheymetatdinner。Heruncle’sbehaviourtoherwasthenasnearlyaspossiblewhatithadbeenbefore;
shewassurehedidnotmeanthereshouldbeanychange,andthatitwasonlyherownconsciencethatcouldfancyany;
butherauntwassoonquarrellingwithher;andwhenshefoundhowmuchandhowunpleasantlyherhavingonlywalkedoutwithoutheraunt’sknowledgecouldbedwelton,shefeltallthereasonshehadtoblessthekindnesswhichsavedherfromthesamespiritofreproach,exertedonamoremomentoussubject。
“IfIhadknownyouweregoingout,IshouldhavegotyoujusttogoasfarasmyhousewithsomeordersforNanny,“
saidshe,“whichIhavesince,tomyverygreatinconvenience,beenobligedtogoandcarrymyself。Icouldveryillsparethetime,andyoumighthavesavedmethetrouble,ifyouwouldonlyhavebeensogoodastoletusknowyouweregoingout。Itwouldhavemadenodifferencetoyou,Isuppose,whetheryouhadwalkedintheshrubberyorgonetomyhouse。“
“IrecommendedtheshrubberytoFannyasthedriestplace,“
saidSirThomas。
“Oh!“saidMrs。Norris,withamoment’scheck,“thatwasverykindofyou,SirThomas;butyoudonotknowhowdrythepathistomyhouse。Fannywouldhavehadquiteasgoodawalkthere,Iassureyou,withtheadvantageofbeingofsomeuse,andobligingheraunt:
itisallherfault。IfshewouldbuthaveletusknowshewasgoingoutbutthereisasomethingaboutFanny,Ihaveoftenobserveditbefore——shelikestogoherownwaytowork;shedoesnotliketobedictatedto;
shetakesherownindependentwalkwhenevershecan;
shecertainlyhasalittlespiritofsecrecy,andindependence,andnonsense,abouther,whichIwouldadvisehertogetthebetterof。“
AsageneralreflectiononFanny,SirThomasthoughtnothingcouldbemoreunjust,thoughhehadbeensolatelyexpressingthesamesentimentshimself,andhetriedtoturntheconversation:triedrepeatedlybeforehecouldsucceed;
forMrs。Norrishadnotdiscernmentenoughtoperceive,eithernow,oratanyothertime,towhatdegreehethoughtwellofhisniece,orhowveryfarhewasfromwishingtohavehisownchildren’smeritssetoffbythedepreciationofhers。Shewastalking_at_Fanny,andresentingthisprivatewalkhalfthroughthedinner。
Itwasover,however,atlast;andtheeveningsetinwithmorecomposuretoFanny,andmorecheerfulnessofspiritsthanshecouldhavehopedforaftersostormyamorning;
butshetrusted,inthefirstplace,thatshehaddoneright:
thatherjudgmenthadnotmisledher。Forthepurityofherintentionsshecouldanswer;andshewaswillingtohope,secondly,thatheruncle’sdispleasurewasabating,andwouldabatefartherasheconsideredthematterwithmoreimpartiality,andfelt,asagoodmanmustfeel,howwretched,andhowunpardonable,howhopeless,andhowwickeditwastomarrywithoutaffection。
Whenthemeetingwithwhichshewasthreatenedforthemorrowwaspast,shecouldnotbutflatterherselfthatthesubjectwouldbefinallyconcluded,andMr。CrawfordoncegonefromMansfield,thateverythingwouldsoonbeasifnosuchsubjecthadexisted。Shewouldnot,couldnotbelieve,thatMr。Crawford’saffectionforhercoulddistresshimlong;hismindwasnotofthatsort。
Londonwouldsoonbringitscure。InLondonhewouldsoonlearntowonderathisinfatuation,andbethankfulfortherightreasoninherwhichhadsavedhimfromitsevilconsequences。
WhileFanny’smindwasengagedinthesesortofhopes,herunclewas,soonaftertea,calledoutoftheroom;
anoccurrencetoocommontostrikeher,andshethoughtnothingofittillthebutlerreappearedtenminutesafterwards,andadvancingdecidedlytowardsherself,said,“SirThomaswishestospeakwithyou,ma’am,inhisownroom。“
Thenitoccurredtoherwhatmightbegoingon;asuspicionrushedoverhermindwhichdrovethecolourfromhercheeks;
butinstantlyrising,shewaspreparingtoobey,whenMrs。Norriscalledout,“Stay,stay,Fanny!whatareyouabout?whereareyougoing?don’tbeinsuchahurry。Dependuponit,itisnotyouwhoarewanted;dependuponit,itisme“
lookingatthebutler;“butyouaresoveryeagertoputyourselfforward。WhatshouldSirThomaswantyoufor?
Itisme,Baddeley,youmean;Iamcomingthismoment。
Youmeanme,Baddeley,Iamsure;SirThomaswantsme,notMissPrice。“
ButBaddeleywasstout。“No,ma’am,itisMissPrice;
IamcertainofitsbeingMissPrice。“Andtherewasahalf-smilewiththewords,whichmeant,“Idonotthinkyouwouldanswerthepurposeatall。“
Mrs。Norris,muchdiscontented,wasobligedtocomposeherselftoworkagain;andFanny,walkingoffinagitatingconsciousness,foundherself,assheanticipated,inanotherminutealonewithMr。Crawford。
Theconferencewasneithersoshortnorsoconclusiveastheladyhaddesigned。Thegentlemanwasnotsoeasilysatisfied。HehadallthedispositiontoperseverethatSirThomascouldwishhim。Hehadvanity,whichstronglyinclinedhiminthefirstplacetothinkshedidlovehim,thoughshemightnotknowitherself;
andwhich,secondly,whenconstrainedatlasttoadmitthatshedidknowherownpresentfeelings,convincedhimthatheshouldbeableintimetomakethosefeelingswhathewished。
Hewasinlove,verymuchinlove;anditwasalovewhich,operatingonanactive,sanguinespirit,ofmorewarmththandelicacy,madeheraffectionappearofgreaterconsequencebecauseitwaswithheld,anddeterminedhimtohavetheglory,aswellasthefelicity,offorcinghertolovehim。
Hewouldnotdespair:hewouldnotdesist。Hehadeverywell-groundedreasonforsolidattachment;heknewhertohavealltheworththatcouldjustifythewarmesthopesoflastinghappinesswithher;herconductatthisverytime,byspeakingthedisinterestednessanddelicacyofhercharacterqualitieswhichhebelievedmostrareindeed,wasofasorttoheightenallhiswishes,andconfirmallhisresolutions。Heknewnotthathehadapre-engagedhearttoattack。Of_that_hehadnosuspicion。
Heconsideredherratherasonewhohadneverthoughtonthesubjectenoughtobeindanger;whohadbeenguardedbyyouth,ayouthofmindaslovelyasofperson;
whosemodestyhadpreventedherfromunderstandinghisattentions,andwhowasstilloverpoweredbythesuddennessofaddressessowhollyunexpected,andthenoveltyofasituationwhichherfancyhadnevertakenintoaccount。
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