“Itisamazing,“saidshe,“howmuchyoungpeoplecosttheirfriends,whatwithbringingthemupandputtingthemoutintheworld!Theylittlethinkhowmuchitcomesto,orwhattheirparents,ortheirunclesandaunts,payfortheminthecourseoftheyear。Now,herearemysisterPrice’schildren;takethemalltogether,IdaresaynobodywouldbelievewhatasumtheycostSirThomaseveryyear,tosaynothingofwhat_I_doforthem。“
“Verytrue,sister,asyousay。But,poorthings!
theycannothelpit;andyouknowitmakesverylittledifferencetoSirThomas。Fanny,WilliammustnotforgetmyshawlifhegoestotheEastIndies;andIshallgivehimacommissionforanythingelsethatisworthhaving。
IwishhemaygototheEastIndies,thatImayhavemyshawl。
IthinkIwillhavetwoshawls,Fanny。“
Fanny,meanwhile,speakingonlywhenshecouldnothelpit,wasveryearnestlytryingtounderstandwhatMr。andMissCrawfordwereat。Therewaseverythingintheworld_against_theirbeingseriousbuthiswordsandmanner。
Everythingnatural,probable,reasonable,wasagainstit;
alltheirhabitsandwaysofthinking,andallherowndemerits。Howcould_she_haveexcitedseriousattachmentinamanwhohadseensomany,andbeenadmiredbysomany,andflirtedwithsomany,infinitelyhersuperiors;whoseemedsolittleopentoseriousimpressions,evenwherepainshadbeentakentopleasehim;whothoughtsoslightly,socarelessly,sounfeelinglyonallsuchpoints;whowaseverythingtoeverybody,andseemedtofindnooneessentialtohim?
Andfarther,howcoulditbesupposedthathissister,withallherhighandworldlynotionsofmatrimony,wouldbeforwardinganythingofaseriousnatureinsuchaquarter?Nothingcouldbemoreunnaturalineither。
Fannywasashamedofherowndoubts。Everythingmightbepossibleratherthanseriousattachment,orseriousapprobationofittowardher。ShehadquiteconvincedherselfofthisbeforeSirThomasandMr。Crawfordjoinedthem。
ThedifficultywasinmaintainingtheconvictionquitesoabsolutelyafterMr。Crawfordwasintheroom;
foronceortwicealookseemedforcedonherwhichshedidnotknowhowtoclassamongthecommonmeaning;
inanyotherman,atleast,shewouldhavesaidthatitmeantsomethingveryearnest,verypointed。
Butshestilltriedtobelieveitnomorethanwhathemightoftenhaveexpressedtowardshercousinsandfiftyotherwomen。
Shethoughthewaswishingtospeaktoherunheardbytherest。Shefanciedhewastryingforitthewholeeveningatintervals,wheneverSirThomaswasoutoftheroom,oratallengagedwithMrs。Norris,andshecarefullyrefusedhimeveryopportunity。
Atlast——itseemedanatlasttoFanny’snervousness,thoughnotremarkablylate——hebegantotalkofgoingaway;
butthecomfortofthesoundwasimpairedbyhisturningtoherthenextmoment,andsaying,“HaveyounothingtosendtoMary?Noanswertohernote?Shewillbedisappointedifshereceivesnothingfromyou。Praywritetoher,ifitbeonlyaline。“
“Ohyes!certainly,“criedFanny,risinginhaste,thehasteofembarrassmentandofwantingtogetaway——
“Iwillwritedirectly。“
Shewentaccordinglytothetable,whereshewasinthehabitofwritingforheraunt,andpreparedhermaterialswithoutknowingwhatintheworldtosay。ShehadreadMissCrawford’snoteonlyonce,andhowtoreplytoanythingsoimperfectlyunderstoodwasmostdistressing。
Quiteunpractisedinsuchsortofnote-writing,hadtherebeentimeforscruplesandfearsastostyleshewouldhavefelttheminabundance:butsomethingmustbeinstantlywritten;andwithonlyonedecidedfeeling,thatofwishingnottoappeartothinkanythingreallyintended,shewrotethus,ingreattremblingbothofspiritsandhand——
“Iamverymuchobligedtoyou,mydearMissCrawford,foryourkindcongratulations,asfarastheyrelatetomydearestWilliam。TherestofyournoteIknowmeansnothing;
butIamsounequaltoanythingofthesort,thatIhopeyouwillexcusemybeggingyoutotakenofarthernotice。
IhaveseentoomuchofMr。Crawfordnottounderstandhismanners;ifheunderstoodmeaswell,hewould,Idaresay,behavedifferently。IdonotknowwhatIwrite,butitwouldbeagreatfavourofyounevertomentionthesubjectagain。Withthanksforthehonourofyournote,Iremain,dearMissCrawford,etc。,etc。“
Theconclusionwasscarcelyintelligiblefromincreasingfright,forshefoundthatMr。Crawford,underpretenceofreceivingthenote,wascomingtowardsher。
“YoucannotthinkImeantohurryyou,“saidhe,inanundervoice,perceivingtheamazingtrepidationwithwhichshemadeupthenote,“youcannotthinkIhaveanysuchobject。Donothurryyourself,Ientreat。“
“Oh!Ithankyou;Ihavequitedone,justdone;itwillbereadyinamoment;Iamverymuchobligedtoyou;
ifyouwillbesogoodastogive_that_toMissCrawford。“
Thenotewasheldout,andmustbetaken;andassheinstantlyandwithavertedeyeswalkedtowardsthefireplace,wheresattheothers,hehadnothingtodobuttogoingoodearnest。
Fannythoughtshehadneverknownadayofgreateragitation,bothofpainandpleasure;buthappilythepleasurewasnotofasorttodiewiththeday;foreverydaywouldrestoretheknowledgeofWilliam’sadvancement,whereasthepain,shehoped,wouldreturnnomore。
Shehadnodoubtthathernotemustappearexcessivelyill-written,thatthelanguagewoulddisgraceachild,forherdistresshadallowednoarrangement;butatleastitwouldassurethembothofherbeingneitherimposedonnorgratifiedbyMr。Crawford’sattentions。
FannyhadbynomeansforgottenMr。Crawfordwhensheawokethenextmorning;butsherememberedthepurportofhernote,andwasnotlesssanguineastoitseffectthanshehadbeenthenightbefore。IfMr。Crawfordwouldbutgoaway!Thatwaswhatshemostearnestlydesired:
goandtakehissisterwithhim,ashewastodo,andashereturnedtoMansfieldonpurposetodo。
Andwhyitwasnotdonealreadyshecouldnotdevise,forMissCrawfordcertainlywantednodelay。Fannyhadhoped,inthecourseofhisyesterday’svisit,tohearthedaynamed;
buthehadonlyspokenoftheirjourneyaswhatwouldtakeplaceerelong。
Havingsosatisfactorilysettledtheconvictionhernotewouldconvey,shecouldnotbutbeastonishedtoseeMr。Crawford,assheaccidentallydid,cominguptothehouseagain,andatanhourasearlyasthedaybefore。
Hiscomingmighthavenothingtodowithher,butshemustavoidseeinghimifpossible;andbeingthenonherwayupstairs,sheresolvedtheretoremain,duringthewholeofhisvisit,unlessactuallysentfor;
andasMrs。Norriswasstillinthehouse,thereseemedlittledangerofherbeingwanted。
Shesatsometimeinagooddealofagitation,listening,trembling,andfearingtobesentforeverymoment;
butasnofootstepsapproachedtheEastroom,shegrewgraduallycomposed,couldsitdown,andbeabletoemployherself,andabletohopethatMr。Crawfordhadcomeandwouldgowithoutherbeingobligedtoknowanythingofthematter。
Nearlyhalfanhourhadpassed,andshewasgrowingverycomfortable,whensuddenlythesoundofastepinregularapproachwasheard;aheavystep,anunusualstepinthatpartofthehouse:itwasheruncle’s;
sheknewitaswellashisvoice;shehadtrembledatitasoften,andbegantotrembleagain,attheideaofhiscominguptospeaktoher,whatevermightbethesubject。
ItwasindeedSirThomaswhoopenedthedoorandaskedifshewerethere,andifhemightcomein。Theterrorofhisformeroccasionalvisitstothatroomseemedallrenewed,andshefeltasifheweregoingtoexamineheragaininFrenchandEnglish。
Shewasallattention,however,inplacingachairforhim,andtryingtoappearhonoured;and,inheragitation,hadquiteoverlookedthedeficienciesofherapartment,tillhe,stoppingshortasheentered,said,withmuchsurprise,“Whyhaveyounofireto-day?“
Therewassnowontheground,andshewassittinginashawl。
Shehesitated。
“Iamnotcold,sir:Ineversitherelongatthistimeofyear。“
“Butyouhaveafireingeneral?“
“No,sir。“
“Howcomesthisabout?Heremustbesomemistake。
第62章