首页 >出版文学> Man and Wife>第131章

第131章

  “Magistratesandlawyers;relationsandfriends;enduranceofinjuries,patience,hope,andhonestwork——Ihadtriedallthese,andtriedthemvainly。LookroundmewhereImight,theprospectwasclosedonallsides。
  “Atthistimemyhusbandhadgotalittleworktodo。Hecamehomeoutoftemperonenight,andIgavehimawarning。’Don’ttrymetoofar,Joel,foryourownsake,’wasallIsaid。Itwasoneofhissoberdays;and,forthefirsttime,awordfrommeseemedtohaveaneffectonhim。Helookedhardatmeforaminuteorso。Andthenhewentandsatdowninacorner,andheldhispeace。
  “ThiswasonaTuesdayintheweek。OntheSaturdayhegotpaid,andthedrinkingfittookhimagain。
  “OnFridayinthenextweekIhappenedtocomebacklate——havinghadagoodstrokeofworktodothatday,inthewayofcookingapublicdinnerforatavern-keeperwhoknewme。Ifoundmyhusbandgone,andthebedroomstrippedofthefurniturewhichIhadputintoit。Forthesecondtimehehadrobbedmeofmyownproperty,andhadturneditintomoneytobespentindrink。
  “Ididn’tsayaword。Istoodandlookedroundtheemptyroom。
  WhatwasgoingoninmeIhardlyknewmyselfatthetime,andcan’tdescribenow。AllIrememberis,that,afteralittle,I
  turnedabouttoleavethehouse。Iknewtheplaceswherethyhusbandwaslikelytobefound;andthedevilpossessedmetogoandfindhim。Thelandladycameoutintothepassageandtriedtostopme。ShewasabiggerandastrongerwomanthanIwas。ButI
  shookherofflikeachild。Thinkingoveritnow,Ibelieveshewasinnoconditiontoputoutherstrength。Thesightofmefrightenedher。
  “Ifoundhim。Isaid——well,Isaidwhatawomanbesideherselfwithfurywouldbelikelytosay。It’sneedlesstotellhowitended。Heknockedmedown。
  “Afterthat,thereisaspotofdarknesslikeinmymemory。ThenextthingIcancalltomind,iscomingbacktomysensesaftersomedays。Threeofmyteethwereknockedout——butthatwasnottheworstofit。Myheadhadstruckagainstsomethinginfalling,andsomepartofmeanerve,Ithinktheysaidwasinjuredinsuchawayastoaffectmyspeech。Idon’tmeanthatIwasdownrightdumb——Ionlymeanthat,allofasudden,ithadbecomealabortometospeak。AlongwordwasasseriousanobstacleasifIwasachildagain。Theytookmetothehospital。Whenthemedicalgentlemenheardwhatitwas,themedicalgentlemencamecrowdingroundme。Iappearedtolayholdoftheirinterest,justasastory-booklaysholdoftheinterestofotherpeople。Theupshotofitwas,thatImightendinbeingdumb,orImightgetmyspeechagain——thechanceswereaboutequal。Onlytwothingswereneedful。OneofthemwasthatIshouldliveongoodnourishingdiet。Theotherwas,thatIshouldkeepmymindeasy。
  “Aboutthedietitwasnotpossibletodecide。Mygettinggoodnourishingfoodanddrinkdependedonmygettingmoneytobuythesame。Astomymind,therewasnodifficultyabout_that。_Ifmyhusbandcamebacktome,mymindwasmadeuptokillhim。
  “Horrid——Iamwellawarethisishorrid。Nobodyelse,inmyplace,wouldhaveendedaswickedlyasthat。Alltheotherwomenintheworld,triedasIwas,wouldhaverisensuperiortothetrial。
  “Ihavesaidthatpeopleexceptingmyhusbandandmyrelations
  werealmostalwaysgoodtome。
  “Thelandlordofthehousewhichwehadtakenwhenweweremarriedheardofmysadcase。Hegavemeoneofhisemptyhousestolookafter,andalittleweeklyallowancefordoingit。Someofthefurnitureintheupperrooms,notbeingwantedbythelasttenant,waslefttobetakenatavaluationifthenexttenantneededit。Twooftheservants’bedroomsintheattics,onenexttotheother,hadallthatwaswantedinthem。SoIhadarooftocoverme,andachoiceofbedstolieon,andmoneytogetmefood。Allwellagain——butalltoolate。Ifthathousecouldspeak,whattalesthathousewouldhavetotellofme!
  “Ihadbeentoldbythedoctorstoexercisemyspeech。Beingallalone,withnobodytospeakto,exceptwhenthelandlorddroppedin,orwhentheservantnextdoorsaid,’Niceday,ain’tit?’or,’Don’tyoufeellonely?’orsuchlike,Iboughtthenewspaper,andreaditoutloudtomyselftoexercisemyspeechinthatway。
  OnedayIcameuponabitaboutthewivesofdrunkenhusbands。ItwasareportofsomethingsaidonthatsubjectbyaLondoncoroner,whohadheldinquestsondeadhusbandsinthelowerranksoflife,andwhohadhisreasonsforsuspectingthewives。
  Examinationofthebodyhesaiddidn’tproveit;andwitnessesdidn’tproveit;buthethoughtit,nevertheless,quitepossible,insomecases,that,whenthewomancouldbearitnolonger,shesometimestookadamptowel,andwaitedtillthehusbanddruggedwithhisownliquorwassunkinhissleep,andthenputthetoweloverhisnoseandmouth,andendeditthatwaywithoutanybodybeingthewiser。Ilaiddownthenewspaper;andfellintothinking。Mymindwas,bythistime,inapropheticway。Isaidtomyself’Ihaven’thappenedonthisfornothing:thismeansthatIshallseemyhusbandagain。’
  “Itwasthenjustaftermydinner-time——twoo’clock。Thatsamenight,atthemomentwhenIhadputoutmycandle,andlaidmedowninbed,Iheardaknockatthestreetdoor。BeforeIhadlitmycandleIsaystomyself,’Hereheis。’
  “Ihuddledonafewthings,andstruckalight,andwentdownstairs。Icalledoutthroughthedoor,’Who’sthere?’Andhisvoiceanswered,’Letmein。’
  “Isatdownonachairinthepassage,andshookalloverlikeapersonstruckwithpalsy。Notfromthefearofhim——butfrommymindbeinginthepropheticway。IknewIwasgoingtobedriventoitatlast。
  TryasImighttokeepfromdoingit,mymindtoldmeIwastodoitnow。Isatshakingonthechairinthepassage;Iononesideofthedoor,andheontheother。
  “Heknockedagain,andagain,andagain。Iknewitwasuselesstotry——andyetIresolvedtotry。IdeterminednottolethimintillIwasforcedtoit。Ideterminedtolethimalarmtheneighborhood,andtoseeiftheneighborhoodwouldstepbetweenus。Iwentupstairsandwaitedattheopenstaircasewindowoverthedoor。
  “Thepolicemancameup,andtheneighborscameout。Theywereallforgivinghimintocustody。Thepolicemanlaidhandsonhim。Hehadbutonewordtosay;hehadonlytopointuptomeatthewindow,andtotellthemIwashiswife。Theneighborswentindoorsagain。Thepolicemandroppedholdofhisarm。ItwasI
  whowasinthewrong,andnothe。Iwasboundtoletmyhusbandin。Iwentdownstairsagain,andlethimin。
  “Nothingpassedbetweenusthatnight。Ithrewopenthedoorofthebedroomnexttomine,andwentandlockedmyselfintomyownroom。Hewasdeadbeatwithroamingthestreets,withoutapennyinhispocket,alldaylong。Thebedtolieonwasallhewantedforthatnight。
  “ThenextmorningItriedagain——triedtoturnbackonthewaythatIwasdoomedtogo;knowingbeforehandthatitwouldbeofnouse。Iofferedhimthreepartsofmypoorweeklyearnings,tobepaidtohimregularlyatthelandlord’soffice,ifhewouldonlykeepawayfromme,andfromthehouse。Helaughedinmyface。Asmyhusband,hecouldtakeallmyearningsifhechose。
  Andasforleavingthehouse,thehouseofferedhimfreequarterstoliveinaslongasIwasemployedtolookafterit。Thelandlordcouldn’tpartmanandwife。
  “Isaidnomore。Laterinthedaythelandlordcame。Hesaidifwecouldmakeitouttolivetogetherpeaceablyhehadneithertherightnorthewishtointerfere。Ifwemadeanydisturbances,thenheshouldbeobligedtoprovidehimselfwithsomeotherwomantolookafterthehouse。Ihadnowhereelsetogo,andnootheremploymenttoundertake。If,inspiteofthat,Ihadputonmybonnetandwalkedout,myhusbandwouldhavewalkedoutafterme。Andalldecentpeoplewouldhavepattedhimontheback,andsaid,’Quiteright,goodman——quiteright。’
  “Sotherehewasbyhisownact,andwiththeapprovalofothers,inthesamehousewithme。
  “Imadenoremarktohimortothelandlord。Nothingrousedmenow。Iknewwhatwascoming;Iwaitedfortheend。Therewassomechangevisibleinmetoothers,asIsuppose,thoughnotnoticeablebymyself,whichfirstsurprisedmyhusbandandthendauntedhim。WhenthenextnightcameIheardhimlockthedoorsoftlyinhisownroom。Itdidn’tmattertome。Whenthetimewasripetenthousandlockswouldn’tlockoutwhatwastocome。
  “Thenextday,bringingmyweeklypayment,broughtmeastepneareronthewaytotheend。Gettingthemoney,hecouldgetthedrink。Thistimehebegancunningly——inotherwords,hebeganhisdrinkingbyslowdegrees。Thelandlordbent,honestman,ontryingtokeepthepeacebetweenushadgivenhimsomeoddjobstodo,inthewayofsmallrepairs,hereandthereaboutthehouse。’Youowethis,’hesays,’tomydesiretodoagoodturntoyourpoorwife。Iamhelpingyouforhersake。Showyourselfworthytobehelped,ifyoucan。’
  “Hesaid,asusual,thathewasgoingtoturnoveranewleaf。
  Toolate!Thetimehadgoneby。Hewasdoomed,andIwasdoomed。
  Itdidn’tmatterwhathesaidnow。Itdidn’tmatterwhenhelockedhisdooragainthelastthingatnight。
  “ThenextdaywasSunday。Nothinghappened。Iwenttochapel。
  Merehabit。Itdidmenogood。Hegotonalittlewiththedrinking——butstillcunningly,byslowdegrees。Iknewbyexperiencethatthismeantalongfit,andabadone,tocome。