“Come,“saidhe,“let’sbegin。“
Hewrote——
“Courage,Emma!courage!Iwouldnotbringmiseryintoyourlife。“
“Afterall,that’strue,“thoughtRodolphe。“Iamactinginherinterest;Iamhonest。“
“Haveyoucarefullyweighedyourresolution?DoyouknowtowhatanabyssIwasdraggingyou,poorangel?No,youdonot,doyou?
Youwerecomingconfidentandfearless,believinginhappinessinthefuture。Ah!unhappythatweare——insensate!“
Rodolphestoppedheretothinkofsomegoodexcuse。
“IfItoldherallmyfortuneislost?No!Besides,thatwouldstopnothing。Itwouldallhavetobebegunoveragainlateron。
Asifonecouldmakewomenlikethatlistentoreason!“Hereflected,thenwenton——
“Ishallnotforgetyou,ohbelieveit;andIshalleverhaveaprofounddevotionforyou;butsomeday,soonerorlater,thisardoursuchisthefateofhumanthingswouldhavegrownless,nodoubt。Lassitudewouldhavecometous,andwhoknowsifI
shouldnotevenhavehadtheatrociouspainofwitnessingyourremorse,ofsharingitmyself,sinceIshouldhavebeenitscause?Themereideaofthegriefthatwouldcometoyoutorturesme,Emma。Forgetme!WhydidIeverknowyou?Whywereyousobeautiful?Isitmyfault?OmyGod!No,no!Accuseonlyfate。“
“That’sawordthatalwaystells,“hesaidtohimself。
“Ah,ifyouhadbeenoneofthosefrivolouswomenthatonesees,certainlyImight,throughegotism,havetriedanexperiment,inthatcasewithoutdangerforyou。Butthatdeliciousexaltation,atonceyourcharmandyourtorment,haspreventedyoufromunderstanding,adorablewomanthatyouare,thefalsenessofourfutureposition。NorhadIreflecteduponthisatfirst,andI
restedintheshadeofthatidealhappinessasbeneaththatofthemanchineeltree,withoutforeseeingtheconsequences。“
“Perhapsshe’llthinkI’mgivingitupfromavarice。Ah,well!somuchtheworse;itmustbestopped!“
“Theworldiscruel,Emma。Whereverwemighthavegone,itwouldhavepersecutedus。Youwouldhavehadtoputupwithindiscreetquestions,calumny,contempt,insultperhaps。Insulttoyou!Oh!
AndI,whowouldplaceyouonathrone!Iwhobearwithmeyourmemoryasatalisman!ForIamgoingtopunishmyselfbyexileforalltheillIhavedoneyou。Iamgoingaway。WhitherIknownot。Iammad。Adieu!Begoodalways。Preservethememoryoftheunfortunatewhohaslostyou。Teachmynametoyourchild;letherrepeatitinherprayers。“
Thewicksofthecandlesflickered。Rodolphegotupto,shutthewindow,andwhenhehadsatdownagain——
“Ithinkit’sallright。Ah!andthisforfearsheshouldcomeandhuntmeup。“
“Ishallbefarawaywhenyoureadthesesadlines,forIhavewishedtofleeasquicklyaspossibletoshunthetemptationofseeingyouagain。Noweakness!Ishallreturn,andperhapslateronweshalltalktogetherverycoldlyofouroldlove。Adieu!“
Andtherewasalast“adieu“dividedintotwowords!“ADieu!“
whichhethoughtinveryexcellenttaste。
“NowhowamItosign?“hesaidtohimself。“’Yoursdevotedly?’
No!’Yourfriend?’Yes,that’sit。“
“Yourfriend。“
Here-readhisletter。Heconsidereditverygood。
“Poorlittlewoman!“hethoughtwithemotion。“She’llthinkmeharderthanarock。Thereoughttohavebeensometearsonthis;
butIcan’tcry;itisn’tmyfault。“Then,havingemptiedsomewaterintoaglass,Rodolphedippedhisfingerintoit,andletabigdropfallonthepaper,thatmadeapalestainontheink。
Thenlookingforaseal,hecameupontheone“Amornelcor。“
“Thatdoesn’tatallfitinwiththecircumstances。Pshaw!nevermind!“
Afterwhichhesmokedthreepipesandwenttobed。
Thenextdaywhenhewasupatabouttwoo’clock——hehadsleptlate,Rodolphehadabasketofapricotspicked。Heputhisletteratthebottomundersomevineleaves,andatonceorderedGirard,hisploughman,totakeitwithcaretoMadameBovary。Hemadeuseofthismeansforcorrespondingwithher,sendingaccordingtotheseasonfruitsorgame。
“Ifsheasksafterme,“hesaid,“youwilltellherthatIhavegoneonajourney。Youmustgivethebaskettoherherself,intoherownhands。Getalongandtakecare!“
Girardputonhisnewblouse,knottedhishandkerchiefroundtheapricots,andwalkingwithgreatheavystepsinhisthickiron-boundgaloshes,madehiswaytoYonville。
MadameBovary,whenhegottoherhouse,wasarrangingabundleoflinenonthekitchen-tablewithFelicite。
“Here,“saidtheploughboy,“issomethingforyou——fromthemaster。“
Shewasseizedwithapprehension,andasshesoughtinherpocketforsomecoppers,shelookedatthepeasantwithhaggardeyes,whilehehimselflookedatherwithamazement,notunderstandinghowsuchapresentcouldsomoveanyone。Atlasthewentout。
Feliciteremained。Shecouldbearitnolonger;sheranintothesittingroomasiftotaketheapricotsthere,overturnedthebasket,toreawaytheleaves,foundtheletter,openedit,and,asifsomefearfulfirewerebehindher,Emmaflewtoherroomterrified。
Charleswasthere;shesawhim;hespoketoher;sheheardnothing,andshewentonquicklyupthestairs,breathless,distraught,dumb,andeverholdingthishorriblepieceofpaper,thatcrackledbetweenherfingerslikeaplateofsheet-iron。Onthesecondfloorshestoppedbeforetheatticdoor,whichwasclosed。
Thenshetriedtocalmherself;sherecalledtheletter;shemustfinishit;shedidnotdareto。Andwhere?How?Shewouldbeseen!“Ah,no!here,“shethought,“Ishallbeallright。“
Emmapushedopenthedoorandwentin。
Theslatesthrewstraightdownaheavyheatthatgrippedhertemples,stifledher;shedraggedherselftotheclosedgarret-window。Shedrewbackthebolt,andthedazzlinglightburstinwithaleap。
Opposite,beyondtheroofs,stretchedtheopencountrytillitwaslosttosight。Downbelow,underneathher,thevillagesquarewasempty;thestonesofthepavementglittered,theweathercocksonthehousesweremotionless。Atthecornerofthestreet,fromalowerstorey,roseakindofhummingwithstridentmodulations。
ItwasBinetturning。
Sheleantagainsttheembrasureofthewindow,andrereadtheletterwithangrysneers。Butthemoreshefixedherattentionuponit,themoreconfusedwereherideas。Shesawhimagain,heardhim,encircledhimwithherarms,andthrobsofherheart,thatbeatagainstherbreastlikeblowsofasledge-hammer,grewfasterandfaster,withunevenintervals。Shelookedaboutherwiththewishthattheearthmightcrumbleintopieces。Whynotenditall?Whatrestrainedher?Shewasfree。Sheadvanced,lookingatthepaving-stones,sayingtoherself,“Come!come!“
Theluminousraythatcamestraightupfrombelowdrewtheweightofherbodytowardstheabyss。Itseemedtoherthatthegroundoftheoscillatingsquarewentupthewallsandthatthefloordippedonendlikeatossingboat。Shewasrightattheedge,almosthanging,surroundedbyvastspace。Theblueoftheheavenssuffusedher,theairwaswhirlinginherhollowhead;shehadbuttoyield,toletherselfbetaken;andthehummingofthelatheneverceased,likeanangryvoicecallingher。
“Emma!Emma!“criedCharles。
Shestopped。
“Whereverareyou?Come!“
Thethoughtthatshehadjustescapedfromdeathalmostmadeherfaintwithterror。Sheclosedhereyes;thensheshiveredatthetouchofahandonhersleeve;itwasFelicite。
“Masteriswaitingforyou,madame;thesoupisonthetable。“
Andshehadtogodowntositattable。
Shetriedtoeat。Thefoodchokedher。Thensheunfoldedhernapkinasiftoexaminethedarns,andshereallythoughtofapplyingherselftothiswork,countingthethreadsinthelinen。
Suddenlytheremembranceoftheletterreturnedtoher。Howhadshelostit?Wherecouldshefindit?Butshefeltsuchwearinessofspiritthatshecouldnoteveninventapretextforleavingthetable。Thenshebecameacoward;shewasafraidofCharles;
heknewall,thatwascertain!Indeedhepronouncedthesewordsinastrangemanner:
“WearenotlikelytoseeMonsieurRodolphesoonagain,itseems。“
“Whotoldyou?“shesaid,shuddering。
第38章