’Whowillthreshitoutofyou,andstarveit,andswearitoutofyou!’wasthemeaningofmyimprecation:butLizzie,notdreamingasyetofsuchthings,couldnotunderstandme,andwasratherthankful;thereforesheansweredquietly,——
’Theletterisinthelittlecupboard,neartheheadofLadyLorna’sbed,wheresheusedtokeepthediamondnecklace,whichwecontrivedtogetstolen。’
WithoutanotherwordIrushedsothateveryboardinthehouseshookuptomylostLorna’sroom,andtorethelittlewall-nicheopenandespiedmytreasure。Itwasassimple,andashomely,andloving,asevenI
couldwish。Partofitranasfollows,——theotherpartsitbehovesmenottoopenouttostrangers:——’Myownlove,andsometimelord,——Takeitnotamissofme,thatevenwithoutfarewell,Igo;forIcannotpersuadethementowait,yourreturnbeingdoubtful。Mygreat-uncle,somegrandlord,isawaitingmeatDunster,havingfearofventuringtoonearthisExmoorcountry。I,whohavebeensolawlessalways,andthechildofoutlaws,amnowtoatoneforthis,itseems,bylivinginacourtoflaw,andunderspecialsurveillanceastheycallit,IbelieveofHisMajesty’sCourtofChancery。Myuncleisappointedmyguardianandmaster;andImustlivebeneathhiscare,untilIamtwenty-oneyearsold。Tomethisappearsadreadfulthing,andveryunjust,andcruel;forwhyshouldIlosemyfreedom,throughheritageoflandandgold?Iofferedtoabandonalliftheywouldonlyletmego;Iwentdownonmykneestothem,andsaidI
wantedtitlesnot,neitherland,normoney;onlytostaywhereIwas,wherefirstIhadknownhappiness。
Buttheyonlylaughedandcalledme“child,“andsaidI
musttalkofthattotheKing’sHighChancellor。Theirorderstheyhad,andmustobeythem;andMasterStickleswasorderedtoo,tohelpastheKing’sCommissioner。Andthen,althoughitpiercedmyheartnottosayone“goodbye,John,“Iwasgladuponthewholethatyouwerenotheretodisputeit。ForIamalmostcertainthatyouwouldnot,withoutforcetoyourself,haveletyourLornagotopeoplewhonever,nevercancareforher。’
Heremydarlinghadweptagain,bythetokensonthepaper;andthentherefollowedsomesweetwords,toosweetformetochatterthem。Butshefinishedwiththesenoblelines,whichbeingcommontoallhumanity,inacaseofsteadfastloveIdonoharm,butratherhelpalltruelovebyrepeating。’Ofonethingrestyouwellassured——andIdohopethatitmayproveofservicetoyourrest,love,elsewouldmyownbebroken——nodifferenceofrank,orfortune,oroflifeitself,shallevermakemeswervefromtruthtoyou。
Wehavepassedthroughmanytroubles,dangers,anddispartments,butneveryetwasdoubtbetweenus;
neitherevershallbe。Eachhastrustedwelltheother;andstilleachmustdoso。ThoughtheytellyouIamfalse,thoughyourownmindharboursit,fromthesenseofthingsaround,andyourownundervaluing,yettakecounselofyourheart,andcastsuchthoughtsawayfromyou;beingunworthyofitselftheymustheunworthyalsooftheonewhodwellsthere;andthatoneis,andevershallbe,yourownLornaDugal。’
Somepeoplecannotunderstandthattearsshouldcomefrompleasure;butwhetherfrompleasureorfromsorrowmixedastheyareinthetwistedstringsofaman’sheart,orawoman’s,greattearsfellfrommystupideyes,evenontheblotsofLorna’s。
’Nodoubtitisallover,’mymindsaidtomebitterly;
’trustme,allshallyetberight,’myheartrepliedverysweetly。
Somepeoplemaylookdownuponusforourslavishwaysastheymaychoosetocallthem,butinourpartofthecountry,wedolovetomentiontitle,andtorollitonourtongues,withaconscienceandacomfort。
Evenifamanknowsnot,throughfaultofeducation,whotheDukeofthisis,ortheEarlofthat,itwillneverdoforhimtosayso,lesttheroomlookdownonhim。Thereforehemustnodhishead,andsay,’Ah,tohesure!IknowhimaswellaseverIknowmyowngoodwoman’sbrother。HemarriedLordFlipflap’sseconddaughter,andapreciouslifesheledhim。’Whereupontheroomlooksupathim。ButI,beingquiteunabletocarryallthisinmyhead,asIought,wasspeedilyputdownbypeopleofanobletendency,aptatLords,andpatwithDukes,andknowingmoreabouttheKingthanHisMajestywouldhaverequested。Therefore,Ifellbackinthought,notdaringinwordstodoso,uponthetitlesofourhorses。Andallthesehorsesdeservedtheirnames,nothavingmerelyinherited,butbytheirowndoingearnedthem。Smiler,forinstance,hadbeensocalled,notsomuchfromahabitofsmiling,asfromhisgeneralgeniality,whitenose,andwhiteankle。
Thisworthyhorsewasnowinyears,buthaleandgayasever;andwhenyoulethimoutofthestable,hecouldneighandwhinny,andmakemenandhorsesknowit。Ontheotherhand,Kickumswasahorseofmoroseandsurlyorder;harbouringuprevenge,andleadingaridertofalseconfidence。Verysmoothlyhewouldgo,andasgentleasaturtle-dove;untilhisriderfullybelievedthatapack-threadwasenoughforhim,andapatofapprovaluponhisnecktheaimandcrownofhisworthylife。Thensuddenlyupwenthishindfeettoheaven,andtheriderforthemostpartflewoverhisnose;whereupongoodKickumswouldtakeadvantageofhisfavourablepositiontocomeandbiteapieceoutofhisback。Nowinmypresentstateofmind,beingunderstoodofnobody,havingnonetobearmecompany,neitherwishingtohaveany,anindefinitekindofattractiondrewmeintoKickum’ssociety。Abondofmutualsympathywassoonestablishedbetweenus;I
wouldridenootherhorse,neitherKickumsberiddenbyanyotherman。Andthisgoodhorsebecameasjealousaboutmeasadogmightbe;andwouldlashout,orrunteethforemost,atanyonewhocamenearhimwhenIwasonhisback。
Thisseason,thereapingofthecorn,whichhadbeenbutayearagosopleasantandsolightsome,wasbecomeaheavylabour,andathingforgrumblingratherthanforgladness。However,forthesakeofall,itmustbeattendedto,andwithasfairashowofspiritandalacrityasmightbe。Forotherwisetherestwoulddrag,anddroptheirhandsandidle,beingquickertotakeinfectionofdullnessthanofdiligence。Andtheharvestwasaheavyone,evenheavierthantheyearbefore,althoughofpoorerquality。ThereforewasI
forcedtoworkashardasanyhorsecouldduringallthedaylighthours,anddefertillnightthebroodinguponmymisfortune。Butthedarknessalwaysfoundmestiffwithwork,andweary,andlessabletothinkthantodream,maybe,ofLorna。Andnowthehousewassodullandlonesome,wantingAnnie’sprettypresence,andthelightofLorna’seyes,thatamanhadnotemptationaftersupper-timeeventositandsmokeapipe。
ForLizzie,thoughsolearned,andpleasantwhenitsuitedher,neverhadtakenverykindlytomyloveforLorna,andbeingofaproudandslightlyupstartnature,couldnotbeartobeeclipsedinbearing,looks,andbreeding,andeveninclothes,bythestranger。ForonethingIwillsayoftheDoones,thatwhetherbypurchaseorplunder,theyhadalwaysdressedmydarlingwell,withherownsweettastetohelpthem。
AndthoughLizzie’snaturalhateofthemaidasaDooneandburdenedwithfather’sdeathshouldhavebeenchangedtoremorsewhenshelearnedofLorna’srealparentage,itwasonlyalteredtosullenness,anddiscontentwithherself,forfrequentrudenesstoaninnocentperson,andoneofsuchhighdescent。
Moreover,thechildhadimbibedstrangeideasastoouraristocracy,partlyperhapsfromherownwayofthinking,andpartlyfromreadingofhistory。Forwhile,fromonepointofviewshelookedupatthemverydemurely,ascommissionedbyGodforthecountry’sgood;fromanothersightshedislikedthem,asreadytosacrificetheirbestandfollowtheirworstmembers。
Yetwhyshouldthiswenchdaretojudgeuponamattersofarbeyondher,andformopinionswhichsheknewbetterthandeclarebeforemother?Butwithmeshehadnosuchscruple,forIhadnoauthorityoverher;andmyintellectshelookeddownupon,becauseIpraisedherownso。Thusshemadeherselfveryunpleasanttome;bylittlejagsandjerksofsneering,spedasthoughunwittingly;whichIwhonowconsideredmyselfalliedtothearistocracy,andperhapstookairsonthataccounthadnotwitenoughtoparry,yethadwoundenoughtofeel。
Nowanyonewhodoesnotknowexactlyhowmothersfeelandthink,wouldhaveexpectedmymotherthanwhomcouldbenobetteronetopetme,andmakemuchofme,undermysadtrouble;tohangwithanxietyonmylooks,andshedhertearswithmineifany,andseasoneverydishofmeatputbyforherJohn’sreturn。Andifthewholetruthmustbetold,Ididexpectthatsortofthing,andthoughtwhataplagueitwouldbetome;yetnotgettingit,wasvexed,asifbysomenewinjury。
FormotherwasaspecialcreatureasIsupposeweallare,beingthewarmestofthewarm,whenfiredatthepropercorner;andyet,iftakenatthewrongpoint,youwouldsayshewasincombustible。
HenceitcametopassthatIhadnooneeventospeakto,aboutLornaandmygrievances;forCaptainStickleswasnowgonesouthward;andJohnFry。ofcourse,wastoolowforit,althoughamarriedman,andwellunderhiswife’smanagement。Butfindingmyselfunableatlasttobearthisanylonger,uponthefirstdaywhenallthewheatwascut,andthestookssetupineveryfield,yetnonequitefitforcarrying,IsaddledgoodKickumsatfiveinthemorning,andwithoutawordtomotherforalittleanxietymightdohergoodoffI
setforMollandparish,tohavethecounselandthecomfortofmydarlingAnnie。
Thehorsetookmeoverthegroundsofasttherebeingfewbettertogowhenheliked,thatbynineo’clockAnniewasinmyarms,andblushingtothecolourofWinnie’scheeks,withsuddendelightandyounghappiness。
’Youpreciouslittlesoul!’Icried:’howdoesTombehavetoyou?’
’Hush!’saidAnnie:’howdareyouask?Heisthekindest,andthebest,andthenoblestofallmen,John;notevensettingyourselfaside。Nowlooknotjealous,John:soitis。Weallhavespecialgifts,youknow。Youareasgoodasyoucanbe,John;butmyhusband’sspecialgiftisnobilityofcharacter。’Hereshelookedatme,asonewhohasdiscoveredsomethingquiteunknown。
’Iamdevilishgladtohearit,’saidI,beingtouchedatgoingdownso:’keephimtothatmark,mydear;andcorkthewhiskybottle。’
’Yes,darlingJohn,’sheansweredquickly,notdesiringtoopenthatsubject,andbeingtoosweettoresentit:
’andhowislovelyLorna?WhatanageitissinceI
haveseenyou!Isupposewemustthankherforthat。’
’Youmaythankherforseeingmenow,’saidI;’orrather,’——seeinghowhurtshelooked,——’youmaythankmyknowledgeofyourkindness,andmydesiretospeakofhertoasoft-hearteddearlittlesoullikeyou。I
thinkallthewomenaregonemad。Evenmothertreatsmeshamefully。AndasforLizzie——’HereIstopped,knowingnowordsstrongenough,withoutshockingAnnie。
’DoyoumeantosaythatLornaisgone?’askedAnnie,ingreatamazement;yetleapingatthetruth,aswomendo,withnothingatalltoleapfrom。
’Gone。AndInevershallseeheragain。Itservesmerightforaspiringso。’
Beinggrievedatmymanner,sheledmeinwherenonecouldinterruptus;andinspiteofallmydejection,I
couldnothelpnoticinghowveryprettyandevenelegantallthingswerearound。ForweuponExmoorhavelittletaste;allwecareforiswarmcomfort,andplentytoeatandtogiveaway,andaheartysmackineverything。ButSquireFaggushadseentheworld,andkeptcompanywithgreatpeople;andthetastehehadfirstdisplayedintheshoeingoffarmers’horseswhichledalmosttohisruin,bybringinghimintojealousy,andflattery,anddashingwayshadnowbeencultivatedinLondon,andbymoonlight,sothatnonecouldhelpadmiringit。
’Well!’Icried,forthemomentdroppingcareandwoeinastonishment:’wehavenothinglikethisatPlover’sBarrows;norevenUncleReuben。Idohopeitishonest,Annie?’
’WouldIsitinachairthatwasnotmyown?’askedAnnie,turningcrimson,anddroppingdefiantly,andwithawhiskofherdresswhichIneverhadseenbefore,intotheverygrandestone:’wouldIlieonacouch,brotherJohn,doyouthink,unlessgoodmoneywaspaidforit?Becauseotherpeopleareclever,John,youneednotgrudgethemtheirearnings。’
’Acouch!’Ireplied:’whywhatcanyouwantwithacouchintheday-time,Annie?Acouchisasmallbed,setupinaroomwithoutspaceforagoodfour-poster。
第84章