首页 >出版文学> Lord Jim>第46章

第46章

  “`Thefellowstartedatthis,“saidBrown,relatingtometheopeningofthisstrangeconversationbetweenthosetwomen,separatedonlybythemuddybedofacreek,butstandingontheoppositepolesofthatconceptionoflifewhichincludesallmankind——“Thefellowstartedatthisandgotveryredintheface。Toobigtobequestioned,Isuppose。Itoldhimthatifhelookeduponmeasadeadmanwithwhomyoumaytakeliberties,hehimselfwasnotawhitbetteroffreally。Ihadafellowuptherewhohadabeaddrawnonhimallthetime,andonlywaitedforasignfromme。Therewasnothingtobeshockedatinthis。Hehadcomedownofhisownfreewill。`Letusagree,’saidI,`thatwearebothdeadmen,andletustalkonthatbasis,asequals。Weareallequalbeforedeath,’Isaid。IadmittedIwastherelikearatinatrap,butwehadbeendriventoit,andevenatrappedratcangiveabite。Hecaughtmeupinamoment。`Notifyoudon’tgonearthetraptilltheratisdead。’Itoldhimthatsortofgamewasgoodenoughforthesenativefriendsofhis,butIwouldhavethoughthimtoowhitetoserveevenaratso。Yes,Ihadwantedtotalkwithhim。
  Nottobegformylife,though。Myfellowswere——well——whattheywere——menlikehimself,anyhow。Allwewantedfromhimwastocomeoninthedevil’snameandhaveitout。`Godd——nit,’saidI,whilehestoodthereasstillasawoodenpost,`youdon’twanttocomeouthereeverydaywithyourglassestocounthowmanyofusareleftonourfeet。Come。Eitherbringyourinfernalcrowdalongorletusgooutandstarveintheopensea,byGod!Youhavebeenwhiteonce,forallyourtalltalkofthisbeingyourownpeopleandyoubeingonewiththem。Areyou?Andwhatthedevildoyougetforit;whatisityou’vefoundherethatissod——dprecious?
  Hey?Youdon’twantustocomedownhereperhaps——doyou?Youaretwohundredtoone。Youdon’twantustocomedownintotheopen。Ah!Ipromiseyouweshallgiveyousomesportbeforeyou’vedone。Youtalkaboutmemakingacowardlysetuponunoffendingpeople。What’sthattomethattheyareunoffendingwhenIamstarvingfornexttonooffence?ButIamnotacoward。
  Don’tyoubeone。Bringthemalongor,byallthefiends,weshallyetmanagetosendhalfyourunoffendingtowntoheavenwithusinsmoke!“’
  `Hewasterrible——relatingthistome——thistorturedskeletonofamandrawnuptogetherwithhisfaceoverhisknees,uponamiserablebedinthatwretchedhovel,andliftinghisheadtolookatmewithmalignanttriumph。
  “`That’swhatItoldhim——Iknewwhattosay,“hebeganagain,feeblyatfirst,butworkinghimselfupwithincrediblespeedintoafieryutteranceofhisscorn。“`Wearen’tgoingintotheforesttowanderlikeastringoflivingskeletonsdroppingoneafteranotherforantstogotoworkuponusbeforewearefairlydead。Oh,no!’……`Youdon’tdeserveabetterfate,’hesaid。`Andwhatdoyoudeserve,’Ishoutedathim,`youthatIfindskulkingherewithyourmouthfullofyourresponsibility,ofinnocentlives,ofyourinfernalduty?WhatdoyouknowmoreofmethanIknowofyou?Icamehereforfood。D’yehear?——foodtofillourbellies。Andwhatdidyoucomefor?Whatdidyouaskforwhenyoucamehere?Wedon’taskyouforanythingbuttogiveusafightoraclearroadtogobackwhencewecame……’`Iwouldfightwithyounow,’sayshe,pullingathislittlemoustache。`AndIwouldletyoushootme,andwelcome,’Isaid。
  `Thisisasgoodajumping-offplaceformeasanother。Iamsickofmyinfernalluck。Butitwouldbetooeasy。Therearemymeninthesameboat——and,byGod,Iamnotthesorttojumpoutoftroubleandleavetheminad——dlurch,’Isaid。HestoodthinkingforawhileandthenwantedtoknowwhatIhaddone`outthere,’hesays,tossinghisheaddownstreamtobehazedaboutso。`Havewemettotelleachotherthestoryofourlives?’Iaskedhim。`Supposeyoubegin。No?Well,IamsureIdon’twanttohear。Keepittoyourself。Iknowitisnobetterthanmine。I’velived——andsodidyouthoughyoutalkasifyouwereoneofthosepeoplethatshouldhavewingssoastogoaboutwithouttouchingthedirtyearth。Well——itisdirty。
  Ihaven’tgotanywings。IamherebecauseIwasafraidonceinmylife。
  Wanttoknowwhatof?Ofaprison。Thatscaresme,andyoumayknowit——ifit’sanygoodtoyou。Iwon’taskyouwhatscaredyouintothisinfernalhole,whereyouseemtohavefoundprettypickings。That’syourluckandthisismine——theprivilegetobegforthefavourofbeingshotquickly,orelsekickedouttogofreeandstarveinmyownway。“’……
  `Hisdebilitatedbodyshookwithanexultationsovehement,soassured,andsomaliciousthatitseemedtohavedrivenoffthedeathwaitingforhiminthathut。Thecorpseofhismadself-loveuprosefromragsanddestitutionasfromthedarkhorrorsofatomb。ItisimpossibletosayhowmuchheliedtoJimthen,howmuchheliedtomenow——andtohimselfalways。Vanityplaysluridtrickswithourmemory,andthetruthofeverypassionwantssomepretencetomakeitlive。Standingatthegateoftheotherworldintheguiseofabeggar,hehadslappedthisworld’sface,hehadspatonit,hehadthrownuponitanimmensityofscornandrevoltatthebottomofhismisdeeds。Hehadovercomethemall——men,women,savages,traders,ruffians,missionaries——andJim——thatbeefy-facedbeggar。Ididnotbegrudgehimthistriumphinarticulomortis,thisalmostposthumousillusionofhavingtrampledalltheearthunderhisfeet。Whilehewasboastingtome,inhissordidandrepulsiveagony,Icouldn’thelpthinkingofthechucklingtalkrelatingtothetimeofhisgreatestsplendourwhen,duringayearormore,GentlemanBrown’sshipwastobeseen,formanydaysonend,hoveringoffanisletbefringedwithgreenuponazure,withthedarkdotofthemission-houseonawhitebeach;whileGentlemanBrown,ashore,wascastinghisspellsoveraromanticgirlforwhomMelanesiahadbeentoomuch,andgivinghopesofaremarkableconversiontoherhusband。Thepoorman,sometimeorother,hadbeenheardtoexpresstheintentionofwinning“CaptainBrowntoabetterwayoflife。“……“BagGentlemanBrownforGlory“——asaleery-eyedloaferexpresseditonce——“justtoletthemseeupabovewhataWesternPacifictradingskipperlookslike。“Andthiswastheman,too,whohadrunoffwithadyingwoman,andhadshedtearsoverherbody。
  “Carriedonlikeabigbaby,“histhenmatewasnevertiredoftelling,“andwherethefuncameinmayIbekickedtodeathbydiseasedKanakasifIknow。Why,gents!shewastoofargonewhenhebroughtheraboardtoknowhim;shejustlaythereonherbackinhisbunkstaringatthebeamwithawfulshiningeyes——andthenshedied。Dam’badsortoffever,Iguess……“Irememberedallthesestorieswhile,wipinghismattedlumpofabeardwithalividhand,hewastellingmefromhisnoisomecouchhowhegotround,gotin,gothome,onthatconfounded,immaculate,don’t-you-touch-mesortoffellow。Headmittedthathecouldn’tbescared,buttherewasaway,“asbroadasaturnpike,togetinandshakehistwopennysoularoundandinsideoutandupsidedown——byGod!“’
  thinkhecoulddomorethanperhapslookuponthatstraightpath。Heseemedtohavebeenpuzzledbywhathesaw,forheinterruptedhimselfinhisnarrativemorethanoncetoexclaim,“Henearlyslippedfrommethere。Icouldnotmakehimout。Whowashe?“
  Andafterglaringatmewildlyhewouldgoon,jubilatingandsneering。
  TometheconversationofthesetwoacrossthecreekappearsnowasthedeadliestkindofduelonwhichFatelookedonwithhercold-eyedknowledgeoftheend。No,hedidn’tturnJim’ssoulinsideout,butIammuchmistakenifthespiritsoutterlyoutofhisreachhadnotbeenmadetotastetothefullthebitternessofthatcontest。Theseweretheemissarieswithwhomtheworldhehadrenouncedwaspursuinghiminhisretreat。Whitemenfrom“outthere“wherehedidnotthinkhimselfgoodenoughtolive。
  Thiswasallthatcametohim——amenace,ashock,adangertohiswork。
  Isupposeitisthissad,half-resentful,half-resignedfeeling,piercingthroughthefewwordsJimsaidnowandthen,thatpuzzledBrownsomuchinthereadingofhischaracter。Somegreatmenowemostoftheirgreatnesstotheabilityofdetectinginthosetheydestinefortheirtoolstheexactqualityofstrengththatmattersfortheirwork,andBrown,asthoughhehadbeenreallygreat,hadasatanicgiftoffindingoutthebestandtheweakestspotinhisvictims。HeadmittedtomethatJimwasn’tofthesortthatcanbegotoverbytruckling,andaccordinglyhetookcaretoshowhimselfasamanconfrontingwithoutdismayill-luck,censure,anddisaster。
  Thesmugglingofafewgunswasnogreatcrime,hepointedout。AstocomingtoPatusan,whohadtherighttosayhehadn’tcometobeg?Theinfernalpeoplehereletlooseathimfrombothbankswithoutstayingtoaskquestions。
  Hemadethepointbrazenly,for,intruth,DainWaris’senergeticactionhadpreventedthegreatestcalamities;becauseBrowntoldmedistinctlythat,perceivingthesizeoftheplace,hehadresolvedinstantlyinhismindthatassoonashehadgainedafootinghewouldsetfirerightandleft,andbeginbyshootingdowneverythingthinglivinginsight,inordertocowandterrifythepopulation。Thedisproportionofforceswassogreatthatthiswastheonlywaygivinghimtheslightestchanceofattaininghisends——hearguedinafitofcoughing。Buthedidn’ttellJimthis。
  Astothehardshipsandstarvationtheyhadgonethrough,thesehadbeenveryreal;itwasenoughtolookathisband。Hemade,atthesoundofashrillwhistle,allhismenappearstandinginarowonthelogsinfullview,sothatJimcouldseethem。Forthekillingoftheman,ithadbeendone——well,ithad——butwasnotthiswar,bloodywar——inacorner?andthefellowhadbeenkilledcleanly,shotthroughthechest,notlikethatpoordevilofhislyingnowinthecreek。Theyhadtolistentohimdyingforsixhours,withhisentrailstornwithslugs。Atanyratethiswasalifeforalife……Andallthiswassaidwiththeweariness,withtherecklessnessofamanspurredonandonbyill-lucktillhecaresnotwhereheruns。WhenheaskedJim,withasortofbrusquedespairingfrankness,whetherhehimself——straightnow——didn’tunderstandthatwhen“itcametosavingone’slifeinthedark,onedidn’tcarewhoelsewent——three,thirty,threehundredpeople“——itwasasifademonhadbeenwhisperingadviceinhisear。“Imadehimwince,“boastedBrowntome。“Heverysoonleftoffcomingtherighteousoverme。Hejuststoodtherewithnothingtosay,andlookingasblackasthunder——notatme——ontheground。“HeaskedJimwhetherhehadnothingfishyinhislifetorememberthathewassodamnedlyharduponamantryingtogetoutofadeadlyholebythefirstmeansthatcametohand——andsoon,andsoon。Andthereranthroughtheroughtalkaveinofsubtlereferencetotheircommonblood,anassumptionofcommonexperience;asickeningsuggestionofcommonguilt,ofsecretknowledgethatwaslikeabondoftheirmindsandoftheirhearts。
  `AtlastBrownthrewhimselfdownfulllengthandwatchedJimoutofthecornersofhiseyes。Jimonhissideofthecreekstoodthinkingandswitchinghisleg。Thehousesinviewweresilent,asifapestilencehadsweptthemcleanofeverybreathoflife;butmanyinvisibleeyeswereturned,fromwithin,uponthetwomenwiththecreekbetweenthem,astrandedwhiteboat,andthebodyofthethirdmanhalfsunkinthemud。Ontherivercanoesweremovingagain。forPatusanwasrecoveringitsbeliefinthestabilityofearthlyinstitutionssincethereturnofthewhitelord。
  Therightbank,theplatformsofthehouses,theraftsmooredalongtheshores,eventheroofsofbathing-huts,werecoveredwithpeoplethat,farawayoutofearshotandalmostoutofsight,werestrainingtheireyestowardstheknollbeyondtheRajah’sstockade。Withinthewideirregularringofforestsbrokenintwoplacesbythesheenoftherivertherewasasilence。“Willyoupromisetoleavethecoast?“Jimasked。Brownliftedandletfallhishand,givingeverythingupasitwere——acceptingtheinevitable。
  “Andsurrenderyourarms?“Jimwenton。Brownsatupandglaredacross。
  “Surrenderourarms!Nottillyoucometotakethemoutofourstiffhands。
  YouthinkIamgonecrazywithfunk?Oh,no!ThatandtheragsIstandinisallIhavegotintheworld,besidesafewmorebreechloadersonboard;andIexpecttosellthelotinMadagascar,ifIevergetsofar——beggingmywayfromshiptoship。“
  `Jimsaidnothingtothis。Atlast,throwingawaytheswitchheheldinhishand,hesaid,asifspeakingtohimself,“Idon’tknowwhetherIhavethepower。“……“Youdon’tknow!Andyouwantedmejustnowtogiveupmyarms!That’sgood,too,“criedBrown。“Supposetheysayonethingtoyou,anddotheotherthingtome。“Hecalmeddownmarkedly。“I
  daresayyouhavethepower,orwhat’sthemeaningofallthistalk?“hecontinued。“Whatdidyoucomedownherefor?Topassthetimeofday?“
  “`Verywell,“saidJim,liftinghisheadsuddenlyafteralongsilence。
  “Youshallhaveaclearroadorelseaclearfight。“Heturnedonhisheelandwalkedaway。
  `Browngotupatonce,buthedidnotgoupthehilltillhehadseenJimdisappearbetweenthefirsthouses。Heneversethiseyesonhimagain。
  OnhiswaybackhemetCorneliusslouchingdownwithhisheadbetweenhisshoulders。HestoppedbeforeBrown。“Whydidn’tyoukillhim?“hedemandedinasour,discontentedvoice。“BecauseIcoulddobetterthanthat,“Brownsaidwithanamusedsmile。“Never!never!“protestedCorneliuswithenergy。
  “Couldn’t。Ihavelivedhereformanyyears。“Brownlookedupathimcuriously。
  Thereweremanysidestothelifeofthatplaceinarmsagainsthim;thingshewouldneverfindout。Corneliusslunkpastdejectedlyinthedirectionoftheriver。Hewasnowleavinghisnewfriends;heacceptedthedisappointingcourseofeventswithasulkyobstinacywhichseemedtodrawmoretogetherhislittleyellowoldface;andashewentdownheglancedaskanthereandthere,nevergivinguphisfixedidea。