`Anabruptheavyrumblemademeliftmyhead。Thenoiseseemedtorollaway，andsuddenlyasearchingandviolentglarefellontheblindfaceofthenight。Thesustainedanddazzlingflickersseemedtolastforanunconscionabletime。ThegrowlofthethunderincreasedsteadilywhileIlookedathim，distinctandblack，plantedsolidlyupontheshoresofaseaoflight。Atthemomentofgreatestbrilliancethedarknessleapedbackwithaculminatingcrash，andhevanishedbeforemydazzledeyesasutterlyasthoughhehadbeenblowntoatoms。Ablusteringsighpassed；
　　furioushandsseemedtotearattheshrubs，shakethetopsofthetreesbelow，slamdoors，breakwindow-panes，allalongthefrontofthebuilding。
　　Hesteppedin，closingthedoorbehindhim，andfoundmebendingoverthetable：mysuddenanxietyastowhathewouldsaywasverygreat，andakintoafright。“MayIhaveacigarette？“heasked。Igaveapushtotheboxwithoutraisingmyhead。“Iwant——want——tobacco，“hemuttered。Ibecameextremelybuoyant。“Justamoment，“Igrunted，pleasantly。Hetookafewstepshereandthere。“That’sover，“Iheardhimsay。Asingledistantclapofthundercamefromthesealikeagunofdistress。“Themonsoonbreaksupearlythisyear，“heremarked，conversationally，somewherebehindme。Thisencouragedmetoturnround，whichIdidassoonasIhadfinishedaddressingthelastenvelope。Hewassmokinggreedilyinthemiddleoftheroom，andthoughheheardthestirImade，heremainedwithhisbacktomeforatime。
　　“`Come——Icarrieditoffprettywell，“hesaid，wheelingsuddenly。“Something’spaidoff——notmuch。Iwonderwhat’stocome。“Hisfacedidnotshowanyemotion，onlyitappearedalittledarkenedandswollen，asthoughhehadbeenholdinghisbreath。Hesmiledreluctantlyasitwere，andwentonwhileIgazedupathimmutely……“Thankyou，though——yourroom——jollyconvenient——forachap——badlyhipped。“……Therainpatteredandswishedinthegarden；awater-pipeitmusthavehadaholeinitperformedjustoutsidethewindowaparodyofblubberingwoewithfunnysobsandgurglinglamentations，interuptedbyjerkyspasmsofsilence……“Abitofshelter，“
　　hemumbledandceased。
　　`Aflashoffadedlightningdartedinthroughtheblackframe-workofthewindowsandebbedoutwithoutanynoise。IwasthinkinghowIhadbestapproachhimIdidnotwanttobeflungoffagainwhenhegavealittlelaugh。“Nobetterthanavagabondnow“……theendofthecigarettesmoulderedbetweenhisfingers……“Withoutasingle——single……“hepronouncedslowly；“andyet……“Hepaused；therainfellwithredoubledviolence。
　　“Somedayone’sboundtocomeuponsomesortofchancetogetitallbackagain。Must!“hewhispered，distinctly，glaringatmyboots。
　　`Ididnotevenknowwhatitwashewishedsomuchtoregain，whatitwashehadsoterriblymissed。Itmighthavebeensomuchthatitwasimpossibletosay。Apieceofass’sskin，accordingtoChester……Helookedupatmeinquisitively。“Perhaps。Iflife’slongenough，“Imutteredthroughmyteethwithunreasonableanimosity。“Don’treckontoomuchonit。“
　　“`Jove!Ifeelasifnothingcouldevertouchme，“hesaidinatoneofsombreconviction。“Ifthisbusinesscouldn’tknockmeover，thenthere’snofearoftherebeingnotenoughtimeto——climbout，and……“Helookedupwards。
　　`Itstruckmethatitisfromsuchashethatthegreatarmyofwaifsandstraysisrecruited，thearmythatmarchesdown，downintoalltheguttersoftheearth。Assoonasheleftmyroom，that“bitofshelter，“
　　hewouldtakehisplaceintheranks，andbeginthejourneytowardsthebottomlesspit。Iatleasthadnoillusions；butitwasI，too，whoamomentagohadbeensosureofthepowerofwords，andnowwasafraidtospeak，inthesamewayonedaresnotmoveforfearoflosingaslipperyhold。
　　Itiswhenwetrytograpplewithanotherman’sintimateneedthatweperceivehowincomprehensible，wavering，andmistyarethebeingsthatsharewithusthesightofthestarsandthewarmthofthesun。Itisasiflonelinesswereahardandabsoluteconditionofexistence；theenvelopeoffleshandbloodonwhichoureyesarefixedmeltsbeforetheoutstretchedhand，andthereremainsonlythecapricious，unconsolable，andelusivespiritthatnoeyecanfollow，nohandcangrasp。Itwasthefearoflosinghimthatkeptmesilent，foritwasborneuponmesuddenlyandwithunaccountableforcethatshouldIlethimslipawayintothedarknessIwouldneverforgivemyself。
　　“`Well。Thanks——oncemore。You’vebeen——er——uncommonly——reallythere’snowordto……Uncommonly!Idon’tknowwhy，Iamsure。IamafraidI
　　don’tfeelasgratefulasIwouldifthewholethinghadn’tbeensobrutallysprungonme。Becauseatbottom……you，yourself……“Hestuttered。
　　“`Possibly，’Istruckin。Hefrowned。
　　“`Allthesame，oneisresponsible。“Hewatchedmelikeahawk。
　　“`Andthat’strue，too，“Isaid。
　　“`Well。I’vegonewithittotheend，andIdon’tintendtoletanymancastitinmyteethwithout——without——resenting。“Heclenchedhisfist。
　　“`There’syourself，“Isaidwithasmile——mirthlessenough，Godknows——buthelookedatmemenacingly。“That’smybusiness，“hesaid。Anairofindomitableresolutioncameandwentuponhisfacelikeavainandpassingshadow。
　　Nextmomenthelookedadeargoodboyintrouble，asbefore。Heflungawaythecigarette。“Good-bye，“hesaid，withthesuddenhasteofamanwhohadlingeredtoolonginviewofapressingbitofworkwaitingforhim；
　　andthenforasecondorsohemadenottheslightestmovement。Thedownpourfellwiththeheavyuninterruptedrushofasweepingflood，withasoundofuncheckedoverwhelmingfurythatcalledtoone’smindtheimagesofcollapsingbridges，ofuprootedtrees，ofunderminedmountains。Nomancouldbreastthecolossalandheadlongstreamthatseemedtobreakandswirlagainstthedimstillnessinwhichwewereprecariouslyshelteredasifonanisland。Theperforatedpipegurgled，choked，spat，andsplashedinodiousridiculeofaswimmerfightingforhislife。“Itisraining，“
　　Iremonstrated，“andI……““Rainorshine，“hebegan，brusquely，checkedhimself，andwalkedtothewindow。“Perfectdeluge，“hemutteredafterawhile：heleanedhisforeheadontheglass。“It’sdark，too。“
　　“`Yes，itisverydark，“Isaid。
　　`Hepivotedonhisheels，crossedtheroom，andhadactuallyopenedthedoorleadingintothecorridorbeforeIleapedupfrommychair。“Wait，“
　　Icried，“Iwantyouto……““Ican’tdinewithyouagainto-night，“
　　heflungatme，withonelegoutoftheroomalready。“Ihaven’ttheslightestintentiontoaskyou，“Ishouted。Atthishedrewbackhisfoot，butremainedmistrustfullyintheverydoorway。Ilostnotimeinentreatinghimearnestlynottobeabsurd；tocomeinandshutthedoor。’
　　cameinatlast；butIbelieveitwasmostlytherainthatdidit；itwasfallingjustthenwithadevastatingviolencewhichquieteddowngraduallywhilewetalked。Hismannerwasverysoberandset；hisbearingwasthatofanaturallytaciturnmanpossessedbyanidea。Mytalkwasofthematerialaspectofhisposition；ithadthesoleaimofsavinghimfromthedegradation，ruin，anddespairthatoutthereclosesoswiftlyuponafriendless，homelessman；Ipleadedwithhimtoacceptmyhelp；Iarguedreasonably：andeverytimeIlookedupatthatabsorbedsmoothface，sograveandyouthful，Ihadadisturbingsenseofbeingnohelpbutratheranobstacletosomemysterious，inexplicable，impalpablestrivingofhiswoundedspirit。
　　“`Isupposeyouintendtoeatanddrinkandtosleepundershelterintheusualway，“Iremembersayingwithirritation。“Yousayyouwon’ttouchthemoneythatisduetoyou。“……Hecameasnearashissortcantomakingagestureofhorror。Therewerethreeweeksandfivedays’payowinghimasmateofthePatna。“Well，that’stoolittletomatteranyhow；butwhatwillyoudoto-morrow？Wherewillyouturn？Youmustlive……““Thatisn’tthething，“wasthecommentthatescapedhimunderhisbreath。Iignoredit，andwentoncombatingwhatIassumedtobethescruplesofanexaggerateddelicacy。“Oneveryconceivableground，“Iconcluded，“youmustletmehelpyou。““Youcan’t，“hesaidverysimplyandgently，andholdingfasttosomedeepideawhichIcoulddetectshimmeringlikeapoolofwaterinthedark，butwhichIdespairedofeverapproachingnearenoughtofathom。Isurveyedhiswell-proportionedbulk。“Atanyrate，“
　　Isaid，“IamabletohelpwhatIcanseeofyou。Idon’tpretendtodomore。“Heshookhisheadscepticallywithoutlookingatme。Igotverywarm。“ButIcan，“Iinsisted。“Icandoevenmore。Iamdoingmore。
　　Iamtrustingyou……““Themoney……“hebegan。“Uponmywordyoudeservebeingtoldtogotothedevil，“Icried，forcingthenoteofindignation。
　　Hewasstartled，smiled，andIpressedmyattackhome。“Itisn’taquestionofmoneyatall。Youaretoosuperficial，“IsaidandatthesametimeIwasthinkingtomyself：Well，heregoes!Andperhapsheisafterall。
　　“LookattheletterIwantyoutotake。IamwritingtoamanofwhomI’veneveraskedafavour，andIamwritingaboutyouintermsthatoneonlyventurestousewhenspeakingofanintimatefriend。Imakemyselfunreservedlyresponsibleforyou。That’swhatIamdoing。Andreallyifyouwillonlyreflectalittlewhatthatmeans……“
　　`Heliftedhishead。Therainhadpassedaway：onlythewater-pipewentonsheddingtearswithanabsurddrip-dripoutsidethewindow。Itwasveryquietintheroom，whoseshadowshuddledtogetherincorners，awayfromthestillflameofthecandleflaringuprightintheshapeofadagger；
　　hisfaceafterawhileseemedsuffusedbyareflectionofasoftlightasifthedawnhadbrokenalready。
　　“`Jove!“hegaspedout。“Itisnobleofyou!“
　　`Hadhesuddenlyputouthistongueatmeinderision，Icouldnothavefeltmorehumiliated。Ithoughttomyself：Servemerightforasneakinghumbug……Hiseyesshonestraightintomyface，butIperceiveditwasnotamockingbrightness。Allatoncehesprangintojerkyagitation，likeoneofthoseflatwoodenfiguresthatareworkedbyastring。Hisarmswentup，thencamedownwithaslap。Hebecameanothermanaltogether。
　　“AndIhadneverseen，“heshouted；thensuddenlybithislipandfrowned。
　　“WhataballyassI’vebeen，“hesaidveryslowinanawedtone……
　　“Youareabrick，“hecriednextinamuffledvoice。Hesnatchedmyhandasthoughhehadjustthenseenitforthefirsttime，anddroppeditatone。“Why!thisiswhatI——you——I……“hestammered，andthenwithareturnofhisoldstolid，Imaysaymulish，mannerhebeganheavily，“I
　　wouldbeabrutenowifI……“andthenhisvoiceseemedtobreak。“That’sallright，“Isaid。Iwasalmostalarmedbythisdisplayoffeeling，throughwhichpiercedastrangeelation。Ihadpulledthestringaccidentallyasitwere；Ididnotfullyunderstandtheworkingofthetoy。“Imustgonow，“hesaid。“Jove!Youhavehelpedme。Can’tsitstill。Theverything……“Helookedatmewithpuzzledadmiration。“Theverything……“
　　`Ofcourseitwasthething。ItwastentoonethatIhadsavedhimfromstarvation——ofthatpeculiarsortthatisalmostinvariablyassociatedwithdrink。Thiswasall。Ihadnotasingleillusiononthatscore，butlookingathim，Iallowedmyselftowonderatthenatureoftheonehehad，withinthelastthreeminutes，soevidentlytakenintohisbosom。
　　Ihadforcedintohishandsthemeanstocarryondecentlytheseriousbusinessoflife，togetfood，drink，andshelterofthecustomarykindwhilehiswoundedspirit，likeabirdwithabrokenwing，mighthopandflutterintosomeholetodiequietlyofinanitionthere。ThisiswhatIhadthrustuponhim：adefinitelysmallthing；and——behold!——bythemannerofitsreceptionitloomedinthedimlightofthecandlelikeabig，indistinct，perhapsadangerousshadow。“Youdon’tmindmenotsayinganythingappropriate，“
　　heburstout。“Thereisn’tanythingonecouldsay。Lastnightalreadyyouhaddonemenoendofgood。Listeningtome——youknow。IgiveyoumywordI’vethoughtmorethanoncethetopofmyheadwouldflyoff……“Hedarted——positivelydarted——hereandthere，rammedhishandsintohispockets，jerkedthemoutagain，flunghiscaponhishead。Ihadnoideaitwasinhimtobesoairilybrisk。Ithoughtofadryleafimprisonedinaneddyofwind，whileamysteriousapprehension，aloadofindefinitedoubt，weighedmedowninmychair。Hestoodstock-still，asifstruckmotionlessbyadiscovery。“Youhavegivenmeconfidence，“hedeclared，soberly。“Oh!
　　forGod’ssake，mydearfellow——don’t!“Ientreated，asthoughhehadhurtme。“Allright。I’llshutupnowandhenceforth。Can’tpreventmethinking，though……Nevermind!……I’llshowyet……“Hewenttothedoorinahurry，pausedwithhisheaddown，andcameback，steppingdeliberately。
　　“Ialwaysthoughtthatifafellowcouldbeginwithacleanslate……
　　Andnowyou……inameasure……yes……cleanslate。“Iwavedmyhand，andhemarchedoutwithoutlookingback；thesoundofhisfootfallsdiedoutgraduallybehindthecloseddoor——theunhesitatingtreatofamanwalkedinbroaddaylight。
　　`Butastome，leftalonewiththesolitarycandle，Iremainedstrangelyunenlightened。Iwasnolongeryoungenoughtobeholdateveryturnthemagnificencethatbesetsourinsignificantfootstepsingoodandinevil。
　　Ismiledtothinkthat，afterall，itwasyethe，ofustwo，whohadthelight。AndIfeltsad。Acleanslate，didhesay？Asiftheinitialwordofeachourdestinywerenotgraveninimperishablecharactersuponthefaceofarock。’
　　LordJim：Chapter18CHAPTERXVIII`SIXmonthsafterwardsmyfriendhewasacynical，morethanmiddle-agedbachelor，withareputationforeccentricity，andownedarice-millwrotetome，andjudging，fromthewarmthofmyrecommendation，thatIwouldliketohear，enlargedalittleuponJim’sperfections。Thesewereapparentlyofaquietandeffectivesort。“Nothavingbeenablesofartofindmoreinmyheartthanaresignedtolerationforanyindividualofmykind，Ihavelivedtillnowaloneinahousethateveninthissteamingclimatecouldbeconsideredastoobigforoneman。Ihavehadhimtolivewithmeforsometimepast。ItseemsIhaven’tmadeamistake。“ItseemedtomeonreadingthisletterthatmyfriendhadfoundinhisheartmorethantoleranceforJim——thattherewerethebeginningsofactiveliking。
　　Ofcoursehestatedhisgroundsinacharacteristicway。Foronething，Jimkepthisfreshnessintheclimate。Hadhebeenagirl——myfriendwrote——onecouldhavesaidhewasblooming——bloomingmodestly——likeaviolet，notlikesomeoftheseblatanttropicalflowers。Hehadbeeninthehouseforsixweeks，andhadnotasyetattemptedtoslaphimontheback，oraddresshimas“oldboy，“ortrytomakehimfeelasuperannuatedfossil。Hehadnothingoftheexasperatingyoungman’schatter。Hewasgood-tempered，hadnotmuchtosayforhimself，wasnotcleverbyanymeans，thankgoodness——wrotemyfriend。Itappeared，however，thatJimwascleverenoughtobequietlyappreciativeofhiswit，while，ontheotherhand，heamusedhimbyhisnaiveness。“Thedewisyetonhim，andsinceIhadthebrightideaofgivinghimaroominthehouseandhavinghimatmealsIfeellesswitheredmyself。