`Heopenedandclosedhiscurvedfingers，andhishandshadaneagerandcruelflutter。“Steady，steady，“Imurmured。
　　“`Eh？What？Iamnotexcited，“heremonstrated，awfullyhurt，andwithaconvulsivejerkofhiselbowknockedoverthecognac-bottle。Istartedforward，scrapingmychair。Hebouncedoffthetableasifaminehadbeenexplodedbehindhisback，andhalfturnedbeforehealighted，crouchingonhisfeettoshowmeastartledpairofeyesandafacewhiteaboutthenostrils。Alookofintenseannoyancesucceeded。“Awfullysorry。Howclumsyofme!“hemumbledveryvexed，whilethepungentodourofspiltalcoholenvelopedussuddenlywithanatmosphereofalowdrinking-boutinthecool，puredarknessofthenight。Thelightshadbeenputoutinthedining-hall；
　　ourcandleglimmeredsolitaryinthelonggallery，andthecolumnshadturnedblackfrompedimenttocapital。OnthevividstarsthehighcorneroftheHarbourOfficestoodoutdistinctacrosstheEsplanade，asthoughthesombrepilehadglidednearertoseeandhear。
　　`Heassumedanairofindifference。
　　“`IdaresayIamlesscalmnowthanIwasthen。Iwasreadyforanything。
　　Theseweretrifles……“
　　“`Youhadalivelytimeofitinthatboat，“Iremarked。
　　“`Iwasready，“herepeated。“Aftertheship’slightshadgone，anythingmighthavehappenedinthatboat——anythingintheworld——andtheworldnowiser。Ifeltthis，andIwaspleased。Itwasjustdarkenough，too。
　　Wewerelikemenwalledupquickinaroomygrave。Noconcernwithanythingonearth。Nobodytopassanopinion。Nothingmattered。“Forthethirdtimeduringthisconversationhelaughedharshly，buttherewasnooneabouttosuspecthimofbeingonlydrunk。“Nofear，nolaw，nosounds，noeyes——notevenourown，till——tillsunriseatleast。“
　　`Iwasstruckbythesuggestivetruthofhiswords。Thereissomethingpeculiarinasmallboatuponthewidesea。Overthelivesbornefromundertheshadowofdeaththereseemstofalltheshadowofmadness。Whenyourshipfailsyou，yourwholeworldseemstofailyou；theworldthatmadeyou，restrainedyou，takencareofyou。Itisasifthesoulsofmenfloatingonanabyssandintouchwithimmensityhadbeensetfreeforanyexcessofheroism，absurdity，orabomination。Ofcourse，aswithbelief，thought，love，hate，conviction，oreventhevisualaspectofmaterialthings，thereareasmanyshipwrecksastherearemen，andinthisonetherewassomethingabjectwhichmadetheisolationmorecomplete——therewasavillainyofcircumstancesthatcutthesemenoffmorecompletelyfromtherestofmankind，whoseidealofconducthadneverundergonethetrialofafiendishandappallingjoke。Theywereexasperatedwithhimforbeingahalf-heartedshirker：hefocusedonthemhishatredofthewholething；hewouldhavelikedtotakeasignalrevengefortheabhorrentopportunitytheyhadputinhisway。TrustaboatonthehighseastobringouttheIrrationalthatlurksatthebottomofeverythought，sentiment，sensation，emotion。Itwaspartoftheburlesquemeannesspervadingthatparticulardisasteratseathattheydidnotcometoblows。Itwasallthreats，allaterriblyeffectivefeint，ashamfrombeginningtoend，plannedbythetremendousdisdainoftheDarkPowerswhoserealterrors，alwaysonthevergeoftriumph，areperpetuallyfoiledbythestead-fastnessofmen。Iasked，afterwaitingforawhile，“Well，whathappened？“Afutilequestion。Iknewtoomuchalreadytohopeforthegraceofasingleupliftingtouch，forthefavourofhintedmadness，ofshadowedhorror。“Nothing，“hesaid。“Imeantbusiness，buttheymeantnoiseonly。Nothinghappened。“
　　`Andtherisingsunfoundhimjustashehadjumpedupfirstinthebowsoftheboat。Whatapersistenceofreadiness!Hehadbeenholdingthetillerinhishand，too，allthenight。Theyhaddroppedtherudderoverboardwhileattemptingtoshipit，andIsupposethetillergotkickedforwardsomehowwhiletheywererushingupanddownthatboattryingtodoallsortsofthingsatoncesoastogetclearoftheside。Itwasalongheavypieceofhardwood，andapparentlyhehadbeenclutchingitforsixhoursorso。Ifyoudon’tcallthatbeingready!Canyouimaginehim，silentandonhisfeethalfthenight，hisfacetothegustsofrain，staringatsombreforms，watchfulofvaguemovements，straininghisearstocatchrarelowmurmursinthestern-sheets!Firmnessofcourageoreffortoffear？Whatdoyouthink？Andtheenduranceisundeniable，too。Sixhoursmoreorlessonthedefensive；sixhoursofalertimmobilitywhiletheboatdroveslowlyorfloatedarrestedaccordingtothecapriceofthewind；
　　whilethesea，calmed，sleptatlast；whilethecloudspassedabovehishead；whilethesky，fromanimmensitylustrelessandblack，diminishedtoasombreandlustrousvault，scintillatedwithagreaterbrilliance，fadedtotheeast，paledatthezenith；whilethedarkshapesblottingthelowstarsasterngotoutlines，relief；becameshoulders，heads，faces，features——confrontedhimwithdrearystares，haddishevelledhair，tornclothes，blinkedredeyelidsatthewhitedawn。“Theylookedasthoughtheyhadbeenknockingaboutdrunkinguttersforaweek，“hedescribedgraphically；andthenhemutteredsomethingaboutthesunrisebeingofakindthatforetellsacalmday。Youknowthatsailorhabitofreferringtotheweatherineveryconnection。Andonmysidehisfewmumbledwordswereenoughtomakemeseethelowerlimbofthesunclearingthelineofthehorizon，thetrembleofavastripplerunningoverallthevisibleexpanseofthesea，asifthewatershadshuddered，givingbirthtotheglobeoflight，whilethelastpuffofthebreezewouldstirtheairinasighofrelief。
　　“`Theysatinthesternshouldertoshoulder，withtheskipperinthemiddle，likethreedirtyowls，andstaredatme，“Iheardhimsaywithanintentionofhatethatdistilledacorrosivevirtueintothecommonplacewordslikeadropofpowerfulpoisonfallingintoaglassofwater；butmythoughtsdweltuponthatsunrise。Icouldimagineunderthepellucidemptinessofthetheskythesefourmenimprisonedinthesolitudeofthesea，thelonelysun，regardlessofthespeckoflife，ascendingtheclearcurveoftheheavenasiftogazeardentlyfromagreaterheightathisownsplendourreflectedinthestillocean。“Theycalledouttomefromaft，“saidJim，“asthoughwehadbeenchumstogether。Iheardthem。Theywerebeggingmetobesensibleanddropthat`bloomingpieceofwood。’
　　WhywouldIcarryonso？Theyhadn’tdonemeanyharm——hadthey？
　　Therehadbeennoharm……Noharm!“
　　`Hisfacecrimsonedasthoughhecouldnotgetridoftheairinhislungs。
　　“`Noharm!“heburstout。“Ileaveittoyou。Youcanunderstand。Can’tyou？Youseeit——don’tyou？Noharm!Oh，yes，Iknowverywell——Ijumped。
　　Certainly。Ijumped!ItoldyouIjumped；butItellyoutheyweretoomuchforanyman。Itwastheirdoingasplainlyasiftheyhadreachedupwithaboat-hookandpulledmeover。Can’tyouseeit？Youmustseeit。Come。Speak——straightout。’
　　`Hisuneasyeyesfasteneduponmine，questioned，begged，challenged，entreated。ForthelifeofmeIcouldn’thelpmurmuring，“You’vebeentried。“
　　“Morethanisfair，“hecaughtup，swiftly。“Iwasn’tgivenhalfachance——withaganglikethat。Andnowtheywerefriendly——oh，sodamnablyfriendly!
　　Chums，shipmates。Allinthesameboat。Makethebestofit。Theyhadn’tmeantanything。Theydidn’tcareahangforGeorge。Georgehadgonebacktohisberthforsomethingatthelastmomentandgotcaught。Themanwasamanifestfool。Verysad，ofcourse……Theireyeslookedatme；theirlipsmoved；theywaggedtheirheadsattheotherendoftheboat——threeofthem；theybeckoned——tome。Whynot？Hadn’tIjumped？Isaidnothing。
　　TherearenowordsforthesortofthingsIwantedtosay。IfIhadopenedmylipsjustthenIwouldhavesimplyhowledlikeananimal。IwasaskingmyselfwhenIwouldwakeup。Theyurgedmealoudtocomeaftandhearquietlywhattheskipperhadtosay。Weweresuretobepickedupbeforetheevening——rightinthetrackofalltheCanaltraffic；therewassmoketothenorth-westnow。
　　“`Itgavemeanawfulshocktoseethisfaint，faintblur，thislowtrailofbrownmistthroughwhichyoucouldseetheboundaryofseaandsky。IcalledouttothemthatIcouldhearverywellwhereIwas。Theskipperstartedswearing，ashoarseasacrow。Hewasn’tgoingtotalkatthetopofhisvoiceformyaccommodation。`Areyouafraidtheywillhearyouonshore？’Iasked。Heglaredasifhewouldhavelikedtoclawmetopieces。Thechiefengineeradvisedhimtohumourme。HesaidIwasn’trightinmyheadyet。Theotherroseastern，likeathickpillarofflesh——andtalked——talked……“
　　`Jimremainedthoughtful。“Well？“Isaid。“WhatdidIcarewhatstorytheyagreedtomakeup？“hecried，recklessly。“Theycouldtellwhattheyjollywellliked。Itwastheirbusiness。Iknewthestory。Nothingtheycouldmakepeoplebelievewouldalteritforme。Ilethimtalk，argue——talk，argue。Hewentonandonandon。SuddenlyIfeltmylegsgivewayunderme。Iwassick，tired——tiredtodeath。Iletfallthetiller，turnedmybackonthem，andsatdownontheforemostthwart。Ihadenough。TheycalledtometoknowifIunderstood——wasn’tittrue，everywordofit？Itwastrue，byGod!aftertheirfashion。Ididnotturnmyhead。Iheardthempalaveringtogether。`Thesillyasswon’tsayanything。’`Oh，heunderstandswellenough。’`Lethimbe；hewillbeallright。’`Whatcanhedo？’WhatcouldIdo？Weren’tweallinthesameboat？Itriedtobedeaf。Thesmokehaddisappearedtothenorthward。Itwasadeadcalm。Theyhadadrinkfromthewater-breaker，andIdrank，too。Afterwardstheymadeagreatbusinessofspreadingtheboat-sailoverthegunwales。WouldIkeepalook-out？
　　Theycreptunder，outofmysight，thankGod!Ifeltweary，weary，doneup，asifIhadn’thadonehour’ssleepsincethedayIwasborn。Icouldn’tseethewaterfortheglitterofthesunshine。Fromtimetotimeoneofthemwouldcreepout，standuptotakealookallround，andgetunderagain。Icouldhearspellsofsnoringbelowthesail。Someofthemcouldsleep。Oneofthematleast。Icouldn’t!Allwaslight，light，andtheboatseemedtobefallingthroughit。NowandthenIwouldfeelquitesurprisedtofindmyselfsittingonathwart……“
　　`Hebegantowalkwithmeasuredstepstoandfrobeforemychair，onehandinhistrousers-pocket，hisheadbentthoughtfully，andhisrightarmatlongintervalsraisedforagesturethatseemedtoputoutofhiswayaninvisibleintruder。
　　“`IsupposeyouthinkIwasgoingmad，“hebeganinachangedtone。
　　“Andwellyoumay，ifyourememberIhadlostmycap。Thesuncreptallthewayfromeasttowestovermybarehead，butthatdayIcouldnotcometoanyharm，Isuppose。Thesuncouldnotmakememad……“Hisrightarmputasidetheideaofmadness……“Neithercoulditkillme……“Againhisarmrepulsedashadow……“Thatrestedwithme。“
　　“`Didit？“Isaid，inexpressiblyamazedatthisnewturn，andIlookedathimwiththesamesortoffeelingImightbefairlyconceivedtoexperiencehadhe，afterspinningroundonhisheel，presentedanaltogethernewface。
　　“`Ididn’tgetbrainfever，Ididnotdropdeadeither，“hewenton。
　　“Ididn’tbothermyselfatallaboutthesunovermyhead。Iwasthinkingascoollyasanymanthateversatthinkingintheshade。Thatgreasybeastofaskipperpokedhisbigcroppedheadfromunderthecanvasandscrewedhisfishyeyesupatme。`Donnerwetter!youwilldie，’hegrowled，anddrewinlikeaturtle。Ihadseenhim。Ihadheardhim。Hedidn’tinterruptme。IwasthinkingjustthenthatIwouldn’t。“
　　`Hetriedtosoundmythoughtwithanattentiveglancedroppedonmeinpassing。“Doyoumeantosayyouhadbeendeliberatingwithyourselfwhetheryouwoulddie？“IaskedinasimpenetrableatoneasIcouldcommand。
　　Henoddedwithoutstopping。“Yes，ithadcometothatasIsattherealone，“
　　hesaid。Hepassedonafewstepstotheimaginaryendofhisbeat，andwhenheflungroundtocomebackbothhishandswerethrustdeepintohispockets。Hestoppedshortinfrontofmychairandlookeddown。“Don’tyoubelieveit？“heinquiredwithtensecuriosity。Iwasmovedtomakeasolemndeclarationofmyreadinesstobelieveimplicitlyanythinghethoughtfittotellme。’
　　LordJim：Chapter11CHAPTERXI`HEheardmeoutwithhisheadononeside，andI
　　hadanotherglimpsethroughtherentinthemistinwhichhemovedandhadhisbeing。Thedimcandlesplutteredwithintheballofglass，andthatwasallIhadtoseehimby；athisbackwasthedarknightwiththeclearstars，whosedistantglitterdisposedinretreatingplanesluredtheeyesintothedepthsofagreaterdarkness；andyetamysteriouslightseemedtoshowmehisboyishhead，asifinthatmomenttheyouthwithinhimhad，foramoment，gleamedandexpired。“Youareanawfulgoodsorttolistenlikethis，“hesaid。“Itdoesmegood。Youdon’tknowwhatitistome。Youdon’t……“wordsseemedtofailhim。Itwasadistinctglimpse。Hewasayoungsterofthesortyouliketoseeaboutyou；ofthesortyouliketoimagineyourselftohavebeen；ofthesortwhoseappearanceclaimsthefellowshipoftheseillusionsyouhadthoughtgoneout，extinct，cold，andwhich，asifrekindledattheapproachofanotherflame，giveaflutterdeep，deepdownsomewhere，giveaflutteroflight……ofheat!