andwitheverywordmyheart，searchedbythelightofhisabsurdity，wasgrowingheavierinmybreast。Ihadnomindtolaugh，andlestIshouldsmileImadeformyselfastolidface。Hegavesignsofirritation。
　　“`Itisalwaystheunexpectedthathappens，“Isaidinapropitiatorytone。Myobtusenessprovokedhimintoacontemptuous“Pshaw!“Isupposehemeantthattheunexpectedcouldn’ttouchhim；nothinglessthantheunconceivableitselfcouldgetoverhisperfectstateofpreparation。Hehadbeentakenunawares——andhewhisperedtohimselfamale-dictionuponthewatersandthefirmament，upontheship，uponthemen。Everythinghadbetrayedhim!Hehadbeentrickedintothatsortofhigh-mindedresignationwhichpreventedhimliftingasmuchashislittlefinger，whiletheseotherswhohadaveryclearperceptionoftheactualnecessityweretumblingagainsteachotherandsweatingdesperatelyoverthatboatbusiness。Somethinghadgonewrongthereatthelastmoment。Itappearsthatintheirflurrytheyhadcontrivedinsomemysteriouswaytogettheslidingboltoftheforemostboat-chockjammedtight，andforthwithhadgoneoutoftheremnantsoftheirmindsoverthedeadlynatureofthataccident。Itmusthavebeenaprettysight，thefierceindustryofthesebeggarstoilingonamotionlessshipthatfloatedquietlyinthesilenceofaworldasleep，fightingagainsttimeforthefreeingofthatboat，grovellingonallfours，standingupindespair，tugging，pushing，snarlingateachothervenomously，readytokill，readytoweep，andonlykeptfromflyingateachother’sthroatsbythefearofdeaththatstoodsilentbehindthemlikeaninflexibleandcold-eyedtaskmaster。Oh，yes!Itmusthavebeenaprettysight。Hesawitall，hecouldtalkaboutitwithscornandbitterness；hehadaminuteknowledgeofitbymeansofsomesixthsense，Iconclude，becausehesworetomehehadremainedapartwithoutaglanceatthemandattheboat——withoutonesingleglance。AndIbelievehim。Ishouldthinkhewastoobusywatchingthethreateningslantoftheship，thesuspendedmenacediscoveredinthemidstofthemostperfectsecurity——fascinatedbytheswordhangingbyahairoverhisimaginativehead。
　　`Nothingintheworldmovedbeforehiseyes，andhecoulddepicttohimselfwithouthindrancethesuddenswingupwardsofthedarksky-line，thesuddentiltupofthevastplainofthesea，theswiftstillrise，thebrutalfling，thegraspoftheabyss，thestrugglewithouthope，thestarlightclosingoverhisheadforeverlikethevaultofatomb——therevoltofhisyounglife——theblackend。Hecould!ByJove!whocouldn’t？
　　Andyoumustrememberhewasafinishedartistinthatpeculiarway，hewasagiftedpoordevilwiththefacultyofswiftandforestallingvision。
　　Thesightsitshowedhimhadturnedhimintocoldstonefromthesolesofhisfeettothenapeofhisneck；buttherewasahotdanceofthoughtsinhishead，adanceoflame，blind，mutethoughts——awhirlofawfulcripples。
　　Didn’tItellyouheconfessedhimselfbeforemeasthoughIhadthepowertobindandtoloose？Heburroweddeep，deep，inthehopeofmyabsolution，whichwouldhavebeenofnogoodtohim。Thiswasoneofthosecaseswhichnosolemndeceptioncanpalliate，whichnomancanhelp；wherehisveryMakerseemstoabandonasinnertohisowndevices。
　　`Hestoodonthestarboardsideofthebridge，asfarashecouldgetfromthestrugglefortheboat，whichwentonwiththeagitationofmadnessandthestealthinessofaconspiracy。ThetwoMalayshadmeantimeremainedholdingtothewheel。Justpicturetoyourselvestheactorsinthat，thankGod!unique，episodeofthesea，fourbesidethemselveswithfierceandsecretexertions，andthreelookingonincompleteimmobility，abovetheawningscoveringtheprofoundignoranceofhundredsofhumanbeings，withtheirweariness，withtheirdreams，withtheirhopes，arrested，heldbyaninvisiblehandonthebrinkofannihilation。Forthattheywereso，makesnodoubttome，giventhestateoftheship，thiswasthedeadliestpossibledescriptionofaccidentthatcouldhappen。Thesebeggarsbytheboathadeveryreasontogodistractedwithfunk。Frankly，hadIbeenthereIwouldnothavegivenasmuchasacounterfeitfarthingfortheship’schancetokeepabovewatertotheendofeachsuccessivesecond。Andstillshefloated!Thesesleepingpilgrimsweredestinedtoaccomplishtheirwholepilgrimagetothebitternessofsomeotherend。ItwasasiftheOmnipotencewhosemercytheyconfessedhadneededtheirhumbletestimonyonearthforawhilelonger，andhadlookeddowntomakeasign，“Thoushaltnot!“totheocean。Theirescapewouldtroublemeasaprodigiouslyinexplicableevent，didInotknowhowtougholdironcanbe——astoughsometimesasthespiritofsomemenwemeetnowandthen，worntoashadowandbreastingtheweightoflife。Notintheleastwonderofthesetwentyminutes，tomymind，isthebehaviourofthetwohelmsmen。TheywereamongstthenativebatchofallsortsbroughtoverfromAdentogiveevidenceattheinquiry。Oneofthem，labouringunderintensebashfulness，wasveryyoung，andwithhissmooth，yellow，cheerycountenancelookedevenyoungerthanhewas。IrememberperfectlyBrierlyasking，throughtheinterpreter，whathethoughtofitatthetime，andtheinterpreter，afterashortcolloquy，turningtothecourtwithanimportantair：
　　“`Hesayshethoughtnothing。“
　　`Theotherwithpatientblinkingeyes，abluecottonhand-kerchief，fadedwithmuchwashing，boundwithasmarttwistoveralotofgreywisps，hisfaceshrunkintogrimhollows，hisbrownskinmadedarkerbyameshofwrinkles，explainedthathehadaknowledgeofsomeevilthingbefallingtheship，buttherehadbeennoorder；hecouldnotrememberanorder；
　　whyshouldheleavethehelm？Tosomefurtherquestionshejerkedbackhisspareshoulders，anddeclareditnevercameintohismindthenthatthewhitemenwereabouttoleavetheshipthroughfearofdeath。Hedidnotbelieveitnow。Theremighthavebeensecretreasons。Hewaggedhisoldchinknowingly。Aha!secretreasons。Hewasamanofgreatexperience，andhewantedthatwhitetuantoknow——heturnedtowardsBrierly，whodidn’traisehishead——thathehadacquiredaknowledgeofmanythingsbyservingwhitemenontheseaforagreatnumberofyears——and，suddenly，withshakyexcitementhepoureduponourspellboundattentionalotofqueer-soundingnames，namesofdead-and-goneskippers，namesofforgottencountryships，namesoffamiliaranddistortedsound，asifthehandofdumbtimehadbeenatworkonthemforages。Theystoppedhimatlast。Asilencefelluponthecourt——asilencethatremainedunbrokenforatleastaminute，andpassedgentlyintoadeepmurmur。Thisepisodewasthesensationofthesecondday’sproceedings——affectingalltheaudience，affectingeverybodyexceptJim，whowassittingmoodilyattheendofthefirstbench，andneverlookedupatthisextraordinaryanddamningwitnessthatseemedpossessedofsomemysterioustheoryofdefence。
　　`Sothesetwolascarsstucktothehelmofthatshipwithoutsteerage-way，wheredeathwouldhavefoundthemifsuchhadbeentheirdestiny。Thewhitesdidnotgivethemhalfaglance，hadprobablyforgottentheirexistence。
　　AssuredlyJimdidnotrememberit。Herememberedhecoulddonothing；hecoulddonothing，nowhewasalone。Therewasnothingtodobuttosinkwiththeship。Nousemakingadisturbanceaboutit。Wasthere？Hewaitedupstanding，withoutasound，stiffenedintheideaofsomesortofheroicdiscretion。Thefirstengineerrancautiouslyacrossthebridgetotugathissleeve。
　　“`Comeandhelp!ForGod’ssake，comeandhelp!“
　　`Heranbacktotheboatonthepointsofhistoes，andreturneddirectlytoworryathissleeve，beggingandcursingatthesametime。
　　“`Ibelievehewouldhavekissedmyhands，“saidJim，savagely，“and，nextmoment，hestartsfoamingandwhisperinginmyface，`IfIhadthetimeIwouldliketocrackyourskullforyou。’Ipushedhimaway。Suddenlyhecaughtholdofmeroundtheneck。Damnhim!Ihithim。Ihitoutwithoutlooking。`Won’tyousaveyourownlife——youinfernalcoward？’hesobs。
　　Coward!Hecalledmeaninfernalcoward!Ha!ha!ha!ha!Hecalledme——ha!
　　ha!ha!……“
　　`Hehadthrownhimselfbackandwasshakingwithlaughter。Ihadneverinmylifeheardanythingsobitterasthatnoise。Itfelllikeablightonallthemerrimentaboutdonkeys，pyramids，bazaars，orwhatnot。Alongthewholedimlengthofthegallerythevoicesdropped，thepaleblotchesoffacesturnedourwaywithoneaccord，andthesilencebecamesoprofoundthatthecleartinkleofateaspoonfallingonthetessellatedflooroftheverandarangoutlikeatinyandsilveryscream。
　　“`Youmustn’tlaughlikethis，withallthesepeopleabout，“Iremonstrated。
　　“Itisn’tniceforthem，youknow。“
　　`Hegavenosignofhavingheardatfirst，butafterawhile，withastarethat，missingmealtogether，seemedtoprobetheheartofsomeawfulvision，hemutteredcarelessly：“Oh!they’llthinkIamdrunk。“
　　`Andafterthatyouwouldhavethoughtfromhisappearancehewouldnevermakeasoundagain。Butnofear!Hecouldnomorestoptellingnowthanhecouldhavestoppedlivingbythemereexertionofhiswill。’
　　LordJim：Chapter9CHAPTERIX“`IWASsayingtomyself，`Sink——curseyou!Sink!“’
　　Thesewerethewordswithwhichhebeganagain。Hewanteditover。Hewasseverelyleftalone，andheformulatedinhisheadthisaddresstotheshipinatoneofimprecation，whileatthesametimeheenjoyedtheprivilegeofwitnessingscenes——asfarasIcanjudge——oflowcomedy。Theywerestillatthatbolt。Theskipperwasordering，“Getunderandtrytolift“；andtheothersnaturallyshirked。Youunderstandthattobesqueezedflatunderthekeelofaboatwasn’tadesirablepositiontobecaughtiniftheshipwentdownsuddenly。“Whydon’tyou——youthestrongest？“whinedthelittleengineer。“Gott-for-dam!Iamtoothick，“splutteredtheskipperindespair。
　　Itwasfunnyenoughtomakeangelsweep。Theystoodidleforamoment，andsuddenlythechiefengineerrushedagainatJim。
　　“`Comeandhelp，man!Areyoumadtothrowyouronlychanceaway？Comeandhelp，man!Man!Lookthere——look!“
　　`AndatlastJimlookedasternwheretheotherpointedwithmaniacalinsistence。Hesawasilentblacksquallwhichhadeatenupalreadyone-thirdofthesky。Youknowhowthesesquallscomeupthereaboutthattimeoftheyear。Firstyouseeadarkeningofthehorizon——nomore；thenacloudrisesopaquelikeawall。Astraightedgeofvapourlinedwithsicklywhitishgleamsfliesupfromthesouth-west，swallowingthestarsinwholeconstellations；
　　itsshadowfliesoverthewaters，andconfoundsseaandskyintooneabyssofobscurity。Andallisstill。Nothunder，nowind，nosound；notaflickeroflightning。Theninthetenebrousimmensityalividarchappears；aswellortwolikeundulationsoftheverydarknessrunpast，andsuddenly，windandrainstriketogetherwithapeculiarimpetuosityasiftheyhadburstthroughsomethingsolid。Suchacloudhadcomeupwhiletheyweren’tlooking。
　　Theyhadjustnoticedit，andwereperfectlyjustifiedinsurmisingthatifinabsolutestillnesstherewassomechancefortheshiptokeepafloatafewminuteslonger，theleastdisturbanceoftheseawouldmakeanendofherinstantly。Herfirstnodtotheswellthatprecedestheburstofsuchasquallwouldbealsoherlast，wouldbecomeaplunge，would，sotospeak，beprolongedintoalongdive，down，downtothebottom。Hencethesenewcapersoftheirfright，thesenewanticsinwhichtheydisplayedtheirextremeaversiontodie。
　　“`Itwasblack，black，“pursuedJimwithmoodysteadiness。“Ithadsneakeduponusfrombehind。Theinfernalthing!Isupposetherehadbeenatthebackofmyheadsomehopeyet。Idon’tknow。Butthatwasalloveranyhow。
　　Itmaddenedmetoseemyselfcaughtlikethis。Iwasangry，asthoughI
　　hadbeentrapped。Iwastrapped!Thenightwashot，too，Iremember。
　　Notabreathofair。“
　　`Herememberedsowellthat，gaspinginthechair，heseemedtosweatandchokebeforemyeyes。Nodoubtitmaddenedhim；itknockedhimoverafresh——inamannerofspeaking——butitmadehimalsorememberthatimportantpurposewhichhadsenthimrushingonthatbridgeonlytoslipcleanoutofhismind。Hehadintendedtocutthelife-boatsclearoftheship。Hewhippedouthisknifeandwenttoworkslashingasthoughhehadseennothing，hadheardnothing，hadknownofnooneonboard。Theythoughthimhopelesslywrong-headedandcrazy，butdarednotprotestnoisilyagainstthisuselesslossoftime。Whenhehaddonehereturnedtotheverysamespotfromwhichhehadstarted。Thechiefwasthere，readywithaclutchathimtowhisperclosetohishead，scathingly，asthoughhewantedtobitehisear：
　　“`Yousillyfool!doyouthinkyou’llgettheghostofashowwhenallthatlotofbrutesisinthewater？Why，theywillbatteryourheadforyoufromtheseboats。“
　　`Hewrunghishands，ignored，atJim’selbow。Theskipperkeptupanervousshuffleinoneplaceandmumbled，“Hammer!hammer!MeinGott!
　　Getahammer。“