首页 >出版文学> Twelve Stories and a Dream>第37章
  FortwoyearsMissWinchelseacouldnotgotoseeherfriends,inspiteofthereiteratedinvitationsofMrs。Sevenoaks——itbecamefullSevenoaksinthesecondyear。ThenonedayneartheEasterrestshefeltlonelyandwithoutasoultounderstandherintheworld,andhermindranoncemoreonwhatiscalledPlatonicfriendship。Fannywasclearlyhappyandbusyinhernewsphereofdomesticity,butnodoubtHEhadhislonelyhours。DidheeverthinkofthosedaysinRome——gonenowbeyondrecalling?Noonehadunderstoodherashehaddone;nooneinalltheworld。Itwouldbeasortofmelancholypleasuretotalktohimagain,andwhatharmcoulditdo?Whyshouldshedenyherself?Thatnightshewroteasonnet,allbutthelasttwolinesoftheoctave——whichwouldnotcome,andthenextdayshecomposedagracefullittlenotetotellFannyshewascomingdown。
  Andsoshesawhimagain。
  Evenatthefirstencounteritwasevidenthehadchanged;heseemedstouterandlessnervous,anditspeedilyappearedthathisconversationhadalreadylostmuchofitsolddelicacy。ThereevenseemedajustificationforHelen’sdescriptionofweaknessinhisface——incertainlightsitWASweak。Heseemedbusyandpreoccupiedabouthisaffairs,andalmostundertheimpressionthatMissWinchelseahadcomeforthesakeofFanny。HediscussedhisdinnerwithFannyinanintelligentway。Theyonlyhadonegoodlongtalktogether,andthatcametonothing。HedidnotrefertoRome,andspentsometimeabusingamanwhohadstolenanideahehadhadforatext-book。
  ItdidnotseemaverywonderfulideatoMissWinchelsea。ShediscoveredhehadforgottenthenamesofmorethanhalfthepainterswhoseworktheyhadrejoicedoverinFlorence。
  Itwasasadlydisappointingweek,andMissWinchelseawasgladwhenitcametoanend。Undervariousexcusessheavoidedvisitingthemagain。Afteratimethevisitor’sroomwasoccupiedbytheirtwolittleboys,andFanny’sinvitationsceased。Theintimacyofherlettershadlongsincefadedaway。
  ThemanwiththewhitefaceenteredthecarriageatRugby。Hemovedslowlyinspiteoftheurgencyofhisporter,andevenwhilehewasstillontheplatformInotedhowillheseemed。Hedroppedintothecorneroveragainstmewithasigh,madeanincompleteattempttoarrangehistravellingshawl,andbecamemotionless,withhiseyesstaringvacantly。Presentlyhewasmovedbyasenseofmyobservation,lookedupatme,andputoutaspiritlesshandforhisnewspaper。Thenheglancedagaininmydirection。
  Ifeignedtoread。IfearedIhadunwittinglyembarrassedhim,andinamomentIwassurprisedtofindhimspeaking。
  “Ibegyourpardon?“saidI。
  “Thatbook,“herepeated,pointingaleanfinger,“isaboutdreams。“
  “Obviously,“Ianswered,foritwasFortnum-Roscoe’sDreamStates,andthetitlewasonthecover。Hehungsilentforaspaceasifhesoughtwords。“Yes,“hesaidatlast,“buttheytellyounothing。“
  Ididnotcatchhismeaningforasecond。
  “Theydon’tknow,“headded。
  Ilookedalittlemoreattentivelyathisface。
  “Therearedreams,“hesaid,“anddreams。“
  ThatsortofpropositionIneverdispute。
  “Isuppose——“hehesitated。“Doyoueverdream?Imeanvividly。“
  “Idreamverylittle,“Ianswered。“IdoubtifIhavethreevividdreamsinayear。“
  “Ah!“hesaid,andseemedforamomenttocollecthisthoughts。
  “Yourdreamsdon’tmixwithyourmemories?“heaskedabruptly。
  “Youdon’tfindyourselfindoubt;didthishappenordiditnot?“
  “Hardlyever。Exceptjustforamomentaryhesitationnowandthen。
  Isupposefewpeopledo。“
  “DoesHEsay——“heindicatedthebook。
  “Saysithappensattimesandgivestheusualexplanationaboutintensityofimpressionandtheliketoaccountforitsnothappeningasarule。Isupposeyouknowsomethingofthesetheories——“
  “Verylittle——exceptthattheyarewrong。“
  Hisemaciatedhandplayedwiththestrapofthewindowforatime。
  Ipreparedtoresumereading,andthatseemedtoprecipitatehisnextremark。Heleantforwardalmostasthoughhewouldtouchme。
  “Isn’ttheresomethingcalledconsecutivedreaming——thatgoesonnightafternight?“
  “Ibelievethereis。Therearecasesgiveninmostbooksonmentaltrouble。“
  “Mentaltrouble!Yes。Idaresaythereare。It’stherightplaceforthem。ButwhatImean——“Helookedathisbonyknuckles。
  “Isthatsortofthingalwaysdreaming?ISitdreaming?Orisitsomethingelse?Mightn’titbesomethingelse?“
  Ishouldhavesnubbedhispersistentconversationbutforthedrawnanxietyofhisface。Iremembernowthelookofhisfadedeyesandthelidsred-stained——perhapsyouknowthatlook。
  “I’mnotjustarguingaboutamatterofopinion,“hesaid。“Thething’skillingme。“
  “Dreams?“
  “Ifyoucallthemdreams。Nightafternight。Vivid!——sovivid……
  this——“heindicatedthelandscapethatwentstreamingbythewindow“seemsunrealincomparison!IcanscarcelyrememberwhoIam,whatbusinessIamon……“
  Hepaused。“Evennow——“
  “Thedreamisalwaysthesame——doyoumean?“Iasked。
  “It’sover。“
  “Youmean?“
  “Idied。“
  “Died?“
  “Smashedandkilled,andnow,somuchofmeasthatdreamwas,isdead。Deadforever。IdreamtIwasanotherman,youknow,livinginadifferentpartoftheworldandinadifferenttime。Idreamtthatnightafternight。NightafternightIwokeintothatotherlife。Freshscenesandfreshhappenings——untilIcameuponthelast——“
  “Whenyoudied?“
  “WhenIdied。“
  “Andsincethen——“
  “No,“hesaid。“ThankGod!Thatwastheendofthedream……“
  ItwasclearIwasinforthisdream。Andafterall,Ihadanhourbeforeme,thelightwasfadingfast,andFortnum-Roscoehasadrearywaywithhim。“Livinginadifferenttime,“Isaid:
  “doyoumeaninsomedifferentage?“
  “Yes。“
  “Past?“
  “No,tocome——tocome。“
  “Theyearthreethousand,forexample?“
  “Idon’tknowwhatyearitwas。IdidwhenIwasasleep,whenIwasdreaming,thatis,butnotnow——notnowthatIamawake。There’salotofthingsIhaveforgottensinceIwokeoutofthesedreams,thoughIknewthematthetimewhenIwas——Isupposeitwasdreaming。
  Theycalledtheyeardifferentlyfromourwayofcallingtheyear……
  WhatDIDtheycallit?“Heputhishandtohisforehead。“No,“saidhe,“Iforget。“
  Hesatsmilingweakly。ForamomentIfearedhedidnotmeantotellmehisdream。AsaruleIhatepeoplewhotelltheirdreams,butthisstruckmedifferently。Iprofferedassistanceeven。“Itbegan——“
  Isuggested。
  “Itwasvividfromthefirst。Iseemedtowakeupinitsuddenly。
  Andit’scuriousthatinthesedreamsIamspeakingofIneverrememberedthislifeIamlivingnow。Itseemedasifthedreamlifewasenoughwhileitlasted。Perhaps——ButIwilltellyouhowIfindmyselfwhenIdomybesttorecallitall。Idon’trememberanythingdearlyuntilIfoundmyselfsittinginasortofloggialookingoutoverthesea。Ihadbeendozing,andsuddenlyIwokeup——freshandvivid——notabitdream-like——becausethegirlhadstoppedfanningme。“
  “Thegirl?“
  “Yes,thegirl。Youmustnotinterruptoryouwillputmeout。“
  Hestoppedabruptly。“Youwon’tthinkI’mmad?“hesaid。
  “No,“Ianswered;“you’vebeendreaming。Tellmeyourdream。“