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第53章

  Also,inthedarknessthehalf-slumberingseacouldbeheardsoughingasitcrepttowardstheshorewhileovertheskylayacanopyofmist,saveatthepointwherethemoon’sopal-likeblurcouldbedescriedoverthespotwherethatblur’scounterfeitimageglitteredandrockedonthesurfaceofthedarkwaters。
  UnderthetreestherewassetabenchwhereonIcoulddiscerntheretoberestingahumanfigure。Approachingthefigure,I
  seatedmyselfbesideit。
  “Whence,comrade?“wasmyinquiry。
  “FromVoronezh。Andyou?“
  ARussianisneveradversetotalkingabouthimself。Itwouldseemasthoughheisneversureofhispersonality,asthoughheiseveryearningtohavethatpersonalityconfirmedfromsomesourceotherthan,extraneousto,hisownego。ThereasonforthismustbethatweRussianslivediffusedoveralandofsuchvastnessthat,themorewegrasptheimmensityofthesame,thesmallerdowecometoappearinourowneyes;wherefore,traversing,aswedo,roadsofalengthofathousandversts,andconstantlylosingourway,wecometoletslipnoopportunityofrestatingourselves,andsettingforthallthatwehaveseenandthoughtanddone。
  Hence,too,mustitbethatinconversationsoneseemstohearlessofthenoteof“IamI“thanofthenoteof“AmIreallyandtrulymyself?“
  “Whatmaybeyourname?“nextIinquiredofthefigureonthebench。
  “Anameofabsolutesimplicity——thenameofAlexeiKalinin。“
  “Youareanamesakeofmine,then。“
  “Indeed?Isthatso?“
  Withwhich,tappingmeontheknee,thefigureadded:
  “Come,then,namesake。’Ihavemortar,andyouhavewater,sotogetherletuspaintthetown。’“
  Murmuringamidthesilencecouldbeheardsmall,lightwavesthatwerenomorethanripples。Behindusthebusyclamourofthemonasteryhaddieddown,andevenKalinin’scheeryvoiceseemedsubduedbytheinfluenceofthenight——itseemedtohaveinitlessofthenoteofself-confidence。
  “Mymotherwasawet-nurse,“hewentontovolunteer,andIheronlychild。WhenIwastwelveyearsofageIwas,owingtomyheight,convertedintoafootman。Ithappenedthus。Oneday,onGeneralStepanmymother’sthenemployerhappeningtocatchsightofme,heexclaimed:’Evgenia,goandtellFedor’theex-soldierwhowasthenservingtheGeneralasfootman’thatheistoteachyoursontowaitattable!Theboyisatleasttallenoughforthework。’AndfornineyearsIservedtheGeneralinthiscapacity。Andthen,andthen——oh,THENIwasseizedwithanillness……Next,Iobtainedapostunderamerchantwhowasthenmayorofourtown,andstayedwithhimtwenty-onemonths。
  AndnextIobtainedasituationinanhotelatKharkov,andhelditforayear。AndafterthatIkeptchangingmyplaces,for,steadyandsoberthoughIwas,Iwasbeginningtolacktasteformyprofession,andtodevelopaspiritofthekindwhichdeemedallworktobebeneathme,andconsideredthatIhadbeencreatedtoserveonlymyself,notothers。“
  AlongthehighroadtoSukhumwhichlaybehindustherewereproceedingsomeinvisibletravellerswhosescrapingoffeetastheywalkedproclaimedthefactthattheywerenotover-usedtojourneyingonfoot。Justasthepartydrewlevelwithus,amusicalvoicehummedoutsoftlytheline“AlonewillIsetforthupontheroad,“withtheword“alone“plaintivelystressed。
  Next,aresonantbassvoicesaidwithasortofindolentincisiveness:
  “Aphonoraphoniameanslossofspeechtotheextentof,totheextentof——oh,toWHATextent,mostlearnedVeraVasilievna?“
  “Totheextentoftotallossofpowerofarticulation,“repliedavoicefeminineandyouthfuloftimbre。
  Justatthatmomentwesawtwodark,blurredfigures,withapalerfigurebetweenthem,comeglidingintoview。
  “Strangeindeedisitthat,that——“
  “Thatwhat?“
  “Thatsomanynamespropertothesepartsshouldalsobesosuggestive。Take,forinstance,MountNakopioba。Certainlyfolkhereaboutsseemtohave“amassed“things,andtohaveknownhowtodoso。“[Theverbnakopitmeanstoamass,toheapup。]
  “Formypart,IalwaysfailtorememberthenameofSimontheCanaanite。ConstantlyIfindmyselfcallinghim’theCainite。’“
  “Lookhere,“interruptedthemusicalvoiceinatoneofchastenedenthusiasm。“AsIcontemplateallthisbeauty,andinhalethisrestfulness,Ifindmyselfreflecting:’HowwoulditbeifIweretoleteverythinggotothedevil,andtakeupmyabodehereforever?’“
  Atthispointallfurtherspeechbecamedrownedbythesoundofthemonastery’sbellasitstruckthehour。Theonlyutterancethatcamebornetomyearswasthemournfulfragment:
  Oh,ifintoasinglewordIcouldpourmyinmostthoughts!
  Totheforegoingdialoguemycompanionhadlistenedwithhisheadtiltedtooneside,muchasthoughthedialoguehaddeflecteditinthatdirection:andnow,asthevoicesdiedawayintothedistance,hesighed,straightenedhimself,andsaid:
  “Clearlythosepeoplewereeducatedfolk。Andseetoohow,astheytalkedofonethingandanother,therecroppeduptheoldandever-persistentpoint。“
  “Towhatpointareyoureferring?“
  Mycompanionpausedamomentbeforehereplied。Thenhesaid:
  “Canitbethatyoudidnothearit?Didyounothearoneofthosepeopleremark:’Ihaveamindtosurrendereverything’?“
  Whereafter,bendingforward,andpeeringatmeasablindmanwoulddo,Kalininaddedinahalf-whisper:
  “Moreandmorearefolkcomingtothinktothemselves:’NowmustIforsakeeverything。’IntheendImyselfcametothinkit。FormanyayeardidIincreasinglyreflect:’WhyshouldIbeaservant?Whatwilliteverprofitme?EvenifIshouldearntwelve,ortwenty,orfiftyroublesamonth,towhatwillsuchearningslead,andwherewillthemaninmecomein?Surelyitwouldbebettertodonothingatall,butjusttogazeintospaceasIamdoingnow,andletmyeyesstarestraightbeforeme?’“
  “Bytheway,whatwereyoutalkingtothosepeopleabout?“
  “Whichpeopledoyoumean?“
  “Thebeardedmanandtherest,thecompanyintheguest-chamber?“
  “Ah,THATmanIdidnotlike——Ihavenofancyatallforfellowswhostrewtheirgriefabouttheworld,andleaveittobetrampleduponbyeverychance-comer。Forhowcanthetearsofmyneighbourbenefitme?True,everymanhashistroubles;butalsohaseverymansuchapredilectionforhisparticularwoethatheendsbydeemingitthemostbitterandremarkablegriefintheuniverse——youmaytakemywordforthat。“
  Suddenlythespeakerrosetohisfeet,atall,leanfigure。
  “NowImustseekmybed,“heremarked。“Yousee,Ishallhavetoleavehereveryearlytomorrow。“
  “Andforwhatpoint?“
  “ForNovorossisk。“
  Now,thedaybeingaSaturday,Ihaddrawnmyweek’searningsfromthemonastery’spay-officejustbeforethevigilservice。
  Also,Novorossiskdidnotreallylieinmydirection。Thirdly,I
  hadnoparticularwishtoexchangethemonasteryforanyotherlodging。Nevertheless,despiteallthis,themaninterestedmetosuchanextentofpersonswhogenuinelyinterestonethereneverexistbuttwo,and,ofthem,oneselfisalwaysonethatstraightwayIobserved:
  “Itooshallbeleavingheretomorrow。“
  “Thenletustraveltogether。“
  Atdawn,therefore,wesetforthtofoottheroadincompany。AttimesImentallysoaredaloft,andviewedthescenefromthatvantage-point。WheneverIdidso,Ibeheldtwotallmentraversinganarrowtrackbyaseashore——theonecladinagreymilitaryovercoatandahatwithabrokencrown,andtheotherinadrabkaftanandaplushcap。Attheirfeettheboundlessseawassplashingwhitefoam,salt-driedribandsofseaweedwerestrewingthepath,goldenleavesweredancinghitherandthither,andthewindwashowlingat,andbuffeting,thetravellersascloudssailedovertheirheads。Also,totheirrighttherelaystretchedachainofmountainstowardswhichthecloudskeptwearily,nervelesslytending,whiletotheirlefttherelayspreadawhite-lacedexpanseoverthesurfaceofwhicharoaringwindkeptceaselesslydrivingtransparentcolumnsofspray。
  Onsuchstormydaysinautumneverythingnearaseashorelooksparticularlycheerfulandvigorous,seeingthat,despitethesoughingofwindandwave,andtheswiftonrushofcloud,andthefactthatthesunisonlyoccasionallytobeseensuspendedinabyssesofblue,andresemblesadroopingflower,onefeelsthattheapparentchaoshaslurkinginitasecretharmonyofmundane,butimperishable,forces——somuchsothatintimeevenone’spunyhumanheartcomestoimbibetheprevalentspiritofrevolt,and,catchingfire,tocrytoalltheuniverse:“Iloveyou!“