Also,inthedarknessthehalf-slumberingseacouldbeheardsoughingasitcrepttowardstheshorewhileovertheskylayacanopyofmist,saveatthepointwherethemoon’sopal-likeblurcouldbedescriedoverthespotwherethatblur’scounterfeitimageglitteredandrockedonthesurfaceofthedarkwaters。
UnderthetreestherewassetabenchwhereonIcoulddiscerntheretoberestingahumanfigure。Approachingthefigure,I
seatedmyselfbesideit。
“Whence,comrade?“wasmyinquiry。
“FromVoronezh。Andyou?“
ARussianisneveradversetotalkingabouthimself。Itwouldseemasthoughheisneversureofhispersonality,asthoughheiseveryearningtohavethatpersonalityconfirmedfromsomesourceotherthan,extraneousto,hisownego。ThereasonforthismustbethatweRussianslivediffusedoveralandofsuchvastnessthat,themorewegrasptheimmensityofthesame,thesmallerdowecometoappearinourowneyes;wherefore,traversing,aswedo,roadsofalengthofathousandversts,andconstantlylosingourway,wecometoletslipnoopportunityofrestatingourselves,andsettingforthallthatwehaveseenandthoughtanddone。
Hence,too,mustitbethatinconversationsoneseemstohearlessofthenoteof“IamI“thanofthenoteof“AmIreallyandtrulymyself?“
“Whatmaybeyourname?“nextIinquiredofthefigureonthebench。
“Anameofabsolutesimplicity——thenameofAlexeiKalinin。“
“Youareanamesakeofmine,then。“
“Indeed?Isthatso?“
Withwhich,tappingmeontheknee,thefigureadded:
“Come,then,namesake。’Ihavemortar,andyouhavewater,sotogetherletuspaintthetown。’“
Murmuringamidthesilencecouldbeheardsmall,lightwavesthatwerenomorethanripples。Behindusthebusyclamourofthemonasteryhaddieddown,andevenKalinin’scheeryvoiceseemedsubduedbytheinfluenceofthenight——itseemedtohaveinitlessofthenoteofself-confidence。
“Mymotherwasawet-nurse,“hewentontovolunteer,andIheronlychild。WhenIwastwelveyearsofageIwas,owingtomyheight,convertedintoafootman。Ithappenedthus。Oneday,onGeneralStepanmymother’sthenemployerhappeningtocatchsightofme,heexclaimed:’Evgenia,goandtellFedor’theex-soldierwhowasthenservingtheGeneralasfootman’thatheistoteachyoursontowaitattable!Theboyisatleasttallenoughforthework。’AndfornineyearsIservedtheGeneralinthiscapacity。Andthen,andthen——oh,THENIwasseizedwithanillness……Next,Iobtainedapostunderamerchantwhowasthenmayorofourtown,andstayedwithhimtwenty-onemonths。
AndnextIobtainedasituationinanhotelatKharkov,andhelditforayear。AndafterthatIkeptchangingmyplaces,for,steadyandsoberthoughIwas,Iwasbeginningtolacktasteformyprofession,andtodevelopaspiritofthekindwhichdeemedallworktobebeneathme,andconsideredthatIhadbeencreatedtoserveonlymyself,notothers。“
AlongthehighroadtoSukhumwhichlaybehindustherewereproceedingsomeinvisibletravellerswhosescrapingoffeetastheywalkedproclaimedthefactthattheywerenotover-usedtojourneyingonfoot。Justasthepartydrewlevelwithus,amusicalvoicehummedoutsoftlytheline“AlonewillIsetforthupontheroad,“withtheword“alone“plaintivelystressed。
Next,aresonantbassvoicesaidwithasortofindolentincisiveness:
“Aphonoraphoniameanslossofspeechtotheextentof,totheextentof——oh,toWHATextent,mostlearnedVeraVasilievna?“
“Totheextentoftotallossofpowerofarticulation,“repliedavoicefeminineandyouthfuloftimbre。
Justatthatmomentwesawtwodark,blurredfigures,withapalerfigurebetweenthem,comeglidingintoview。
“Strangeindeedisitthat,that——“
“Thatwhat?“
“Thatsomanynamespropertothesepartsshouldalsobesosuggestive。Take,forinstance,MountNakopioba。Certainlyfolkhereaboutsseemtohave“amassed“things,andtohaveknownhowtodoso。“[Theverbnakopitmeanstoamass,toheapup。]
“Formypart,IalwaysfailtorememberthenameofSimontheCanaanite。ConstantlyIfindmyselfcallinghim’theCainite。’“
“Lookhere,“interruptedthemusicalvoiceinatoneofchastenedenthusiasm。“AsIcontemplateallthisbeauty,andinhalethisrestfulness,Ifindmyselfreflecting:’HowwoulditbeifIweretoleteverythinggotothedevil,andtakeupmyabodehereforever?’“
Atthispointallfurtherspeechbecamedrownedbythesoundofthemonastery’sbellasitstruckthehour。Theonlyutterancethatcamebornetomyearswasthemournfulfragment:
Oh,ifintoasinglewordIcouldpourmyinmostthoughts!
Totheforegoingdialoguemycompanionhadlistenedwithhisheadtiltedtooneside,muchasthoughthedialoguehaddeflecteditinthatdirection:andnow,asthevoicesdiedawayintothedistance,hesighed,straightenedhimself,andsaid:
“Clearlythosepeoplewereeducatedfolk。Andseetoohow,astheytalkedofonethingandanother,therecroppeduptheoldandever-persistentpoint。“
“Towhatpointareyoureferring?“
Mycompanionpausedamomentbeforehereplied。Thenhesaid:
“Canitbethatyoudidnothearit?Didyounothearoneofthosepeopleremark:’Ihaveamindtosurrendereverything’?“
Whereafter,bendingforward,andpeeringatmeasablindmanwoulddo,Kalininaddedinahalf-whisper:
“Moreandmorearefolkcomingtothinktothemselves:’NowmustIforsakeeverything。’IntheendImyselfcametothinkit。FormanyayeardidIincreasinglyreflect:’WhyshouldIbeaservant?Whatwilliteverprofitme?EvenifIshouldearntwelve,ortwenty,orfiftyroublesamonth,towhatwillsuchearningslead,andwherewillthemaninmecomein?Surelyitwouldbebettertodonothingatall,butjusttogazeintospaceasIamdoingnow,andletmyeyesstarestraightbeforeme?’“
“Bytheway,whatwereyoutalkingtothosepeopleabout?“
“Whichpeopledoyoumean?“
“Thebeardedmanandtherest,thecompanyintheguest-chamber?“
“Ah,THATmanIdidnotlike——Ihavenofancyatallforfellowswhostrewtheirgriefabouttheworld,andleaveittobetrampleduponbyeverychance-comer。Forhowcanthetearsofmyneighbourbenefitme?True,everymanhashistroubles;butalsohaseverymansuchapredilectionforhisparticularwoethatheendsbydeemingitthemostbitterandremarkablegriefintheuniverse——youmaytakemywordforthat。“
Suddenlythespeakerrosetohisfeet,atall,leanfigure。
“NowImustseekmybed,“heremarked。“Yousee,Ishallhavetoleavehereveryearlytomorrow。“
“Andforwhatpoint?“
“ForNovorossisk。“
Now,thedaybeingaSaturday,Ihaddrawnmyweek’searningsfromthemonastery’spay-officejustbeforethevigilservice。
Also,Novorossiskdidnotreallylieinmydirection。Thirdly,I
hadnoparticularwishtoexchangethemonasteryforanyotherlodging。Nevertheless,despiteallthis,themaninterestedmetosuchanextentofpersonswhogenuinelyinterestonethereneverexistbuttwo,and,ofthem,oneselfisalwaysonethatstraightwayIobserved:
“Itooshallbeleavingheretomorrow。“
“Thenletustraveltogether。“
Atdawn,therefore,wesetforthtofoottheroadincompany。AttimesImentallysoaredaloft,andviewedthescenefromthatvantage-point。WheneverIdidso,Ibeheldtwotallmentraversinganarrowtrackbyaseashore——theonecladinagreymilitaryovercoatandahatwithabrokencrown,andtheotherinadrabkaftanandaplushcap。Attheirfeettheboundlessseawassplashingwhitefoam,salt-driedribandsofseaweedwerestrewingthepath,goldenleavesweredancinghitherandthither,andthewindwashowlingat,andbuffeting,thetravellersascloudssailedovertheirheads。Also,totheirrighttherelaystretchedachainofmountainstowardswhichthecloudskeptwearily,nervelesslytending,whiletotheirlefttherelayspreadawhite-lacedexpanseoverthesurfaceofwhicharoaringwindkeptceaselesslydrivingtransparentcolumnsofspray。
Onsuchstormydaysinautumneverythingnearaseashorelooksparticularlycheerfulandvigorous,seeingthat,despitethesoughingofwindandwave,andtheswiftonrushofcloud,andthefactthatthesunisonlyoccasionallytobeseensuspendedinabyssesofblue,andresemblesadroopingflower,onefeelsthattheapparentchaoshaslurkinginitasecretharmonyofmundane,butimperishable,forces——somuchsothatintimeevenone’spunyhumanheartcomestoimbibetheprevalentspiritofrevolt,and,catchingfire,tocrytoalltheuniverse:“Iloveyou!“
第53章