首页 >出版文学> The Voyage Out>第5章

第5章

  Friendsmighthavetoldherthings,butshehadfewofherownage,——
  Richmondbeinganawkwardplacetoreach,——and,asithappened,theonlygirlsheknewwellwasareligiouszealot,whointhefervourofintimacytalkedaboutGod,andthebestwaysoftakingupone’scross,atopiconlyfitfullyinterestingtoonewhosemindreachedotherstagesatothertimes。
  Butlyinginherchair,withonehandbehindherhead,theothergraspingtheknobonthearm,shewasclearlyfollowingherthoughtsintently。Hereducationleftherabundanttimeforthinking。
  Hereyeswerefixedsosteadilyuponaballontherailoftheshipthatshewouldhavebeenstartledandannoyedifanythinghadchancedtoobscureitforasecond。Shehadbegunhermeditationswithashoutoflaughter,causedbythefollowingtranslationfrom_Tristan_:
  InshrinkingtrepidationHisshameheseemstohideWhiletothekinghisrelationHebringsthecorpse-likeBride。
  SeemsitsosenselesswhatIsay?
  Shecriedthatitdid,andthrewdownthebook。Nextshehadpickedup_Cowper’s__Letters_,theclassicprescribedbyherfatherwhichhadboredher,sothatonesentencechancingtosaysomethingaboutthesmellofbroominhisgarden,shehadthereuponseenthelittlehallatRichmondladenwithflowersonthedayofhermother’sfuneral,smellingsostrongthatnowanyflower-scentbroughtbackthesicklyhorriblesensation;
  andsofromonesceneshepassed,half-hearing,half-seeing,toanother。ShesawherAuntLucyarrangingflowersinthedrawing-room。
  “AuntLucy,“shevolunteered,“Idon’tlikethesmellofbroom;
  itremindsmeoffunerals。“
  “Nonsense,Rachel,“AuntLucyreplied;“don’tsaysuchfoolishthings,dear。Ialwaysthinkitaparticularlycheerfulplant。“
  Lyinginthehotsunhermindwasfixeduponthecharactersofheraunts,theirviews,andthewaytheylived。IndeedthiswasasubjectthatlastedherhundredsofmorningwalksroundRichmondPark,andblottedoutthetreesandthepeopleandthedeer。Whydidtheydothethingstheydid,andwhatdidtheyfeel,andwhatwasitallabout?AgainsheheardAuntLucytalkingtoAuntEleanor。
  Shehadbeenthatmorningtotakeupthecharacterofaservant,“And,ofcourse,athalf-pastteninthemorningoneexpectstofindthehousemaidbrushingthestairs。“Howodd!Howunspeakablyodd!
  Butshecouldnotexplaintoherselfwhysuddenlyasherauntspokethewholesysteminwhichtheylivedhadappearedbeforehereyesassomethingquiteunfamiliarandinexplicable,andthemselvesaschairsorumbrellasdroppedabouthereandtherewithoutanyreason。
  Shecouldonlysaywithherslightstammer,“Areyouf-f-fondofAuntEleanor,AuntLucy?“towhichherauntreplied,withhernervoushen-liketwitterofalaugh,“Mydearchild,whatquestionsyoudoask!“
  “Howfond?Veryfond!“Rachelpursued。
  “Ican’tsayI’veeverthought’how,’“saidMissVinrace。
  “Ifonecaresonedoesn’tthink’how,’Rachel,“whichwasaimedattheniecewhohadneveryet“come“toherauntsascordiallyastheywished。
  “ButyouknowIcareforyou,don’tyou,dear,becauseyou’reyourmother’sdaughter,iffornootherreason,andthere_are_plentyofotherreasons“——andsheleantoverandkissedherwithsomeemotion,andtheargumentwasspiltirretrievablyabouttheplacelikeabucketofmilk。
  BythesemeansRachelreachedthatstageinthinking,ifthinkingitcanbecalled,whentheeyesareintentuponaballoraknobandthelipsceasetomove。Hereffortstocometoanunderstandinghadonlyhurtheraunt’sfeelings,andtheconclusionmustbethatitisbetternottotry。Tofeelanythingstronglywastocreateanabyssbetweenoneselfandotherswhofeelstronglyperhapsbutdifferently。
  Itwasfarbettertoplaythepianoandforgetalltherest。
  Theconclusionwasverywelcome。Lettheseoddmenandwomen——
  heraunts,theHunts,Ridley,Helen,Mr。Pepper,andtherest——
  besymbols,——featurelessbutdignified,symbolsofage,ofyouth,ofmotherhood,oflearning,andbeautifuloftenaspeopleuponthestagearebeautiful。Itappearedthatnobodyeversaidathingtheymeant,orevertalkedofafeelingtheyfelt,butthatwaswhatmusicwasfor。
  Realitydwellinginwhatonesawandfelt,butdidnottalkabout,onecouldacceptasysteminwhichthingswentroundandroundquitesatisfactorilytootherpeople,withoutoftentroublingtothinkaboutit,exceptassomethingsuperficiallystrange。
  Absorbedbyhermusicsheacceptedherlotverycomplacently,blazingintoindignationperhapsonceafortnight,andsubsidingasshesubsidednow。Inextricablymixedindreamyconfusion,hermindseemedtoenterintocommunion,tobedelightfullyexpandedandcombinedwiththespiritofthewhitishboardsondeck,withthespiritofthesea,withthespiritofBeethovenOp。
  112,evenwiththespiritofpoorWilliamCowperthereatOlney。
  Likeaballofthistledownitkissedthesea,rose,kisseditagain,andthusrisingandkissingpassedfinallyoutofsight。Therisingandfallingoftheballofthistledownwasrepresentedbythesuddendroopforwardofherownhead,andwhenitpassedoutofsightshewasasleep。
  TenminuteslaterMrs。Ambroseopenedthedoorandlookedather。
  ItdidnotsurprisehertofindthatthiswasthewayinwhichRachelpassedhermornings。Sheglancedroundtheroomatthepiano,atthebooks,atthegeneralmess。InthefirstplacesheconsideredRachelaesthetically;lyingunprotectedshelookedsomehowlikeavictimdroppedfromtheclawsofabirdofprey,butconsideredasawoman,ayoungwomanoftwenty-four,thesightgaverisetoreflections。
  Mrs。Ambrosestoodthinkingforatleasttwominutes。Shethensmiled,turnednoiselesslyawayandwent,lestthesleepershouldwaken,andthereshouldbetheawkwardnessofspeechbetweenthem。
  Earlynextmorningtherewasasoundasofchainsbeingdrawnroughlyoverhead;thesteadyheartofthe_Euphrosyne_slowlyceasedtobeat;andHelen,pokinghernoseabovedeck,sawastationarycastleuponastationaryhill。TheyhaddroppedanchorinthemouthoftheTagus,andinsteadofcleavingnewwavesperpetually,thesamewaveskeptreturningandwashingagainstthesidesoftheship。
  Assoonasbreakfastwasdone,Willoughbydisappearedoverthevessel’sside,carryingabrownleathercase,shoutingoverhisshoulderthateveryonewastomindandbehavethemselves,forhewouldbekeptinLisbondoingbusinessuntilfiveo’clockthatafternoon。
  Ataboutthathourhereappeared,carryinghiscase,professinghimselftired,bothered,hungry,thirsty,cold,andinimmediateneedofhistea。Rubbinghishands,hetoldthemtheadventuresoftheday:
  howhehadcomeuponpooroldJacksoncombinghismoustachebeforetheglassintheoffice,littleexpectinghisdescent,hadputhimthroughsuchamorning’sworkasseldomcamehisway;thentreatedhimtoalunchofchampagneandortolans;paidacalluponMrs。Jackson,whowasfatterthanever,poorwoman,butaskedkindlyafterRachel——
  andOLord,littleJacksonhadconfessedtoaconfoundedpieceofweakness——well,well,noharmwasdone,hesupposed,butwhatwastheuseofhisgivingordersiftheywerepromptlydisobeyed?
  Hehadsaiddistinctlythathewouldtakenopassengersonthistrip。
  Herehebegansearchinginhispocketsandeventuallydiscoveredacard,whichheplankeddownonthetablebeforeRachel。Onitsheread,“Mr。andMrs。RichardDalloway,23BrowneStreet,Mayfair。“
  “Mr。RichardDalloway,“continuedVinrace,“seemstobeagentlemanwhothinksthatbecausehewasonceamemberofParliament,andhiswife’sthedaughterofapeer,theycanhavewhattheylikefortheasking。TheygotroundpoorlittleJacksonanyhow。
  Saidtheymusthavepassages——producedaletterfromLordGlenaway,askingmeasapersonalfavour——overruledanyobjectionsJacksonmadeIdon’tbelievetheycametomuch,andsothere’snothingforitbuttosubmit,Isuppose。“
  ButitwasevidentthatforsomereasonorotherWilloughbywasquitepleasedtosubmit,althoughhemadeashowofgrowling。
  ThetruthwasthatMr。andMrs。DallowayhadfoundthemselvesstrandedinLisbon。TheyhadbeentravellingontheContinentforsomeweeks,chieflywithaviewtobroadeningMr。Dalloway’smind。
  Unableforaseason,byoneoftheaccidentsofpoliticallife,toservehiscountryinParliament,Mr。DallowaywasdoingthebesthecouldtoserveitoutofParliament。ForthatpurposetheLatincountriesdidverywell,althoughtheEast,ofcourse,wouldhavedonebetter。
  “ExpecttohearofmenextinPetersburgorTeheran,“hehadsaid,turningtowavefarewellfromthestepsoftheTravellers’。ButadiseasehadbrokenoutintheEast,therewascholerainRussia,andhewasheardof,notsoromantically,inLisbon。TheyhadbeenthroughFrance;hehadstoppedatmanufacturingcentreswhere,producinglettersofintroduction,hehadbeenshownoverworks,andnotedfactsinapocket-book。InSpainheandMrs。Dallowayhadmountedmules,fortheywishedtounderstandhowthepeasantslive。
  Aretheyripeforrebellion,forexample?Mrs。DallowayhadtheninsisteduponadayortwoatMadridwiththepictures。
  FinallytheyarrivedinLisbonandspentsixdayswhich,inajournalprivatelyissuedafterwards,theydescribedasof“uniqueinterest。“
  Richardhadaudienceswithministers,andforetoldacrisisatnodistantdate,“thefoundationsofgovernmentbeingincurablycorrupt。
  Yethowblame,etc。“;whileClarissainspectedtheroyalstables,andtookseveralsnapshotsshowingmennowexiledandwindowsnowbroken。
  AmongotherthingsshephotographedFielding’sgrave,andletlooseasmallbirdwhichsomeruffianhadtrapped,“becauseonehatestothinkofanythinginacagewhereEnglishpeoplelieburied,“
  thediarystated。Theirtourwasthoroughlyunconventional,andfollowednomeditatedplan。Theforeigncorrespondentsofthe_Times_decidedtheirrouteasmuchasanythingelse。
  Mr。Dallowaywishedtolookatcertainguns,andwasofopinionthattheAfricancoastisfarmoreunsettledthanpeopleathomewereinclinedtobelieve。Forthesereasonstheywantedaslowinquisitivekindofship,comfortable,fortheywerebadsailors,butnotextravagant,whichwouldstopforadayortwoatthisportandatthat,takingincoalwhiletheDallowayssawthingsforthemselves。MeanwhiletheyfoundthemselvesstrandedinLisbon,unableforthemomenttolayhandsupontheprecisevesseltheywanted。
  Theyheardofthe_Euphrosyne_,butheardalsothatshewasprimarilyacargoboat,andonlytookpassengersbyspecialarrangement,herbusinessbeingtocarrydrygoodstotheAmazons,andrubberhomeagain。“Byspecialarrangement,“however,werewordsofhighencouragementtothem,fortheycameofaclasswherealmosteverythingwasspeciallyarranged,orcouldbeifnecessary。
  OnthisoccasionallthatRicharddidwastowriteanotetoLordGlenaway,theheadofthelinewhichbearshistitle;
  tocallonpooroldJackson;torepresenttohimhowMrs。Dallowaywasso-and-so,andhehadbeensomethingorotherelse,andwhattheywantedwassuchandsuchathing。Itwasdone。
  Theypartedwithcomplimentsandpleasureonbothsides,andhere,aweeklater,cametheboatrowinguptotheshipintheduskwiththeDallowaysonboardofit;inthreeminutestheywerestandingtogetheronthedeckofthe_Euphrosyne_。Theirarrival,ofcourse,createdsomestir,anditwasseenbyseveralpairsofeyesthatMrs。Dallowaywasatallslightwoman,herbodywrappedinfurs,herheadinveils,whileMr。Dallowayappearedtobeamiddle-sizedmanofsturdybuild,dressedlikeasportsmanonanautumnalmoor。
  Manysolidleatherbagsofarichbrownhuesoonsurroundedthem,inadditiontowhichMr。Dallowaycarriedadespatchbox,andhiswifeadressing-casesuggestiveofadiamondnecklaceandbottleswithsilvertops。
  “It’ssolikeWhistler!“sheexclaimed,withawavetowardstheshore,assheshookRachelbythehand,andRachelhadonlytimetolookatthegreyhillsononesideofherbeforeWilloughbyintroducedMrs。Chailey,whotooktheladytohercabin。