首页 >出版文学> THE TROLL GARDEN AND SELECTED STORIES>第7章
  MynewpicturesarrivedlastweekontheGascogne。ThePuvisdeChavannesisevenmorebeautifulthanIthoughtitinParis。Apaledream-maidensitsbyapaledream-cowandastreamofanemicwaterflowsatherfeet。TheConstant,youwillremember,Igotbecauseyouadmiredit。Itishereinallitsfloridsplendour,thewholedominatedbyaglowingsensuosity。Thedraperyofthefemalefigureisaswonderfulasyousaid;thefabricallbarbaricpearlandgold,paintedwithaneasy,effortlessvoluptuousness,andthatwhite,gleaminglineofAfricancoastinthebackgroundrecallsmemoriesofyouveryprecioustome。ButitisuselesstodenythatConstantirritatesme。ThoughIcannotprovethechargeagainsthim,hisbrilliancyalwaysmakesmesuspecthimofcheapness。
  HereMargaretstoppedandglancedattheremainingpagesofthisstrangelove-letter。Theyseemedtobefilledchieflywithdiscussionsofpicturesandbooks,andwithaslowsmileshelaidthemby。
  Sheroseandbeganundressing。Beforeshelaydownshewenttoopenthewindow。Withherhandonthesill,shehesitated,feelingsuddenlyasthoughsomedangerwerelurkingoutside,someinordinatedesirewaitingtospringuponherinthedarkness。Shestoodthereforalongtime,gazingattheinfinitesweepofthesky。
  “Oh,itisallsolittle,solittlethere,“shemurmured。
  “Wheneverythingelseissodwarfed,whyshouldoneexpectlovetobegreat?Whyshouldonetrytoreadhighlycolouredsuggestionsintoalifelikethat?IfonlyIcouldfindonethinginitallthatmatteredgreatly,onethingthatwouldwarmmewhenIamalone!Willlifenevergivemethatonegreatmoment?“
  Assheraisedthewindow,sheheardasoundintheplumbushesoutside。Itwasonlythehouse-dogrousedfromhissleep,butMargaretstartedviolentlyandtrembledsothatshecaughtthefootofthebedforsupport。Againshefeltherselfpursuedbysomeoverwhelminglonging,somedesperatenecessityforherself,liketheoutstretchingofhelpless,unseenarmsinthedarkness,andtheairseemedheavywithsighsofyearning。Shefledtoherbedwiththewords,“IloveyoumorethanChristwhodiedforme!“ringinginherears。
  AboutmidnightthedanceatLockhart’swasatitsheight。
  Eventheoldmenwhohadcometo“lookon“caughtthespiritofrevelryandstampedthefloorwiththevigorofoldSilenus。ErictooktheviolinfromtheFrenchmen,andMinnaOlesonsatattheorgan,andthemusicgrewmoreandmorecharacteristic——rude,halfmournfulmusic,madeupofthefolksongsoftheNorth,thatthevillagerssingthroughthelongnightinhamletsbythesea,whentheyarethinkingofthesun,andthespring,andthefishermensolongaway。ToMargaretsomeofitsoundedlikeGrieg’sPeerGyntmusic。Shefoundsomethingirresistiblyinfectiousinthemirthofthesepeoplewhoweresoseldommerry,andshefeltalmostoneofthem。Somethingseemedstrugglingforfreedominthemtonight,somethingofthejoyouschildhoodofthenationswhichexilehadnotkilled。Thegirlswereallboisterouswithdelight。Pleasurecametothembutrarely,andwhenitcame,theycaughtatitwildlyandcrusheditsflutteringwingsintheirstrongbrownfingers。Theyhadahardlifeenough,mostofthem。
  Torridsummersandfreezingwinters,labouranddrudgeryandignorance,weretheportionoftheirgirlhood;ashortwooing,ahasty,lovelessmarriage,unlimitedmaternity,thanklesssons,prematureageandugliness,werethedoweroftheirwomanhood。Butwhatmatter?Tonighttherewashotliquorintheglassandhotbloodintheheart;tonighttheydanced。
  TonightEricHermannsonhadrenewedhisyouth。Hewasnolongerthebig,silentNorwegianwhohadsatatMargaret’sfeetandlookedhopelesslyintohereyes。Tonighthewasaman,withaman’srightsandaman’spower。TonighthewasSiegfriedindeed。
  Hishairwasyellowastheheavywheatintheripeofsummer,andhiseyesflashedlikethebluewaterbetweentheicepacksinthenorthseas。HewasnotafraidofMargarettonight,andwhenhedancedwithherheheldherfirmly。Shewastiredanddraggedonhisarmalittle,butthestrengthofthemanwaslikeanall-
  pervadingfluid,stealingthroughherveins,awakeningunderherheartsomenameless,unsuspectedexistencethathadslumberedtherealltheseyearsandthatwentoutthroughherthrobbingfingertipstohisthatanswered。Shewonderedifthehoydenishbloodofsomelawlessancestor,longasleep,werecallingoutinhertonight,somedropofahotterfluidthatthecenturieshadfailedtocool,andwhy,ifthiscursewereinher,ithadnotspokenbefore。Butwasitacurse,thisawakening,thiswealthbeforeundiscovered,thismusicsetfree?Forthefirsttimeinherlifeherheartheldsomethingstrongerthanherself,wasnotthisworthwhile?Thensheceasedtowonder。Shelostsightofthelightsandthefacesandthemusicwasdrownedbythebeatingofherownarteries。Shesawonlytheblueeyesthatflashedaboveher,feltonlythewarmthofthatthrobbinghandwhichheldhersandwhichthebloodofhisheartfed。Dimly,asinadream,shesawthedroopingshoulders,highwhiteforeheadandtight,cynicalmouthofthemanshewastomarryinDecember。Foranhourshehadbeencrowdingbackthememoryofthatfacewithallherstrength。
  “Letusstop,thisisenough,“shewhispered。Hisonlyanswerwastotightenthearmbehindher。Shesighedandletthatmasterfulstrengthbearherwhereitwould。Sheforgotthatthismanwaslittlemorethanasavage,thattheywouldpartatdawn。
  Thebloodhasnomemories,noreflections,noregretsforthepast,noconsiderationofthefuture。
  “Letusgooutwhereitiscooler,“shesaidwhenthemusicstopped;thinking,Iamgrowingfainthere,Ishallbeallrightintheopenair。Theysteppedoutintothecool,blueairofthenight。
  Sincetheolderfolkhadbegundancing,theyoungNorwegianshadbeenslippingoutincouplestoclimbthewindmilltowerintothecooleratmosphere,asistheircustom。
  “Youliketogoup?“askedEric,closetoherear。
  Sheturnedandlookedathimwithsuppressedamusement。“Howhighisit?“
  “Fortyfeet,about。Inotletyoufall。“Therewasanoteofirresistiblepleadinginhisvoice,andshefeltthathetremendouslywishedhertogo。Well,whynot?Thiswasanightoftheunusual,whenshewasnotherselfatall,butwaslivinganunreality。Tomorrow,yes,inafewhours,therewouldbetheVestibuleLimitedandtheworld。
  “Well,ifyou’lltakegoodcareofme。Iusedtobeabletoclimb,whenIwasalittlegirl。“
  Onceatthetopandseatedontheplatform,theyweresilent。
  Margaretwonderedifshewouldnothungerforthatsceneallherlife,throughalltheroutineofthedaystocome。AbovethemstretchedthegreatWesternsky,serenelyblue,eveninthenight,withitsbig,burningstars,neversocoldanddeadandfarawayasindenseratmospheres。Themoonwouldnotbeupfortwentyminutesyet,andallaboutthehorizon,thatwidehorizon,whichseemedtoreacharoundtheworld,lingeredapalewhitelight,asofauniversaldawn。Thewearywindbroughtuptothemtheheavyodoursofthecornfields。Themusicofthedancesoundedfaintlyfrombelow。Ericleanedonhiselbowbesideher,hislegsswingingdownontheladder。HisgreatshoulderslookedmorethaneverlikethoseofthestoneDoryphorus,whostandsinhisperfect,reposefulstrengthintheLouvre,andhadoftenmadeherwonderifsuchmendiedforeverwiththeyouthofGreece。
  “Howsweetthecornsmellsatnight,“saidMargaretnervously。
  “Yes,liketheflowersthatgrowinparadise,Ithink。“
  Shewassomewhatstartledbythisreply,andmorestartledwhenthistaciturnmanspokeagain。
  “Yougoawaytomorrow?“
  “Yes,wehavestayedlongerthanwethoughttonow。“
  “Younotcomebackanymore?“
  “No,Iexpectnot。Yousee,itisalongtriphalfwayacrossthecontinent。“
  “Yousoonforgetaboutthiscountry,Iguess。“Itseemedtohimnowalittlethingtolosehissoulforthiswoman,butthatsheshouldutterlyforgetthisnightintowhichhethrewallhislifeandallhiseternity,thatwasabitterthought。
  “No,Eric,Iwillnotforget。Youhaveallbeentookindtomeforthat。Andyouwon’tbesorryyoudancedthisonenight,willyou?“
  “Ineverbesorry。Ihavenotbeensohappybefore。Inotbesohappyagain,ever。Youwillbehappymanynightsyet,Ionlythisone。Iwilldreamsometimes,maybe。“
  Themightyresignationofhistonealarmedandtouchedher。
  Itwasaswhensomegreatanimalcomposesitselffordeath,aswhenagreatshipgoesdownatsea。
  Shesighed,butdidnotanswerhim。Hedrewalittlecloserandlookedintohereyes。
  “Youarenotalwayshappy,too?“heasked。
  “No,notalways,Eric;notveryoften,Ithink。“
  “Youhaveatrouble?“
  “Yes,butIcannotputitintowords。PerhapsifIcoulddothat,Icouldcureit。“
  Heclaspedhishandstogetheroverhisheart,aschildrendowhentheypray,andsaidfalteringly,“IfIownalltheworld,Igivehimyou。“
  Margaretfeltasuddenmoistureinhereyes,andlaidherhandonhis。
  “Thankyou,Eric;Ibelieveyouwould。ButperhapseventhenIshouldnotbehappy。PerhapsIhavetoomuchofitalready。“
  Shedidnottakeherhandawayfromhim;shedidnotdare。
  Shesatstillandwaitedforthetraditionsinwhichshehadalwaysbelievedtospeakandsaveher。Buttheyweredumb。Shebelongedtoanultra-refinedcivilizationwhichtriestocheatnaturewithelegantsophistries。Cheatnature?Bah!Onegenerationmaydoit,perhapstwo,butthethird——Canweeverriseabovenatureorsinkbelowher?DidshenotturnonJerusalemasuponSodom,uponSt。AnthonyinhisdesertasuponNeroinhisseraglio?Doesshenotalwayscryinbrutaltriumph:“Iamherestill,atthebottomofthings,warmingtherootsoflife;youcannotstarvemenortamemenorthwartme;Imadetheworld,Iruleit,andIamitsdestiny。“