首页 >出版文学> MOLL FLANDERS>第60章

第60章

  If,seeingnobodyinthehouse,I
  hadtakenanyofthemupinmyhanditcouldnotbeconcluded
  thatIintendedtostealthem,forthatInevercarriedthem
  fartherthanthedoortolookonthemwiththebetterlight。
  TheCourtwouldnotallowthatbyanymeans,andmadea
  kindofajestofmyintendingtobuythegoods,thatbeingno
  shopforthesellingofanything,andastocarryingthemtothe
  doortolookatthem,themaidsmadetheirimpudentmocks
  uponthat,andspenttheirwituponitverymuch;toldthe
  CourtIhadlookedatthemsufficiently,andapprovedthem
  verywell,forIhadpackedthemupundermyclothes,and
  wasa-goingwiththem。
  Inshort,Iwasfoundguiltyoffelony,butacquittedofthe
  burglary,whichwasbutsmallcomforttome,thefirstbringing
  metoasentenceofdeath,andthelastwouldhavedoneno
  more。
  ThenextdayIwascarrieddowntoreceivethedreadful
  sentence,andwhentheycametoaskmewhatIhadtosay
  whysentenceshouldnotpass,Istoodmuteawhile,but
  somebodythatstoodbehindmepromptedmealoudtospeak
  tothejudges,forthattheycouldrepresentthingsfavourably
  forme。
  Thisencouragedmetospeak,andItoldthemIhad
  nothingtosaytostopthesentence,butthatIhadmuchtosay
  tobespeakthemercyoftheCourt;thatIhopedtheywould
  allowsomethinginsuchacaseforthecircumstancesofit;
  thatIhadbrokennodoors,hadcarriednothingoff;that
  nobodyhadlostanything;thatthepersonwhosegoodsthey
  werewaspleasedtosayhedesiredmercymightbeshown
  whichindeedheveryhonestlydid;that,attheworst,itwas
  thefirstoffence,andthatIhadneverbeenbeforeanycourt
  ofjusticebefore;and,inaword,Ispokewithmorecourage
  thatIthoughtIcouldhavedone,andinsuchamovingtone,
  andthoughwithtears,yetnotsomanytearsastoobstructmy
  speech,thatIcouldseeitmovedotherstotearsthatheardme。
  Thejudgessatgraveandmute,gavemeaneasyhearing,and
  timetosayallthatIwould,but,sayingneitherYesnorNoto
  it,pronouncedthesentenceofdeathuponme,asentencethat
  wastomelikedeathitself,which,afteritwasread,confounded
  me。
  Ihadnomorespiritleftinme,Ihadnotonguetospeak,
  oreyestolookupeithertoGodorman。
  Mypoorgovernesswasutterlydisconsolate,andshethatwas
  mycomforterbefore,wantedcomfortnowherself;andsometimes
  mourning,sometimesraging,wasasmuchoutofherself,asto
  alloutwardappearance,asanymadwomaninBedlam。
  Nor
  wassheonlydisconsolateastome,butshewasstruckwith
  horroratthesenseofherownwickedlife,andbegantolook
  backuponitwithatastequitedifferentfrommine,forshe
  waspenitenttothehighestdegreeforhersins,aswellas
  sorrowfulforthemisfortune。
  Shesentforaminister,too,a
  serious,pious,goodman,andappliedherselfwithsuch
  earnestness,byhisassistance,totheworkofasincererepentance,
  thatIbelieve,andsodidtheministertoo,thatshewasatrue
  penitent;and,whichisstillmore,shewasnotonlysoforthe
  occasion,andatthatjuncture,butshecontinuedso,asIwas
  informed,tothedayofherdeath。
  Itisrathertobethoughtofthanexpressedwhatwasnowmy
  condition。
  Ihadnothingbeforemebutpresentdeath;andas
  Ihadnofriendstoassistme,ortostirforme,Iexpected
  nothingbuttofindmynameinthedeadwarrant,whichwas
  tocomedownfortheexecution,theFridayafterwards,offive
  moreandmyself。
  Inthemeantimemypoordistressedgovernesssentmea
  minister,whoatherrequestfirst,andatmyownafterwards,
  cametovisitme。
  Heexhortedmeseriouslytorepentofall
  mysins,andtodallynolongerwithmysoul;notflattering
  myselfwithhopesoflife,which,hesaid,hewasinformed
  therewasnoroomtoexpect,butunfeignedlytolookupto
  Godwithmywholesoul,andtocryforpardoninthename
  ofJesusChrist。
  Hebackedhisdiscourseswithproperquotations
  ofScripture,encouragingthegreatestsinnertorepent,andturn
  fromtheirevilway,andwhenhehaddone,hekneeleddown
  andprayedwithme。
  Itwasnowthat,forthefirsttime,Ifeltanyrealsignsof
  repentance。
  Inowbegantolookbackuponmypastlifewith
  abhorrence,andhavingakindofviewintotheothersideof
  time,andthingsoflife,asIbelievetheydowitheverybody
  atsuchatime,begantolookwithadifferentaspect,andquite
  anothershape,thantheydidbefore。
  Thegreatestandbest
  things,theviewsoffelicity,thejoy,thegriefsoflife,were
  quiteotherthings;andIhadnothinginmythoughtsbutwhat
  wassoinfinitelysuperiortowhatIhadknowninlife,thatit
  appearedtometobethegreateststupidityinnaturetolay
  anyweightuponanything,thoughthemostvaluableinthis
  world。
  Thewordeternityrepresenteditselfwithallitsincomprehensible
  additions,andIhadsuchextendednotionsofit,thatIknow
  nothowtoexpressthem。
  Amongtherest,howvile,howgross,
  howabsurddideverypleasantthinglook!——Imean,thatwe
  hadcountedpleasantbefore——especiallywhenIreflectedthat
  thesesordidtrifleswerethethingsforwhichweforfeited
  eternalfelicity。
  Withthesereflectionscame,ofmerecourse,severereproaches
  ofmyownmindformywretchedbehaviourinmypastlife;
  thatIhadforfeitedallhopeofanyhappinessintheeternity
  thatIwasjustgoingtoenterinto,andonthecontrarywas
  entitledtoallthatwasmiserable,orhadbeenconceivedof
  misery;andallthiswiththefrightfuladditionofitsbeing
  alsoeternal。
  Iamnotcapableofreadinglecturesofinstructiontoanybody,
  butIrelatethisintheverymannerinwhichthingsthen
  appearedtome,asfarasIamable,butinfinitelyshortofthe
  livelyimpressionswhichtheymadeonmysoulatthattime;
  indeed,thoseimpressionsarenottobeexplainedbywords,
  oriftheyare,Iamnotmistressofwordsenoughtoexpress
  them。
  Itmustbetheworkofeverysoberreadertomakejust
  reflectionsonthem,astheirowncircumstancesmaydirect;
  and,withoutquestion,thisiswhateveryoneatsometimeor
  othermayfeelsomethingof;Imean,aclearersightintothings
  tocomethantheyhadhere,andadarkviewoftheirown
  concerninthem。
  ButIgobacktomyowncase。
  Theministerpressedmeto
  tellhim,asfarasIthoughconvenient,inwhatstateIfound
  myselfastothesightIhadofthingsbeyondlife。
  Hetoldme
  hedidnotcomeasordinaryoftheplace,whosebusinessit
  istoextortconfessionsfromprisoners,forprivateends,or
  forthefurtherdetectingofotheroffenders;thathisbusiness
  wastomovemetosuchfreedomofdiscourseasmightserve
  todisburthenmyownmind,andfurnishhimtoadminister
  comforttomeasfaraswasinhispower;andassuredme,
  thatwhateverIsaidtohimshouldremainwithhim,andbe
  asmuchasecretasifitwasknownonlytoGodandmyself;
  andthathedesiredtoknownothingofme,butasaboveto
  qualifyhimtoapplyproperadviceandassistancetome,and
  topraytoGodforme。
  Thishonest,friendlywayoftreatingmeunlockedallthe
  sluicesofmypassions。
  Hebrokeintomyverysoulbyit;and
  Iunravelledallthewickednessofmylifetohim。Inaword,I
  gavehimanabridgmentofthiswholehistory;Igavehima
  pictureofmyconductforfiftyyearsinminiature。
  Ihidnothingfromhim,andheinreturnexhortedmetosincere
  repentance,explainedtomewhathemeantbyrepentance,and
  thendrewoutsuchaschemeofinfinitemercy,proclaimed
  fromheaventosinnersofthegreatestmagnitude,thatheleft
  menothingtosay,thatlookedlikedespair,ordoubtingof
  beingaccepted;andinthisconditionheleftmethefirstnight。
  Hevisitedmeagainthenextmorning,andwentonwithhis
  methodofexplainingthetermsofdivinemercy,which
  accordingtohimconsistedofnothingmore,ormoredifficult,
  thanthatofbeingsincerelydesirousofit,andwillingtoaccept
  it;onlyasincereregretfor,andhatredof,thosethingsIhad
  done,whichrenderedmesojustanobjectofdivinevengeance。
  Iamnotabletorepeattheexcellentdiscoursesofthis
  extraordinaryman;’tisallthatIamabletodo,tosaythathe
  revivedmyheart,andbroughtmeintosuchaconditionthat
  Ineverknewanythingofinmylifebefore。
  Iwascovered
  withshameandtearsforthingspast,andyethadatthesame
  timeasecretsurprisingjoyattheprospectofbeingatrue
  penitent,andobtainingthecomfortofapenitent——Imean,the
  hopeofbeingforgiven;andsoswiftdidthoughtscirculate,
  andsohighdidtheimpressionstheyhadmadeuponmerun,
  thatIthoughtIcouldfreelyhavegoneoutthatminuteto
  execution,withoutanyuneasinessatall,castingmysoul
  entirelyintothearmsofinfinitemercyasapenitent。
  Thegoodgentlemanwassomovedalsoinmybehalfwitha
  viewoftheinfluencewhichhesawthesethingshadonme,
  thatheblessedGodhehadcometovisitme,andresolvednot
  toleavemetillthelastmoment;thatis,nottoleavevisitingme。
  Itwasnolessthantwelvedaysafterourreceivingsentence
  beforeanywereorderedforexecution,andthenupona
  Wednesdaythedeadwarrant,astheycallit,camedown,and
  Ifoundmynamewasamongthem。
  Aterribleblowthiswas
  tomynewresolutions;indeedmyheartsankwithinme,and
  Iswoonedawaytwice,oneafteranother,butspokenotaword。
  Thegoodministerwassorelyafflictedforme,anddidwhathe
  couldtocomfortmewiththesamearguments,andthesame
  movingeloquencethathedidbefore,andleftmenotthat
  eveningsolongastheprisonkeeperswouldsufferhimtostay
  intheprison,unlesshewouldbelockedupwithmeallnight,
  whichhewasnotwillingtobe。
  IwonderedmuchthatIdidnotseehimallthenextday,it
  beingthedaybeforethetimeappointedforexecution;andI
  wasgreatlydiscouraged,anddejectedinmymind,andindeed
  almostsankforwantofthecomfortwhichhehadsooften,
  andwithsuchsuccess,yieldedmeonhisformervisits。