IfIdiscoveredit，theleastthingIcouldexpectwasto
　　losemyhusband，forhewastooniceandtoohonestaman
　　tohavecontinuedmyhusbandafterhehadknownIhadbeen
　　hissister；sothatIwasperplexedtothelastdegree。
　　Ileaveittoanymantojudgewhatdifficultiespresentedto
　　myview。
　　Iwasawayfrommynativecountry，atadistance
　　prodigious，andthereturntomeunpassable。
　　Ilivedverywell，
　　butinacircumstanceinsufferableinitself。
　　IfIhaddiscovered
　　myselftomymother，itmightbedifficulttoconvinceherof
　　theparticulars，andIhadnowaytoprovethem。
　　Ontheother
　　hand，ifshehadquestionedordoubtedme，Ihadbeenundone，
　　forthebaresuggestionwouldhaveimmediatelyseparatedme
　　frommyhusband，withoutgainingmymotherorhim，who
　　wouldhavebeenneitherahusbandnorabrother；sothat
　　betweenthesurpriseononehand，andtheuncertaintyonthe
　　other，Ihadbeensuretobeundone。
　　Inthemeantime，asIwasbuttoosureofthefact，Ilived
　　thereforeinopenavowedincestandwhoredom，andallunder
　　theappearanceofanhonestwife；andthoughIwasnotmuch
　　touchedwiththecrimeofit，yettheactionhadsomethingin
　　itshockingtonature，andmademyhusband，ashethought
　　himself，evennauseoustome。
　　However，uponthemostsedateconsideration，Iresolvedthat
　　itwasabsolutelynecessarytoconcealitallandnotmakethe
　　leastdiscoveryofiteithertomotherorhusband；andthusI
　　livedwiththegreatestpressureimaginableforthreeyears
　　more，buthadnomorechildren。
　　Duringthistimemymotherusedtobefrequentlytellingme
　　oldstoriesofherformeradventures，which，however，were
　　nowayspleasanttome；forbyit，thoughshedidnottellitme
　　inplainterms，yetIcouldeasilyunderstand，joinedwithwhat
　　Ihadheardmyself，ofmyfirsttutors，thatinheryoungerdays
　　shehadbeenbothwhoreandthief；butIverilybelievedshe
　　hadlivedtorepentsincerelyofboth，andthatshewasthena
　　verypious，sober，andreligiouswoman。
　　Well，letherlifehavebeenwhatitwouldthen，itwascertain
　　thatmylifewasveryuneasytome；forIlived，asIhavesaid，
　　butintheworstsortofwhoredom，andasIcouldexpectno
　　goodofit，soreallynogoodissuecameofit，andallmy
　　seemingprosperityworeoff，andendedinmiseryand
　　destruction。
　　Itwassometime，indeed，beforeitcametothis，
　　for，butIknownotbywhatillfateguided，everythingwent
　　wrongwithusafterwards，andthatwhichwasworse，my
　　husbandgrewstrangelyaltered，forward，jealous，andunkind，
　　andIwasasimpatientofbearinghiscarriage，asthecarriage
　　wasunreasonableandunjust。
　　Thesethingsproceededsofar，
　　thatwecameatlasttobeinsuchilltermswithoneanother，
　　thatIclaimedapromiseofhim，whichheenteredwillingly
　　intowithmewhenIconsentedtocomefromEnglandwith
　　him，viz。thatifIfoundthecountrynottoagreewithme，or
　　thatIdidnotliketolivethere，IshouldcomeawaytoEngland
　　againwhenIpleased，givinghimayear’swarningtosettle
　　hisaffairs。
　　Isay，Inowclaimedthispromiseofhim，andImustconfess
　　Ididitnotinthemostobligingtermsthatcouldbeinthe
　　worldneither；butIinsistedthathetreatedmeill，thatIwas
　　remotefrommyfriends，andcoulddomyselfnojustice，and
　　thathewasjealouswithoutcause，myconversationhaving
　　beenunblamable，andhehavingnopretenseforit，andthatto
　　removetoEnglandwouldtakeawayalloccasionfromhim。
　　Iinsistedsoperemptorilyuponit，thathecouldnotavoid
　　comingtoapoint，eithertokeephiswordwithmeortobreak
　　it；andthis，notwithstandingheusedalltheskillhewasmaster
　　of，andemployedhismotherandotheragentstoprevailwith
　　metoaltermyresolutions；indeed，thebottomofthethinglay
　　atmyheart，andthatmadeallhisendeavoursfruitless，formy
　　heartwasalienatedfromhimasahusband。
　　Iloathedthe
　　thoughtsofbeddingwithhim，andusedathousandpretenses
　　ofillnessandhumourtopreventhistouchingme，fearing
　　nothingmorethantobewithchildbyhim，whichtobesure
　　wouldhaveprevented，oratleastdelayed，mygoingoverto
　　England。
　　However，atlastIputhimsooutofhumour，thathetookup
　　arashandfatalresolution；inshort，IshouldnotgotoEngland；
　　andthoughhehadpromisedme，yetitwasanunreasonable
　　thingformetodesireit；thatitwouldberuinoustohisaffairs，
　　wouldunhingehiswholefamily，andbenexttoanundoing
　　himintheworld；thatthereforeIoughtnottodesireitofhim，
　　andthatnowifeintheworldthatvaluedherfamilyandher
　　husband’sprosperitywouldinsistuponsuchathing。
　　Thisplungedmeagain，forwhenIconsideredthething
　　calmly，andtookmyhusbandashereallywas，adiligent，
　　carefulmaninthemainworkoflayingupanestateforhis
　　children，andthatheknewnothingofthedreadfulcircumstances
　　thathewasin，Icouldnotbutconfesstomyselfthatmy
　　proposalwasveryunreasonable，andwhatnowifethathad
　　thegoodofherfamilyatheartwouldhavedesired。
　　Butmydiscontentswereofanothernature；Ilookeduponhim
　　nolongerasahusband，butasanearrelation，thesonofmy
　　ownmother，andIresolvedsomehoworothertobeclearof
　　him，butwhichwayIdidnotknow，nordiditseempossible。
　　Itissaidbytheill-naturedworld，ofoursex，thatifweare
　　setonathing，itisimpossibletoturnusfromourresolutions；
　　inshort，Ineverceasedporinguponthemeanstobringto
　　passmyvoyage，andcamethatlengthwithmyhusbandatlast，
　　astoproposegoingwithouthim。
　　Thisprovokedhimtothe
　　lastdegree，andhecalledmenotonlyanunkindwife，butan
　　unnaturalmother，andaskedmehowIcouldentertainsucha
　　thoughtwithouthorror，asthatofleavingmytwochildren
　　foronewasdeadwithoutamother，andtobebroughtupby
　　strangers，andnevertoseethemmore。
　　Itwastrue，hadthings
　　beenright，Ishouldnothavedoneit，butnowitwasmyreal
　　desirenevertoseethem，orhimeither，anymore；andastothe
　　chargeofunnatural，Icouldeasilyanswerittomyself，while
　　Iknewthatthewholerelationwasunnaturalinthehighest
　　degreeintheworld。
　　However，itwasplaintherewasnobringingmyhusbandto
　　anything；hewouldneithergowithmenorletmegowithout
　　him，anditwasquiteoutofmypowertostirwithouthis
　　consent，asanyonethatknowstheconstitutionofthecountry
　　Iwasin，knowsverywell。
　　Wehadmanyfamilyquarrelsaboutit，andtheybeganin
　　timetogrowuptoadangerousheight；forasIwasquite
　　estrangedformmyhusbandashewascalledinaffection，so
　　Itooknoheedtomywords，butsometimesgavehimlanguage
　　thatwasprovoking；and，inshort，stroveallIcouldtobring
　　himtoapartingwithme，whichwaswhataboveallthingsin
　　theworldIdesiredmost。
　　Hetookmycarriageveryill，andindeedhemightwelldoso，
　　foratlastIrefusedtobedwithhim，andcarryingonthebreach
　　uponalloccasionstoextremity，hetoldmeoncehethoughtI
　　wasmad，andifIdidnotaltermyconduct，hewouldputme
　　undercure；thatistosay，intoamadhouse。
　　Itoldhimhe
　　shouldfindIwasfarenoughfrommad，andthatitwasnotin
　　hispower，oranyothervillain’s，tomurderme。
　　Iconfessat
　　thesametimeIwasheartilyfrightedathisthoughtsofputting
　　meintoamadhouse，whichwouldatoncehavedestroyedall
　　thepossibilityofbreakingthetruthout，whatevertheoccasion
　　mightbe；forthatthennoonewouldhavegivencredittoa
　　wordofit。
　　Thisthereforebroughtmetoaresolution，whatevercameof
　　it，tolayopenmywholecase；butwhichwaytodoit，orto
　　whom，wasaninextricabledifficulty，andtookmemanymonths
　　toresolve。
　　Inthemeantime，anotherquarrelwithmyhusband
　　happened，whichcameuptosuchamadextremeasalmost
　　pushedmeontotellithimalltohisface；butthoughIkeptit
　　insoasnottocometotheparticulars，Ispokesomuchasput
　　himintotheutmostconfusion，andintheendbroughtoutthe
　　wholestory。
　　Hebeganwithacalmexpostulationuponmybeingsoresolute
　　togotoEngland；Idefendedit，andonehardwordbringing
　　onanother，asisusualinallfamilystrife，hetoldmeIdidnot
　　treathimasifhewasmyhusband，ortalkofmychildrenasif
　　Iwasamother；and，inshort，thatIdidnotdeservetobeused
　　asawife；thathehadusedallthefairmeanspossiblewithme；
　　thathehadarguedwithallthekindnessandcalmnessthata
　　husbandoraChristianoughttodo，andthatImadehimsuch
　　avilereturn，thatItreatedhimratherlikeadogthanaman，
　　andratherlikethemostcontemptiblestrangerthanahusband；
　　thathewasverylothtouseviolencewithme，butthat，inshort，
　　hesawanecessityofitnow，andthatforthefutureheshould
　　beobligedtotakesuchmeasuresasshouldreducemetomy
　　duty。
　　Mybloodwasnowfiredtotheutmost，thoughIknewwhat
　　hehadsaidwasverytrue，andnothingcouldappearmore
　　provoked。
　　Itoldhim，forhisfairmeansandhisfoul，they
　　wereequallycontemnedbyme；thatformygoingtoEngland，
　　Iwasresolvedonit，comewhatwould；andthatastotreating
　　himnotlikeahusband，andnotshowingmyselfamotherto
　　mychildren，theremightbesomethingmoreinitthanhe
　　understoodatpresent；but，forhisfurtherconsideration，I
　　thoughtfittotellhimthusmuch，thatheneitherwasmylawful
　　husband，northeylawfulchildren，andthatIhadreasonto
　　regardneitherofthemmorethanIdid。
　　IconfessIwasmovedtopityhimwhenIspokeit，forhe
　　turnedpaleasdeath，andstoodmuteasonethunderstruck，
　　andonceortwiceIthoughthewouldhavefainted；inshort，
　　itputhiminafitsomethinglikeanapoplex；hetrembled，a
　　sweatordewranoffhisface，andyethewascoldasaclod，
　　sothatIwasforcedtorunandfetchsomethingforhimto
　　keeplifeinhim。
　　Whenherecoveredofthat，hegrewsickand
　　vomited，andinalittleafterwasputtobed，andthenext
　　morningwas，ashehadbeenindeedallnight，inaviolentfever。
　　However，itwentoffagain，andherecovered，thoughbut
　　slowly，andwhenhecametobealittlebetter，hetoldmeI
　　hadgivenhimamortalwoundwithmytongue，andhehad
　　onlyonethingtoaskbeforehedesiredanexplanation。