Ifairlyshouted，forIhadneverhearditsoundbetter；andthenIwasbackathimasquickasaflash——"Right，yourExcellency！ButIreckonaFrenchman’sgothislittlestand—byforadulltime，too；becausewhenallotherinterestsfailhecanturninandseeifhecan’tfindoutwhohisfatherwas！"
Well，youshouldhaveheardhimjustwhoop，andcackle，andcarryon！
Hereachedupandhitmeoneontheshoulder，andsays：
"Land，butit’sgood！It’sim—menselygood！I’George，Ineverhearditsaidsogoodinmylifebefore！Sayitagain。"
SoIsaiditagain，andhesaidhisagain，andIsaidmineagain，andthenhedid，andthenIdid，andthenhedid，andwekeptondoingit，anddoingit，andIneverhadsuchagoodtime，andhesaidthesame。
Inmyopinionthereisn’tanythingthatisaskillingasoneofthosedearoldripepensionersifyouknowhowtosnatchitoutinakindofafreshsortoforiginalway。
ButIwishM。Bourgethadreadmoreofournovelsbeforehecame。Itistheonlywaytothoroughlyunderstandapeople。WhenIfoundIwascomingtoParis，Iread’LaTerre’。
ALITTLENOTETOM。PAULBOURGET
[TheprecedingsquibwasassailedintheNorthAmericanReviewinanarticleentitled"MarkTwainandPaulBourget，"byMaxO’Rell。ThefollowinglittlenoteisaRejoindertothatarticle。Itispossiblethatthepositionassumedhere——thatM。BourgetdictatedtheO’Rellarticlehimself——isuntenable。]
Youhaveeveryright，mydearM。Bourget，toretortuponmebydictation，ifyoupreferthatmethodtowritingatmewithyourpen；butifImaysayitwithouthurt——andcertainlyImeannooffence——Ibelieveyouwouldhaveacquittedyourselfbetterwiththepen。Withthepenyouareathome；itisyournaturalweapon；youuseitwithgrace，eloquence，charm，persuasiveness，whenmenaretobeconvinced，andwithformidableeffectwhentheyhaveearnedacastigation。ButIamsureIseesignsintheabovearticlethatyouareeitherunaccustomedtodictatingorareoutofpractice。Ifyouwillre—readityouwillnotice，yourself，thatitlacksdefiniteness；thatitlackspurpose；thatitlackscoherence；thatitlacksasubjecttotalkabout；thatitislooseandwabbly；thatitwandersaround；thatitlosesitselfearlyanddoesnotfinditselfanymore。Therearesomeotherdefects，asyouwillnotice，butIthinkI
havenamedthemainones。Ifeelsurethattheyareallduetoyourlackofpracticeindictating。
InasmuchasyouhadnotsigneditIhadtheimpressionatfirstthatyouhadnotdictatedit。Butonlyforamoment。Certainquitesimpleanddefinitefactsremindedmethatthearticlehadtocomefromyou，forthereasonthatitcouldnotcomefromanyoneelsewithoutaspecificinvitationfromyouorfromme。Imean，itcouldnotexceptasanintrusion，atransgressionofthelawwhichforbidsstrangerstomixintoaprivatedisputebetweenfriends，unasked。
Thosesimpleanddefinitefactswerethese：Ihadpublishedanarticleinthismagazine，withyouformysubject；justyouyourself；Istuckstrictlytothatonesubject，anddidnotinterlardanyother。Noone，ofcourse，couldcallmetoaccountbutyoualone，oryourauthorizedrepresentative。Iaskedsomequestions——askedthemofmyself。
Iansweredthemmyself。Myarticlewasthirteenpageslong，andalldevotedtoyou；devotedtoyou，anddividedupinthisway：onepageofguessesastowhatsubjectsyouwouldinstructusin，asteacher；onepageofdoubtsastotheeffectivenessofyourmethodofexaminingusandourways；twoorthreepagesofcriticismofyourmethod，andofcertainresultswhichitfurnishedyou；twoorthreepagesofattemptstoshowthejustnessofthesesamecriticisms；halfadozenpagesmadeupofslightfault—findingswithcertainminordetailsofyourliteraryworkmanship，ofextractsfromyour’Outre—Mer’andcommentsuponthem；
thenIclosedwithananecdote。Irepeat——forcertainreasons——thatI
closedwithananecdote。
WhenIwasaskedbythismagazineifIwishedto"answer"a"reply"tothatarticleofmine，Isaid"yes，"andwaitedinParisfortheproof—
sheetsofthe"reply"tocome。Ialreadyknew，bythecablegram，thatthe"reply"wouldnotbesignedbyyou，butuponreflectionIknewitwouldbedictatedbyyou，becausenovolunteerwouldfeelhimselfatlibertytoassumeyourchampionshipinaprivatedispute，unasked，inviewofthefactthatyouarequitewellabletotakecareofyourmattersofthatsortyourselfandarenotinneedofanyone’shelp。
No，avolunteercouldnotmakesuchaventure。Itwouldbetooimmodest。
Alsotoogratuitouslygenerous。Andashadetooself—sufficient。No，hecouldnotventureit。Itwouldlooktoomuchlikeanxietytogetinatafeastwherenoplatehadbeenprovidedforhim。Infacthecouldnotgetinatall，exceptbythebackway，andwithafalsekey；thatistosay，apretext——apretextinventedfortheoccasionbyputtingintomymouthwordswhichIdidnotuse，andbywrestingsayingsofminefromtheirplainandtruemeaning。Wouldheresorttomethodslikethosetogetin？No；therearenopeopleofthatkind。SothenIknewforacertaintythatyoudictatedtheReplyyourself。Iknewyoudidittosaveyourselfmanuallabor。
Andyouhadtheright，asIhavealreadysaidandIamcontent——perfectlycontent。
Yetitwouldhavebeenlittletroubletoyou，andagreatkindnesstome，ifyouhadwrittenyourReplyalloutwithyourowncapablehand。
Becausethenitwouldhavereplied——andthatisreallywhataReplyisfor。Broadlyspeaking，itsfunctionistorefute——asyouwilleasilyconcede。Thatleavessomethingfortheotherpersontotakeholdof：
hehasachancetoreplytotheReply，hehasachancetorefutetherefutation。Thiswouldhavehappenedifyouhadwrittenitoutinsteadofdictating。Dictatingisnearlysuretounconcentratethedictator’smind，whenheisoutofpractice，confusehim，andbetrayhimintousingonesetofliteraryruleswhenheoughttouseaquitedifferentset。
OftenitbetrayshimintoemployingtheRULESFORCONVERSATIONBETWEENA
SHOUTERANDADEAFPERSON——asinthepresentcase——whenheoughttoemploytheRULESFORCONDUCTINGDISCUSSIONWITHAFAULT—FINDER。Thegreatfoundation—ruleandbasicprincipleofdiscussionwithafault—
finderisrelevancyandconcentrationuponthesubject；whereasthegreatfoundation—ruleandbasicprinciplegoverningconversationbetweenashouterandadeafpersonisirrelevancyandpersistentdesertionofthetopicinhand。IfImaybeallowedtoillustratebyquotingexampleIV。，sectionfromchapterix。of"RevisedRulesforConductingConversationbetweenaShouterandaDeafPerson，"itwillassistusingettingaclearideaofthedifferencebetweenthetwosetsofrules：
Shouter。DidyousayhisnameisWETHERBY？
DeafPerson。Change？Yes，Ithinkitwill。ThoughifitshouldclearoffI——
Shouter。It’shisNAMEIwant——hisNAME。
DeafPerson。Maybeso，maybeso；butitwillonlybeashower，Ithink。
Shouter。No，no，no！——youhavequitemisunderSTOODme。If——
DeafPerson。Ah！GOODmorning；Iamsorryyoumustgo。Butcallagain，andletmecontinuetobeofassistancetoyouineverywayIcan。
Youseeitisaperfectkodakofthearticleyouhavedictated。Itisreallycuriousandinterestingwhenyoucometocompareitwithyours；
indetail，withmyformerarticletowhichitisaReplyinyourhand。
ItalktwelvepagesaboutyourAmericaninstructionprojects，andyourdoubtfulscientificsystem，andyourpainstakingclassificationofnonexistentthings，andyourdiligenceandzealandsincerity，andyourdisloyalattitudetowardsanecdotes，andyourunduereverenceforunsafestatisticsandfarfactsthatlackapedigree；andyouturnaroundandcomebackatmewitheightpagesofweather。
Idonotseehowapersoncanactso。Itisgoodofyoutorepeat，withchangeoflanguage，inthebulkofyourrejoinder，somuchofmyownarticle，andadoptmysentiments，andmakethemover，andputnewbuttonson；andIlikethecompliment，andamfranktosayso；butagreeingwithapersoncripplescontroversyandoughtnottobeallowed。Itisweather；andofalmosttheworstsort。Itpleasesmegreatlytohearyoudiscoursewithsuchapprovalandexpansivenessuponmytext：
"Aforeignercanphotographtheexteriorsofanation，butIthinkthatisasfarashecanget。Ithinkthatnoforeignercanreportitsinterior；"——[Andyousay："Amanofaverageintelligence，whohaspassedsixmonthsamongapeople，cannotexpressopinionsthatareworthjottingdown，buthecanformimpressionsthatareworthrepeating。Formypart，Ithinkthatforeigners’impressionsaremoreinterestingthannativeopinions。Afterall，suchimpressionsmerelymean’howthecountrystrucktheforeigner。’"]——whichisaquiteclearwayofsayingthataforeigner’sreportisonlyvaluablewhenitrestrictsitselftoimpressions。Itpleasesmetohaveyoufollowmyleadinthatglowingway，butitleavesmenothingtocombat。Youshouldgivemesomethingtodenyandrefute；Iwoulddoasmuchforyou。
Itpleasesmetohaveyouplayfullywarnthepublicagainsttakingoneofyourbooksseriously。——[WhenIpublishedJonathanandhisContinent，I
wroteinaprefaceaddressedtoJonathan："Ifeveryoushouldinsistinseeinginthislittlevolumeaseriousstudyofyourcountryandofyourcountrymen，Iwarnyouthatyourworld—widefameforhumorwillbeexploded。"]——BecauseIusedtodothatcunningthingmyselfinearlierdays。IdiditinaprefatorynotetoabookofminecalledTomSawyer。
NOTICE。
Personsattemptingtofindamotiveinthisnarrativewillbeprosecuted；
personsattemptingtofindamoralinitwillbebanished；personsattemptingtofindaplotinitwillbeshot。
BYORDEROFTHEAUTHOR
PERG。G。，CHIEFOFORDNANCE。
Thekernelisthesameinbothprefaces，yousee——thepublicmustnottakeustooseriously。Ifweremovethatkernelweremovethelife—
principle，andtheprefaceisacorpse。Yes，itpleasesmetohaveyouusethatidea，foritisahighcompliment。Butisleavesmenothingtocombat；andthatisdamagetome。
AmIseemingtosaythatyourReplyisnotareplyatall，M。Bourget？
Ifso，Imustmodifythat；itistoosweeping。ForyouhavefurnishedageneralanswertomyinquiryastowhatFrancethroughyou——canteachus。
——["WhatcouldFranceteachAmerica！"exclaimsMarkTwain。FrancecanteachAmericaallthehigherpursuitsoflife，andthereismoreartisticfeelingandrefinementinastreetofFrenchworkingmenthaninmanyavenuesinhabitedbyAmericanmillionaires。Shecanteachher，notperhapshowtowork，buthowtorest，howtolive，howtobehappy。
Shecanteachherthattheaimoflifeisnotmoney—making，butthatmoney—makingisonlyameanstoobtainanend。Shecanteachherthatwivesarenotexpensivetoys，butusefulpartners，friends，andconfidants，whoshouldalwayskeepmenundertheirwholesomeinfluencebytheirdiplomacy，theirtact，theircommon—sense，withoutbumptiousness。
Thesequalities，addedtothehigheststandardofmorality（notangularandmorose，butcheerfulmorality），areconcededtoFrenchwomenbywhoeverknowssomethingofFrenchlifeoutsideoftheParisboulevards，andMarkTwain’sill—naturedsneercannotevensomuchasstainthem。
ImighttellMarkTwainthatinFranceamanwhowasseentipsyinhisclubwouldimmediatelyseehisnamecanceledfrommembership。Amanwhohadsettledhisfortuneonhiswifetoavoidmeetinghiscreditorswouldberefusedadmissionintoanydecentsociety。ManyaFrenchmanhasblownhisbrainsoutratherthandeclarehimselfabankrupt。NowwouldMarkTwainremarktothis：’AnAmericanisnotsuchafool：whenacreditorstandsinhiswayhecloseshisdoors，andreopensthemthefollowingday。Whenhehasbeenabankruptthreetimeshecanretirefrombusiness？"]——Itisagoodanswer。
Itrelatestomanners，customs，andmorals——threethingsconcerningwhichwecanneverhaveexhaustiveanddeterminatestatistics，andsotheverdictsdelivereduponthemmustalwayslackconclusivenessandbesubjecttorevision；butyouhavestatedthetruth，possibly，asnearlyasanyonecoulddoit，inthecircumstances。Butwhydidyouchooseadetailofmyquestionwhichcouldbeansweredonlywithvaguehearsayevidence，andgorightbyonewhichcouldhavebeenansweredwithdeadlyfacts？——factsineverybody’sreach，factswhichnonecandispute。
IaskedwhatFrancecouldteachusaboutgovernment。Ilaidmyselfprettywideopen，there；andIthoughtIwashandsomelygenerous，too，whenIdidit。Francecanteachushowtolevyvillageandcitytaxeswhichdistributetheburdenwithanearerapproachtoperfectfairnessthanisthecaseinanyotherland；andshecanteachusthewisestandsurestsystemofcollectingthemthatexists。ShecanteachushowtoelectaPresidentinasaneway；andalsohowtodoitwithoutthrowingthecountryintoearthquakesandconvulsionsthatcrippleandembarrassbusiness，stiruppartyhatredintheheartsofmen，andmakepeacefulpeoplewishthetermextendedtothirtyyears。Francecanteachus——butenoughofthatpartofthequestion。AndwhatelsecanFranceteachus？
Shecanteachusallthefinearts——anddoes。Shethrowsopenherhospitableartacademies，andsaystous，"Come"——andwecome，troopsandtroopsofouryoungandgifted；andshesetsoverustheablestmastersintheworldandbearingthegreatestnames；andshe，teachesusallthatwearecapableoflearning，andpersuadesusandencouragesuswithprizesandhonors，muchasifweweresomehowchildrenofherown；andwhenthisnobleeducationisfinishedandwearereadytocarryithomeandspreaditsgraciousministriesabroadoverournation，andwecomewithhomageandgratitudeandaskFranceforthebill——thereisnothingtopay。Andinreturnforthisimperialgenerosity，whatdoesAmericado？ShechargesadutyonFrenchworksofart！
IwishIhadyourendofthisdispute；Ishouldhavesomethingworthtalkingabout。Ifyouwouldonlyfurnishmesomethingtoargue，somethingtorefute——butyoupersistentlywon’t。Youleavegoodchancesunutilizedandspendyourstrengthinprovingandestablishingunimportantthings。Forinstance，youhaveprovenandestablishedtheseeightfactsherefollowing——agoodscoreastonumber，butnotworthwhile：
MarkTwainis——
1。"Insulting。"
2。（Sarcasticallyspeaking）"Thisrefinedhumor，1st。"
3。Prefersthemanure—piletotheviolets。
4。Hasuttered"anill—naturedsneer。"
5。Is"nasty。"
6。Needsa"lessoninpolitenessandgoodmanners。"
7。Haspublisheda"nastyarticle。"
8。Hasmaderemarks"unworthyofagentleman。"——["Itismorefunnythanhis"（MarkTwain’s）"anecdote，andwouldhavebeenlessinsulting。"
Aquotedremarkofmine"isagrossinsulttoanationfriendlytoAmerica。"
"HehasreadLaTerre，thisrefinedhumorist。"
"WhenMarkTwainvisitsagarden……hegoesinthefar—awaycomerwherethesoilisprepared。"
"MarkTwain’sill—naturedsneercannotsomuchasstainthem"（theFrenchwomen）。
"Whenhe"（MarkTwain）"takeshisrevengeheisunkind，unfair，bitter，nasty。"
"Butnotevenyournastyarticleonmycountry，Mark，"etc。
"Markmightcertainlyhavederivedfromit"（M。Bourget’sbook）"alessoninpolitenessandgoodmanners。"
Aquotedremarkofmineis"unworthyofagentleman。"]——
Thesearealltrue，butreallytheyarenotvaluable；noonecaresmuchforsuchfinds。InourAmericanmagazineswerecognizethisandsuppressthem。Weavoidnamingthem。Americanwritersneverallowthemselvestonamethem。Itwouldlookasiftheywereinatemper，andweholdthatexhibitionsoftemperinpublicarenotgoodformexceptintheveryyoungandinexperienced。Andevenifwehadthedispositiontonamethem，inordertofillupagapwhenwewereshortofideasandarguments，ourmagazineswouldnotallowustodoit，becausetheythinkthatsuchwordssullytheirpages。Thispresentmagazineisparticularlystrenuousaboutit。Itsnotetomeannouncingtheforwardingofyourproof—sheetstoFranceclosedthus——foryourprotection：
"Itisneedlesstoaskyoutoavoidanythingthathemightconsideraspersonal。"
Itwaswellenough，asameasureofprecaution，butreallyitwasnotneeded。Youcantrustmeimplicitly，M。Bourget；IshallnevercallyouanynamesinprintwhichIshouldbeashamedtocallyouwithyourunoffendinganddearestonespresent。
Indeed，wearereserved，andparticularinAmericatoadegreewhichyouwouldconsiderexaggerated。Forinstance，weshouldnotwritenoteslikethatoneofyourstoaladyforasmallfault——oralargeone。——[WhenM。
PaulBourgetindulgesinalittlechaffingattheexpenseoftheAmericans，"whocanalwaysgetawaywithafewyears’tryingtofindoutwhotheirgrandfatherswere，"hemerelymakesanallusiontoanAmericanfoible；but，forsooth，whatakindman，whatahumoristMarkTwainiswhenheretortsbycallingFranceanationofbastards！HowtheAmericansofcultureandrefinementwilladmirehimforthusspeakingintheirname！
Snobbery……IcouldgiveMarkTwainanexampleoftheAmericanspecimen。Itisapiquantstory。IneverpublisheditbecauseIfearedmyreadersmightthinkthatIwasgivingthematypicalillustrationofAmericancharacterinsteadofarareexception。
Iwasoncebookedbymymanagertogiveacauserieinthedrawing—roomofaNewYorkmillionaire。Iacceptedwithreluctance。Idonotlikeprivateengagements。Atfiveo’clockonthedaythecauseriewastobegiven，theladysenttomymanagertosaythatshewouldexpectmetoarriveatnineo’clockandtospeakforaboutanhour。Thenshewroteapostscript。Manywomenareunfortunatethere。Theirmindsarefullofafter—thoughts，andthemostimportantpartoftheirlettersisgenerallytobefoundaftertheirsignature。Thislady’sP。S。ranthus："I
supposebewillnotexpecttobeentertainedafterthelecture。"
Ifairlyshorted，asMarkTwainwouldsay，andthen，indulgingmyselfinabitofsnobbishness，Iwasbackatherasquickasaflash：
"DearMadam：Asaliterarymanofsomereputation，IhavemanytimeshadthepleasureofbeingentertainedbythemembersoftheoldaristocracyofFrance。IhavealsomanytimeshadthepleasureofbeingentertainedbythemembersoftheoldaristocracyofEngland。Ifitmayinterestyou，IcaneventellyouthatIhaveseveraltimeshadthehonorofbeingentertainedbyroyalty；butmyambitionhasneverbeensowildastoexpectthatonedayImightbeentertainedbythearistocracyofNewYork。No，Idonotexpecttobeentertainedbyyou，nordoIwantyoutoexpectmetoentertainyouandyourfriendsto—night，forIdeclinetokeeptheengagement。"
Now，IcouldfillabookonAmericawithreminiscencesofthissort，addingafewchaptersonbossesandboodlers，onNewYork’chroniquescandaleuse’，onthetenementhousesofthelargecities，onthegambling—hellsofDenver，andthedensofSanFrancisco，andwhatnot！
Butnotevenyournastyarticleonmycountry，Mark，willmakemedoit。]——Weshouldnotthinkitkind。Nomatterhowmuchwemighthaveassociatedwithkingsandnobilities，weshouldnotthinkitrighttocrushherwithitandmakeherashamedofherlowlierwalkinlife；forwehaveasaying，"Whohumiliatesmymotherincludeshisown。"
DoIseriouslyimagineyoutobetheauthorofthatstrangeletter，M。Bourget？IndeedIdonot。Ibelieveittohavebeensurreptitiouslyinsertedbyyouramanuensiswhenyourbackwasturned。Ithinkhediditwithagoodmotive，expectingittoaddforceandpiquancytoyourarticle，butitdoesnotreflectyournature，andIknowitwillgrieveyouwhenyouseeit。Ialsothinkheinterlardedmanyotherthingswhichyouwilldisapproveofwhenyouseethem。Iamcertainthatalltheharshnamesdischargedatmecomefromhim，notyou。Nodoubtyoucouldhaveprovedmeentitledtothemwithaslittletroubleasithascosthimtodoit，butitwouldhavebeenyourdispositiontohuntgameofahigherquality。
Why，IevendoubtifitisyouwhofurnishmeallthatexcellentinformationaboutBalzacandthoseothers。——["NowthestyleofM。
BourgetandmanyotherFrenchwritersisapparentlyaclosedlettertoMarkTwain；butletusleavethatalone。HashereadErckmann—Chatrian，VictorHugo，Lamartine，EdmondAbout，Cherbuliez，Renan？HashereadGustaveDroz’s’Monsieur，Madame，etBebe’，andthosebookswhichleaveforalongtimeaperfumeaboutyou？HashereadthenovelsofAlexandreDumas，EugeneSue，GeorgeSand，andBalzac？HasbereadVictorHugo’s’LesMiserables’and’NotreDamedeParis’？HashereadorheardtheplaysofSandeau，Augier，Dumas，andSardou，theworksofthoseTitansofmodernliterature，whosenameswillbehouseholdwordsallovertheworldforhundredsofyearstocome？HehasreadLaTerre——thiskind—hearted，refinedhumorist！WhenMarkTwainvisitsagardendoeshesmelltheviolets，theroses，thejasmine，orthehoneysuckle？No，hegoesinthefar—awaycomerwherethesoilisprepared。Hearwhathesays："IwishM。
PaulBourgethadreadmoreofournovelsbeforehecame。Itistheonlywaytothoroughlyunderstandapeople。WhenIfoundIwascomingtoParisIreadLaTerre。"]——Allthisinsimplejusticetoyou——andtome；
for，togravelyacceptthoseinterlardingsasyourswouldbetowrongyourheadandheart，andatthesametimeconvictmyselfofbeingequippedwithavacancywheremypenetrationoughttobelodged。
AndnowfinallyImustuncoverthesecretpain，theweesorefromwhichtheReplygrew——theanecdotewhichclosedmyrecentarticle——andconsiderhowitisthatthispimplehasspreadtothesecancerousdimensions。
IfanybutyouhaddictatedtheReply，M。Bourget，Iwouldknowthatthatanecdotewastwistedaroundanditsintentionmagnifiedsomehundredsoftimes，inorderthatitmightbeusedasapretexttocreepinthebackway。ButIaccuseyouofnothing——nothingbuterror。WhenyousaythatI"retortbycallingFranceanationofbastards，"itisanerror。Andnotasmallone，butalargeone。Imadenosuchremark，noranythingresemblingit。Moreover，themagazinewouldnothaveallowedmetousesogrossawordasthat。
Youtoldananecdote。Afunnyone——Iadmitthat。IthitafoibleofourAmericanaristocracy，anditstungme——Iadmitthat；itstungmesharply。
Itwaslikethis：YoufoundsomeancientportraitsofFrenchkingsinthegalleryofoneofouraristocracy，andyousaid：
"HehastheGrandMonarch，butwhereistheportraitofhisgrandfather？"
Thatis，theAmericanaristocrat’sgrandfather。
Nowthathitsonlyafewofus，Igrant——justtheuppercrustonly——butithitsexceedinglyhard。
Iwonderediftherewasanywayofgettingbackatyou。InoneofyourchaptersIfoundthischance：
"InourhighParisianexistence，forinstance，wefindappliedtoartsandluxury，andtodebauchery，allthepowersandalltheweaknessesoftheFrenchsoul。"
Yousee？Your"higherParisian"class——noteverybody，notthenation，butonlythetopcrustoftheOvation——appliestodebaucheryallthepowersofitssoul。
Iarguedtomyselfthatthatenergymustproduceresults。SoIbuiltananecdoteoutofyourremark。InitImakeNapoleonBonapartesaytome——
butseeforyourselftheanecdote（ingeniouslyclippedandcurtailed）inparagraphelevenofyourReply。——[So，Irepeat，MarkTwaindoesnotlikeM。PaulBourget’sbook。SolongashemakeslightfunofthegreatFrenchwriterheisathome，heispleasant，heistheAmericanhumoristweknow。Whenhetakeshisrevenge（andwhereisthereasonfortakingarevenge？）heisunkind，unfair，bitter，nasty。
Forexample：
SeehisanswertoaFrenchmanwhojokinglyremarkstohim：
"IsupposelifecannevergetentirelydulltoanAmerican，becausewheneverhecan’tstrikeupanyotherwaytoputinhistime，hecanalwaysgetawaywithafewyearstryingtofindoutwhohisgrandfatherwas。"
Heartheanswer：
"IreckonaFrenchman’sgothislittlestandbyforadulltime，too；
becausewhenallotherinterestsfail，hecanturninandseeifhecan’tfindoutwhohisfatherwas。"
Thefirstremarkisagood—humoredbitofchaffingonAmericansnobbery。
Imaybeutterlydestituteofhumor，butIcallthesecondremarkagratuitouschargeofimmoralityhurledattheFrenchwomen——aremarkunworthyofamanwhohastheearofthepublic，unworthyofagentleman，agrossinsulttoanationfriendlytoAmerica，anationthathelpedMarkTwain’sancestorsintheirstruggleforliberty，anationwhereto—dayitisenoughtosaythatyouareAmericantoseeeverydooropenwidetoyou。
IfMarkTwainwashardupinsearchof，aFrench"chestnut，"Imighthavetoldhimthefollowinglittleanecdote。Itismorefunnythanhis，andwouldhavebeenlessinsulting：Twolittlestreetboysareabusingeachother。"Ah，holdyourtongue，"saysone，"youain’tgotnofather。"
"Ain’tgotnofather！"repliestheother；"I’vegotmorefathersthanyou。"]
Now，then，youranecdoteaboutthegrandfathershurtme。Why？Becauseithadapoint。Itwouldn’thavehurtmeifithadn’thadpoint。Youwouldn’thavewastedspaceonitifithadn’thadpoint。
Myanecdotehashurtyou。Why？Becauseithadpoint，Isuppose。Itwouldn’thavehurtyouifithadn’thadpoint。IjudgedfromyourremarkaboutthediligenceandindustryofthehighParisianuppercrustthatitwouldhavesomepoint，butreallyIhadnoideawhatagold—mineIhadstruck。Ineversuspectedthatthepointwasgoingtostickintotheentirenation；butofcourseyouknowyournationbetterthanIdo，andifyouthinkitpuncturesthemall，Ihavetoyieldtoyourjudgment。
Butyouaretoblame，yourownself。Yourremarkmisledme。Isupposedtheindustrywasconfinedtothatlittleunnumerousupperlayer。
Well，nowthattheunfortunatethinghasbeendone，letusdowhatwecantoundoit。Theremustbeaway，M。Bourget，andIamwillingtodoanythingthatwillhelp；forIamassorryasyoucanbeyourself。
IwilltellyouwhatIthinkwillbetheverything。
Wewillswapanecdotes。Iwilltakeyouranecdoteandyoutakemine。I
willsaytothedukesandcountsandprincesoftheancientnobilityofFrance：
"Ha，ha！Youmusthaveaprettyhardtimetryingtofindoutwhoyourgrandfatherswere？"
Theywillmerelysmileindifferentlyandnotfeelhurt，becausetheycantracetheirlineagebackthroughcenturies。
AndyouwillhurlmineateveryindividualintheAmericannation，saying：
"Andyoumusthaveaprettyhardtimetryingtofindoutwhoyourfatherswere。"Theywillmerelysmileindifferently，andnotfeelhurt，becausetheyhaven’tanydifficultyinfindingtheirfathers。
Doyougettheidea？Thewholeharmintheanecdotesisinthepoint，yousee；andwhenweswapthemaroundthatway，theyhaven’tany。
Thatsettlesitperfectlyandbeautifully，andIamgladIthoughtofit。
Iamverygladindeed，M。Bourget；foritwasjustthatlittleweethingthatcausedthewholedifficultyandmadeyoudictatetheReply，andyouramanuensiscallmeallthosehardnameswhichthemagazinesdislikeso。
AndIdiditallinfun，too，tryingtocapyourfunnyanecdotewithanotherone——onthegive—and—takeprinciple，youknow——whichisAmerican。
Ididn’tknowthatwiththeFrenchitwasallgiveandnotake，andyoudidn’ttellme。ButnowthatIhavemadeeverythingcomfortableagain，andfixedbothanecdotessotheycanneverhaveanypointanymore，I
knowyouwillforgiveme。