"Andbecause，"Pierrecontinued，"onlyonewhobelievesthatthereisaGodrulinguscanbearalosssuchashersand……yours。"
Natashahadalreadyopenedhermouthtospeakbutsuddenlystopped。PierrehurriedlyturnedawayfromherandagainaddressedPrincessMary，askingabouthisfriend’slastdays。
Pierre’sconfusionhadnowalmostvanished，butatthesametimehefeltthathisfreedomhadalsocompletelygone。Hefeltthattherewasnowajudgeofhiseverywordandactionwhosejudgmentmatteredmoretohimthanthatofalltherestoftheworld。AshespokenowhewasconsideringwhatimpressionhiswordswouldmakeonNatasha。Hedidnotpurposelysaythingstopleaseher，butwhateverhewassayingheregardedfromherstandpoint。
PrincessMary—reluctantlyasisusualinsuchcases—begantellingoftheconditioninwhichshehadfoundPrinceAndrew。ButPierre’sfacequiveringwithemotion，hisquestionsandhiseagerrestlessexpression，graduallycompelledhertogointodetailswhichshefearedtorecallforherownsake。
"Yes，yes，andso……？"Pierrekeptsayingasheleanedtowardherwithhiswholebodyandeagerlylistenedtoherstory。"Yes，yes……sohegrewtranquilandsoftened？Withallhissoulhehadalwayssoughtonething—tobeperfectlygood—sohecouldnotbeafraidofdeath。Thefaultshehad—ifhehadany—werenotofhismaking。Sohedidsoften？……Whatahappythingthathesawyouagain，"headded，suddenlyturningtoNatashaandlookingatherwitheyesfulloftears。
Natasha’sfacetwitched。Shefrownedandloweredhereyesforamoment。Shehesitatedforaninstantwhethertospeakornot。
"Yes，thatwashappiness，"shethensaidinherquietvoicewithitsdeepchestnotes。"Formeitcertainlywashappiness。"Shepaused。
"Andhe……he……hesaidhewaswishingforitattheverymomentI
enteredtheroom……"
Natasha’svoicebroke。Sheblushed，pressedherclaspedhandsonherknees，andthencontrollingherselfwithanevidenteffortliftedherheadandbegantospeakrapidly。
"WeknewnothingofitwhenwestartedfromMoscow。Ididnotdaretoaskabouthim。ThensuddenlySonyatoldmehewastravelingwithus。Ihadnoideaandcouldnotimaginewhatstatehewasin，allI
wantedwastoseehimandbewithhim，"shesaid，trembling，andbreathingquickly。
Andnotlettingtheminterrupthershewentontotellwhatshehadneveryetmentionedtoanyone—allshehadlivedthroughduringthosethreeweeksoftheirjourneyandlifeatYaroslavl。
Pierrelistenedtoherwithlipspartedandeyesfixeduponherfulloftears。AshelistenedhedidnotthinkofPrinceAndrew，norofdeath，norofwhatshewastelling。Helistenedtoherandfeltonlypityforher，forwhatshewassufferingnowwhileshewasspeaking。
PrincessMary，frowninginherefforttoholdbackhertears，satbesideNatasha，andheardforthefirsttimethestoryofthoselastdaysofherbrother’sandNatasha’slove。
EvidentlyNatashaneededtotellthatpainfulyetjoyfultale。
Shespoke，minglingmosttriflingdetailswiththeintimatesecretsofhersoul，anditseemedasifshecouldneverfinish。
Severaltimessherepeatedthesamethingtwice。
Dessalles’voicewasheardoutsidethedooraskingwhetherlittleNicholasmightcomeintosaygoodnight。
"Well，that’sall—everything，"saidNatasha。
ShegotupquicklyjustasNicholasentered，almostrantothedoorwhichwashiddenbycurtains，struckherheadagainstit，andrushedfromtheroomwithamoaneitherofpainorsorrow。
Pierregazedatthedoorthroughwhichshehaddisappearedanddidnotunderstandwhyhesuddenlyfeltallaloneintheworld。
PrincessMaryrousedhimfromhisabstractionbydrawinghisattentiontohernephewwhohadenteredtheroom。
AtthatmomentofemotionaltendernessyoungNicholas’face，whichresembledhisfather’s，affectedPierresomuchthatwhenhehadkissedtheboyhegotupquickly，tookouthishandkerchief，andwenttothewindow。HewishedtotakeleaveofPrincessMary，butshewouldnotlethimgo。
"No，NatashaandIsometimesdon’tgotosleeptillaftertwo，sopleasedon’tgo。Iwillordersupper。Godownstairs，wewillcomeimmediately。"
BeforePierrelefttheroomPrincessMarytoldhim："Thisisthefirsttimeshehastalkedofhimlikethat。"
BK15CH17
CHAPTERXVII
Pierrewasshownintothelarge，brightlylitdiningroom；afewminuteslaterheheardfootstepsandPrincessMaryenteredwithNatasha。Natashawascalm，thoughasevereandgraveexpressionhadagainsettledonherface。Theyallthreeofthemnowexperiencedthatfeelingofawkwardnesswhichusuallyfollowsafteraseriousandheartfelttalk。Itisimpossibletogobacktothesameconversation，totalkoftriflesisawkward，andyetthedesiretospeakisthereandsilenceseemslikeaffectation。Theywentsilentlytotable。Thefootmendrewbackthechairsandpushedthemupagain。Pierreunfoldedhiscoldtablenapkinand，resolvingtobreakthesilence，lookedatNatashaandatPrincessMary。Theyhadevidentlybothformedthesameresolution；theeyesofbothshonewithsatisfactionandaconfessionthatbesidessorrowlifealsohasjoy。
"Doyoutakevodka，Count？"askedPrincessMary，andthosewordssuddenlybanishedtheshadowsofthepast。"Nowtellusaboutyourself，"saidshe。"Onehearssuchimprobablewondersaboutyou。"
"Yes，"repliedPierrewiththesmileofmildironynowhabitualtohim。"TheyeventellmewondersImyselfneverdreamedof！MaryAbramovnainvitedmetoherhouseandkepttellingmewhathadhappened，oroughttohavehappened，tome。StepanStepanychalsoinstructedmehowIoughttotellofmyexperiences。IngeneralIhavenoticedthatitisveryeasytobeaninterestingmanIamaninterestingmannow；peopleinvitemeoutandtellmeallaboutmyself。"
Natashasmiledandwasonthepointofspeaking。
"Wehavebeentold，"PrincessMaryinterruptedher，"thatyoulosttwomillionsinMoscow。Isthattrue？"
"ButIamthreetimesasrichasbefore，"returnedPierre。
Thoughthepositionwasnowalteredbyhisdecisiontopayhiswife’sdebtsandtorebuildhishouses，Pierrestillmaintainedthathehadbecomethreetimesasrichasbefore。
"WhatIhavecertainlygainedisfreedom，"hebeganseriously，butdidnotcontinue，noticingthatthisthemewastooegotistic。
"Andareyoubuilding？"
"Yes。SavelichsaysImust！"
"Tellme，youdidnotknowofthecountess’deathwhenyoudecidedtoremaininMoscow？"askedPrincessMaryandimmediatelyblushed，noticingthatherquestion，followinghismentionoffreedom，ascribedtohiswordsameaninghehadperhapsnotintended。
"No，"answeredPierre，evidentlynotconsideringawkwardthemeaningPrincessMaryhadgiventohiswords。"IheardofitinOrelandyoucannotimaginehowitshockedme。Wewerenotanexemplarycouple，"headdedquickly，glancingatNatashaandnoticingonherfacecuriosityastohowhewouldspeakofhiswife，"butherdeathshockedmeterribly。Whentwopeoplequarreltheyarealwaysbothinfault，andone’sownguiltsuddenlybecomesterriblyseriouswhentheotherisnolongeralive。Andthensuchadeath……withoutfriendsandwithoutconsolation！Iamvery，verysorryforher，"heconcluded，andwaspleasedtonoticealookofgladapprovalonNatasha’sface。
"Yes，andsoyouareoncemoreaneligiblebachelor，"saidPrincessMary。
PierresuddenlyflushedcrimsonandforalongtimetriednottolookatNatasha。Whenheventuredtoglanceherwayagainherfacewascold，stern，andhefanciedevencontemptuous。
"AnddidyoureallyseeandspeaktoNapoleon，aswehavebeentold？"saidPrincessMary。
Pierrelaughed。
"No，notonce！EverybodyseemstoimaginethatbeingtakenprisonermeansbeingNapoleon’sguest。NotonlydidIneverseehimbutIheardnothingabouthim—Iwasinmuchlowercompany！"
Supperwasover，andPierrewhoatfirstdeclinedtospeakabouthiscaptivitywasgraduallyledontodoso。
"Butit’struethatyouremainedinMoscowtokillNapoleon？"
Natashaaskedwithaslightsmile。"IguesseditthenwhenwemetattheSukharevtower，doyouremember？"
Pierreadmittedthatitwastrue，andfromthatwasgraduallyledbyPrincessMary’squestionsandespeciallybyNatasha’sintogivingadetailedaccountofhisadventures。
Atfirsthespokewiththeamusedandmildironynowcustomarywithhimtowardeverybodyandespeciallytowardhimself，butwhenhecametodescribethehorrorsandsufferingshehadwitnessedhewasunconsciouslycarriedawayandbeganspeakingwiththesuppressedemotionofamanre—experiencinginrecollectionstrongimpressionshehaslivedthrough。
PrincessMarywithagentlesmilelookednowatPierreandnowatNatasha。InthewholenarrativeshesawonlyPierreandhisgoodness。Natasha，leaningonherelbow，theexpressionofherfaceconstantlychangingwiththenarrative，watchedPierrewithanattentionthatneverwandered—evidentlyherselfexperiencingallthathedescribed。Notonlyherlook，butherexclamationsandthebriefquestionssheput，showedPierrethatsheunderstoodjustwhathewishedtoconvey。Itwasclearthatsheunderstoodnotonlywhathesaidbutalsowhathewishedto，butcouldnot，expressinwords。
TheaccountPierregaveoftheincidentwiththechildandthewomanforprotectingwhomhewasarrestedwasthis："Itwasanawfulsight—childrenabandoned，someintheflames……Onewassnatchedoutbeforemyeyes……andtherewerewomenwhohadtheirthingssnatchedoffandtheirearringstornout……"heflushedandgrewconfused。"Thenapatrolarrivedandallthemen—allthosewhowerenotlooting，thatis—werearrested，andIamongthem。"
"Iamsureyou’renottellinguseverything；Iamsureyoudidsomething……"saidNatashaandpausingadded，"somethingfine？"
Pierrecontinued。Whenhespokeoftheexecutionhewantedtopassoverthehorribledetails，butNatashainsistedthatheshouldnotomitanything。
PierrebegantotellaboutKarataev，butpaused。Bythistimehehadrisenfromthetableandwaspacingtheroom，Natashafollowinghimwithhereyes。Thenheadded：
"No，youcan’tunderstandwhatIlearnedfromthatilliterateman—
thatsimplefellow。"
"Yes，yes，goon！"saidNatasha。"Whereishe？"
"Theykilledhimalmostbeforemyeyes。"
AndPierre，hisvoicetremblingcontinually，wentontotellofthelastdaysoftheirretreat，ofKarataev’sillnessandhisdeath。
Hetoldofhisadventuresashehadneveryetrecalledthem。Henow，asitwere，sawanewmeaninginallhehadgonethrough。NowthathewastellingitalltoNatashaheexperiencedthatpleasurewhichamanhaswhenwomenlistentohim—notcleverwomenwhowhenlisteningeithertrytorememberwhattheyheartoenrichtheirmindsandwhenopportunityofferstoretellit，orwhowishtoadoptittosomethoughtoftheirownandpromptlycontributetheirownclevercommentspreparedintheirlittlementalworkshop—butthepleasuregivenbyrealwomengiftedwithacapacitytoselectandabsorbtheverybestamanshowsofhimself。Natashawithoutknowingitwasallattention：shedidnotloseaword，nosinglequiverinPierre’svoice，nolook，notwitchofamuscleinhisface，norasinglegesture。Shecaughttheunfinishedwordinitsflightandtookitstraightintoheropenheart，diviningthesecretmeaningofallPierre’smentaltravail。
PrincessMaryunderstoodhisstoryandsympathizedwithhim，butshenowsawsomethingelsethatabsorbedallherattention。ShesawthepossibilityofloveandhappinessbetweenNatashaandPierre，andthefirstthoughtofthisfilledherheartwithgladness。
Itwasthreeo’clockinthemorning。Thefootmencameinwithsadandsternfacestochangethecandles，butnoonenoticedthem。
Pierrefinishedhisstory。Natashacontinuedtolookathimintentlywithbright，attentive，andanimatedeyes，asiftryingtounderstandsomethingmorewhichhehadperhapsleftuntold。Pierreinshamefacedandhappyconfusionglancedoccasionallyather，andtriedtothinkwhattosaynexttointroduceafreshsubject。PrincessMarywassilent。Itoccurredtononeofthemthatitwasthreeo’clockandtimetogotobed。
"Peoplespeakofmisfortunesandsufferings，"remarkedPierre，"butifatthismomentIwereasked：’Wouldyouratherbewhatyouwerebeforeyouweretakenprisoner，orgothroughallthisagain？’
thenforheaven’ssakeletmeagainhavecaptivityandhorseflesh！
Weimaginethatwhenwearethrownoutofourusualrutsallislost，butitisonlythenthatwhatisnewandgoodbegins。Whilethereislifethereishappiness。Thereismuch，muchbeforeus。Isaythistoyou，"headded，turningtoNatasha。
"Yes，yes，"shesaid，answeringsomethingquitedifferent。"Itooshouldwishnothingbuttoreliveitallfromthebeginning。"
Pierrelookedintentlyather。
"Yes，andnothingmore。"saidNatasha。
"It’snottrue，nottrue！"criedPierre。"Iamnottoblameforbeingaliveandwishingtolive—noryoueither。"
SuddenlyNatashabentherhead，coveredherfacewithherhands，andbegantocry。
"Whatisit，Natasha？"saidPrincessMary。
"Nothing，nothing。"ShesmiledatPierrethroughhertears。"Goodnight！Itistimeforbed。"
Pierreroseandtookhisleave。
PrincessMaryandNatashametasusualinthebedroom。TheytalkedofwhatPierrehadtoldthem。PrincessMarydidnotexpressheropinionofPierrenordidNatashaspeakofhim。
"Well，goodnight，Mary！"saidNatasha。"Doyouknow，Iamoftenafraidthatbynotspeakingofhim"shemeantPrinceAndrew"forfearofnotdoingjusticetoourfeelings，weforgethim。"
PrincessMarysigheddeeplyandtherebyacknowledgedthejusticeofNatasha’sremark，butshedidnotexpressagreementinwords。
"Isitpossibletoforget？"saidshe。
"Itdidmesomuchgoodtotellallaboutittoday。Itwashardandpainful，butgood，verygood！"saidNatasha。"Iamsurehereallylovedhim。ThatiswhyItoldhim……Wasitallright？"sheadded，suddenlyblushing。
"TotellPierre？Oh，yes。Whatasplendidmanheis！"saidPrincessMary。
"Doyouknow，Mary……"NatashasuddenlysaidwithamischievoussmilesuchasPrincessMaryhadnotseenonherfaceforalongtime，"hehassomehowgrownsoclean，smooth，andfresh—asifhehadjustcomeoutofaRussianbath；doyouunderstand？Outofamoralbath。Isn’tittrue？"
"Yes，"repliedPrincessMary。"Hehasgreatlyimproved。"
"Withashortcoatandhishaircropped；justasif，well，justasifhehadcomestraightfromthebath……Papausedto……"
"Iunderstandwhyhe"PrinceAndrew"likednoonesomuchashim，"
saidPrincessMary。
"Yes，andyetheisquitedifferent。Theysaymenarefriendswhentheyarequitedifferent。Thatmustbetrue。Reallyheisquiteunlikehim—ineverything。"
"Yes，buthe’swonderful。"
"Well，goodnight，"saidNatasha。
Andthesamemischievoussmilelingeredforalongtimeonherfaceasifithadbeenforgottenthere。
BK15CH18
CHAPTERXVIII
ItwasalongtimebeforePierrecouldfallasleepthatnight。Hepacedupanddownhisroom，nowturninghisthoughtsonadifficultproblemandfrowning，nowsuddenlyshrugginghisshouldersandwincing，andnowsmilinghappily。
HewasthinkingofPrinceAndrew，ofNatasha，andoftheirlove，atonemomentjealousofherpast，thenreproachinghimselfforthatfeeling。Itwasalreadysixinthemorningandhestillpacedupanddowntheroom。
"Well，what’stobedoneifitcannotbeavoided？What’stobedone？
Evidentlyithastobeso，"saidhetohimself，andhastilyundressinghegotintobed，happyandagitatedbutfreefromhesitationorindecision。
"Strangeandimpossibleassuchhappinessseems，ImustdoeverythingthatsheandImaybemanandwife，"hetoldhimself。
AfewdayspreviouslyPierrehaddecidedtogotoPetersburgontheFriday。WhenheawokeontheThursday，Savelichcametoaskhimaboutpackingforthejourney。
"What，toPetersburg？WhatisPetersburg？WhoisthereinPetersburg？"heaskedinvoluntarily，thoughonlytohimself。"Oh，yes，longagobeforethishappenedIdidforsomereasonmeantogotoPetersburg，"hereflected。"Why？ButperhapsIshallgo。Whatagoodfellowheisandhowattentive，andhowherememberseverything，"hethought，lookingatSavelich’soldface，"andwhatapleasantsmilehehas！"
"Well，Savelich，doyoustillnotwishtoacceptyourfreedom？"
Pierreaskedhim。
"What’sthegoodoffreedomtome，yourexcellency？Welivedunderthelatecount—thekingdomofheavenbehis！—andwehavelivedunderyoutoo，withouteverbeingwronged。"
"Andyourchildren？"
"Thechildrenwilllivejustthesame。Withsuchmastersonecanlive。"
"Butwhataboutmyheirs？"saidPierre。"SupposingIsuddenlymarry……itmighthappen，"headdedwithaninvoluntarysmile。
"IfImaytaketheliberty，yourexcellency，itwouldbeagoodthing。"
"Howeasyhethinksit，"thoughtPierre。"Hedoesn’tknowhowterribleitisandhowdangerous。Toosoonortoolate……itisterrible！"
"Sowhatareyourorders？Areyoustartingtomorrow？"askedSavelich。
"No，I’llputitoffforabit。I’lltellyoulater。YoumustforgivethetroubleIhaveputyouto，"saidPierre，andseeingSavelichsmile，hethought："ButhowstrangeitisthatheshouldnotknowthatnowthereisnoPetersburgforme，andthatthatmustbesettledfirstofall！Butprobablyheknowsitwellenoughandisonlypretending。ShallIhaveatalkwithhimandseewhathethinks？"
Pierrereflected。"No，anothertime。"
AtbreakfastPierretoldtheprincess，hiscousin，thathehadbeentoseePrincessMarythedaybeforeandhadtheremet—"Whomdoyouthink？NatashaRostova！"
TheprincessseemedtoseenothingmoreextraordinaryinthatthanifhehadseenAnnaSemenovna。
"Doyouknowher？"askedPierre。
"Ihaveseentheprincess，"shereplied。"IheardthattheywerearrangingamatchforherwithyoungRostov。ItwouldbeaverygoodthingfortheRostovs，theyaresaidtobeutterlyruined。"
"No；ImeandoyouknowNatashaRostova？"
"Iheardaboutthataffairofhersatthetime。Itwasagreatpity。"
"No，sheeitherdoesn’tunderstandorispretending，"thoughtPierre。"Betternotsayanythingtohereither。"
TheprincesstoohadpreparedprovisionsforPierre’sjourney。
"Howkindtheyallare，"thoughtPierre。"Whatissurprisingisthattheyshouldtroubleaboutthesethingsnowwhenitcannolongerbeofinteresttothem。Andallforme！"
OnthesamedaytheChiefofPolicecametoPierre，invitinghimtosendarepresentativetotheFacetedPalacetorecoverthingsthatweretobereturnedtotheirownersthatday。
"Andthismantoo，"thoughtPierre，lookingintothefaceoftheChiefofPolice。"Whatafine，good—lookingofficerandhowkind。
Fancybotheringaboutsuchtrifiesnow！Andtheyactuallysayheisnothonestandtakesbribes。Whatnonsense！Besides，whyshouldn’thetakebribes？That’sthewayhewasbroughtup，andeverybodydoesit。Butwhatakind，pleasantfaceandhowhesmilesashelooksatme。"
PierrewenttoPrincessMary’stodinner。
Ashedrovethroughthestreetspastthehousesthathadbeenburneddown，hewassurprisedbythebeautyofthoseruins。Thepicturesquenessofthechimneystacksandtumble—downwallsoftheburned—outquartersofthetown，stretchingoutandconcealingoneanother，remindedhimoftheRhineandtheColosseum。Thecabmenhemetandtheirpassengers，thecarpenterscuttingthetimberfornewhouseswithaxes，thewomenhawkers，andtheshopkeepers，alllookedathimwithcheerfulbeamingeyesthatseemedtosay："Ah，thereheis！Let’sseewhatwillcomeofit！"
AttheentrancetoPrincessMary’shousePierrefeltdoubtfulwhetherhehadreallybeentherethenightbeforeandreallyseenNatashaandtalkedtoher。"PerhapsIimaginedit；perhapsIshallgoinandfindnoonethere。"Buthehadhardlyenteredtheroombeforehefeltherpresencewithhiswholebeingbythelossofhissenseoffreedom。Shewasinthesameblackdresswithsoftfoldsandherhairwasdonethesamewayasthedaybefore，yetshewasquitedifferent。Hadshebeenlikethiswhenheenteredthedaybeforehecouldnotforamomenthavefailedtorecognizeher。
ShewasashehadknownheralmostasachildandlateronasPrinceAndrew’sfiancee。Abrightquestioninglightshoneinhereyes，andonherfacewasafriendlyandstrangelyroguishexpression。
Pierredinedwiththemandwouldhavespentthewholeeveningthere，butPrincessMarywasgoingtovespersandPierreleftthehousewithher。
Nextdayhecameearly，dined，andstayedthewholeevening。
ThoughPrincessMaryandNatashawereevidentlygladtoseetheirvisitorandthoughallPierre’sinterestwasnowcenteredinthathouse，bytheeveningtheyhadtalkedovereverythingandtheconversationpassedfromonetrivialtopictoanotherandrepeatedlybrokeoff。HestayedsolongthatPrincessMaryandNatashaexchangedglances，evidentlywonderingwhenhewouldgo。Pierrenoticedthisbutcouldnotgo。Hefeltuneasyandembarrassed，butsatonbecausehesimplycouldnotgetupandtakehisleave。
PrincessMary，foreseeingnoendtothis，rosefirst，andcomplainingofaheadachebegantosaygoodnight。
"SoyouaregoingtoPetersburgtomorrow？"sheasked。
"No，Iamnotgoing，"Pierrerepliedhastily，inasurprisedtoneandasthoughoffended。"Yes……no……toPetersburg？Tomorrow—butI
won’tsaygood—byyet。Iwillcallroundincaseyouhaveanycommissionsforme，"saidhe，standingbeforePrincessMaryandturningred，butnottakinghisdeparture。
Natashagavehimherhandandwentout。PrincessMaryontheotherhandinsteadofgoingawaysankintoanarmchair，andlookedsternlyandintentlyathimwithherdeep，radianteyes。Thewearinessshehadplainlyshownbeforehadnowquitepassedoff。Withadeepandlong—drawnsighsheseemedtobepreparedforalengthytalk。
WhenNatashalefttheroomPierre’sconfusionandawkwardnessimmediatelyvanishedandwerereplacedbyeagerexcitement。HequicklymovedanarmchairtowardPrincessMary。
"Yes，Iwantedtotellyou，"saidhe，answeringherlookasifshehadspoken。"Princess，helpme！WhatamItodo？CanIhope？Princess，mydearfriend，listen！Iknowitall。IknowIamnotwor...完整阅读请扫描二维码下载丁香书院APP免费看：
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