ArcadianSimplicityBesidesthesehonestfolksattheHallwhosesimplicityandsweetruralpuritysurelyshowtheadvantageofacountrylifeoveratownone，wemustintroducethereadertotheirrelativesandneighboursattheRectory，ButeCrawleyandhiswife。
　　TheReverendButeCrawleywasatall，stately，jolly，shovel-hattedman，farmorepopularinhiscountythantheBaronethisbrother。Atcollegehepulledstroke-oarintheChristchurchboat，andhadthrashedallthebestbruisersofthe“town。”Hecarriedhistasteforboxingandathleticexercisesintoprivatelife；therewasnotafightwithintwentymilesatwhichhewasnotpresent，norarace，noracoursingmatch，noraregatta，noraball，noranelection，noravisitationdinner，norindeedagooddinnerinthewholecounty，buthefoundmeanstoattendit。Youmightseehisbaymareandgig-lampsascoreofmilesawayfromhisRectoryHouse，whenevertherewasanydinner-partyatFuddleston，oratRoxby，oratWapshotHall，oratthegreatlordsofthecounty，withallofwhomhewasintimate。Hehadafinevoice；
　　sang“Asoutherlywindandacloudysky“；andgavethe“whoop“inchoruswithgeneralapplause。Herodetohoundsinapepper-and-saltfrock，andwasoneofthebestfishermeninthecounty。
　　Mrs。Crawley，therector’swife，wasasmartlittlebody，whowrotethisworthydivine’ssermons。Beingofadomesticturn，andkeepingthehouseagreatdealwithherdaughters，sheruledabsolutelywithintheRectory，wiselygivingherhusbandfulllibertywithout。Hewaswelcometocomeandgo，anddineabroadasmanydaysashisfancydictated，forMrs。Crawleywasasavingwomanandknewthepriceofportwine。EversinceMrs。ButecarriedofftheyoungRectorofQueen’sCrawleyshewasofagoodfamily，daughterofthelateLieut-ColonelHectorMcTavish，andsheandhermotherplayedforButeandwonhimatHarrowgate，shehadbeenaprudentandthriftywifetohim。Inspiteofhercare，however，hewasalwaysindebt。Ittookhimatleasttenyearstopayoffhiscollegebillscontractedduringhisfather’slifetime。
　　Intheyear179-，whenhewasjustclearoftheseincumbrances，hegavetheoddsof100to1intwenties
　　againstKangaroo，whowontheDerby。TheRectorwasobligedtotakeupthemoneyataruinousinterest，andhadbeenstrugglingeversince。Hissisterhelpedhimwithahundrednowandthen，butofcoursehisgreathopewasinherdeath——when“hangit“ashewouldsay，“Matildamustleavemehalfhermoney。”
　　SothattheBaronetandhisbrotherhadeveryreasonwhichtwobrotherspossiblycanhaveforbeingbytheears。SirPitthadhadthebetterofButeininnumerablefamilytransactions。YoungPittnotonlydidnothunt，butsetupameetinghouseunderhisuncle’sverynose。
　　Rawdon，itwasknown，wastocomeinforthebulkofMissCrawley’sproperty。Thesemoneytransactions——thesespeculationsinlifeanddeath——thesesilentbattlesforreversionaryspoil——makebrothersverylovingtowardseachotherinVanityFair。I，formypart，haveknownafive-poundnotetointerposeandknockupahalfcentury’sattachmentbetweentwobrethren；andcan’tbutadmire，asIthinkwhatafineanddurablethingLoveisamongworldlypeople。
　　ItcannotbesupposedthatthearrivalofsuchapersonageasRebeccaatQueen’sCrawley，andhergradualestablishmentinthegoodgracesofallpeoplethere，couldbeunremarkedbyMrs。ButeCrawley。Mrs。Bute，whoknewhowmanydaysthesirloinofbeeflastedattheHall；
　　howmuchlinenwasgotreadyatthegreatwash；howmanypeacheswereonthesouthwall；howmanydosesherladyshiptookwhenshewasill——forsuchpointsaremattersofintenseinteresttocertainpersonsinthecountry——Mrs。Bute，Isay，couldnotpassovertheHallgovernesswithoutmakingeveryinquiryrespectingherhistoryandcharacter。TherewasalwaysthebestunderstandingbetweentheservantsattheRectoryandtheHall。
　　TherewasalwaysagoodglassofaleinthekitchenoftheformerplacefortheHallpeople，whoseordinarydrinkwasverysmall——and，indeed，theRector’sladyknewexactlyhowmuchmaltwenttoeverybarrelofHallbeer——
　　tiesofrelationshipexistedbetweentheHallandRectorydomestics，asbetweentheirmasters；andthroughthesechannelseachfamilywasperfectlywellacquaintedwiththedoingsoftheother。That，bytheway，maybesetdownasageneralremark。Whenyouandyourbrotherarefriends，hisdoingsareindifferenttoyou。Whenyouhavequarrelled，allhisoutgoingsandincomingsyouknow，asifyouwerehisspy。
　　Verysoonthenafterherarrival，RebeccabegantotakearegularplaceinMrs。Crawley’sbulletinfromtheHall。
　　Itwastothiseffect：“Theblackporker’skilled——weighedxstone——saltedthesides——pig’spuddingandlegofporkfordinner。Mr。CrampfromMudbury，overwithSirPittaboutputtingJohnBlackmoreingaol——Mr。Pittatmeetingwithallthenamesofthepeoplewhoattended——
　　myladyasusual——theyoungladieswiththegoverness。”
　　Thenthereportwouldcome——thenewgovernessbeararemanager——SirPittbeverysweetonher——Mr。
　　Crawleytoo——Hebereadingtractstoher——“Whatanabandonedwretch！”saidlittle，eager，active，black-facedMrs。
　　ButeCrawley。
　　Finally，thereportswerethatthegovernesshad“comeround“everybody，wroteSirPitt’sletters，didhisbusiness，managedhisaccounts——hadtheupperhandofthewholehouse，mylady，Mr。Crawley，thegirlsandall——atwhichMrs。Crawleydeclaredshewasanartfulhussy，andhadsomedreadfuldesignsinview。ThusthedoingsattheHallwerethegreatfoodforconversationattheRectory，andMrs。Bute’sbrighteyesspiedouteverythingthattookplaceintheenemy’scamp——everythingandagreatdealbesides。
　　Mrs。ButeCrawleytoMissPinkerton，TheMall，Chiswick。
　　Rectory，Queen’sCrawley，December。
　　MyDearMadam，——AlthoughitissomanyyearssinceIprofitedbyyourdelightfulandinvaluableinstructions，yetIhaveeverretainedtheFONDESTandmostreverentialregardforMissPinkerton，andDEARChiswick。IhopeyourhealthisGOOD。TheworldandthecauseofeducationcannotaffordtoloseMissPinkertonforMANYMANY
　　YEARS。Whenmyfriend，LadyFuddleston，mentionedthatherdeargirlsrequiredaninstructressIamtoopoortoengageagovernessformine，butwasInoteducatedatChiswick？——“Who。”Iexclaimed，“canweconsultbuttheexcellent，theincomparableMissPinkerton？”Inaword，haveyou，dearmadam，anyladiesonyourlist，whoseservicesmightbemadeavailabletomykindfriendandneighbour？IassureyoushewilltakenogovernessBUTOFYOURCHOOSING。
　　MydearhusbandispleasedtosaythathelikesEVERYTHINGWHICHCOMESFROMMISSPINKERTON’S
　　SCHOOL。HowIwishIcouldpresenthimandmybelovedgirlstothefriendofmyyouth，andtheADMIREDofthegreatlexicographerofourcountry！IfyouevertravelintoHampshire，Mr。Crawleybegsmetosay，hehopesyouwilladornourRURALRECTORYwithyourpresence。’TisthehumblebuthappyhomeofYouraffectionateMarthaCrawleyP。S。Mr。Crawley’sbrother，thebaronet，withwhomwearenot，alas！uponthosetermsofUNITYinwhichitBECOMESBRETHRENTODWELL，hasagovernessforhislittlegirls，who，Iamtold，hadthegoodfortunetobeeducatedatChiswick。Ihearvariousreportsofher；
　　andasIhavethetenderestinterestinmydearestlittlenieces，whomIwish，inspiteoffamilydifferences，toseeamongmyownchildren——andasIlongtobeattentivetoANYPUPILOFYOURS——do，mydearMissPinkerton，tellmethehistoryofthisyounglady，whom，forYOURSAKE，Iammostanxioustobefriend——M。C。
　　MissPinkertontoMrs。ButeCrawley。
　　JohnsonHouse，Chiswick，Dec。18。
　　DearMadam，——Ihavethehonourtoacknowledgeyourpolitecommunication，towhichIpromptlyreply。
　　’Tismostgratifyingtooneinmymostarduouspositiontofindthatmymaternalcareshaveelicitedaresponsiveaffection；andtorecognizeintheamiableMrs。ButeCrawleymyexcellentpupilofformeryears，thesprightlyandaccomplishedMissMarthaMacTavish。Iamhappytohaveundermychargenowthedaughtersofmanyofthosewhowereyourcontemporariesatmyestablishment——whatpleasureitwouldgivemeifyourownbelovedyoungladieshadneedofmyinstructivesuperintendence！
　　PresentingmyrespectfulcomplimentstoLadyFuddleston，Ihavethehonourepistolarilytointroducetoherladyshipmytwofriends，MissTuffinandMissHawky。
　　EitheroftheseyoungladiesisPERFECTLYQUALIFIEDtoinstructinGreek，Latin，andtherudimentsofHebrew；
　　inmathematicsandhistory；inSpanish，French，Italian，andgeography；inmusic，vocalandinstrumental；indancing，withouttheaidofamaster；andintheelementsofnaturalsciences。Intheuseoftheglobesbothareproficients。InadditiontotheseMissTuffin，whoisdaughterofthelateReverendThomasTuffinFellowofCorpusCollege，Cambridge，caninstructintheSyriaclanguage，andtheelementsofConstitutionallaw。
　　Butassheisonlyeighteenyearsofage，andofexceedinglypleasingpersonalappearance，perhapsthisyoungladymaybeobjectionableinSirHuddlestonFuddleston’sfamily。
　　MissLetitiaHawky，ontheotherhand，isnotpersonallywell-favoured。Sheis-twenty-nine；herfaceismuchpittedwiththesmall-pox。Shehasahaltinhergait，redhair，andatriflingobliquityofvision。BothladiesareendowedwithEVERYMORALANDRELIGIOUS
　　VIRTUE。Theirterms，ofcourse，aresuchastheiraccomplishmentsmerit。WithmymostgratefulrespectstotheReverendButeCrawley，Ihavethehonourtobe，DearMadam，Yourmostfaithfulandobedientservant，BarbaraPinkerton。
　　P。S。TheMissSharp，whomyoumentionasgovernesstoSirPittCrawley，Bart。，M。P。，wasapupilofmine，andIhavenothingtosayinherdisfavour。
　　Thoughherappearanceisdisagreeable，wecannotcontroltheoperationsofnature：andthoughherparentsweredisreputableherfatherbeingapainter，severaltimesbankrupt，andhermother，asIhavesincelearned，withhorror，adancerattheOpera；yethertalentsareconsiderable，andIcannotregretthatIreceivedherOUTOFCHARITY。Mydreadis，lesttheprinciplesofthemother——whowasrepresentedtomeasaFrenchCountess，forcedtoemigrateinthelaterevolutionaryhorrors；
　　butwho，asIhavesincefound，wasapersonoftheverylowestorderandmorals——shouldatanytimeprovetobeHEREDITARYintheunhappyyoungwomanwhomI
　　tookasANOUTCAST。ButherprincipleshavehithertobeencorrectIbelieve，andIamsurenothingwilloccurtoinjurethemintheelegantandrefinedcircleoftheeminentSirPittCrawley。
　　MissRebeccaSharptoMissAmeliaSedley。
　　IhavenotwrittentomybelovedAmeliaforthesemanyweekspast，forwhatnewswastheretotellofthesayingsanddoingsatHumdrumHall，asIhavechristenedit；andwhatdoyoucarewhethertheturnipcropisgoodorbad；whetherthefatpigweighedthirteenstoneorfourteen；andwhetherthebeaststhrivewelluponmangelwurzel？EverydaysinceIlastwrotehasbeenlikeitsneighbour。Beforebreakfast，awalkwithSirPittandhisspud；afterbreakfaststudiessuchastheyareintheschoolroom；afterschoolroom，readingandwritingaboutlawyers，leases，coal-mines，canals，withSirPittwhosesecretaryIambecome；afterdinner，Mr。Crawley’sdiscoursesonthebaronet’sbackgammon；duringbothofwhichamusementsmyladylooksonwithequalplacidity。Shehasbecomerathermoreinterestingbybeingailingoflate，whichhasbroughtanewvisitortotheHall，inthepersonofayoungdoctor。Well，mydear，youngwomenneedneverdespair。Theyoungdoctorgaveacertainfriendofyourstounderstandthat，ifshechosetobeMrs。Glauber，shewaswelcometoornamentthesurgery！Itoldhisimpudencethatthegiltpestleandmortarwasquiteornamentenough；asifIwasborn，indeed，tobeacountrysurgeon’swife！Mr。Glauberwenthomeseriouslyindisposedathisrebuff，tookacoolingdraught，andisnowquitecured。SirPittapplaudedmyresolutionhighly；
　　hewouldbesorrytolosehislittlesecretary，Ithink；
　　andIbelievetheoldwretchlikesmeasmuchasitisinhisnaturetolikeanyone。Marry，indeed！andwithacountryapothecary，after——No，no，onecannotsosoonforgetoldassociations，aboutwhichIwilltalknomore。LetusreturntoHumdrumHall。