首页 >出版文学> The Wrecker>第10章

第10章

  Myfable,credibleenoughatfirst,andsolongasmyclotheswereingoodorder,musthaveseemedworsethandoubtfulaftermycoatbecamefrayedabouttheedges,andmybootsbegantosquelchandpipealongtherestaurantfloors。Theallowanceofonemealadaybesides,thoughsuitableenoughtothestateofmyfinances,agreedpoorlywithmystomach。TherestaurantwasaplaceIhadoftenvisitedexperimentally,totastethelifeofstudentsthenmoreunfortunatethanmyself;andIhadneverinthosedaysentereditwithoutdisgust,orleftitwithoutnausea。Itwasstrangetofindmyselfsittingdownwithavidity,risingupwithsatisfaction,andcountingthehoursthatdividedmefrommyreturntosuchatable。Buthungerisagreatmagician;andsosoonasIhadspentmyreadycash,andcouldnolongerfilluponbowlsofchocolateorhunksofbread,Imustdependentirelyonthatcabman’seating-house,anduponcertainrare,long-expected,long-rememberedwindfalls。Dijonforinstancemightgetpaidforsomeofhispot-boilingwork,orelseanoldfriendwouldpassthroughParis;andthenI
  wouldbeentertainedtoamealaftermyownsoul,andcontractaLatinQuarterloan,whichwouldkeepmeintobaccoandmymorningcoffeeforafortnight。Itmightbethoughtthelatterwouldappearthemoreimportant。Itmightbesupposedthatalife,ledsoneartheconfinesofactualfamine,shouldhavedulledthenicetyofmypalate。Onthecontrary,thepooreraman’sdiet,themoresharplyishesetondainties。Thelastofmyreadycash,aboutthirtyfrancs,wasdeliberatelysquanderedonasingledinner;andagreatpartofmytimewhenIwasalonewaspasseduponthedetailsofimaginaryfeasts。
  Onegleamofhopevisitedme——anorderforabustfromarichSoutherner。Hewasfree-handed,jollyofspeech,merryofcountenance;keptmeingoodhumourthroughthesittings,andwhentheywereover,carriedmeoffwithhimtodinnerandthesightsofParis。Iatewell;Ilaidonflesh;byallaccounts,I
  madeafavourablelikenessofthebeing,andIconfessIthoughtmyfuturewasassured。Butwhenthebustwasdone,andIhaddespatcheditacrosstheAtlantic,Icouldneversomuchaslearnofitsarrival。Theblowfelledme;Ishouldhavelaindownandtriednostroketorightmyself,hadnotthehonourofmycountrybeeninvolved。ForDijonimprovedtheopportunityintheEuropeanstyle;informingmeforthefirsttimeofthemannersofAmerica:howitwasadenofbandittiwithoutthesmallestrudimentoflawororder,anddebtscouldbethereonlycollectedwithashotgun。“Thewholeworldknowsit。”hewouldsay;“youarealone,monpetitLoudon,youarealonetobeinignoranceofthesefacts。ThejudgesoftheSupremeCourtfoughtbuttheotherdaywithstilettosonthebenchatCincinnati。Youshouldreadthelittlebookofoneofmyfriends:_LeTouristedansleFar-West_;youwillseeitallthereingoodFrench。”Atlast,incensedbydaysofsuchdiscussion,Iundertooktoprovetohimthecontrary,andputtheaffairinthehandsofmylatefather’slawyer。FromhimI
  hadthegratificationofhearing,afteradueinterval,thatmydebtorwasdeadoftheyellowfeverinKeyWest,andhadlefthisaffairsinsomeconfusion。Isuppresshisname;forthoughhetreatedmewithcruelnonchalance,itisprobablehemeanttodealfairlyintheend。
  Soonafterthisashadeofchangeinmyreceptionatthecabman’seating-housemarkedthebeginningofanewphaseinmydistress。Thefirstday,Itoldmyselfitwasbutfancy;thenext,Imadequitesureitwasafact;thethird,inmerepanicI
  stayedaway,andwentforforty-eighthoursfasting。Thiswasanactofgreatunreason;forthedebtorwhostaysawayisbutthemoreremarked,andtheboarderwhomissesamealissuretobeaccusedofinfidelity。Onthefourthday,therefore,I
  returned,inwardlyquaking。Theproprietorlookedaskanceuponmyentrance;thewaitresseswhowerehisdaughters
  neglectedmywantsandsniffedattheaffectedjovialityofmysalutations;lastandmostplain,whenIcalledforasuissesuchaswasbeingservedtoalltheotherdinersIwasbluntlytoldtherewerenomore。ItwasobviousIwasneartheendofmytether;oneplankdividedmefromwant,andnowIfeltittremble。Ipassedasleeplessnight,andthefirstthinginthemorningtookmywaytoMyner’sstudio。ItwasastepIhadlongmeditatedandlongrefrainedfrom;forIwasscarceintimatewiththeEnglishman;andthoughIknewhimtopossessplentyofmoney,neitherhismannernorhisreputationweretheleastencouragingtobeggars。
  Ifoundhimatworkonapicture,whichIwasableconscientiouslytopraise,dressedinhisusualtweeds,plain,butprettyfresh,andstandingoutindisagreeablecontrasttomyownwitheredanddegradedoutfit。Aswetalked,hecontinuedtoshifthiseyeswatchfullybetweenhishandiworkandthefatmodel,whosatatthefarendofthestudioinastateofnature,withonearmgallantlyarchedaboveherhead。Myerrandwouldhavebeendifficultenoughunderthebestofcircumstances:placedbetweenMyner,immersedinhisart,andthewhite,fat,nakedfemaleinaridiculousattitude,Ifounditquiteimpossible。AgainandagainIattemptedtoapproachthepoint,againandagainfellbackoncommendationsofthepicture;anditwasnotuntilthemodelhadenjoyedanintervalofrepose,duringwhichshetooktheconversationinherownhandsandregaledusinasoft,weakvoicewithdetailsastoherhusband’sprosperity,hersister’slamenteddeclinefromthepathsofvirtue,andtheconsequentwrathofherfather,apeasantofsternprinciples,inthevicinityofChalonsontheMarne;——itwasnot,Isay,untilafterthiswasover,andIhadoncemoreclearedmythroatfortheattack,andoncemoredroppedasideintosomecommonplaceaboutthepicture,thatMynerhimselfbroughtmesuddenlyandvigorouslytothepoint。
  “Youdidn’tcomeheretotalkthisrot。”saidhe。
  “No。”Irepliedsullenly;“Icametoborrowmoney。”
  Hepaintedawhileinsilence。
  “Idon’tthinkwewereeververyintimate?”heasked。
  “Thankyou。”saidI。“Icantakemyanswer。”andImadeasiftogo,rageboilinginmyheart。
  “Ofcourseyoucangoifyoulike。”saidMyner;“butIadviseyoutostayandhaveitout。”
  “Whatmoreistheretosay?”Icried。“Youdon’twanttokeepmehereforaneedlesshumiliation?”
  “Lookhere,Dodd,youmusttryandcommandyourtemper。”
  saidhe。“Thisinterviewisofyourownseeking,andnotmine;
  ifyousupposeit’snotdisagreeabletome,you’rewrong;andifyouthinkIwillgiveyoumoneywithoutknowingthoroughlyaboutyourprospects,youtakemeforafool。Besides。”headded,“ifyoucometolookatit,you’vegotovertheworstofitbynow:youhavedonetheasking,andyouhaveeveryreasontoknowImeantorefuse。Iholdoutnofalsehopes,butitmaybeworthyourwhiletoletmejudge。”
  Thus——Iwasgoingtosay——encouraged,Istumbledthroughmystory;toldhimIhadcreditatthecabman’seating-house,butbegantothinkitwasdrawingtoaclose;howDijonlentmeacornerofhisstudio,whereItriedtomodelornaments,figuresforclocks,Timewiththescythe,Ledaandtheswan,musketeersforcandlesticks,andotherkickshaws,whichhadneveruptothatdaybeenhonouredwiththeleastapproval。
  “Andyourroom?”askedMyner。
  “O,myroomisallright,Ithink。”saidI。“Sheisaverygoodoldlady,andhasneverevenmentionedherbill。”
  “Becausesheisaverygoodoldlady,Idon’tseewhysheshouldbefined。”observedMyner。
  “Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”Icried。
  “Imeanthis。”saidhe。“TheFrenchgiveagreatdealofcreditamongstthemselves;theyfinditpaysonthewhole,orthesystemwouldhardlybecontinued;butIcan’tseewhereWE
  comein;Ican’tseethatit’shonestofusAnglo-Saxonstoprofitbytheireasyways,andthenskipovertheChannelorasyouYankeesdoacrosstheAtlantic。”
  “ButI’mnotproposingtoskip。”Iobjected。
  “Exactly。”hereplied。“Andshouldn’tyou?There’stheproblem。
  Youseemtometohavealackofsympathyfortheproprietorsofcabmen’seating-houses。Byyourownaccountyou’renotgettingon:thelongeryoustay,it’llonlybethemoreoutofthepocketofthedearoldladyatyourlodgings。Now,I’lltellyouwhatI’lldo:ifyouconsenttogo,I’llpayyourpassagetoNewYork,andyourrailwayfareandexpensestoMuskegonifI
  havethenamerightwhereyourfatherlived,wherehemusthaveleftfriends,andwhere,nodoubt,you’llfindanopening。I
  don’tseekanygratitude,forofcourseyou’llthinkmeabeast;
  butIdoaskyoutopayitbackwhenyouareable。Atanyrate,that’sallIcando。ItmightbedifferentifIthoughtyouagenius,Dodd;butIdon’t,andIadviseyounotto。”
  “Ithinkthatwasuncalledfor,atleast。”saidI。
  “Idaresayitwas。”hereturned,withthesamesteadiness。“Itseemedtomepertinent;and,besides,whenyouaskmeformoneyuponnosecurity,youtreatmewiththelibertyofafriend,andit’stobepresumedthatIcandothelike。Butthepointis,doyouaccept?”
  “No,thankyou。”saidI;“Ihaveanotherstringtomybow。”
  “Allright。”saysMyner。“Besureit’shonest。”
  “Honest?honest?”Icried。“Whatdoyoumeanbycallingmyhonestyinquestion?”
  “Iwon’t,ifyoudon’tlikeit。”hereplied。“YouseemtothinkhonestyaseasyasBlindMan’sBuff:Idon’t。It’ssomedifferenceofdefinition。”
  Iwentstraightfromthisirritatinginterview,duringwhichMynerhadneverdiscontinuedpainting,tothestudioofmyoldmaster。Onlyonecardremainedformetoplay,andIwasnowresolvedtoplayit:Imustdropthegentlemanandthefrock-coat,andapproachartintheworkman’stunic。
  “Tiens,thislittleDodd!”criedthemaster;andthen,ashiseyefellonmydilapidatedclothing,IthoughtIcouldperceivehiscountenancetodarken。
  ImademypleainEnglish;forIknew,ifhewerevainofanything,itwasofhisachievementoftheislandtongue。
  “Master。”saidI,“willyoutakemeinyourstudioagain?butthistimeasaworkman。”
  “Isoughtyourfazerwasimmenselyreech。”saidhe。
  IexplainedtohimthatIwasnowanorphanandpenniless。
  Heshookhishead。“Ihavebetterrworkmenwaitingatmydoor。”saidhe,“farbetterrworkmen。
  “Youusedtothinksomethingofmywork,sir。”Ipleaded。
  “Somesing,somesing——yes!”hecried;“enoughforasonofareechman——notenoughforanorphan。Besides,Isoughtyoumightlearntobeanartist;Ididnotsinkyoumightlearntobeaworkman。”
  Onacertainbenchontheouterboulevard,notfarfromthetombofNapoleon,abenchshadedatthatdatebyashabbytree,andcommandingaviewofmuddyroadwayandblankwall,Isatdowntowrestlewithmymisery。Theweatherwascheerlessanddark;inthreedaysIhadeatenbutonce;Ihadnotobacco;myshoesweresoaked,mytrousershorridwithmire;
  myhumourandallthecircumstancesofthetimeandplacelugubriouslyattuned。HereweretwomenwhohadbothspokenfairlyofmyworkwhileIwasrichandwantednothing;
  nowthatIwaspoorandlackedall:“nogenius。”saidtheone;
  “notenoughforanorphan。”theother;andthefirstofferedmemypassagelikeapauperimmigrant,andthesecondrefusedmeaday’swageasahewerofstone——plaindealingforanemptybelly。Theyhadnotbeeninsincereinthepast;theywerenotinsincereto-day:changeofcircumstancehadintroducedanewcriterion:thatwasall。
  ButifIacquittedmytwoJob’scomfortersofinsincerity,Iwasyetfarfromadmittingtheminfallible。Artistshadbeencontemnedbefore,andhadlivedtoturnthelaughontheircontemners。HowoldwasCorotbeforehestrucktheveinofhisownpreciousmetal?Whenhadayoungmanbeenmorederidedormorejustlysothanthegodofmyadmiration,Balzac?OrifIrequiredabolderinspiration,whathadItodobutturnmyheadtowherethegolddomeoftheInvalidesglitteredagainstinkysqualls,andrecallthetaleofhimsleepingthere:fromthedaywhenayoungartillery-subcouldbegiggledatandnicknamedPuss-in-Bootsbyfriskymisses;
  ontothedaysofsomanycrownsandsomanyvictories,andsomanyhundredmouthsofcannon,andsomanythousandwar-
  hoofstramplingtheroadwaysofastonishedEuropeeightymilesinfrontofthegrandarmy?Togoback,togiveup,toproclaimmyselfafailure,anambitiousfailure,firstarocket,thenastick!I,LoudonDodd,whohadrefusedallotherlivelihoodswithscorn,andbeenadvertisedintheSaintJoseph_SundayHerald_asapatriotandanartist,tobereturneduponmynativeMuskegonlikedamagedgoods,andgothecircuitofmyfather’sacquaintance,capinhand,andbeggingtosweepoffices!No,byNapoleon!Iwoulddieatmychosentrade;andthetwowhohadthatdayfloutedmeshouldlivetoenvymysuccess,ortoweeptearsofunavailingpenitencebehindmypaupercoffin。
  Meantime,ifmycouragewasstillundiminished,Iwasnonethenearertoameal。Atnogreatdistancemycabman’seating-