Itookitinadream。“Thishasbeenadevilofabusiness。”saidI。
“Don’tthinkhardofMamie。”hepleaded。“It’sthewayshe’smade;it’sherhigh-tonedloyalty。AndofcourseIknowit’sallright。Iknowyoursterlingcharacter;butyoudidn’t,somehow,makeouttogiveusthethingstraight,Loudon。Anybodymighthave——Imeanit——Imean——“
“Nevermindwhatyoumean,mypoorJim。”saidI。“She’sagallantlittlewomanandaloyalwife:andIthoughthersplendid。Mystorywasasfishyasthedevil。I’llneverthinkthelessofeitherheroryou。”
“It’llblowover;itmustblowover。”saidhe。
“Itnevercan。”Ireturned,sighing:“anddon’tyoutrytomakeit!Don’tnameme,unlessit’swithanoath。Andgethometoherrightaway。Goodby,mybestoffriends。Goodby,andGodblessyou。Weshallnevermeetagain。”
“OLoudon,thatweshouldlivetosaysuchwords!”hecried。
Ihadnoviewsonlife,beyondanoccasionalimpulsetocommitsuicide,ortogetdrunk,anddrifteddownthestreet,semi-
conscious,walkingapparentlyonair,inthelight-headednessofgrief。Ihadmoneyinmypocket,whethermineormycreditors’
Ihadnomeansofguessing;and,thePoodleDoglyinginmypath,Iwentmechanicallyinandtookatable。Awaiterattendedme,andIsupposeIgavemyorders;forpresentlyI
foundmyself,withasuddenreturnofconsciousness,beginningdinner。Onthewhiteclothatmyelbowlaytheletter,addressedinaclerk’shand,andbearinganEnglishstampandtheEdinburghpostmark。Abowlofbouillonandaglassofwineawakenedinonecornerofmybrainwherealltherestwasinmourning,theblindsdownasforafuneralafaintstirofcuriosity;andwhileIwaitedthenextcourse,wonderingthewhilewhatIhadordered,Iopenedandbegantoreadtheepoch-makingdocument。
“DEARSIR:Iamchargedwiththemelancholydutyofannouncingtoyouthedeathofyourexcellentgrandfather,Mr。
AlexanderLoudon,onthe17thult。OnSundaythe13th,hewenttochurchasusualintheforenoon,andstoppedonhiswayhome,atthecornerofPrincesStreet,inoneofourseasonableeastwinds,totalkwithanoldfriend。Thesameeveningacutebronchitisdeclareditself;fromthefirst,Dr。
M’Combieanticipatedafatalresult,andtheoldgentlemanappearedtohavenoillusionastohisownstate。Herepeatedlyassuredmeitwas’by’withhimnow;’andhightime,too,’heonceaddedwithcharacteristicasperity。Hewasnotintheleastchangedontheapproachofdeath:onlywhatIamsuremustbeverygratefultoyourfeelingsheseemedtothinkandspeakevenmorekindlythanusualofyourself:referringtoyouas’Jeannie’syin,’withstrongexpressionsofregard。’HewastheonlyoneIeverliketofthehalejing-bang,’wasoneofhisexpressions;andyouwillbegladtoknowthathedweltparticularlyonthedutifulrespectyouhadalwaysdisplayedinyourrelations。Thesmallcodicil,bywhichhebequeathsyouhisMolesworthandotherprofessionalworks,wasaddedyouwillobserveonthedaybeforehisdeath;sothatyouwereinhisthoughtsuntiltheend。Ishouldsaythat,thoughratheratryingpatient,hewasmosttenderlynursedbyyouruncle,andyourcousin,MissEuphemia。Iencloseacopyofthetestament,bywhichyouwillseethatyoushareequallywithMr。Adam,andthatIholdatyourdisposalasumnearlyapproachingseventeenthousandpounds。Ibegtocongratulateyouonthisconsiderableacquisition,andexpectyourorders,towhichI
shallhastentogivemybestattention。Thinkingthatyoumightdesiretoreturnatoncetothiscountry,andnotknowinghowyoumaybeplaced,Iencloseacreditforsixhundredpounds。
Pleasesigntheaccompanyingslip,andletmehaveitatyourearliestconvenience。
“Iam,dearsir,yourstruly,“W。RUTHERFORDGREGG。”
“Godblesstheoldgentleman!”Ithought;“andforthatmatterGodblessUncleAdam!andmycousinEuphemia!andMr。
Gregg!”Ihadavisionofthatgreyoldlifenowbroughttoanend——“andhightimetoo“——avisionofthoseSabbathstreetsalternatelyvacantandfilledwithsilentpeople;ofthebabelofthebells,thelong-drawnpsalmody,theshrewdstingoftheeastwind,thehollow,echoing,drearyhousetowhich“Ecky“
hadreturnedwiththehandofdeathalreadyonhisshoulder;avision,too,ofthelong,roughcountrylad,perhapsaseriouscourtierofthelassesinthehawthornden,perhapsarusticdanceronthegreen,whohadfirstearnedandansweredtothatharshdiminutive。AndIaskedmyselfif,onthewhole,poorEckyhadsucceededinlife;ifthelaststateofthatmanwerenotonthewholeworsethanthefirst;andthehouseinRandolphCrescentalessadmirabledwellingthanthehamletwherehesawthedayandgrewtomanhood。Herewasaconsolatorythoughtforonewhowashimselfafailure。
Yes,Ideclarethewordcameinmymind;andallthewhile,inanotherpartitionofthebrain,Iwasglowingandsingingformynew-foundopulence。Thepileofgold——fourthousandtwohundredandfiftydoubleeagles,seventeenthousanduglysovereigns,twenty-onethousandtwohundredandfiftyNapoleons——danced,andrangandranmolten,andlituplifewiththeireffulgence,intheeyeoffancy。Herewereallthingsmadeplaintome:Paradise——Paris,Imean——Regained,Carthewprotected,Jimrestored,thecreditors。
“Thecreditors!”Irepeated,andsankbackbenumbed。Itwasalltheirstothelastfarthing:mygrandfatherhaddiedtoosoontosaveme。
Imusthavesomewherearareveinofdecision。Inthatrevolutionarymoment,Ifoundmyselfpreparedforallextremesexcepttheone:readytodoanything,ortogoanywhere,solongasImightsavemymoney。Attheworst,therewasflight,flighttosomeofthoseblestcountrieswheretheserpent,extradition,hasnotyetenteredin。
OnnoconditionisextraditionAllowedinCallao!——
theoldlawlesswordshauntedme;andIsawmyselfhuggingmygoldinthecompanyofsuchmenashadoncemadeandsungthem,intherudeandbloodywharfsidedrinking-shopsofChiliandPeru。Therunofmyill-luck,thebreachofmyoldfriendship,thisbubblefortuneflauntedforamomentinmyeyesandsnatchedagain,hadmademedesperateandintheexpressivevulgarismugly。Todrinkvilespiritsamongvilecompanionsbytheflareofapine-torch;togoburthenedwithmyfurtivetreasureinabelt;tofightforitknifeinhand,rollingonaclayfloor;tofleeperpetuallyinfreshshipsandtobechasedthroughtheseafromisletoisle,seemed,inmythenframeofmind,awelcomeseriesofevents。
Thatwasfortheworst;butitbegantodawnslowlyonmymindthattherewasyetapossiblebetter。Onceescaped,oncesafeinCallao,Imightapproachmycreditorswithagoodgrace;andproperlyhandledbyacunningagent,itwasjustpossibletheymightacceptsomeeasycomposition。Thehoperecalledmetothebankruptcy。Itwasstrange,Ireflected:oftenasIhadquestionedJim,hehadneverobligedmewithananswer。Inhishastefornewsaboutthewreck,myownnolesslegitimatecuriosityhadgonedisappointed。Hatefulasthethoughtwastome,ImustreturnatonceandfindoutwhereI
stood。
Ileftmydinnerstillunfinished,payingforthewhole,ofcourse,andtossingthewaiteragoldpiece。Iwasreckless;I
knewnotwhatwasmineandcarednot:ImusttakewhatI
couldgetandgiveasIwasable;torobandtosquanderseemedthecomplementarypartsofmynewdestiny。IwalkedupBushStreet,whistling,brazeningmyselftoconfrontMamieinthefirstplace,andtheworldatlargeandacertainvisionaryjudgeuponabenchinthesecond。Justoutside,Istoppedandlightedacigartogivemegreatercountenance;andpuffingthisandwearingwhatIamsurewasawretchedassumptionofbraggadocio,Ireappearedonthesceneofmydisgrace。
Myfriendandhiswifewerefinishingapoormeal——ragsofoldmutton,theremaindercakesfrombreakfasteatencold,andastarvelingpotofcoffee。
“Ibegyourpardon,Mrs。Pinkerton。”saidI。“Sorrytoinflictmypresencewhereitcannotbedesired;butthereisapieceofbusinessnecessarytobediscussed。”
“Praydonotconsiderme。”saidMamie,rising,andshesailedintotheadjoiningbedroom。
Jimwatchedhergoandshookhishead;helookedmiserablyoldandill。
“Whatisit,now?”heasked。
“Perhapsyourememberyouanswerednoneofmyquestions。”
saidI。
“Yourquestions?”falteredJim。
“Evenso,Jim。Myquestions。”Irepeated。“Iputquestionsaswellasyourself;andhoweverlittleImayhavesatisfiedMamiewithmyanswers,Ibegtoremindyouthatyougavemenoneatall。”
“Youmeanaboutthebankruptcy?”askedJim。
Inodded。
Hewrithedinhischair。“Thestraighttruthis,Iwasashamed。”
hesaid。“Iwastryingtododgeyou。I’vebeenplayingfastandloosewithyou,Loudon;I’vedeceivedyoufromthefirst,I
blushtoownit。AndhereyoucamehomeandputtheveryquestionIwasfearing。Whydidwebustsosoon?Yourkeenbusinesseyehadnotdeceivedyou。That’sthepoint,that’smyshame;that’swhatkilledmethisafternoonwhenMamiewastreatingyouso,andmyconsciencewastellingmeallthetime,Thouarttheman。”
“Whatwasit,Jim?”Iasked。
“WhatIhadbeenatallthetime,Loudon。”hewailed;“andI
don’tknowhowI’mtolookyouinthefaceandsayit,aftermyduplicity。Itwasstocks。”headdedinawhisper。
“Andyouwereafraidtotellmethat!”Icried。“Youpoor,old,cheerlessdreamer!whatwoulditmatterwhatyoudidordidn’t?
Can’tyouseewe’redoomed?Andanyway,that’snotmypoint。
It’showIstandthatIwanttoknow。Thereisaparticularreason。AmIclear?HaveIacertificate,orwhathaveItodotogetone?Andwhenwillitbedated?Youcan’tthinkwhathangsbyit!”
“That’stheworstofall。”saidJim,likeamaninadream,“I
can’tseehowtotellhim!”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Icried,asmallpangofterroratmyheart。
“I’mafraidIsacrificedyou,Loudon。”hesaid,lookingatmepitifully。
“Sacrificedme?”Irepeated。“How?Whatdoyoumeanbysacrifice?”
“Iknowit’llshockyourdelicateself-respect。”hesaid;“butwhatwasItodo?Thingslookedsobad。Thereceiver——“asusual,thenamestuckinhisthroat,andhebeganafresh。
“Therewasalotoftalk;thereporterswereaftermealready;
therewasthetroubleandallabouttheMexicanbusiness;andI
gotscaredrightout,andIguessIlostmyhead。Youweren’tthere,yousee,andthatwasmytemptation。”
Ididnotknowhowlonghemightthusbeataboutthebushwithdreadfulhintings,andIwasalreadybesidemyselfwithterror。Whathadhedone?Isawhehadbeentempted;Iknewfromhislettersthathewasinnoconditiontoresist。Howhadhesacrificedtheabsent?
“Jim。”Isaid,“youmustspeakrightout。I’vegotallthatIcancarry。”
“Well。”hesaid——“Iknowitwasaliberty——Imadeitoutyouwerenobusinessman,onlyastone-brokepainter;thathalfthetimeyoudidn’tknowanythinganyway,particularlymoneyandaccounts。Isaidyounevercouldbegottounderstandwhosewaswhose。Ihadtosaythatbecauseofsomeentriesinthebooks——“
“ForGod’ssake。”Icried,“putmeoutofthisagony!Whatdidyouaccusemeof?”
“Accuseyouof?”repeatedJim。“OfwhatI’mtellingyou。Andtherebeingnodeedofpartnership,ImadeoutyouwereonlyakindofclerkthatIcalledapartnerjusttogiveyoutaffy;andsoIgotyourankedacreditorontheestateforyourwagesandthemoneyyouhadlent。And——“
IbelieveIreeled。“Acreditor!”Iroared;“acreditor!I’mnotinthebankruptcyatall?”
“No。”saidJim。“Iknowitwasaliberty——“
“O,damnyourliberty!readthat。”Icried,dashingtheletterbeforehimonthetable,“andcallinyourwife,andbedonewitheatingthistruck“——asIspoke,Islungthecoldmuttonintheemptygrate——“andlet’sallgoandhaveachampagnesupper。I’vedined——I’msureIdon’trememberwhatIhad;I’ddineagaintenscoresoftimesuponanightlikethis。Readit,youblayingass!I’mnotinsane。Here,Mamie。”Icontinued,openingthebedroomdoor,“comeoutandmakeitupwithme,andgoandkissyourhusband;andI’lltellyouwhat,afterthesupper,let’sgotosomeplacewherethere’saband,andI’llwaltzwithyoutillsunrise。”
“Whatdoesitallmean?”criedJim。
“Itmeanswehaveachampagnesupperto-night,andallgotoNapaValleyortoMontereyto-morrow。”saidI。“Mamie,goandgetyourthingson;andyou,Jim,sitdownrightwhereyouare,takeasheetofpaper,andtellFranklinDodgetogotoTexas。Mamie,youwereright,mydear;Iwasrichallthetime,anddidn’tknowit。”
第40章