Yaletooktohimselfaglassoftheoldbrandy,threecheroots,andhisfriend,Martyn;andtheyalllefttheMesstogetherYaleandMartynconferredfortwohoursinYale’squarters;butonlythebull-terrierwhokeepswatchoverYale’sboot-treesknowswhattheysaidAhorse,hoodedandsheetedtohisears,leftYale’sstablesandwastaken,veryunwillingly,intotheCivilLinesYale’sgroomwentwithhimTwomenbrokeintotheRegimentalTheatreandtookseveralpaint-potsandsomelargescenerybrushesThennightfellovertheCantonments,andtherewasanoiseasofahorsekickinghisloose-boxtopiecesinYale’sstablesYalehadabig,old,whiteWalertrap-horse。
ThenextdaywasaThursday,andthemen,hearingthatYalewasgoingtoshoottheDrum-Horseintheevening,determinedtogivethebeastaregularregimentalfuneral——afineronethantheywouldhavegiventheColonelhadhediedjustthenTheygotabullock-cartandsomesacking,andmoundsandmoundsofroses,andthebody,undersacking,wascarriedouttotheplacewheretheanthraxcaseswerecremated;two-thirdsoftheRegimentfollowedTherewasnoBand,buttheyallsang“ThePlacewheretheoldHorsedied“assomethingrespectfulandappropriatetotheoccasionWhenthecorpsewasdumpedintothegraveandthemenbeganthrowingdownarmfulsofrosestocoverit,theFarrier-Sergeantrippedoutanoathandsaidaloud:——“Why,itain’ttheDrum-Horseanymorethanit’sme!”TheTroop-Sergeant-MajorsaskedhimwhetherhehadlefthisheadintheCanteenTheFarrier-SergeantsaidthatheknewtheDrum-Horse’sfeetaswellasheknewhisown;buthewassilencedwhenhesawtheregimentalnumberburntinonthepoorstiff,upturnednear-fore。
ThuswastheDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussarsburied;theFarrier-
SergeantgrumblingThesackingthatcoveredthecorpsewassmearedinplaceswithblackpaint;andtheFarrier-SergeantdrewattentiontothisfactButtheTroop-Sergeant-MajorofETroopkickedhimseverelyontheshin,andtoldhimthathewasundoubtedlydrunk。
OntheMondayfollowingtheburial,theColonelsoughtrevengeontheWhiteHussarsUnfortunately,beingatthattimetemporarilyinCommandoftheStation,heorderedaBrigadefield-dayHesaidthathewishedtomaketheregiment“sweatfortheirdamnedinsolence。”andhecarriedouthisnotionthoroughlyThatMondaywasoneofthehardestdaysinthememoryoftheWhiteHussars。
Theywerethrownagainstaskeleton-enemy,andpushedforward,andwithdrawn,anddismounted,and“scientificallyhandled“ineverypossiblefashionoverdustycountry,tilltheysweatedprofusely。
Theironlyamusementcamelateintheday,whentheyfelluponthebatteryofHorseArtilleryandchaseditfortwomile’sThiswasapersonalquestion,andmostofthetroopershadmoneyontheevent;
theGunnerssayingopenlythattheyhadthelegsoftheWhiteHussarsTheywerewrongAmarch-pastconcludedthecampaign,andwhentheRegimentgotbacktotheirLines,themenwerecoatedwithdirtfromspurtochin-strap。
TheWhiteHussarshaveonegreatandpeculiarprivilegeTheywonitatFontenoy,Ithink。
ManyRegimentspossessspecialrights,suchaswearingcollarswithundressuniform,orabowofribbonbetweentheshoulders,orredandwhiterosesintheirhelmetsoncertaindaysoftheyearSomerightsareconnectedwithregimentalsaints,andsomewithregimentalsuccessesAllarevaluedhighly;butnonesohighlyastherightoftheWhiteHussarstohavetheBandplayingwhentheirhorsesarebeingwateredintheLinesOnlyonetuneisplayed。
andthattunenevervariesIdon’tknowitsrealname,buttheWhiteHussarscallit:——“TakemetoLondonagain。”Itsound’sveryprettyTheRegimentwouldsoonerbestruckofftherosterthanforegotheirdistinction。
Afterthe“dismiss“wassounded,theofficersrodeoffhometoprepareforstables;andthemenfiledintothelines,ridingeasy。
Thatistosay,theyopenedtheirtightbuttons,shiftedtheirhelmets,andbegantojokeortoswearasthehumortookthem;themorecarefulslippingoffandeasinggirthsandcurbsAgoodtroopervalueshismountexactlyasmuchashevalueshimself,andbelieves,orshouldbelieve,thatthetwotogetherareirresistiblewherewomenormen,girl’sorgun’s,areconcerned。
ThentheOrderly-Officergavetheorder:——“Waterhorses。”andtheRegimentloafedofftothesquadron-troughs,whichwereinrearofthestablesandbetweentheseandthebarracksTherewerefourhugetroughs,oneforeachsquadron,arrangedenechelon,sothatthewholeRegimentcouldwaterintenminutesifitlikedButitlingeredforseventeen,asarule,whiletheBandplayed。
Thebandstruckupasthesquadronsfiledoffthetroughsandthemenslippedtheirfeetoutofthestirrupsandchaffedeachother。
Thesunwasjustsettinginabig,hotbedofredcloud,andtheroadtotheCivilLinesseemedtorunstraightintothesun’seye。
TherewasalittledotontheroadItgrewandgrewtillitshowedasahorse,withasortofgridironthingonhisbackTheredcloudglaredthroughthebarsofthegridironSomeofthetroopersshadedtheireyeswiththeirhandsandsaid:——“Whatthemischiefasthatthere’orsegoton’im!”
Inanotherminutetheyheardaneighthateverysoul——horseandman——
intheRegimentknew,andsaw,headingstraighttowardstheBand,thedeadDrum-HorseoftheWhiteHussars!
Onhiswithersbangedandbumpedthekettle-drumsdrapedincrape,andonhisback,verystiffandsoldierly,satabare-headedskeleton。
Thebandstoppedplaying,and,foramoment,therewasahush。
ThensomeoneinEtroop——mensaiditwastheTroop-Sergeant-Major——
swunghishorseroundandyelledNoonecanaccountexactlyforwhathappenedafterwards;butitseemsthat,atleast,onemanineachtroopsetanexampleofpanic,andtherestfollowedlikesheepThehorsesthathadbarelyputtheirmuzzlesintothetrough’srearedandcapered;but,assoonastheBandbroke,whichitdidwhentheghostoftheDrum-Horsewasaboutafurlongdistant,allhoovesfollowedsuit,andtheclatterofthestampede——quitedifferentfromtheorderlythrobandroarofamovementonparade,ortheroughhorse-playofwateringincamp——madethemonlymoreterrifiedTheyfeltthatthemenontheirbackswereafraidofsomethingWhenhorsesonceknowTHAT,allisoverexceptthebutchery。
Troopaftertroopturnedfromthetroughsandran——anywhere,andeverywhere——likespitquicksilverItwasamostextraordinaryspectacle,formenandhorseswereinallstagesofeasiness,andthecarbine-bucketsfloppingagainsttheirsidesurgedthehorsesonMenwereshoutingandcursing,andtryingtopullclearoftheBandwhichwasbeingchasedbytheDrum-Horsewhoseriderhadfallenforwardandseemedtobespurringforawager。
TheColonelhadgoneovertotheMessforadrinkMostoftheofficerswerewithhim,andtheSubalternoftheDaywaspreparingtogodowntothelines,andreceivethewateringreportsfromtheTroop-SergeantMajorsWhen“TakemetoLondonagain“
stopped,aftertwentybars,everyoneintheMesssaid:——“Whatonearthhashappened?”Aminutelater,theyheardunmilitarynoises,andsaw,faracrosstheplain,theWhiteHussarsscattered,andbroken,andflying。
TheColonelwasspeechlesswithrage,forhethoughtthattheRegimenthadrisenagainsthimorwasunanimouslydrunkTheBand,adisorganizedmob,torepast,andatit’sheelslaboredtheDrum-
Horse——thedeadandburiedDrum-Horse——withthejolting,clatteringskeletonHogan-YalewhisperedsoftlytoMartyn:——“Nowirewillstandthattreatment。”andtheBand,whichhaddoubledlikeahare,camebackagainButtherestoftheRegimentwasgone,wasriotingallovertheProvince,fortheduskhadshutinandeachmanwashowlingtohisneighborthattheDrum-Horsewasonhisflank。
Troop-HorsesarefartootenderlytreatedasaruleTheycan,onemergencies,doagreatdeal,evenwithseventeenstoneontheirbacksAsthetroopersfoundout。
HowlongthispaniclastedIcannotsayIbelievethatwhenthemoonrosethemensawtheyhadnothingtofear,and,bytwosandthreesandhalf-troops,creptbackintoCantonmentsverymuchashamedofthemselvesMeantime,theDrum-Horse,disgustedathistreatmentbyoldfriends,pulledup,wheeledround,andtrotteduptotheMessverandah-stepsforbreadNoonelikedtorun;butnoonecaredtogoforwardtilltheColonelmadeamovementandlaidholdoftheskeleton’sfootTheBandhadhaltedsomedistanceaway,andnowcamebackslowlyTheColonelcalledit,individuallyandcollectively,everyevilnamethatoccurredtohimatthetime;
forhehadsethishandonthebosomoftheDrum-HorseandfoundfleshandbloodThenhebeatthekettle-drumswithhisclenchedfist,anddiscoveredthattheywerebutmadeofsilveredpaperandbambooNext,stillswearing,hetriedtodragtheskeletonoutofthesaddle,butfoundthatithadbeenwiredintothecantleThesightoftheColonel,withhisarmsroundtheskeleton’spelvisandhiskneeintheoldDrum-Horse’sstomach,wasstrikingNottosayamusingHeworriedthethingoffinaminuteortwo,andthrewitdownontheground,sayingtotheBand:——“Here,youcurs,that’swhatyou’reafraidof。”TheskeletondidnotlookprettyinthetwilightTheBand-Sergeantseemedtorecognizeit,forhebegantochuckleandchoke“ShallItakeitaway,sir?”saidtheBand-
Sergeant“Yes。”saidtheColonel,“takeittoHell,andridethereyourselves!”
TheBand-Sergeantsaluted,hoistedtheskeletonacrosshissaddle-
bow,andledofftothestablesThentheColonelbegantomakeinquiriesfortherestoftheRegiment,andthelanguageheusedwaswonderfulHewoulddisbandtheRegiment——hewouldcourt-martialeverysoulinit——hewouldnotcommandsuchasetofrabble,andsoon,andsoonAsthemendroppedin,hislanguagegrewwilder,untilatlastitexceededtheutmostlimitsoffreespeechallowedeventoaColonelofHorse。
MartyntookHogan-YaleasideandsuggestedcompulsoryretirementfromtheserviceasanecessitywhenallwasdiscoveredMartynwastheweakermanofthetwo,Hogan-Yaleputuphiseyebrowsandremarked,firstly,thathewasthesonofaLord,andsecondly,thathewasasinnocentasthebabeunbornofthetheatricalresurrectionoftheDrum-Horse。
“Myinstructions。”saidYale,withasingularlysweetsmile,“werethattheDrum-Horseshouldbesentbackasimpressivelyaspossible。
Iaskyou,AMIresponsibleifamule-headedfriendsendshimbackinsuchamannerastodisturbthepeaceofmindofaregimentofHerMajesty’sCavalry?”
Martynsaid:——“youareagreatmanandwillintimebecomeaGeneral;butI’dgivemychanceofatrooptobesafeoutofthisaffair。”
ProvidencesavedMartynandHogan-YaleTheSecond-in-CommandledtheColonelawaytothelittlecurtainedalcovewhereinthesubalternsofthewhiteHussarswereaccustomedtoplaypokerofnights;andthere,aftermanyoathsontheColonel’spart,theytalkedtogetherinlowtonesIfancythattheSecond-in-Commandmusthaverepresentedthescareastheworkofsometrooperwhomitwouldbehopelesstodetect;andIknowthathedweltuponthesinandtheshameofmakingapubliclaughingstockofthescare。
“Theywillcallus。”saidtheSecond-in-Command,whohadreallyafineimagination,“theywillcallusthe’Fly-by-Nights’;theywillcallusthe’GhostHunters’;theywillnicknameusfromoneendoftheArmylisttotheotherAlltheexplanationsintheworldwon’tmakeoutsidersunderstandthattheofficerswereawaywhenthepanicbeganForthehonoroftheRegimentandforyourownsakekeepthisthingquiet。”
TheColonelwassoexhaustedwithangerthatsoothinghimdownwasnotsodifficultasmightbeimaginedHewasmadetosee,gentlyandbydegrees,thatitwasobviouslyimpossibletocourt-martialthewholeRegiment,andequallyimpossibletoproceedagainstanysubalternwho,inhisbelief,hadanyconcerninthehoax。
“Butthebeast’salive!He’sneverbeenshotatall!”shoutedtheColonel“It’sflat,flagrantdisobedience!I’veknownamanbrokeforless,d——dsightlessThey’remockingme,Itellyou,Mutman!
They’remockingme!”
Oncemore,theSecond-in-CommandsethimselftosooththeColonel,andwrestledwithhimforhalf-an-hourAttheendofthattime,theRegimentalSergeant-MajorreportedhimselfThesituationwasrathernoveltelltohim;buthewasnotamantobeputoutbycircumstancesHesalutedandsaid:“Regimentallcomeback,Sir。”
Then,topropitiatetheColonel:——“An’noneofthehorsesanytheworse,Sir。”
TheColonelonlysnortedandanswered:——“You’dbettertuckthemenintotheircots,then,andseethattheydon’twakeupandcryinthenight。”TheSergeantwithdrew。
HislittlestrokeofhumorpleasedtheColonel,and,further,hefeltslightlyashamedofthelanguagehehadbeenusingTheSecond-in-Commandworriedhimagain,andthetwosattalkingfarintothenight。
Nextdaybutone,therewasaCommandingOfficer’sparade,andtheColonelharanguedtheWhiteHussarsvigorouslyThepithofhisspeechwasthat,sincetheDrum-HorseinhisoldagehadprovedhimselfcapableofcuttinguptheWholeRegiment,heshouldreturntohispostofprideattheheadoftheband,BUTtheRegimentwereasetofruffianswithbadconsciences。
TheWhiteHussarsshouted,andthreweverythingmovableaboutthemintotheair,andwhentheparadewasover,theycheeredtheColoneltilltheycouldn’tspeakNocheerswereputupforLieutenantHogan-Yale,whosmiledverysweetlyinthebackground。
SaidtheSecond-in-CommandtotheColonel,unofficially:——“Theselittlethingsensurepopularity,anddonottheleastaffectdiscipline。”
“ButIwentbackonmyword。”saidtheColonel。
“Nevermind。”saidtheSecond-in-Command“TheWhiteHussarswillfollowyouanywherefromto-dayRegiment’sarejustlikewomen。
Theywilldoanythingfortrinketry。”
Aweeklater,Hogan-Yalereceivedanextraordinaryletterfromsomeonewhosignedhimself“SecretaryCharityandZeal,3709,EC……”
andaskedfor“thereturnofourskeletonwhichwehavereasontobelieveisinyourpossession。”
“Whothedeuceisthislunaticwhotradesinbones?”saidHogan-
Yale。