Iwentintoapublic-’ousetogetapinto’beer,Thepublican’eupan’sez,“Weservenored-coatshere。”
Thegirlsbe’indthebartheylaughedan’giggledfittodie,Ioutsintothestreetagainan’tomyselfsezI:
Oit’sTommythis,an’Tommythat,an’“Tommy,goaway“;
Butit’s“Thankyou,MisterAtkins“,whenthebandbeginstoplay,Thebandbeginstoplay,myboys,thebandbeginstoplay,Oit’s“Thankyou,MisterAtkins“,whenthebandbeginstoplay。
Iwentintoatheatreassoberascouldbe,Theygaveadrunkcivilianroom,but’adn’tnoneforme;
Theysentmetothegalleryorroundthemusic-’alls,Butwhenitcomestofightin’,Lord!they’llshovemeinthestalls!
Forit’sTommythis,an’Tommythat,an’“Tommy,waitoutside“;
Butit’s“SpecialtrainforAtkins“whenthetrooper’sonthetide,Thetroopship’sonthetide,myboys,thetroopship’sonthetide,Oit’s“SpecialtrainforAtkins“whenthetrooper’sonthetide。
Yes,makin’mocko’uniformsthatguardyouwhileyousleepIscheaperthanthemuniforms,an’they’restarvationcheap;
An’hustlin’drunkensoldierswhenthey’regoin’largeabitIsfivetimesbetterbusinessthanparadin’infullkit。
Thenit’sTommythis,an’Tommythat,an’“Tommy,’ow’syersoul?”
Butit’s“Thinredlineof’eroes“whenthedrumsbegintoroll,Thedrumsbegintoroll,myboys,thedrumsbegintoroll,Oit’s“Thinredlineof’eroes“whenthedrumsbegintoroll。
Wearen’tnothinred’eroes,norwearen’tnoblackguardstoo,Butsinglemeninbarricks,mostremarkablelikeyou;
An’ifsometimesourconduckisn’tallyourfancypaints,Why,singlemeninbarricksdon’tgrowintoplastersaints;
Whileit’sTommythis,an’Tommythat,an’“Tommy,fallbe’ind“,Butit’s“Pleasetowalkinfront,sir“,whenthere’stroubleinthewind,There’stroubleinthewind,myboys,there’stroubleinthewind,Oit’s“Pleasetowalkinfront,sir“,whenthere’stroubleinthewind。
Youtalko’betterfoodforus,an’schools,an’fires,an’all:
We’llwaitforextryrationsifyoutreatusrational。
Don’tmessaboutthecook-roomslops,butproveittoourfaceTheWidow’sUniformisnotthesoldier-man’sdisgrace。
Forit’sTommythis,an’Tommythat,an’“Chuckhimout,thebrute!”
Butit’s“Saviourof’iscountry“whenthegunsbegintoshoot;
An’it’sTommythis,an’Tommythat,an’anythingyouplease;
An’Tommyain’tabloomin’fool——youbetthatTommysees!
FUZZY-WUZZY
SoudanExpeditionaryForce
We’vefoughtwithmanymenacrosttheseas,An’someof’emwasbravean’somewasnot:
ThePaythanan’theZuluan’Burmese;
ButtheFuzzywasthefinesto’thelot。
Wenevergotaha’porth’schangeof’im:
’Esquattedinthescruban’’ockedour’orses,’EcutoursentriesupatSuakim,An’’eplayedthecatan’banjowithourforces。
So’ere’stoyou,Fuzzy-Wuzzy,atyour’omeintheSoudan;
You’reaporebenighted’eathenbutafirst-classfightin’man;
Wegivesyouyourcertificate,an’ifyouwantitsignedWe’llcomean’’avearompwithyouwheneveryou’reinclined。
WetookourchanstamongtheKhyber’ills,TheBoersknockedussillyatamile,TheBurmangiveusIrriwaddychills,An’aZuluimpidishedusupinstyle:
ButallweevergotfromsuchastheyWaspoptowhattheFuzzymadeusswaller;
We’eldourbloomin’own,thepaperssay,ButmanformantheFuzzyknockedus’oller。
Then’ere’stoyou,Fuzzy-Wuzzy,an’themissisandthekid;
Ourorderswastobreakyou,an’ofcoursewewentan’did。
WesloshedyouwithMartinis,an’itwasn’t’ardlyfair;
Butforalltheoddsagin’you,Fuzzy-Wuz,youbrokethesquare。
’E’asn’tgotnopapersof’isown,’E’asn’tgotnomedalsnorrewards,Sowemustcertifytheskill’e’sshownInusin’of’islongtwo-’andedswords:
When’e’s’oppin’inan’outamongthebushWith’iscoffin-’eadedshieldan’shovel-spear,An’appydaywithFuzzyontherushWilllastan’ealthyTommyforayear。
So’ere’stoyou,Fuzzy-Wuzzy,an’yourfriendswhicharenomore,Ifwe’adn’tlostsomemessmateswewould’elpyoutodeplore;
Butgivean’take’sthegospel,an’we’llcallthebargainfair,Forifyou’avelostmorethanus,youcrumpledupthesquare!
’Erushesatthesmokewhenweletdrive,An’,beforeweknow,’e’s’ackin’atour’ead;
’E’sall’otsandan’gingerwhenalive,An’’e’sgenerallyshammin’when’e’sdead。
’E’sadaisy,’e’saducky,’e’salamb!
’E’sainjia-rubberidiotonthespree,’E’stheon’ythingthatdoesn’tgiveadamnForaRegimento’BritishInfantree!
So’ere’stoyou,Fuzzy-Wuzzy,atyour’omeintheSoudan;
You’reaporebenighted’eathenbutafirst-classfightin’man;
An’’ere’stoyou,Fuzzy-Wuzzy,withyour’ayrick’eadof’air——
Youbigblackboundin’beggar——foryoubrokeaBritishsquare!
SOLDIER,SOLDIER
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,Whydon’tyoumarchwithmytruelove?”
“We’refreshfromofftheshipan’’e’smaybegivetheslip,An’you’dbestgolookforanewlove。”
Newlove!Truelove!
Bestgolookforanewlove,Thedeadtheycannotrise,an’you’dbetterdryyoureyes,An’you’dbestgolookforanewlove。
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,Whatdidyouseeo’mytruelove?”
“Iseed’imservetheQueeninasuito’rifle-green,An’you’dbestgolookforanewlove。”
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,Didyeseenomoreo’mytruelove?”
“Iseed’imrunnin’bywhentheshotsbeguntofly——
Butyou’dbestgolookforanewlove。”
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,Didaughttake’armtomytruelove?”
“Icouldn’tseethefight,forthesmokeitlaysowhite——
An’you’dbestgolookforanewlove。”
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,I’llupan’tendtomytruelove!”
“’E’slyingonthedeadwithabulletthrough’is’ead,An’you’dbestgolookforanewlove。”
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,I’lldownan’diewithmytruelove!”
“Thepitwedug’ll’ide’iman’thetwentymenbeside’im——
An’you’dbestgolookforanewlove。”
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,Doyoubringnosignfrommytruelove?”
“Ibringalockof’airthat’eallususedtowear,An’you’dbestgolookforanewlove。”
“Soldier,soldiercomefromthewars,OthenIknowit’strueI’velostmytruelove!”
“An’Itellyoutruthagain——whenyou’velostthefeelo’painYou’dbesttakemeforyourtruelove。”
Truelove!Newlove!
Besttake’imforanewlove,Thedeadtheycannotrise,an’you’dbetterdryyoureyes,An’you’dbesttake’imforyourtruelove。
SCREW-GUNS
Smokin’mypipeonthemountings,sniffin’themornin’cool,Iwalksinmyoldbrowngaitersalongo’myoldbrownmule,Withseventygunnersbe’indme,an’neverabeggarforgetsIt’sonlythepickoftheArmythathandlesthedearlittlepets——’Tss!’Tss!
Foryoualllovethescrew-guns——thescrew-gunstheyallloveyou!
Sowhenwecallroundwithafewguns,o’courseyouwillknowwhattodo——hoo!hoo!
JestsendinyourChiefan’surrender——
it’sworseifyoufightsoryouruns:
Youcangowhereyouplease,youcanskidupthetrees,butyoudon’tgetawayfromtheguns!
Theysendsusalongwheretheroadsare,butmostlywegoeswheretheyain’t:
We’dclimbupthesideofasign-boardan’trusttothesticko’thepaint:
We’vechiviedtheNagaan’Looshai,we’vegivetheAfreedeemanfits,Forwefanciesourselvesattwothousand,wegunsthatarebuiltintwobits——’Tss!’Tss!
Foryoualllovethescrew-guns。
Ifamandoesn’twork,why,wedrills’iman’teaches’im’owtobehave;
Ifabeggarcan’tmarch,why,wekills’iman’rattles’iminto’isgrave。
You’vegottostanduptoourbusinessan’springwithoutsnatchin’
orfuss。
D’yousaythatyousweatwiththefield-guns?
ByGod,youmustlatherwithus——’Tss!’Tss!
Foryoualllovethescrew-guns。
Theeaglesisscreamin’aroundus,theriver’sa-moanin’below,We’reclearo’thepinean’theoak-scrub,we’reoutontherocksan’thesnow,An’thewindisasthinasawhip-lashwhatcarriesawaytotheplainsTherattlean’stampo’thelead-mules——
thejinglety-jinko’thechains——’Tss!’Tss!
Foryoualllovethescrew-guns。
There’sawheelontheHornso’theMornin’,an’awheelontheedgeo’thePit,An’adropintonothin’beneathyouasstraightasabeggarcanspit:
Withthesweatrunnin’outo’yourshirt-sleeves,an’thesunoffthesnowinyourface,An’’arfo’themenonthedrag-ropestoholdtheoldgunin’erplace——’Tss!’Tss!
Foryoualllovethescrew-guns。
Smokin’mypipeonthemountings,sniffin’themornin’cool,Iclimbsinmyoldbrowngaitersalongo’myoldbrownmule。
Themonkeycansaywhatourroadwas——
thewild-goat’eknowswherewepassed。
Standeasy,youlong-earedolddarlin’s!
Outdrag-ropes!Withshrapnel!Holdfast——’Tss!’Tss!
Foryoualllovethescrew-guns——thescrew-gunstheyallloveyou!
Sowhenwetaketeawithafewguns,o’courseyouwillknowwhattodo——hoo!hoo!
JestsendinyourChiefan’surrender——
it’sworseifyoufightsoryouruns:
Youmayhideinthecaves,they’llbeonlyyourgraves,butyoucan’tgetawayfromtheguns!
GUNGADIN
Youmaytalko’ginandbeerWhenyou’requarteredsafeout’ere,An’you’resenttopenny-fightsan’Aldershotit;
ButwhenitcomestoslaughterYouwilldoyourworkonwater,An’you’lllickthebloomin’bootsof’imthat’sgotit。
NowinInjia’ssunnyclime,WhereIusedtospendmytimeA-servin’of’ErMajestytheQueen,OfallthemblackfacedcrewThefinestmanIknewWasourregimentalbhisti,GungaDin。
Hewas“Din!Din!Din!
Youlimpin’lumpo’brick-dust,GungaDin!
Hi!slipperyhitherao!
Water,getit!Paneelao!1
Yousquidgy-nosedoldidol,GungaDin。”
Theuniform’eworeWasnothin’muchbefore,An’ratherlessthan’arfo’thatbe’ind,Forapieceo’twistyragAn’agoatskinwater-bagWasallthefield-equipment’ecouldfind。
Whenthesweatin’troop-trainlayInasidin’throughtheday,Wherethe’eatwouldmakeyourbloomin’eyebrowscrawl,Weshouted“HarryBy!”2
Tillourthroatswerebricky-dry,Thenwewopped’im’cause’ecouldn’tserveusall。
Itwas“Din!Din!Din!
You’eathen,wherethemischief’aveyoubeen?
Youputsomejuldee3initOrI’llmarrowyouthisminute4
Ifyoudon’tfillupmyhelmet,GungaDin!”
’Ewoulddotan’carryoneTillthelongestdaywasdone;
An’’edidn’tseemtoknowtheuseo’fear。
Ifwechargedorbrokeorcut,Youcouldbetyourbloomin’nut,’E’dbewaitin’fiftypacesrightflankrear。
With’ismussick,5on’isback,’Ewouldskipwithourattack,An’watchustillthebuglesmade“Retire“,An’forall’isdirty’ide’Ewaswhite,clearwhite,insideWhen’ewenttotendthewoundedunderfire!
Itwas“Din!Din!Din!”